| Jan 23, 2006 @ 10:06 PM |
How many dates does it take?
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SnowDreamer
Posts: 12
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Odd question, I guess...but I'm wondering something. How many dates do you think it usually takes before you should either be in a relationship or see that it's not going to go anywhere and back away?
I had 2 dates with a man 2 weeks ago. Both dates were in the same weekend (Friday and Sunday). Then he got sick for a week so we didn't see each other. Then there was a week when there was little contact. I emailed him over the weekend and he wanted me to call. When I did, he asked me out again. So, tonight we had our third date. He took me out to dinner and it was very nice. We kissed more on our second date than tonight (we didn't kiss much tonight at all, as a matter of fact). He said to to call him tomorrow, which is fine. The thing is....every relationship I've had started out fast. There wasn't a whole bunch of dates before we were a couple....we just always became a couple from the start, so taking it slow is fine with me. However, at what point (how many "dates") do I go on before I realize that it's not going to go anywhere but just dating or maybe just friends and give up on it? It's not that I've stopped dating other men, but at this point, I think I'd like to see if this one can become something more eventually.
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| Jan 23, 2006 @ 10:09 PM |
How many dates does it take? |
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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It should take no more than 5 minutes IMO.
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| Jan 23, 2006 @ 11:38 PM |
How many dates does it take?
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,074
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Hi Snow! Let me ask you something, how do you feel about him so far? What does your heart tell you when you are with him? I would believe when you meet someone, your eyes light up, your insides become excited and you feel like dancing and then find yourself all dreamy when you go to bed. I would think that he would want to call you, not the other way around. Personally I would pretty much know if I the man I met was for me on the first date or meet. Hope this helps you some....Angel
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| Jan 23, 2006 @ 11:41 PM |
How many dates does it take? |
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MuskogeeBill
Posts: 545
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Damn Waiting you put a whole new meaning to the term expressing judgements. lol 
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| Jan 23, 2006 @ 11:51 PM |
How many dates does it take?
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,368
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I agree - 5 minutes - if that.
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| Jan 23, 2006 @ 11:53 PM |
How many dates does it take? |
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RAKS37
Posts: 611
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You could see if the sex is good then go from there
joking
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| Jan 23, 2006 @ 11:55 PM |
How many dates does it take?
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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Maybe you need to ask yourself if there is another question that you should be asking yourself other than the obvious?
1) Does one date constitute Dating? (Meaning exclusively)
2) When and how do you determine when and whether you are dating each other exclusively? (Meaning Dating solely each other )
3) If I'm not dating exclusively, Am I exploring my options with other possibilities?
4) If things arent going anywhere are we mature enough to talk about just being friends?
These are just a few things that some never take into consideration. Just hanging on to a relationship without vision of recourse some sort of stable result.
( JMO)
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| Jan 23, 2006 @ 11:58 PM |
How many dates does it take? |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,368
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You could see if the sex is good then go from there
Yeah - but still, that shouldn't take more than 5 minutes...
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 3:07 AM |
How many dates does it take?
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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I agree with Angel about the calling part of your post. Why is he not calling you? That doesn't seem right to me. He should be the one doing the calling and asking you out. 
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 3:17 AM |
How many dates does it take? |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,902
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It should take no more than 5 minutes IMO.
Nothing like a drive-thru relationship!
Let's see.....I'll have a Big Mac, an order of fries, a chocolate shake....
oh yeah, and give me one of those meaningful relationship thingies.....
uh.....to go!!!!
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 3:38 AM |
How many dates does it take?
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MoonBeamTag45
Posts: 194
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Good question... I dated a man for a year, he started to seem distant to me, so I returned to where I had found him. I had to actually sign up, and PAY just to answer his personal ad ( of course, I enjoyed it ) When I sent him my response to his personal, I asked if he knew any decent men....and if so please send them my way. Now, here is what I was told. " I only put my personal back because my buddy wanted me to see this gal he wants to date" Of course...I should have thought of that.
He THEN asked me to come up for dinner, and stay the night on Thursday. I told him I was a little tired...how about tomorrow ( Friday ) No, he was going out alone he said.
That did it for me.... By the way, I left my personal ad in, and just had date # 1 with a new man. I'll let you know in a year how it goes.... 
By the way,,,, Man # 1 was seen alone all last weekend, and called me drunk at 1:45 am.... I didn't answer the phone, he then proceeded to send me a "drunk e-mail" apparently, the whole thing was my fault...I was too busy with my family over the holidays 
I have no idea how many dates it takes 
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 4:47 AM |
How many dates does it take? |
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CynCity
Posts: 556
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This has happened to me in about 98% of my dating career.
Two months into a relationship, the guy I was dating indicated he would never live with anyone. While looking to build a new home, he started talking about which rooms the children could have. I knew then that a proposal was right around the corner. Being the skittitsh little thing that I am, I ran ... unfortunately without much grace or panache.
I also married my last exes within a six month period and had two proposals from guys I was dating since then. Yes, I have learned from my mistakes and I no longer suffer from the terminal politeness that required me to say "yes" when someone proposed. When things start to move too fast, I'm better prepared to see it for what it really is and pull things back to a more comfortable pace.
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 5:56 AM |
How many dates does it take?
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beatriceistheone
Posts: 152
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Familiarity and feeling like a couple varies from person to person and how much you see of each other. Men are more realistic on this, women like to rush it too much. IMO, I wouldn't feel like I was a couple within 3 wks with 2 dates though. I also hope you don't always equate sex with someone as a relationship either. I've dated for 1-3 months before with no sex. This is the time when people should get to know each other in the cranium and not always sexually after the 3rd date, then you make better choices.
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 6:56 AM |
How many dates does it take? |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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Some people just mesh immediately and some clash. Way back in the mists of time I was in love with one girlfriend immediately and "stalked" her till she moved in with me.
My last girlfriend and I never noticed any real attraction untill we woke up one day and realized that we were a couple.
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 10:15 AM |
How many dates does it take?
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SnowDreamer
Posts: 12
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5 minutes? I didn't realize that I really liked him until he kissed me on our second date. I guess as I'm not totally sure how I feel about him and not sure exactly how he feels about me, it's time to just let this one go. I'm not going to call him....he can call me if he wants. I'd definitely go out with him again if he asks....so we'll see. If we DO go out for a 4th date and there is nothing more than a goodnight kiss....well, then it's a hint and a half that it's not going anywyere.
This other guy that I'm dating called me today and he doesn't make me doubt where it might be going....so maybe it will all work out in the end anyway. Thanks for the responses! :)
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 10:43 AM |
How many dates does it take? |
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altogirl67
Posts: 1,309
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Snow, there is too little information here to draw much of a conclusion. But here are the possibilities, based on the information I have, in my opinion:
1) He got seriously hurt in his last relationship and he is trying to take things very slowly.
2) It's been many, many years since he dated and isn't comfy with it.
3) He's beginning to come to terms with being gay and giving the waters one last test.
4) He's trying to play mister sensitive so that you do not feel rushed and he's really into you.
5) He's just NOT that into you.
The major red flag for me is that you say you kissed more on the second date than the third. Normally, if you kissed much at all, by that next date for sure they'll at least be TRYING to score, whether he succeeded or not. And actually, most of the guys I've met don't even wait that long, whether they are seeking a serious relationship or not. It also concerns me that he didn't make much contact with you at all for two entire weeks after your first date weekend. Sick or not, that ain't right. I'd not hold out a lot of hope at this point that this is headed for a relationship. That's just my opinion. Keep datin' other guys and have fun! 
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 10:52 AM |
How many dates does it take?
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SnowDreamer
Posts: 12
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"3) He's beginning to come to terms with being gay and giving the waters one last test. "
He was sick for a week, which I do believe. He did keep in contact via instant message and text messages during that week and then called me when he was feeling well enough to do so, but was still coughing so I understood why he only kept in contact via instant/text message. However, after that is when we didn't contact each other much. He was supposed to call to set up a third date but didn't. I emailed him after almost a week and asked to just be friends, to which he responded by flirting and asked me to call and then asked me out again. But I agree about a red flag of how he hasn't tried anything with me. I did date one guy last month that waited until the third time he saw me to even attempt to hold my hand or kiss me (but he was obvioulsy nervous and that was actually sweet), but this guy has already established that I'll kiss him back as we've already kissed. So, I'm thinking I'll just let him go and see where it goes with this other guy instead. If he calls and asks to see me again, I'll go, but if not, then it has been fun, but it's time to move on now.
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 11:12 AM |
How many dates does it take? |
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altogirl67
Posts: 1,309
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He was supposed to call to set up a third date but didn't. I emailed him after almost a week and asked to just be friends, to which he responded by flirting and asked me to call and then asked me out again.
The lack of follow-up and physical contact sounds to me like his interest had waned but he didn't have anything else going on when you emailed him so he figured what the hell. I don't intend to sound mean. I'd just move on. I'm no expert, but that's what I'd do. If a man sends me home after a good kissing session, leaving me wanting more... and doesn't deliver.... uh, no. c'ya! That ain't right, girl!
Listen, you're a beautiful woman with a lot to offer the right guy. Don't settle for less than you deserve! GOOD LUCK!!! 
[Edited on 1/24/2006 11:16 AM]
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 11:13 AM |
How many dates does it take?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,280
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Date?? Your suppose to date before you get married?
Um, ok,,I will tell this to my husband.  
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| Jan 24, 2006 @ 11:15 AM |
How many dates does it take? |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,792
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Date?? Your suppose to date before you get married?
Um, ok,,I will tell this to my husband
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