| Feb 5, 2006 @ 1:05 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women.
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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Why does it seems that almost 90% of the divorced women I meet online or in person has a chip on their shoulder or is jaded toward the next relationship. Monkey on the back symdrome. It's like you are fighting a battle of reassurance, This actually gets pretty old and becomes a turn off to me after a while making me want to meet a fresh, lively woman. I haven't been married but I have been in LTR's so tell me what's up with the wiring in divorced women's heads.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 1:13 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women. |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Perhaps its because they haven`t moved on or gotten over the break up and their not really ready for a new relationship..
in that case they shouldnt be looking.. 
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 1:52 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women.
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Angel54214
Posts: 18,174
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Good thread 'Always'... 
Lets see, the chip on the shoulder as you said can be an invisible shield. Since you said women, I will speak of that gender.
When a divorce has been in the past, women have a lot to go through within themselves as the healing process. Some heal faster then others and can move on more quickly. Others don't and tend to be self protective using this shield. They become afraid to let the shield down or (guard down) and turn submissive. If a woman had a previous dominant relationship, it requires a lot in the healing process of that woman. She learns who she really is, gains confidence that she didn't have before and realizes her independance development stage becomes stronger in her very being over time being alone. If she is in the healing mode, she is not ready to proceed in a relationship.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 1:57 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women. |
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lukleslov
Posts: 36
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Its not just the women who have this problem. I have met many men who have major trust issues after dealing with a cheating wife. Makes it hard on us girls, so I can understand what you're talking about. Only time can heal many things, and if you meet the right person and treat them right, they will eventually learn that you are different. And if they dont, then unfortunately it is time to move on.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 2:04 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women.
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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This is a good topic. I can agree with Tink in not being ready for a new relationship, however, I don't necessarily agree with not looking! It takes several steps, if you will, to get back into the dating game. Some women, myself included, prefer to start off with some casual dating! I think the trick with casual dating is for both daters to be on the same page, as in being aware that it's casual! I think there is a common miscommunication as to the "goal" of dating sometimes. It's natural not to want to jump back in feet first, and I think it shows personal growth when one takes their time. Hopefully, they will be less apt to make the mistakes they have in the past.
Striving, if you're "fighting a battle of reassurance" constantly, then it's most likely a woman who hasn't come to terms with her divorce and hasn't moved on. It may also be the miscommunication I mentioned above. She may not have a chip on her shoulder, she just may not be ready for the same things you are! That's when you have to decide if you still want to pursue her, or move on to someone who has the same dating "goals" as you do.
Divorce totally bites A$$. It's no fun for anyone! However, I truly believe that it doesn't have to taint a person against love and relationships for the rest of their lives! I'm personally grateful for the personal growth it has afforded me and I look forward to moving on from "casual" dating to something more...but only when I'm ready! 
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 2:45 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women. |
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walkingman
Posts: 639
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I to agree that this can apply to both men and women. . If one is still carrying any kind of feeling after a divorce then they should not be dating at all. What the feeling's are is not what matter's. It's the fact that you still have them. I don't have any feeling's toward my exe's at all . It is the past and let's leave it there. If I were with a person and saw my ex the person I am with would never know. If we are not able to forget the past then we are not ready to be in a relationship.It's not fair to you or the person you are seeing.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 2:54 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women.
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painter007
Posts: 17,853
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I have also seen it with men but the biggest thing I have noticed is people saying they dont want to have a relationship because they dont want to get hurt. I dont understand why they assume that the next one is gonna be a hurtful one. I just try to take what I learned from my old one and feel that my next onw will be the best. Really the few I have had have been pretty good. We all have good and bad days.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 3:02 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women. |
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exiled131
Posts: 1,808
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i have no problem dating divorced women...then again i am the reason they get divorced anyhoo. i can't help it- i'm a homewrecker. but they were unhappy. does it then count as a public service?
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 3:07 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women.
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TigerEyes71
Posts: 87
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This IS a great thread! And I so agree with this. I spent three years on my own after my ex and I split. This gave me the time I needed to get grounded. In that time, I have acquired a house, a truck and the independence I needed to show myself that I don't "need" a man for those things. I'm now happy within my own self to be able to love someone and share my happiness with him. It took me three years, which at the time, seemed like an eternity, but now that I'm ready, that three years went by very quickly.
I'm definitely going to do things differently this time around.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 3:36 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women. |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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I have also seen it with men but the biggest thing I have noticed is people saying they dont want to have a relationship because they dont want to get hurt. I dont understand why they assume that the next one is gonna be a hurtful one. I just try to take what I learned from my old one and feel that my next onw will be the best. Really the few I have had have been pretty good. We all have good and bad days.
Ditto!
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 5:46 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women.
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Jankia
Posts: 11,895
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Anyone who dates a divorced person,be it man or woman, will find out a few things about them most all have in common.
1-Expierience,the been there-done that syndrome.Nobody wants to make the same mistakes twice in a marriage so your more cautious and aware of smaller details in a relationship that are not seen or overlooked before the first marital commitment takes place.
2-Feelings,be they good or bad about an ex are there,even if well hidden. That divorce monkey is on the back of all divorced people,its history that wont leave but is not the present or the changable future.
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| Feb 5, 2006 @ 6:37 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women. |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 11,116
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Why does it seems that almost 90% of the divorced women I meet online or in person has a chip on their shoulder or is jaded toward the next relationship.
As pointed out by many, there is a "healing time" after a divorce in which people learn who they are and what they want, and gain the confidence needed to participate fully in the world again. Until that time is reached, oftentimes people are simply "feeling their way along" until they get to that new level of self-confidence.
Sounds to me like something in your profile attracts the type of women who are not at the stage yet where this healing has taken place already - or maybe there's something about these women that attracts YOU to THEM. I really don't know this to be the case, it was just a thought. Only you can know for sure, but I think it might be something worthwhile for you to take a look at. Let me know if you notice anything about yourself that might be contributing to this awfully high percentage of "not-yet-ready" people you meet online.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 12:08 AM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women.
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7eternity
Posts: 223
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This actually gets pretty old and becomes a turn off to me after a while
Then stop dealing with them 'cause if you do, nobody will be happy at all.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 12:26 AM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women. |
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ILLLOOK
Posts: 315
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This only shows why we should write divorced if we are divorced and not single it would help others if that is what they are looking for.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 2:07 AM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women.
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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Do you really think this is only a problem with divorced persons? I have seen it with people who have never been married before. Maybe even moreso. They've had bad experiences in relationships, and they have problems with commitment.
At most of our ages, it isn't easy to find someone to date who hasn't divorced. Most all of us have experienced a breakup of some sort, and those experiences have left some kind of a scar. A good rule of thumb is to try to avoid getting involved with a person who has been single for less than a year. Otherwise, there are still too many unresolved issues.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 6:54 AM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women. |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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A good rule of thumb is to try to avoid getting involved with a person who has been single for less than a year. Otherwise, there are still too many unresolved issues.
woohooo that leaves me out..I`ve been single longer then a year..or 2 or 3 and the years go on..  oh wait I wasn`t divorced either just seperated forever and then a widow..so no issues here.
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| Feb 7, 2006 @ 2:40 AM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women.
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dragon69841
Posts: 5
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I can only speak of this as far as dating women...yes many have chips..and feel and treat you like the same person they were involved with before.
You have to ask yourself.... woman or man....if I am going to approach dating....looking for a decent relationship... should I do it with an open mind or partly closed...
Why, because if you approach something with your mind partly closed...you are going to miss something...maybe something you were looking for.
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| Feb 7, 2006 @ 3:11 AM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women. |
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greenizenora
Posts: 629
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HEY ALWAYS!
<------------Never married. . .never divorced. . .just sayin'. . .  
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| Feb 9, 2006 @ 10:37 PM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women.
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firehd
Posts: 28
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i think Jankia said it best.
some ppl say i have a chip - or am just a bitch - but they said that before i got married/divorced. i will admit that i'm more careful now and look more carefully at things that go on - hind sight is 20-20 and i keep my eyes open. i dont put up with a lot of stuff that i used to which also puts guys off. there's no reason to 'put up' with something that annoys you - life is too short.
if you think these women are like that because they are divorced then look for women who have not made life commitments :-)
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| Feb 10, 2006 @ 12:23 AM |
Problems Dating Divorced Women. |
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crackerchickie
Posts: 448
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Well this describes me to a 't'. And I'm not looking either. I recognize the fact that I'm bitter and I don't want a man. I'm good with that.
Maybe after my lobotomy, I will desire a mate again. I don't think so though. 
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