| Jan 18, 2006 @ 9:32 AM |
To shack up or not? That is the question!
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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I was having a conversation with a very good friend last night. We're just getting to know one another and are still discovering one another's boundries. The topic of living together came up. He is for living together and feels it is the only way to know if you'd be truly compatible on a day to day basis. I am not for living together. I feel that I can learn enough about how the other person lives through weekends spent together (over time, of course) to know if they would be "life mate" material. What is your opinion?
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 9:37 AM |
To shack up or not? That is the question! |
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torees121
Posts: 739
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Di-- I will prolly never get married again. I do plan on living with them (or them me) instead. I am not Christian therefore, I do not fall into the whole "you must be married to live together". I think if two people are living together it is the same as if they were married. In my "religion" we just handfast for a year and a day at a time, then you renew your ceremony every year.
I also know from studies that have been done on cohabitating that couple who live together before marriage do have a HIGHER rate of divorce. Some of this is because of religious reasons. If a couple is Christian they are less likely to live together, therefore, less likely to divorce.
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 9:57 AM |
To shack up or not? That is the question!
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mangolover60
Posts: 635
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If you don't have to live together, then why do it?
Keep your space, its a place to run and hide, or a place to think.
If you break up, then it's no big deal There really isn't upheaval of a practical nature, like finding another place quickly, moving furniture, clothes, arguing over pets, etc.
If you're married and you separate/divorce, there is upheaval anyway.
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 10:01 AM |
To shack up or not? That is the question! |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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 I lived with my ex before we were married for over 10 years..(big mistake)marrying him that is...lol 
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 10:16 AM |
To shack up or not? That is the question!
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sureyacan125
Posts: 187
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Statistically, the chances of divorce are higher if you live together first. I don't get that one, but math never was a strong suit for me. It is an individual choice, weigh the pros and cons. As for me, I can't wait to get them out of the house in the morning.....  
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 11:06 AM |
To shack up or not? That is the question! |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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Here is a question for you all, If you are looking for a life partner or marriage would you not want to explore the habits of your mate?
I feel that if I was dating someone and let's say decided to marry them believing that they would behave the same way as if they were single and their habits would not change. Then found out later that once they moved in that the rules are now going to change, perhaps I might think to myself that ......... Hey I didn't want this, I want you to go back to you ways of thinking when you were single and we were dating. Meaning that this what not part of the package deal I was bargining for. If you marry or commit then you will have to either eat it up and suffer or get a quick annulment. That is why I think couples should live together before going off the dating market and committing to one another....... To make that they are going to be compatible in the long run and not go "opps, I made a mistake, time to call an attorney".
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 11:14 AM |
To shack up or not? That is the question!
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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That is why I think couples should live together before going off the dating market and committing to one another....... To make that they are going to be compatible in the long run and not go "opps, I made a mistake, time to call an attorney".
yes and when living together don`t believe in promises to change if you`ll marry them..nope nope cause nine times out of ten they won`t change or if they do its only a short time before they revert back to their old selves..uh-huh 
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 11:36 AM |
To shack up or not? That is the question! |
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sureyacan125
Posts: 187
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If you are looking for them to change, you got the wrong one. 
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 12:04 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question!
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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I believe, you can truely get to know a person over a long period without living with them. You will be spending time in their home as well as your own and can tell alot about their characters by how they live. When not living together, people tend to make more time for each other and not take each other for granted. So I guess I just contradicted myself eh?
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 12:09 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question! |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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If you are looking for them to change, you got the wrong one
lol..well I know that..
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 12:33 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question!
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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I believe that two people choosing to live together should only be done when it is chosen as a different type of committment other than marriage.
I do NOT believe in merging of peoples lives as some type of compatibility TEST.
Sureyacan......if she can't love and accept you for who ya are.......%&*@ her. You're fine.
Di.....do what is in YOUR heart.......what YOU believe in. I am waiting for a love that knows no boundaries......that will not need a test......where there won't even be a question about what we want to do and how we want to live our lives.....it won't really even matter........just so we are together. 
Edited to say I would NEVER personally consider living with a man for the mere fact I have children. Also, there's always the seperate household option. 
[Edited on 1/18/2006 12:56 PM]
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 12:52 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question! |
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sweet5red
Posts: 9,704
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just My personal opinion but NO to shacking up.. its even in my profile.. Sweet N Louisiana
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 1:30 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question!
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 5,100
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I don't think you can really know a person until you live with them... wake up beside them every morning... go to bed beside them every night... learn each others habits that most never see until you do live with someone.
Guess a lot depends on what you are looking for re a relationship.
Just my opinion and past experiences.
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 1:33 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question! |
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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To marry someone, one must have FAITH in their partner and if you think that by marrying them that the rules would change, then you shouldn't marry them! If you truly love one another and have built a relationship on honesty, then moving in together after marriage would be no big deal! You already know and love them and have accepted them as they are!
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 3:02 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question!
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swingpup
Posts: 4,105
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Live together.......Nope. It has nothing to do with the moral issues and everything to do with boredom. If EVER the right gals comes along that option is certainly open as it has been for 10 years. Things are perfect as they are.  
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 3:47 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question! |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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I like having my own place. I almost think I would like to have my own get-a-way, even after marriage.
I don't mind the thought of my man and I spending long periods of time under the same roof, but I sure love the idea of having my own place to go to for my quiet, private time. Awwwwwwww-sanctuary.
 
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 3:55 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question!
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MoonBeamTag45
Posts: 194
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Don't sell your house !!! If you really want to "try it out " ...do it, but don't sell your house, and don't invest money in his.
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 3:56 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question! |
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 13,047
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I've said for years, "If you're in a good relationship, why ruin it by moving in together? And if you're already living together and things are good, why ruin it by getting married?"
Jaded thoughts? Perhaps, but then again, I've seen so many couples that move in together or get married because of outside pressures (morals, families' and friends' opinions, etc., etc.). It then seems that a lot of those relationships fail.
I'm with you, Di....it doesn't take moving in together to get a taste of true compatibility. Spend an occasional weekend or take a weeks' vacation together....then think about the "quirks" and if you would be able to handle them day after day after day!!!!
Of course, this opinion is coming from someone that is truly loving her independence, selected times for solitude and not having to clean up after anyone but myself!!
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 6:41 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question!
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tahoma
Posts: 10,576
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've said for years, "If you're in a good relationship, why ruin it by moving in together? And if you're already living together and things are good, why ruin it by getting married?"
That about hit's the nail on the head for me!! I personally don't plan on getting married again but if a relationship is really going well, why not move in. As long as you each have your own space for quiet time, thinking, I really need to sleep alone time... I think there should be no reason not too.
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| Jan 18, 2006 @ 7:54 PM |
To shack up or not? That is the question! |
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Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,517
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Well, here's my experience...
I lived with my ex for 1 1/2 years before we married. The day we married... he changed.... for the worse. I was shocked. But, felt obligated to fulfill my commitment so I stayed married to him for 15 long depressing years. My mistake.
I guess the moral of the story is.... even if you do live with someone before marriage - it doesn't mean that's the person they will be once you marry them.
However, when I divorced I thought I would never marry again. Now, I'm not so sure. BUT... I refuse to marry someone I haven't at least had sex with first on a regular basis. I think, even given my last experience, I would prefer to live with someone for a while before I married them.
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