| Jan 17, 2006 @ 2:28 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other?
|
|
Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
|
I've read profiles and posts from women that say such as,"I'm looking for a guy that gives me butterflies in my tummy and makes my toes curl" (geez,sounds like she doesn't want a date but a dose of a strong laxative).Now women(don't mean to generalize,but this is what I sense),seem to give off this air that this method of attraction,what I'll call "internal" attraction is somehow deeper and more reliable than the man's method of being attracted to the hot babe with the nice hooters and long legs,what I'll call "external" attraction.
Is either one better for choosing a mate?A life long mate?I think not.The choice of a mate should depend on factors that transcend attraction.Is this person going to be there when the attraction fades?Are they there for the long haul?
I hear women get annoyed with guys and their chasing after the hot babes and saying,"oh how shallow!",but aren't both methods of attraction fleeting and superficial?
|
|
  |
|
| Jan 17, 2006 @ 3:54 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other? |
|
TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
|
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other?
 Don`t think so..but I`m a blonde what do I know 
|
| |
|
| Jan 17, 2006 @ 4:07 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other?
|
|
Kat_luvr
Posts: 716
|
"I'm looking for a guy that gives me butterflies in my tummy and makes my toes curl"
Sounds like she wants a good Orgasm, ... Haha... ...I think I know what that statement refers to, and while some men have that certain...animal magnetism (we used to call it that)...not all do, it is a certain combo. But it is .... Never lasting, 'IMO'.....More like schoolgirl infactuation... Ah yes to find bedroom eyes, with soft sweet pillowy whispers.....With a body that just don't quit....???? ooooo Im in heaven.  ....*SIGH* Too bad it is only fantasy.
|
|
| |
|
| Jan 17, 2006 @ 4:48 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other? |
|
Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
|
with soft sweet pillowy whispers.....With a body that just don't quit....???? ooooo Im in heaven. ....*SIGH* Too bad it is only fantasy.
*******************
The initial feeling is not a fantasy.What I believe is fantasy is that one method of attraction is less shallow than the other.Women are all the time talking about how shallow men are for going after looks.It seems to me that if you're basing your mate potential on feelings only of ANY kind,be it a romantic "butterfly in the tummy" with a "lump in the throat",you're missing out on the bedrock of the relationship..compatibility. 
It's no more relaible,imo,for finding a lifelong mate,than chasing after long legs and big hooters.
|
| |
|
| Jan 18, 2006 @ 12:57 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other?
|
|
Kat_luvr
Posts: 716
|
I was referring to the Initial statement you made about butterflies and toe curls....I was stating I knew what the reference was.
I know it is unrealistic, Which is why I said its a nice Fantasy.... I look at what men offer as far as character, and believe me noone screams louder then i about shallowness, but..I admit we are all creatures of eyes first, myself included. While recognizing this about me keeps me in check and more open minded to those who i would not put at the top of my "eye-candy" list. I still look at features.... it is human nature.
I have a couple of friends, ( males) that I IM or email and I have no clue as to what they look like, yet.... But i am having an exchange and building a relationship on character and personality.
Piece of advice....Looks fade.
|
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 10:48 AM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other? |
|
Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
|
Piece of advice....Looks fade
**************
So does attraction based on what one may percieve is a character judgement.I just hear alot of women say things like,"I like the gleam in his eye".or "I like the way he carries himself,it exudes confidence and strength",not realizing that these observations are just as physical,just as fleeting,just as superfical as the guy who goes after the big tatas and long legs.
My bottom line is that I don't feel that women are any "deeper" or more "intimate" than men.They just process information differently and follow different perceptions.
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 11:04 AM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other?
|
|
Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,517
|
Here, Thor, let me knock that chip off your shoulder... it must be getting pretty heavy.
Seriously though, you might want to consider seeking professional help in obtaining an attitude adjustment.
Sincerely,
Lee
|
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 11:14 AM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other? |
|
Kat_luvr
Posts: 716
|
not all woman are shallow, just as not all men are....the problem with this scenario ... tatas versus gleam in an eye...? only woman have big tatas, both sexes have a gleam....how many woman do you know walk around saying they want to check a mans package before they decide to talk to him?.......... I knew I shoulda walk outta this conversation gracefully!!!!!!!! 
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 12:27 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other?
|
|
Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
|
You ladies are missing my point.No negativity here just observation.Maybe I'm not being clear.What I'm talking about are the mechanics of attraction which ARE different between the genders.The bottom line in any relationship and what will last is character and committment.These are things that will last beyond the gleam in the eye or the big tatas.
Yet it takes attraction to get noticed and start the ball rolling.Men have a tendancy to follow after what is visually appealing,women do too,but not as much so.They tend to follow how a guy's mannerisms make them feel.A guy with movie star looks can be a wallflower at a social gathering just the same as a dweeb,but a hot babe will get guys after her even if she has an IQ of a rock and a personality to match.Now at face value it may APPEAR that the woman is "deeper",but look closer at the mechanics here.She is looking for a certain FEELING.It will take some personality thing to get her interested.Does this mean that her initial mechanic for attraction is somehow deeper and therefore more reliable than the superficial guy?I don't think so because it will take both genders the same amount of time and methods of determination to decide whether or not this person will be there for the long haul.
How many times have you seen women go after the same type of jerk over and over again because she's a sucker for the bad boy with the Dennis the Menace gleam of mischief or how many times have you seen a guy go after the same gold digging,shallow blonde with the long legs and big boobs even after BOTH have been burned multiple times?
Attraction is NOT a choice.I hope this clears things up.If I had been boasting male superiority,I would understand why you think I have a chip on my shoulder.
|
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 12:33 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other? |
|
TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
|
The bottom line in any relationship and what will last is character and committment.
I agree with this totally..
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 1:49 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other?
|
|
babygirl24mo
Posts: 11
|
The thing that I don't understand is how people can say that looks don't matter. That first attraction is based on looks. You wouldn't go up to someone that you thought was repulsive. The other half of the attraction is the personlity. If they don't have a good personlity that attracts, then you get turned off and start looking else where. I have the problem that I know that the majority of guys only come up to me because the size of my tatas and that pisses me off. They could care less about my personality. I may have big tatas, but I want the guy to want to be with me for who I am along with my brains. And this goes both ways. I know a guy whom all the chics wants to be with him because he has...well...a huge mrdownthere. And he is the biggest jerk I have ever known. His personality absolutely stinks. So, the question is: why does it seem like nowadays nobody cares about personality?
|
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 1:55 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other? |
|
swingpup
Posts: 4,105
|
[/QUOTE]I'm looking for a guy that gives me butterflies in my tummy and makes my toes curl"
AAAAA-SOOOOOO....must be seeking a surgeon?
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 2:50 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other?
|
|
Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
|
So, the question is: why does it seem like nowadays nobody cares about personality?
*********************
I don't think it's that people don't care so much as other factors.A lot of guys want a "trophy" on their arm,so a girl with big boobs is going to make all the other guys envious,it's an ego thing for alot of guys.
If you're in for the long haul,these things won't matter.Hell,take advantage of your attributes,why not?If these boneheads are going to froth over you for your boobs,use them,they deserve it.Just make sure you're dealing with one of the shallow types when you do.There may be some really good guys who are intially attracted to your hooters,but whether they stay interested will depend on whether or not you and he remain mutually attracted and interested.The initital attraction doesn't seal the deal,just gets a foot in the door.Don't be too upset that men are attracted to you for your physical attributes.Hell,if it bothers you that much get reduction surgery.Insurance pays for that.
|
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 3:07 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other? |
|
Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,517
|
So, the question is: why does it seem like nowadays nobody cares about personality?
I do. And, so does everyone I know. In fact, there have been times when I began chatting with someone new and when they offered to send a picture - I said "no, I'd like to get to know you a little better first".
BECAUSE.... a person's personality makes them look different.
Here's an example: I have seen actors who in some movies I'm very attracted to because of the part they are playing. Then, I could see them in a different role later and have absolutely so attraction towards them whatsoever.
You could be the most beautiful person in the world on the outside, but if you are selfish, rude and apathetic (or whatever attributes that may turn each of us off).... that makes you ugly no matter how perfect your physical features may be.
Your original question - is one superior to the other? Yes - most definitely!
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 3:08 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other?
|
|
swingpup
Posts: 4,105
|
In all honesty.....For those males that are veterans of the "dating" thing most have experienced every size and shape woman. Big breasts as well as small, small butts as well as large, size 2 to size 22, blondes, brunettes, red heads and those that are somewhere in-between.
After years of experience one arrives at the realization that it's most all the same when it gets down to the Horizontal Mambo. Some are a little more enthusiastic, some aren't. A woman that possess intellect, class as well as security within herself and profession is most certainly a turn on.
Fake titties, fake eyelashes and even fake butts are just that fake. If one is fake externally there is a good chance that the vanity holds true internally.
Once you've been through a large number of "trophy" gals with bitch like tendencies, a great attitude coupled with decent looks and an honest out going personality is so very refreshing. This from a male approaching the big 50. 
|
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 3:32 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other? |
|
Thor1960303
Posts: 3,345
|
Your original question - is one superior to the other? Yes - most definitely!
**********************
I'm afraid I haven't made myself clear...again.  I'm talking about internal ("His smile made my heart all a flutter") vs.external(,"Did you see the headlights on that one!").
Maybe I should've been more explicit.I'm talking about intitial attraction,NOT what you find out about a person after you get to know them.
Personality and looks are all factors that effect internal and external attraction.
In my opinion one may intitally sound like it's a deeper form of attraction,but in the final analasys,they're both equally fleeting and shallow.The smile,the cutesy phrases,the romance will eventually fade just as looks will.How many times have you heard a person who just broke up with their SO say,"He/she is not the person I fell in love with.?"
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 4:17 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other?
|
|
Kat_luvr
Posts: 716
|
as I said looks fade.... Which means look for the heart, it will never fade. A piece of advice I recieved a long time ago..... (Go to my blog in the begininng...i posted my story)
Basically I think women look for "that"feeling b/c we are emotional creatures....Sorry if I am not getting your meaning, but it was sounding like a sexist comment.
I have spent a lot of time and energy screaming about the shallowness of people, that they look for physical first....I have experienced it. I can also say that rolling out a pic of me showing more skin then i usually do, got more notice then what i had to say about my heart..........
(Which was also a depressing moment in my life.... But as a friend here told me, just b/c i show more skin doesnt mean I have to be easy)
......Which proves the point we are all creatures of the physical. And altho i would like to meet a man that does that for me..( toe curls etc).. that is not my goal, nor do i specify that.... As i said it would be nice but it is an Unrealistic Fantasy........ Like Romance Novels...... Nice to dream of, but not real.
|
|
| |
|
| Jan 19, 2006 @ 4:32 PM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other? |
|
MoonBeamTag45
Posts: 194
|
Alrighty.... I'll stand toe to toe with the "hot" babes... This is completely silly to me. What does the man really want.....? I'm 46, and have zero strecth marks, I'm not saggy....and I'm very active. I'll challange any man to keep up with me...but then again, if "25" makes them feel good....so be it !
This s a great thread..!!
|
| |
|
| Jan 20, 2006 @ 2:59 AM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other?
|
|
brian2005
Posts: 50
|
I think we all need to focus on the the internal and external. We need to focus on the whole person's attributes not just physical or psychological.
Brian
|
|
| |
|
| Jan 20, 2006 @ 10:11 AM |
Internal and external attraction:Is one superior to the other? |
|
Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,517
|
aren't both methods of attraction fleeting and superficial?
NO, they are not. only yours is. If you see a hot woman, all you're seeing is the shell her soul, heart, mind, etc. is in.
When we women say we want a man who knows how to this or how to that... we're talking about what's inside that shell.
So, yes... huge difference.
|
| |
|
|
|
|