| Sep 4 @ 12:52 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy
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SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
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ok I think I need advice and you guys are the best at giving sound advice ...
  
I met a man at the begining of August that just was everything I could want , need and was looking for ..... he is great all the way around , we had been speaking for several weeks before we met. A lot ...
I think it was even scaring him a little , cause he is not one to talk to girls the way he was speaking to me , he has a little bit of a macho thing going on but kinda melts around me ....
We met , everything went really well aside from me loosing sitters and having to scramble .... he has even met my children , something I never ever do.
We went from internet to phone to real life rather quickly but it all felt right.
We slept together, a few times . . . and that went really well too like there was nothing wrong , then out of no where he tells me he wants to back off a little , he is still gonna call and come by but the ammount of time we were spending was a altering his life and he needed to be able to do this and that .... I was fine .. it's always been on his terms .....
I did get a little weird , like I delted him cause I didn't want to see him online cause he started to flat out ignore me , and I didn't care if he was speaking to other people it just felt a little in my face. He had told me he wanted to be with me exclusive then went the total other way.....
We stopped speaking all together and it ate me up and has been eating me up .....
Two weeks went by and I started to speak to other people , the unanswered calls and texts were really making me crazy I cant understand how someone can pretend you don't exist without thinking about how there actions are affecting the other person. ... So I thought I needed to move forward .... now I'm finding no one I speak to is enough , there not him ... and I donno maybe I'm trying to fool myself but I met someone last night , after speaking to him for about a week. this guy brought me a gift , opens doors , is wanting to completly be with me .... all I could think about is how not right it is.
All I could think about was the other one and how I had went here or there with him. Then the worst thing possible could have happened...
After no word for two weeks he called while I was out with the other guy, I let it go to VM he marked it urgent but didn't say what he wanted ..... That only made me feel more like the connection I have with him is a real one and I am on the rebound.
On top of that the new guy has bad meth mouth..thats a huge red flag for me .. period end of story we wont be going out again ...... but I donno how to A) tell him I don't wanna date him cause he is acting very exclusive and it's not that way on my end ..I don't want to hurt him. and B) how to deal with this other guy and how to figure out if it's me or him or what ....
I never get weird or possesive or jealous , I found myself that way with him and that was a little scary. He doesn't like change and told me he hadn't felt the way he did with me in 6 years .he told me over and over how happy he was ..... I don't know whether to believe him now or not .. was he just wanting to sleep with me , I donno I am so confused it's not funny.
anyone with any advice ???
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| Sep 4 @ 1:52 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,291
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You and I have had these talks through e-mail. You are better than the way you are being treated. You and I both know that. Prob was the sleeping with him thing. I don't like to say it, but some men are like that. If that is the case....I'm sorry. Do what is best for you. Do not let everything be on his terms. 50/50 is the only way it should be. 
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| Sep 4 @ 2:34 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,027
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stop looking for boys, try men.
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| Sep 4 @ 2:37 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,291
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Good point Mr Burns 
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| Sep 4 @ 2:45 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy
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CaptainFlea
Posts: 379
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Ask him why he was ignoring you and blowing you off.
Talking about red flags, one of the biggest is to sleep with someone then blow them off after.
Why is he being nice again? Maybe he is horny and wants another piece.
I don't know this guy, so its hard to make a solid judgement, but unless he had a REALLY good excuse for the silent treatment, like his mom died or something, I don't see this working out well.
The way i see it, If he wants you back in your life he has a lot to atone for first.
To talk lovey dovey talk when its just you and him, but ignore you online when he was talking to his friends is a big no no.
You may have just received really important insight of who he really is.
Keep your antennas up.
Hi Angel 
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| Sep 4 @ 3:46 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy |
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SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
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lol maybe your right burns but I thought he was a man , I donno ......
I think I scared him lol
Ask him why he was ignoring you and blowing you off.
Talking about red flags, one of the biggest is to sleep with someone then blow them off after.
Why is he being nice again? Maybe he is horny and wants another piece.
I don't know this guy, so its hard to make a solid judgement, but unless he had a REALLY good excuse for the silent treatment, like his mom died or something, I don't see this working out well.
The way i see it, If he wants you back in your life he has a lot to atone for first.
To talk lovey dovey talk when its just you and him, but ignore you online when he was talking to his friends is a big no no.
You may have just received really important insight of who he really is.
Keep your antennas up.
he told me , as soon as he was feeling like we were rushing or whatever he was feeling , the thing was he didn't back off a little he backed off a lot and thats my thing why is he back all of a sudden ....
but my thinking was always to let him explore a little and return when he was sure ... cause he sounded just so unsure ...... I'm a good judge of character most of the time and honestly got to know him pretty well .... this just really threw me for a huge loop ...... and now I know I'll be guarded , I know me and that will hurt things cause I was so open
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| Sep 4 @ 3:52 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy
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sweet5red
Posts: 9,688
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You are better than the way you are being treated. You and I both know that. Prob was the sleeping with him thing. I don't like to say it, but some men are like that. If that is the case....I'm sorry. Do what is best for you. Do not let everything be on his terms. 50/50 is the only way it should be.
solid advice from burns and angel.... just watch your step baby girl.. put your "curb feelers " out.. Sweet N L
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| Sep 4 @ 4:36 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy |
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SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
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it's all sound advice..... thanks everyone
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| Sep 4 @ 4:56 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy
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Merchitown
Posts: 6,129
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Hello, I'm not sure I've had the pleasure of meeting you.
I'd say this about your situation.
1. Ditch Meth-Mouth. No need to spare his feelings, you've not made any commitments. Just telling him straight up is the kindest thing you can do. You can analyze why you might not be ready due to a possible rebound or because it's him, or a combination, but the bottom line is...You're just not that into him.
2. Like Mr. Flea up there, I can't really get a good read on your other guy. I do think it sounded more like a booty call which is unfortunate. I'd say gather more data. If you haven't returned the phone call, do so. After that, no need to contact him again, let him contact you. When you do talk, listen to what he says and the undertones and then of course, listen to your gut instinct. And of course, if he doesn't contact you again...that's the most telling point of all. But then again..I think you knew this. 
Good luck to you!
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| Sep 4 @ 5:38 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy |
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SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
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2. Like Mr. Flea up there, I can't really get a good read on your other guy. I do think it sounded more like a booty call which is unfortunate. I'd say gather more data. If you haven't returned the phone call, do so. After that, no need to contact him again, let him contact you. When you do talk, listen to what he says and the undertones and then of course, listen to your gut instinct. And of course, if he doesn't contact you again...that's the most telling point of all. But then again..I think you knew this.
I'm skidelz , no I don't think we have met but it is nice to meet you :)
I haven't returned the call .... I should , I am almost afraid to call .....
He has always been really honest with me , and when I say we were talking a lot , it's all we did , for weeks ..... he littirally was neglecting every aspect of his life EXCEPT work just to talk , and he isn't a talker usually .... I also know , prior to me he had given up on relationships due to a rough divorce and never invested much into a woman after that ... just break um shake um type stuff ..... but he was honest about it. I knew about whatever girls existed when I came into the picture .... and he even felt the need to tell me if he spoke to them or whatever ....
this is what makes my brain make excuses for him ..... I'm too understanding maybe ...... I feel like maybe he just needed time..... maybe he was scared .... and maybe it's a normal thing for him to be feeling ... and as a good woman , I needed to do that ....... but I did really start to feel a little like I shouldn't have slept with him ... but I wanted to and don't regret it at all
I got anxious and perhaps came off a little like I didn't want to give him space or time ..... maybe I even looked a little crazy lol
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| Sep 4 @ 5:43 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy
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Angel178
Posts: 36,291
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Merch, skidelz is a sweetheart and in no way should be treated like this.... 
Everyone has given her good advise 
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| Sep 4 @ 6:02 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy |
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willowy1
Posts: 9,181
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we are all crazy under the wrong circumstances. Give that boy all the room he wants/needs and then give him a little more!!! Be very unavailable..but sweet.
was there any "I love you" talk? That stuff slips out when the sex is good sometimes don't it though? It scares the bejeebus out of "them" no matter how great they think you are.
Stay sweet and stay strong. Make him work for YOU!
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| Sep 4 @ 6:12 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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So, if I get this right, you were only with guy number 1 for 2 weeks, slept with him, and it hit the fan?(You said you met him in August and haven't talked to him for 2 weeks?)
Oh, Ski-I know how smart you are, sweetie, but he even already met your kids, and things were always on his terms?
You need to be careful, gf.
And if you think I',m bitching you out-only because I care.
Didn't Angel fix this all in email?
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| Sep 4 @ 6:19 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy |
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BandTMom
Posts: 38,039
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1. Ditch Meth-Mouth. No need to spare his feelings, you've not made any commitments. Just telling him straight up is the kindest thing you can do. You can analyze why you might not be ready due to a possible rebound or because it's him, or a combination, but the bottom line is...You're just not that into him.
 Merch.
As far as the other guy goes, you have not give him the opportunity to miss you. Many times people back off for a while when they are getting close simply out of fear....fear of many things but losing control is a biggie.
If you don't give him the chance to miss you, he won't. It's a simple as that. Don't call him. Don't text him. Let his calls go to VM more than you answer them. If he's truly into you, then he'll come around. If he's not, then it's his loss and not yours.
People often perk up when they realize they are going to lose something (one) very important to them.
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| Sep 4 @ 7:28 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy
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chubs
Posts: 2,455
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meth mouth? yeah, he's probably going to lose all his teeth 
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| Sep 4 @ 7:44 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy |
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SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
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So, if I get this right, you were only with guy number 1 for 2 weeks, slept with him, and it hit the fan?(You said you met him in August and haven't talked to him for 2 weeks?)
Oh, Ski-I know how smart you are, sweetie, but he even already met your kids, and things were always on his terms?
You need to be careful, gf.
And if you think I',m bitching you out-only because I care.
Didn't Angel fix this all in email? no , I haven't spoken to anyone about this ....
It actually hasn't been two weeks I guess Im exadurating .... I spoke to him the 28th , then he called last night but I didn't speak to him .......
I met him first week of August ... but yes , he met my kids the 22nd. I admit I haven't been that smart , I really allowed him to have full control and I look a little weak...
I don't think your bitching at me I really am honestly feeling like it's all my fault
MOM thats what I was thinking but I am finding it really hard to not send a text telling him at least to have a good day ..... I finally didn't for like 2 days then he called ...... I think I shouldn't call him back , let his calls go to vm and give him a chance to miss me , I just don't know if I have the self control ..... I guess I need to find it .... cause I'm gonna lose the fish
thanks again everyone .....
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| Sep 4 @ 7:50 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy
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SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
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we are all crazy under the wrong circumstances. Give that boy all the room he wants/needs and then give him a little more!!! Be very unavailable..but sweet.
was there any "I love you" talk? That stuff slips out when the sex is good sometimes don't it though? It scares the bejeebus out of "them" no matter how great they think you are.
Stay sweet and stay strong. Make him work for YOU!
no lol I was very careful not to let things slip like that .... it was very very good and he was the one a little blown away ... so I let it stay that way and played it cooler then he did .... either way I'm almost sure he is afraid ....
but I called him on it and he backed off more then I wanted him to ..... but I think giving him more space then he wants is what I probably should do ....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN THE ONE CRAWLING .... I don't even know how to handle it , I'm usually very much in control , but I've totally submitted to everything he is and I think I forgot how to play that game , or maybe don't want to
I just want to shake him and tell him to let go of that rediculous fear and live .... shit
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| Sep 4 @ 9:06 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,291
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Honey. You are doing the right thing. Keep it going! You deserve the best! :)
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| Sep 4 @ 9:48 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy
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signme
Posts: 12,552
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Hey Skidz! Nice to see you.
Sometimes it's really hard to let go. I know that feeling well. The ex b/f has been emailing me and dumb me, I've been emailing back! LOL I know in my head that we'll never be anything more than friends, but it's still hard to let go. But I've gone through sh%t with him and I won't do that again. But I figure an email or 5 won't hurt! Follow your heart, Skidz. We all know how bright you are and how well you know yourself. I know you'll do what's right for you.
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| Sep 4 @ 10:02 PM |
o0o0o0oh I really need some advice... about a boy |
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chubs
Posts: 2,455
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well, skidelz...I don't think it was so bad that ya boinked him right away, jhey
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