| Jan 19, 2006 @ 5:57 PM |
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Tenderheart156
Posts: 5
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I am in somewhat of a dilema.I am a 51 yr. old woman who still desires sex ,well i desire it more now than i did when i was younger.I have a date on sat.night and he and i have been online sweethearts so to speak for a while .He talks about sex and is very opened minded about it ,he loves to joke around with me ,but never gets graphic.I have been without sex for many yrs. due to a horrible marriage,so my question is .How awful wrong is it to sleep with a man you have just met ,well i mean in person .He is certaintly no stranger and i know all about him ,due to a little research on my side.Is it really all that wrong to go that far?I mean if we do feel that spark betweeen us as we do now "Is it all that wrong"?Now here's my fear .Will i ruin the relationship,because i am willing to ignore my moral's and value's that i have always stood by?I am so confused ,i guess i want both.HELPPPPPPP......
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 6:01 PM |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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If you trust him and believe him to be a good man, I say jump his bones. 
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 6:07 PM |
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sureyacan125
Posts: 187
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Tender, it is not possible to "know" someone from being online, regadless of the outside research you have done.  However, that being said, I would be lying if I said I never had sex on the first date. Did it ruin the chance of a relationship? I'm not with them, but I don't think whether we had sex or not had anything to do with it. Once I got to know them, I just wasn't all that yippy-skippy with them. 
The real concern I have is that you are going to some bulls*** website asking a bunch of folks you don't know whether it is okay to f*** or not. Think about it, you are 51 years old. If you don't know what's right for you now....you never will.....  Fondest Regards, Dr. Phil
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 6:08 PM |
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sureyacan125
Posts: 187
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P.S. Like Spongey said...... 
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 6:17 PM |
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mangolover60
Posts: 635
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Man, where are the girls on this one? Hey Girls!!! We need some Help Here!!
From the guys, you are going to more toward "jump him".
I'd say, just see how it goes. And if the chemistry is there, make your decision then. Hell, just talk about it with him, and you'll figure it out together.
Limit the wine! 
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 6:28 PM |
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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 Don't ask me.
Waiting doesn't KISS on the first date.
Have sex with someone you have never met in person?
Up to you dear.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 6:30 PM |
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Rinimer2003
Posts: 114
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If you are comfortable about it - then go for it!! However ( you knew there had to be a "however" in here,right???LOL) - it sounds like you will regret it if you do. You said you would be going against your morals, etc.
Why not meet tonight - enjoy each others company, play a little  and see what happens the next time you get together? Then if there is a second date - you won't feel its just for sex - or if there isn't one - you won't feel you came on to strong and scared him! :-)
Just my thoughts ~
Sara
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 6:35 PM |
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7eternity
Posts: 223
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Here I come Tender,
I heard you needed a girl's advice? .. Wow, you ARE really in a dilemma. Ok, first let take a glance at your profile first... brb
(few seconds later..)
It's not wrong to feel that spark between you two, and ruining the relationship by engaging some sex is a big "probably". But I mean, only you know what you should do for yourself. Think about you more than for him 'cause as far as I'm concerned, sex will always be welcomed by men. Though, if the relationship is significant to you and if you think it's worth giving yourself in that way to him, then by all means, go ahead. Personally, I wouldn't but for women of your age range, I think it's ok to break your morals and values.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 6:36 PM |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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That's up to you.
I will say this though. Having met about five men in person, after corresponding via a dating site, not ONE of them has looked like his photo. The pics are usually outdated by 5 to 10 years, and they usually look much better in the photographs.
Once you meet him, you will know. 
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 6:41 PM |
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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I can't keep my mouth shut
If you have these "morals and values" it is not okay to break them.....you WILL regret it. Online and "phone sex" or whatever it is........internet infatuation........is far different from meeting someone in person.
Make up your mind NOT to do this in my opinion since you are asking for advice. Give yourself some time. Better to be safe than sorry. If you are questioning this at all and not sure than wait. If he is worth it then he will be there. You don't have to rush into anything. Good things are worth "Waiting" for. I am Waiting for one. Just one. 
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 6:50 PM |
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,511
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I'm with Classy, this one is up to you. Follow your heart. Go on your date and see how it goes... if you feel like being physical and it feels right to you I'd say go for it. If you fear you will be judged and this will ruin your relationship, will he really be the right one for you? If it truely goes against your "morals and values" well don't do it as you will be defying your beliefs, but I'd be thinking if you are thinking about it and anticipating it, perhaps as you've grown some of these perspectives may have changed. You are both adults, do what feels right for you at the time. And whatever else, enjoy and have fun!
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 6:56 PM |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,598
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Will i ruin the relationship,because i am willing to ignore my moral's and value's that i have always stood by?
Ask him what his thoughts are about sex on the first date if you are curious to know his thoughts about it. If you think you need to wait for whatever reason tell him.
Guys have a hard time reading women's minds so talk about what is on your mind. Make sure that you and he are comfortable with having sex on the first date before you do it. Otherwise one of you guys might get the "mental guilt thing" lingering over you, which sucks. Men don't like hearing about the guilt thing after the fact, so let's make sure you are confident before going there.
Good Luck.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 7:00 PM |
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,511
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Very good point Always... nice to hear from a mans perspective!
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 7:21 PM |
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Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,505
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I can't keep my mouth shut
If you have these "morals and values" it is not okay to break them.....you WILL regret it. Online and "phone sex" or whatever it is........internet infatuation........is far different from meeting someone in person.
Make up your mind NOT to do this in my opinion since you are asking for advice. Give yourself some time. Better to be safe than sorry. If you are questioning this at all and not sure than wait. If he is worth it then he will be there. You don't have to rush into anything. Good things are worth "Waiting" for.
Well put Waiting. I agree.
Although, I'm not sure I could restrain myself being in Tender's situation.... going without sex for a long time can make a sexual woman very.... hungry.
I will say this... if you can't wait Tender - don't beat yourself up about it afterwards. The desires you are having are only natural and sometimes stronger than anyone can imagine.... or withstand.
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 8:20 PM |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,280
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I agree with Waiting on this one.
Have fun, get to know him. Then see how you feel.
Please let us know what you decided. We do try to help all we can here. 
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 8:29 PM |
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RAKS37
Posts: 611
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Ask him what his thoughts are about sex
Think you'd be asking for trouble with that one.
If it feels right for you
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 8:55 PM |
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sureyacan125
Posts: 187
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per Waiting: What she said.....
Waiting, will you marry me??? 
Oh yeah, that smoking thing... Never mind.
However, don't you think it is a little weird to not be able to make up your own 51 year old mind about this??>
By the way, right now she's out on that date f***ing and sucking....... 
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 9:02 PM |
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justme425
Posts: 1
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hey Tender....what a dilemma you have.....you may not even like this guy face-to-face....we all get caught up in the 'cyber world' and even just talking on the phone makes it "personal".... go with your gut on this one....have fun on the date....get to know him in person...you may have such a strong bond/connection, but make sure its for real before you go against your morals and values....IF he is all that, he will wait for the 2nd or 3rd date to have the sexual connection.... don't sweat the small stuff.....lol....have fun while you're still young
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 9:02 PM |
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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 What is I update my profile to "trying to quit"?
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| Jan 19, 2006 @ 9:08 PM |
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sureyacan125
Posts: 187
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What if I update mine to "trying to help someone quit!" 
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