| Feb 6, 2006 @ 12:19 AM |
Dating people with children
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sjpinatl
Posts: 671
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I was wondering about the experiences of single/no children people with LTR's or marriages when the spouse has kids. I'm talking about when you are living in the same residence, not just dating.
I am open to it, have never had a real relationship with a father. I hear the horror stories about the kids controlling things, the ex's are in your life more when kids are in the picture. Also hear about how happy and fulfilling it can be when it works. Children don't scare me, but the thought of living with teenagers does. Then there is the whole "children come first" thing. Would a man without children be there for you more?
Do the no kids people think you are better off with the same, or do you think they can be a great addition to your life?
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 12:30 AM |
Dating people with children |
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ILLLOOK
Posts: 315
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For me its been the EX's and not the kids that have been trying. The worse for me hasn't been the Ex being in the kids life but not being and seeing how I treat my kids. It has always sadden my heart to see this.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 1:46 AM |
Dating people with children
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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It can be trying. You will always come second, which is the way it should be, but sometimes your SO can neglect you. They often times don't know how to include you in a way that makes you feel you really belong.
I haven't had as many problems with the ex, or with the children. I have always gotten along great with children, so we tend to bond right away. I've actually observed the dad becoming jealous of how much the children enjoy my company. It's almost as though they resent the fact the children want to spend time with me. I've seen it more than once.
Also, when the relationships ended, the loss was devastating. Not only did I hurt over the loss of a lover, I missed the children terribly. There is much to seriously think about, if you are considering a relationship with children involved. It can be rewarding, but it is not easy.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 1:55 AM |
Dating people with children |
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lukleslov
Posts: 36
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Before my son, I dated guys with kids, that's all I seemed to find. To this day, I am still close to some of those kids, just remember, that once you get yourself involved in a kids life, you cant just up and walk away. I have one child of my own now, but I still have 3 stepchildren that I keep in contact with. They have truely become a part of my family, and thankfully their mother is very understanding and allows me to see them still. Don't rule out a man with kids, just remember that if he is a good man, his kids will always come first. Be prepared for the back burner at times, but I personally prefer men with kids, they already know the meaning of unconditional love.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 6:36 AM |
Dating people with children
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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It can be pretty rough becoming attatched to the kids and then having the relationship fail.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 6:49 AM |
Dating people with children |
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Magickman
Posts: 132
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lukleslov wrote:
"Before my son, I dated guys with kids, that's all I seemed to find."
From the other side of the fence, I have seen the same thing. Divorced women with kids. For a long term marriage/children avoider, that is intimidating. I never wanted kids of my own. What would be my interest in some other guy's kids?
Every now and then, I make a date with a woman who has kids. Afterwords, I always seem to regret doing so.
I seem to be making slow progress with establishing a LTR. Women with kids? Probably not for me.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 7:13 AM |
Dating people with children
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beatriceistheone
Posts: 152
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Expect to be always put second. If you date someone with kids make sure the kids are 18 and older.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 7:21 AM |
Dating people with children |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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What would be my interest in some other guy's kids?
Then I take it you don`t like kids? 
I`ve never found a problem with dating someone with kids..perhaps its because I love kids and other peoples kids seem to like me.And I`ve always understood that their kids would always come first and thats never been a problem for me.. 
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 7:42 AM |
Dating people with children
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TigerEyes71
Posts: 87
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Well, I'm the one with the kids. From 99 until 02, my ex and I lived together with my then, only child. He walked into "instant family" and was absolutely aware of this. He had never been married (and we never got married) nor did he have any kids (at that time). He stepped in and became my oldest's father because her own father bailed on her shortly after she was born.
My ex was a good "dad" to her and she even calls him "daddy". He's never said he wants her to stop doing that and even tho we aren't together anymore, he has continued to be a dad to her.
Okay, I'll stop there because I don't want to be singing praises for a man who practically tried to destroy MY life. The kids are a different thing, he cares about them, just not enough to NOT wanna hurt their mother.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 8:17 AM |
Dating people with children |
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Kat_luvr
Posts: 716
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I personally Prefer men who have been married and have kids.
Singles dont understand the whole kid concept. Fathers know. They know the stresses of feeding clothing and raising kids. While I prefer someone whose kids are grown, Someone with kids my own kids age is fine, as long as I am not being asked to play surrogate to his toddlers.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 8:27 AM |
Dating people with children
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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as I am not being asked to play surrogate to his toddlers.
I love the toddler stage..doesn`t matter whose kids they are..they are so adorable...when my late husband and I started living together before we got married I had his kids when they came to visit him more then he did..I loved every minute of it.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 10:07 AM |
Dating people with children |
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Magickman
Posts: 132
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"Then I take it you don`t like kids?"
Not at all. I like kids. I have "adopted" kids from a refugee family who live nearby. Taught them to read, ride bikes, play baseball, swim, etc.
Women with kids do not appeal to me. I have tried it, but it did not work out.
Kids are great. I simply do want any.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 10:10 AM |
Dating people with children
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Bojangles102
Posts: 478
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It's best not to date someone who has kids....The kids almost never accept an outsider..Get the kids raised. Raise them to be autonomous.....and when the youngest is 18 years old, that is when you begin your new life.. ..and at that point, you let the kids know that you have a life to live and that they will lose nothing but will probably gain a great new friend.
Also, don't let it appear to them that your bedroom has a revolving door on it.
The problem I'm having is that the kids are either over protective of mom or simply don't want to lose the built in baby sitter.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 1:09 PM |
Dating people with children |
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Kat_luvr
Posts: 716
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Dont mis understand....I love kids, esp. toddlers, but I am past the kiddie stage . I am looking foward to raising my "tween" so i can enjoy "MY " Time, I dont want to do another 15-17 yrs of raising.
[Edited on 2/6/2006 1:19 PM]
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 1:12 PM |
Dating people with children
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T_i_m
Posts: 809
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Quote - sjpinatl
I was wondering about the experiences of single/no children people with LTR's or marriages when the spouse has kids. I'm talking about when you are living in the same residence, not just dating.
Would a man without children be there for you more?
I say that if there are kids of any age living under the same roof, then do not just move in and live there. Teens especially. They will see what you are doing and think they can have sex in their bedrooms too. I know. You want to live together, get married. You want to have sex? Take him to your place.
Of course a man will have more opportunities to be with you if he has no kids. That is no guarantee that you will see him as much as you want to. That's obvious.
Disclaimer: these opinions are for entertainment purposes only and are not intended to be taken as therapeutic doctrine. Your results may vary. Poster assumes no liability for loss or damages due to actions resulting from using any information as real world advice. May the force be with you.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 1:37 PM |
Dating people with children |
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BabyCay
Posts: 1
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you know what... I am a single mother of a beautiful one year old girl, and what someone needs to understand before getting into any type of relationship with me is that she comes first. One thing that people dont understand is that if the father/mother is in the picture, they always will be. For me, luckily enough her dead beat dad is long gone so i dont have to deal with that. I guess my point is, is that you will have to accept your partner, their child(ren) and the other parent if anything is going to work.../
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 1:48 PM |
Dating people with children
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Mischief484
Posts: 679
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I think it would help allay some of the nervousness if the single/divorced parent would say something like this in their profile (or their emails):
"I am a parent and my kids are the most important part of my life right now. But if we hit it off, please understand that I will make the time to spend alone with you."
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 1:51 PM |
Dating people with children |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I much prefer to date a woman with kids than a woman with no kids, simply because she will, generally speaking, understand my position as a single-dad much better. She will also, probably, share my love of kids, and be equally as happy to spend days out with the kids as spending days out with just me.
I am lucky in so far as my ex-wife has NO say in the way I raise my daughter, she forfeited that right many years ago.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 1:53 PM |
Dating people with children
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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The kids almost never accept an outsider
I think that all depends on how the outsider treats the kids..kids have a way of coming around after a while..but then thats just my opinion.
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| Feb 6, 2006 @ 1:56 PM |
Dating people with children |
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father_heart
Posts: 1,110
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HA!
ever try dating a parent of a specail needs child?
no? CAUSE NONE WILL DATE US !
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