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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 3:20 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet
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WanToBeHer
Posts: 47
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I was at a bookstore and approached by a very nice guy. After a few coffees, it was apparent we had similar backgrounds and a fair amount in common. We agreed to email, and see each other again at a local meetup. On the way out, I noticed his hand on my shoulder in a friendly gesture.
When I emailed him back, I thought it was only fair to tell him I was not looking for a relationship at the present time, only friendship, and I thought he was terrific.
In less than a nanosecond, I got back a thanks- but -no -thanks email.
What is that about!! 
I sit and mostly listen for over 2 hours about how lonely his life has been, etc. and he bails at the mere sound of friendship. 
Guys, when you approach someone in real life, why is friendship synonymous with the plague. It's like you guys pull out the garlic necklace and retreat under the shadow of a cross. Why are you so in a hurry that you can't envision a friendship as anything other than a waste of time? 
No offense intended, of course. 
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 3:26 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,629
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Hm, very interesting. Ok, guys..got any answers???
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 3:51 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet
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johnw_6
Posts: 194
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firstly step back a sec, the purpose of email is because you cant meet in real life or as prelude to meeting in real life. why would you step backwards? anything other than real life (and even then) creates misunderstandings which is compounded by the connection being new.
when you put things in words there fixed - it's very powerful stuff. Evidence for the future! lol
The reason you exchanged info was because you found each other interesting therefore why did you feel the need to label it. Surely it would have taken a number of dates before you needed too say friends?
Remember even in real life when you play the "friends" card it normally means your not interested! No, I hear you say but blame your girlfriends here cause it's used all the time to get rid of guys (It's like the kiss of death). laugh as you might but it's true.
you girls made the double standard so you only have yourselves to blame here. Friends are good but how does he know which type you mean (my mind reading hat on again I guess)?
my main point teasing aside is that you connected in real life therefore why'd you feel the need to change it?
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 4:18 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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I think that most guys are posturing or playing the game to get to the pune in the end. Friendship means "no sex" usually, so ask yourself this question: What were your expectations for this friendship? A guy may interpret this as meaning that you want him as an emotional douche bag, in essesence seeing him as woman and not a man. Sexual interest is what separates us people as being uni-sexually minded creatures. Women have women friends to gossip with and talk about clothes and stuff like that. It becomes a real drag to hear about your interest in other men or how they are playing games, or office gossip stuff. That is what women friends are for. Males friends work on engines, play hockey, talk about porn, blah, blah blah...... THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE.
Oh yes I guess there are exceptions, like the male hair dresser. Was he a hair dresser?
Married males too because most know better than to take it further and ruin their marriage.
[Edited on 1/16/2006 5:01 PM]
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 4:25 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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I don`t gossip..hmmmmm..
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 4:34 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet |
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mangolover60
Posts: 635
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I think approaching somebody totally new at a bar, or a bookshop, is a definitate "I'm attracted to you for sex, romantic relationship, or both." kind of situation.
I find I get girl friends from having common interests and participating in common activities, and where the boundaries are already laid out, and you get to know each other slowly, and it doesn't take that much personally directed effort to interact. (Not to say those boundaries cannot eventually be transcended  ).
I am naive on your situation, but I see it is an investment issue. And, when you said that you just wanted to be "friends", it became not worth it.
I can just say, don't expect so much.
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 4:37 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,615
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Remember even in real life when you play the "friends" card it normally means your not interested
True up to a point, it normally means there's no sexual attraction, but I've played that card and still continued to be friends and 'activity partners' (love that phrase)...things like going to a sports event, or as yesterday, horseback riding, or even exchanging recipes.
That said though, my guess would be that he felt that he'd been put down as being sexually unattractive and was reacting to a perceived insult. My reason for saying this is the speed of the reaction - it sounds more like a fit of pique than a simple rejection of friendship.
(First edit was for a typo, this is to explain why I said what I did about the insult)
[Edited on 1/16/2006 4:38 PM]
[Edited on 1/16/2006 5:09 PM]
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 4:38 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet |
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Latitude45
Posts: 35
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He's looking for a relationship, not friendship, and very likely he didn't want to waste his time, or yours. Ok, I'm leaning toward a stereotype here, but its the old Harry met Sally thing, men don't really have women as friends, because if they like them enough to be friends, they start thinking about sex, or a relationship. There are exceptions, always always always, but my guess is that his interest that a platonic friendship was NOT on his mind.
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 4:53 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet
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mangolover60
Posts: 635
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Whoa! So not true, Tude.
I have MANY female friends that I would not even think of having sex with. They are friends, and that's that. There are definite boundaries, whether that be by business, marriage, other relationships, sexual orientation, it would be hell, or just simply no desire.
It's how friendship comes about, and whether you are willing to put the effort into a person to just be a friend.
It's just that some people, of both genders, are just not into that effort.
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 5:33 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet |
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sweet5red
Posts: 9,706
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I would Love to meet someone that I had an instant connection with.. someone that wanted the same thing I do.. and had alot of common interests with.. a someone that was looking for forever.. IM not one to judge anyone by looks ( though i have had it done to me before) Im not shallow but there are sure alot of game playing shallow people.. out there.. ok LOL im done venting.. Sweet N Louisiana 
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 5:56 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet
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greenizenora
Posts: 629
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men don't really have women as friends
Latitude. . .yeah. . .sorry. . .I'm not buying it. 
That would mean that every male friend I have (and I have several) are secretly thinking about getting in my panties.
I've known at least half of these men for over 10 years. The other half are young enough to be my sons (I'm a college student, not a perv!).
I'm pretty sure I would pick up on it if what you say were true. . . 
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 5:59 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet |
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mangolover60
Posts: 635
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Well, sweet red, what are your interests, and what are you doing to find somebody with those interests? Sometimes, you have to change your interests and get involved in something new.
For me, well, Math was just not a many girl interest. Mountain climbing, well, same problem. Playing ice hockey, duh, you know.
Then years ago on a whim of boredom in a new town, I took up dancing. Never had an interest before, used to think it was silly as well as my guy friends thought, yada yada.
So, to my surprise I got really into it, going to classes, going dancing, and before you know it, I had lots of friends, a couple relationships, etc. Another friend of mine did a "change of life" thing and starting with some volunteer work, eventually ended up working for some non-profit organization, but met a nice guy along the way.
Take charge, you may never know what's out there in your quest.
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| Jan 16, 2006 @ 6:00 PM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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Sounds to me like he wanted a friend with benefits, and it doesn't sound like he wanted to be all that good of a friend.
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| Jan 17, 2006 @ 10:22 AM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet |
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exiled131
Posts: 1,808
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this guy was wanting either sex or a relationship. but this shows how much people want honesty. why is this even even a thread? stop analyzing motives behind someone being honest.
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| Jan 17, 2006 @ 10:42 AM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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men don't really have women as friends, because if they like them enough to be friends, they start thinking about sex, or a relationship.
I disagree Lat...Two of my best friends are male and those kind of thoughts never entered their heads once we had established that our relationship was just one of friendship..
I often seek advice from them and their always willing to listen...and they`ve very helpful to me..so I say Women and Men Can be Just Friends
But thats just my opinion..
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| Jan 17, 2006 @ 11:09 AM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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The Ultimate test to resolve this issue once and for all!!!!!
Women if you believe you have male friends which are not interested in you for sex with them remotely and that it is platonic friendship.
Ask the man if he will have sex with you.
Do not ask him if he is interested or has ever thought about it.
(They might lie)
Just ask the man this plain and simple question: Will you have sex with me? (the woman is asking this)
Ladies/ women you'll find out right there and then if your relationship is platonic.
GOT IT?
[Edited on 1/17/2006 11:13 AM]
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| Jan 17, 2006 @ 11:16 AM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet
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altogirl67
Posts: 1,309
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If you want my two cents, I'd say that this guy already had higher hopes than just friendship and it was too late for him to back up. He already viewed you as a potential dating partner and not as just a friend.
Personally, I am looking for a serious relationship and I also would be disappointed if I approached a stranger and spent hours with him thinking we were making a solid connection only to find out later that he was only looking for friendship. At this point in my life, I'm just too busy maintaining the friendships and familial relationships I have to invest that much time with someone who ONLY wants a new friendship. This guy may be the same way.
I don't think you did anything wrong but I'd say (just to avoid future assumptions/confusion) if anything like this happens again, perhaps you might be upfront about your own desires before you get to that second cup of coffee.
[Edited on 1/17/2006 11:18 AM]
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| Jan 17, 2006 @ 11:19 AM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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After five years I should know if the relationship is platonic ..lol..I don`t need to ask...and asking that question would make it look like thats the kind of relationship I want from them..and its not..so..don`t think I`ll ask them.
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| Jan 17, 2006 @ 11:35 AM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet
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Mischief484
Posts: 679
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If I was that guy, I'd be pretty pissed off right now. I just invested two hours in the getting-to-know-you mode and it seemed to end well. And instead of getting laid, I get the "just friends" crap? Screw that... I don't like wasting my time, especially when you already know damned good and well what I want.
You need to apologize to the guy for misleading him and wasting his time, and you need to promise yourself that you'll never do that again.
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| Jan 17, 2006 @ 11:57 AM |
Guys, friendship, garlic, and a silver bullet |
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altogirl67
Posts: 1,309
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Ooh Mischief... harsh. Women really don't always assume guys want to get laid just because they talk to us.
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page:
<<
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of 5 pages
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