| Jun 29 @ 12:08 AM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next...
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soilikethisdoctor
Posts: 19
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Hi there!
So I met this girl Saturday 2wks ago at a friend’s party, we had very engaging conversation/laughter/touching me at times, glances from the other side of the room, etc – it was clearly mutual. I’d plans with another friend so had to leave, her girl friend ‘insisted’ we exchange numbers, so it is done  .
Following day I happened to be in her area with friends, so texted her to say hi and come join us, she had other plans – but said she’d ‘love’ to join me next time. So last Wednesday I texted her – she’s a doctor and a busy bee, so thought I’d be courteous and text – asking if it would be cool to call her that night. Good I didn’t call as she wrote back too busy and call me tomorrow. No call the next day but I am patient, she did call the following afternoon – nice conversation, we make tentative plans to meet the following weekend (as I was away that weekend, and she stays out of town each week with work) and to speak during week.
On Wednesday evening I messaged her to say hi. I was up late that night and online checking out some concert she mentioned (as a date idea), she then replies – at 230am! (on her break night-shift), I replied, she called, great conversation followed but ended with her having a busy weekend and unlikely to meet up – but we left it with a slight possibility.
Sat evening I messaged her to say hi, hoped she was having a good evening, and let her know where I was at. Next thing mid-Sunday, she replies that it was mean for me to send her a message from the bar I was at last night without inviting her! (jokingly I believe, or perhaps not??!). I replied that with hindsight it seemed like a bit of a teaser  but then asked if she was free later in the afternoon to meet up.
No reply.
Two questions for you:
1. What have I done right and/or could have done different?
2. What to do next???!
ps- thanks for reading this!
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| Jun 29 @ 8:36 AM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next... |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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It sure doesn't look good.
It seems you are both too busy for a relationship.
If she had wanted to see you at that bar, she could have. 
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| Jun 29 @ 9:42 AM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next...
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katydid438
Posts: 8,007
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I think it's time to move on  She may not want to hurt your feelings or she is too self absorbed to take the time to give you an honest answer. After all she is a "Doctor"!!
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| Jun 30 @ 3:08 AM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next... |
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chubs
Posts: 2,130
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she needs to call dr. chubs...STAT! 
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| Jun 30 @ 7:19 PM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next...
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soilikethisdoctor
Posts: 19
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UPDATE:
Ok so i left 2 days, called early this evening to say hi, brief chat and she asked if she can call me back in 10mins when she gets home, rather than agreeing I offered to call her back in a few hours - as i was due to have dinner with a friend.
So i did, we spoke for close to 30mins it was great
We made tentative plans for next week on Saturday.
You are all correct - she is too busy with work - but i still feel she's interested (in her limited capacity lol!)
What to do next??
I'm thinking to text her tomorrow, and let her know i'm committing to set aside the Saturday for her.
Might also buys some tickets to an event/concert, to try and 'lock' it in as they say
any thought peoples??
thanx!
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| Jun 30 @ 7:22 PM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next... |
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BandTMom
Posts: 37,948
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I woldn't buy tickets until you have locked it in. You might be out money for nothing.
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| Jun 30 @ 7:32 PM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next...
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 13,343
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some doctors have a warped work schedule....imho..this is a case where you have to be the flexible one..and follow her lead...just let her know that you are interested....and that you understand her scheduling issues..and will work with them.. the down side of this is.....you have to....
....called early this evening to say hi, brief chat and she asked if she can call me back in 10mins when she gets home, rather than agreeing I offered to call her back in a few hours - as i was due to have dinner with a friend.
So i did, we spoke for close to 30mins it was great
We made tentative plans for next week on Saturday.
and what happens if work issues come up? what will you assume?
my assumption is...
you are talking  ...11 days from now?
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| Jun 30 @ 7:48 PM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next... |
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soilikethisdoctor
Posts: 19
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Yes I agree, I will have to be flexible
If I buy tix and her works come up - will take a friend instead
I believe her work schedule is busy, but her days off are given (to be confirmed, will keep you posted!). Once we start hanging out more - provided all is going well - I can picture 'momentum' gaining where she could start to set aside her time off to meet up.
One angle of questioning perhaps - how do I endeavour to improve my chances of her giving me some 'priority' with her spare time from now?
More conversation every few days?
text msgs?
bit of humour perhaps?
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| Jun 30 @ 8:08 PM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next...
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DiamondRain
Posts: 6,342
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OK... I've been in this situation and this is what I learned.
First, you are dealing with a career woman. She's busy and likely to be that way for many years to come. You need to ask yourself if you want a relationship with a woman who will likely put her career first and you second. Many men do not want this.
Next... from the way you described things, I think she does have an interest in you, but not necessarily a steamy interest.... YET. That could change.
With a woman like this, you need to relax and play it cool. You need to keep it casual and be willing to put a lot of time in before getting any payoff. It will be a challenge just to find mutual times that you can get together (as you have already seen).
When and if you do finally get together, you need to hold yourself in reserve. Woman like this do not like romantic anxiousness, they respect a guy who can put in the time, kick back and wait for it to happen.
But remember... as with any new potential romantic interest, it may never happen at all. So think carefully if this one is worth your time. There are other personality types that are a lot easier to land.
Just my two cents based on my own experience. Hope it helps.
Cheers!
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| Jun 30 @ 8:32 PM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next... |
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soilikethisdoctor
Posts: 19
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That's seriously good advice!
Thanks for sharing that with me (and all of us here)
I'm glad i asked, it contrary to the sitcom portrail of doctors, e.g. Grey's Anatomy and ER!
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| Jun 30 @ 9:02 PM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next...
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soilikethisdoctor
Posts: 19
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PS - forgot to ask, just curious - were you the 'flexible' one or the 'career' person who learnt the hard way after losing out??
cheers
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| Jun 30 @ 9:08 PM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next... |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 6,342
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As the song says "I've looked at life from both sides now..."
I have been on both sides of that equation. When you have a very busy career, either of you, it is a challenge to keep a relationship together. I think you have to learn to balance things and be willing to prioritize putting the relationship first to have any kind of decent chance of real success.
I used to think I wanted a woman with a heavyweight career. I've since come to realize that that isn't for me.
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| Jun 30 @ 10:50 PM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next...
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JenRNinOhio
Posts: 3,820
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Your profile gives your age as 29 yrs old.
I have to wonder then ... is this *doctor* an attending
or is she still in residency?
Things may be different in England but here ...
4 yrs of pre-med after high school
4 yrs of med school
She'd be at least 26 yrs old when graduating med school.
Depending upon the specialty, residency can be 4-8 years.
Again depending upon specialty, an attending physician
can have a tough schedule but a resident has an impossible schedule!
Be prepared for dates to be broken, concert tickets wasted,
dinners to go cold and messages not answered.
Birthdays missed.
Late hours.
Overnight hours.
Unanswered phones.
oh sorry... that last bit was MY life.
edited for a typo
[Edited on 6/30/2009 11:04 PM]
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| Jul 1 @ 2:57 AM |
*** So she's a doctor, but what to do next... |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,755
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Sounds to me like she wants to be controlling and she also wants you to be her male b!tch on a leash. She might being doing this same thing with 1 or 2 more other guys at the same time.
Two questions for you:
1. What have I done right and/or could have done different?
2. What to do next???!
1. I really cannot say whether or not you've done something right or wrong. You might be just the kind of guy into dominance or sadism. You will have to be your own judge.
2. Do whatever you want..... life is relatively short. Just don't introduce me to any of her friends.
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