| Aug 3 @ 2:16 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ?
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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I saw this in a show last night.... In the beginning of any relationship, you always go to bed at the same time. ( Usually because sex is involved ).
But, as the relationship progresses, do you mind if your mate goes to bed, either before or after you do?
I know some like to read before bed, if that's the case, I'd just as soon join you a little later.
Some ( like me ) like to fall asleep to the TV, I set the timer for like 30-60 minutes, and rarely make to the end of the timer.
Many of the habits are from being single, or in a very long relationship, so what happens with any new relationship?
Would you ........insist your mate joins you at whatever time you wish to head to bed?
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| Aug 3 @ 2:44 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ? |
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,620
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I don't think it's a matter of going to sleep at the same time per se.
I think it's a matter of regularly communicating with each other about intimacy needs and desires.
And, a lot of intimacy simply happens spontaneously... morning, noon or night 
If a relationship is good intimacy consistently flows, in its own way and time.
Mutual communication is key.
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| Aug 3 @ 2:59 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ?
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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 Would it matter if sex ( that night ) was involved or not?
If you were tired, and were ready to go to bed, would you expect him to go with you?
Would you take it personally or feel hurt if he said, " I'll join you later "?
Or, would you/they be upset if he or you for that matter, got back up after sex and one of you went to sleep?
I dated a few women in my past, who refused to go to bed without me.
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| Aug 3 @ 4:04 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ? |
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lj450
Posts: 9,550
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I think its just a control issue. If you want to go to bed early and get it on, fine, get it on and then get back up and go to bed when you want to.
Im not a child, I dont need mommy to tell me when its my bedtime.
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| Aug 3 @ 4:31 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ?
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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Same time or different makes no diff to me!
As far as sex, I find I'm very relaxed if I've already been asleep.
Now, if I have to get up really early, pulling an "all nighter" at 4 a.m. likely won't cut it...
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| Aug 3 @ 5:11 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ? |
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artcat7
Posts: 576
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It's not that it matters so much to go to bed together. Whether you both read before bed, one watches the tube as the other is reading or whatever as long as you are close to one another, it's a matter of comfort.
I think it's very comforting to have the one you love close to you as you're winding down your days. No matter what you may be doing they are there to reach out and caress anytime the feeling strikes you to do so.
I also think you sleep more in sync with one another when you start your nocturnal dance together.
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| Aug 3 @ 7:10 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ?
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indecipherable
Posts: 546
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that's a good question. I think more married couples should have separate bedrooms if they sleep at different hours. Then you could sleep when you want without waking or disturbing your spouse, and stay up and read a book or watch television. Then if you get the 'desire'  , just move over to their bedroom.
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| Aug 3 @ 7:18 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ? |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,602
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If your circadian clocks match up, fine. If one's an early bird and the other's a night owl, you might need to be a little more creative.
My SO and I are both early birds and ready to go to bed for the night by 9, up at about 5. No problem with whether we do any 'dancing' early, in the morning, or even during the day, or even all of the above. If one of us still wants to watch TV or something, it's no problem. Our only problem would be if we needed the other to stay up...neither of us has a problem with sleeping through stuff...we do it all the time...especially meetings.
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| Aug 3 @ 7:47 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ?
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Nightowl001
Posts: 7,495
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For most of my life, I have worked jobs that involved overnight hours, or very irregular shifts (6 p.m. to 3 a.m. for instance). But on top of that, I'm not a "sleeper" anyway. It is not at all uncommon for me to go to sleep and get up 3 or 4 hours later. If I get back to bed that day, great. If not.. oh, well. I long ago gave up lying in bed tossing and turning for hours "trying" to get to sleep. If I haven't gone to sleep within about 20 minutes.. I get back up and go do something. (A very frequent question from new acquaintances is "When the hell do you sleep?" I used to tell them "Septembers.") I probably "average" 6 hours a day, but it's often broken up.
Having said all that, yeah, the infrequent times it occurred, I liked spooning and drifting off while cuddling with a lady. And once I'm asleep, she can get up and go do the day. But it's not something I need. And trying to make myself go to bed when someone else does is just never going to work, either.
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| Aug 3 @ 8:44 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ? |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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I think it's a control issue too, or even an insecurity issue.
I remember one gf that would want to go to bed at say 10 pm. and I didn't usually go until 11:15pm or so, after checking the weather.
So, I wasn't talking about a few hour difference, but I find if I'm not ready to go to sleep, it is worthless for me to go to bed until I'm ready. She was reading anyways with the light on, I never saw the big deal, we usually went to sleep about the same time anyways. 
I had another gf, who would want me to end a gathering ( I'm having ) early, because she wanted to head to bed. We would be outside sitting around a bonfire, and since she did not have complete control over me, she wanted everyone else to leave. It was just a few other married couples, and a couple older kids. 
I couldn't understand it at the time. But I see it very clearly now. 
I couldn't figure out why a simple kiss and "I love you, I'll be in in a little while " wasn't good enough.
I hate jealousy or insecurity, either one is very unattractive. Both is deal breaker.
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| Aug 3 @ 10:13 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ?
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signme
Posts: 12,578
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I had a close male friend who went to bed by about 9 p.m. and was up at 4 a.m. to bake and make lunches for his kids and then get their breakfasts ready. I told him things would never work with us as I'm a night person, usually not in bed before midnight. He said it wouldn't matter, just compromise once in a while.
Unfortunately we were never more than just friends, so didn't have to worry about it.
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| Aug 3 @ 10:19 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ? |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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Why is it that those who compromise the most, are more friends than lovers?
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| Aug 3 @ 10:21 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ?
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BandTMom
Posts: 38,041
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I don't see it like that for a successful relationship is full of compromise. It just can't be the same person doing all of it.
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| Aug 3 @ 10:32 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ? |
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artcat7
Posts: 576
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Yes the compromising really does need to be reciprocal. 
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| Aug 3 @ 10:32 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ?
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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Maybe that's why they are ex's....  
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| Aug 3 @ 11:10 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ? |
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signme
Posts: 12,578
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Yep, ex b/f did not compromise. That's one reason he's the ex!
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| Aug 5 @ 2:16 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ?
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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I bought a California king sized bed so that I could sleep comfortably while she stayed up reading Hollywood gossip stuff with the bedtime nightstand light still on, or she could easily slip out of bed to head back to her place without waking me up if she wanted.
California king size beds are perfect for every purpose of a couple's relationship.
Next LTR I have will encourage me to buy a new California King bed.
There are way too many broken springs and sex memories related to the old one...... it must go!
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| Aug 5 @ 4:03 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ? |
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 5,094
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We usually go to bed at the same time mainly because we get up at the same time.. we both work days. Sometimes, if it's been a long day and I need time to unwind before going to bed I will sit up and write online or just relax. He can drop into bed and be out in 30 secs. .. not so for me.
We like the comfort of each other in the bed.. regardless if we make love or just cuddle.. I enjoy just being with him(the snoring can go though)
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| Aug 5 @ 10:24 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ?
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RachelVaz
Posts: 1,219
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Respecting the independence and space of the other person is very important. It's not when u go to bed that is important.. it's that u are 2gether...
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| Aug 6 @ 6:34 PM |
Going to bed at the same time ? |
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dooney123
Posts: 3,511
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Occasionally my husband needs to get some work done an I want to go to sleep. When that occurs, he'll cuddle with me in bed for a little while (10 to 20 minutes) and then he'll get up and go work in a different room and I'll go to sleep. That way, we still have some intimacy every night but we don't always have to go to bed at the same time.
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