| Jan 19, 2006 @ 9:40 AM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection?
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mangolover60
Posts: 635
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From another thread, I ask the question why is their this predominate attitude that we must, in a sense, be "paid" for our attention or affection?
As if "I love you", was actually currency to buy a man or woman's heart, attention, and soul?
This attitude is prevalent even in less romantic endeavors. For example, who here gets absolutely PISSED because they have a friend that NEVER calls them, and if you didn't make the effort, you'd never speak or interact?
I'm asking why do you get pissed off at this?
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 10:46 AM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection? |
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Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,505
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Well, "i love you" are just words and they certainly can't buy MY heart, attention or soul, or anything else for that matter.
Paid? I'm lost. Are you talking about returning attention and affection? Or, something else?
I'm asking why do you get pissed off at this?
I don't.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 11:04 AM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection?
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mangolover60
Posts: 635
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Paid? I'm lost. Are you talking about returning attention and affection? Or, something else?
Well, "getting paid" connotes the attitude about it. I mean is it in your demeanor that just because you think you are giving and giving, that you deserve the attention and affection in return..
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 11:07 AM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection? |
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Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,505
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Well... yes, as a matter of fact, I DO deserve to have the attention and affection returned.
I don't see your point.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 11:08 AM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,280
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Hm, it is a give and take world. It would be nice if everyone would be equal in this give and take, huh?I for one have always been a giver. I don't expect anything back either. I give my love freely to the people I love and then some.
It doesn't make me mad at all if some one doesn't give back. It is just my nature I guess.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 11:11 AM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection? |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,792
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Well, "getting paid" connotes the attitude about it. I mean is it in your demeanor that just because you think you are giving and giving, that you deserve the attention and affection in return..
 Not if it makes you feel good to give..when I do something for someone..I usually say No Thanks Necessary I did it because I wanted too. 
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 11:17 AM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection?
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WanToBeHer
Posts: 47
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Everyone has "expectations" in any relationship or even in just mere acquaintance; and as for love, it is the currency of life, is it not?
Moi, unfortunately, is extraordinarily bad at keeping in touch, or returning others positive efforts toward me. 
Deep down, though, I believe we are responsible for one another, and maybe reciprocity is part of it.
 I don't buy into the current BS that we are not responsible for other people's feelings, or that no one has to feel anything they don't want to feel. IMO, that's one of society's biggest problems.
We can make each other feel like sh** in a minute if we want to do so. I feel we have the responsibility to be compassionate and do no harm if we can avoid it.
So, I guess, a sincere "I love you" can be the currency to a woman's heart. The younger and more naieve, however, sometimes have a problem with perception of sincerity.
Oh, how I do like to hear myself in print! 
Forgive.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 11:18 AM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection? |
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Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,505
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It doesn't make me mad at all if some one doesn't give back..
Me neither, but... I spent 15 years doing all the giving and it "emptied me out". I am a giver and enjoy giving, but... if you don't get anything in return, it's kind of like eventually you just run out.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 11:22 AM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection?
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mangolover60
Posts: 635
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Lee, I'm just making an observation.
It doesn't make me mad at all if some one doesn't give back. It is just my nature I guess.
And you are okay with that. I make no judgements about whether you should be mad, happy, sad, or whatever.
I see so many people who seem to get bent out of shape because their "other" is not responding the way they expect for the attention you give them. I just see it everywhere that don't even get up to a friendship level, such as on posts like, "I emailed her, and she doesn't respond! This site sucks", etc.
My eyeopener: a heartbreak, in which as I'm pleading with her, I got pissed off and said "I really love you!!!", as if she were missing out on what was behind door #3.
On my walk home (actually, probably a couple months later), I realized what a stupid thing that is. The fact is that she didn't love and my love fr her wasn't really going to change that fact. Duh! 
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 11:32 AM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection? |
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WanToBeHer
Posts: 47
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You sold yourself short, Mango. I don't know the situation, but there's power in love, and, if you believed in it, who is to say that your love would not have made a difference ultimately?
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 12:12 PM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,280
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Mango, I see this kind of stuff too. It is sad, very sad. My ex husband wasn't really a "giver". He really was clueless when it came to the give and take of a relationship. Oh, he gave when asked, it was just not something he did without being asked. He told me after we divorced, "I didn't realize how much I was missing out on." It was too late by then though. He is a good person, just was never taught how to love, or give freely.
Now he is remarried and I hope he gives to her.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 3:03 PM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection? |
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,511
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fact is that she didn't love and my love fr her wasn't really going to change that fact. Duh!
I so agree, we cannot force someone to love us. I don't understand why people get angry when someone does not reciprocate their feelings. It does not mean they are nasty or bad, just that they don't feel that way about us. I have seen situations where people stay in relationships with people they don't love because they feel guilty. This is a nightmare waiting to happen. I would prefer to know upfront or at least as soon as possible if the one I am with does not love me the way I would like to be loved.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 7:30 PM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection?
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,251
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Katt, did we have the same ex? 
Actually, I've seen mine interact with his [new] lady, and yep, he's changed, in a positive way...whew She's a much better communicator of her wants, needs and feelings than I ever was for all those years...and he learned the importance of paying attention and listening. They have a healthy relationship, which is cool (I'd hated to have seen such a good man 'wasted')
Yeh, I learned a few lessons, too. 
As far as 'quid pro quo' games -- I have no patience.  If the friendship/relationship is genuine and secure, one doesn't need to waste their time keeping score.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 8:12 PM |
Getting "paid" for our attention and affection? |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,280
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 Sunbabe.
Maybe it was the "shock" that got to them. They/we get comfortable in our relationships, and forget how to communicate. The kids grow up and wow, what is suppose to happen now?
He seems to be happy, and nows owns a harley too. Goes on ~~~Vacations~~~~!!!!!
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