| Jan 30, 2006 @ 1:13 AM |
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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I spoke to a woman earlier today and she told me she had been married 4 times. As I tood there listening to why the first marriage didnt work out and then the second followed by the third and so on I could help but to think of one thing.
Saturday I was speaking with someone who mailed me here and this conversation turned into the same dog different fleas. I have heard this quite a few times. its either things didnt work out with #1 because of Blah Blah Blah and # 2 because of Blauh Blauh Blauh and during this exchange i could only think of one thing also. i was talking to a friend of mine that i picked up from the airport a few mins ago and it seems everything is always someone elses fault also. So I could only think of one thing. each and everyone of these people furiously got mad at me. I told each and every one of these people the same thing.
I said: You cant expect me to believe that out of all these relationships, all of these people are bad. There seems to be a common denominator here. YOU ! He immediately got pissed off. He was already mad so I went for broke and explained myself. i went on to say that 6 different relationships within a two and a half month time span was a bit much. I also suggested that he gather his thoughts and reflect on what went wrong and do some soul searching to figure out what keeps going wrong. I then told him that before he attempted to become a part of someone else's life he should get his own issues straightened out.
The funny part didnt come until my buddy ask me how could I respond to him in the way I did because we were supposed to be friends. I then replied i responded to you in the manner that I did because we are friends.
I welcome any thoughts on this matter
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 2:06 AM |
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wittynaughty
Posts: 6
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I sometimes do what you just did. Unfortunately I have lost friends this way. Sometimes even friends can be fools, who only wants to hear what they want to hear and not what you have to say honestly and truthfully.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 2:14 AM |
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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You are right! but if they never call or talk to me again, they werent friends in the beginning.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 2:21 AM |
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greenizenora
Posts: 629
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Sorry to say it, but it's true:
If you're true friends. . .you can kick him in the ass because he needs a kick in the ass, and he'll thank you for it later.
Good job, Silver. . .  
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 2:27 AM |
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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TY.
I suppose not many will reply to this one because it hits a little too close to home !
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 2:50 AM |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. It is my guess, you know what the reasons are for this particular friend having such short-term and unsuccessful relationships.
Did you consider telling them what you felt caused the break-ups? Or did you feel it best to tell them to reflect and do self-analysis?
I guess I ask this, because I don't know how many people are really capable of being that honest with themselves, when it comes to their shortcomings. You are already at risk of losing a friend, or angering them. Why not talk about your observations?
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 2:54 AM |
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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listen baby i have to tell the truth. if I did anything less i wouldnt be a friend, but an enabler.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 3:18 AM |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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I figured as much. I've been told, I can be brutally honest. When I have done the same as you did, my friend's first reactions have been to be angry with me.
Once they've had time to think about it, they usually come to terms with the fact, what I have said rang true.
Usually, anyway. There are always going to be those who prefer to remain in denial.
I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 3:30 AM |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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It hits close to home because I've been the same way with my friends. "Enabler" isn't a role I play too well, whether it's been with my children or family, online strangers or pals.
...not that I can't play "martyr" now and then, but that's a whole different scenrio ~grin~
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 5:41 AM |
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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What they all said, Silver. Though you obviously already know this.
It also has to do with the timing and delivery of the message. Sometimes we don't say anything for too long and when we get the last straw we pour out our disgust and anger, which of course tends to put the other person on the defensive and so they won't hear what we're really saying.
When that isn't the case, though, there really isn't anything we can do except realize the problem isn't ours and let it go. Whatever that really means....
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 5:52 AM |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Sometimes even friends can be fools, who only wants to hear what they want to hear and not what you have to say honestly and truthfully.
But then there are those who are true friends and do listen..I had such a friend and it turned out ok after my little talk with him..he listened to me he said because he valued my friendship and he trusted me..to me I suppose its all a matter of trust. 
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 6:04 AM |
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ladyraindove74
Posts: 290
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I think I use a more subtle approach, but giving friends and especially my daughters thought provoking ideas that tend to make them see what they are doing wrong. It also appears to have been their own reckoning of the situation. Thus far it has worked well without alienating anyone and not causing them to become defensive. True friends accept each other as they are, but ... you can help them sometimes without them knowing you are. This is what I like to do. 
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 8:19 AM |
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Kat_luvr
Posts: 716
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Honesty in love and friendship.........HOWEVER.....sometimes it isnt WHAT we say but HOW we say it.
Being a bit abrasive will loose one some friends. p**** footing and tiptoeing-- you loose the ideas you're trying to convey..
Knowing how to convey the truth with temperance is the true trick. 
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 8:25 AM |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Knowing how to convey the truth with temperance is the true trick
I agree..
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 11:48 AM |
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wittynaughty
Posts: 6
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Ok...now i cant take this truth any more..that you all are trying to prove me wrong......damn....
Ha ha ha ha ha ha......
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 12:28 PM |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,625
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I have had the same problem before. I was asked my opinion and what I would have doen about the problem. When I told her, she hardly talked to me any more.
She asked, I told her.
It was hard to loose her friendship, but it is her lose.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 12:38 PM |
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painter007
Posts: 17,853
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I have been known to speak what" I " felt about a subject. People take the easy route. You see it everywhere. Just because you or we can screw up doesnt mean we are bad, we just need a little changing.
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| Jan 30, 2006 @ 3:39 PM |
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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It also has to do with the timing and delivery of the message.
I think I use a more subtle approach
.........HOWEVER.....sometimes it isnt WHAT we say but HOW we say it.
I didnt solicit this information. It was bought to me. So I responded. I didnt intrude. I think the best way to say it is dont ask if you dont really want to know.
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| Jan 31, 2006 @ 3:46 AM |
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rythemrevue
Posts: 106
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I find there are always two sides to any breakup story...and you get the woman's side if you are a man.....and you get the man's side of you are a female. whatever happened to simply being honest?
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| Jan 31, 2006 @ 4:36 AM |
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7eternity
Posts: 223
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Honesty doesn't always keep people together. There's always something else when it's time to end things.
Some people out there just can't take criticism, and there are those who think they're always right too. It's all a matter of perception. All you need to do is to measure how much the opening gap is taking between you and the friend/partner, draw a line of self-respect and let go when it's over.
Oh and if they end the friendship/relationship, they fail it. Honestly, I find myself thankful rather than sad, because the truth always comes out at the end of something.
Keep heads up, always.
"You ain't fail until you quit".
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