| Feb 17, 2006 @ 9:54 AM |
this is what I do...
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ahnyceleven
Posts: 103
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What I do here at matchdoctor is simply this...first, I look through the profiles, just looking not searching or expecting anything. Sometimes...well, infrequently, I see a picture that appeals to me INSTANTLY. So I click on it, and hope to see a few other pics to accompany it and if visually and aesthetically I am still interested, I send a wink. At this point, I haven't read the profile, I just go by my eyes...and of course no human ever "sees" a picture with just his/her eyes...but my interest is enough that I'll send a wink and initiate some flirting maybe with a short note. IF I hear back from that woman, and I usually do (except for a few women in the banana republic never winked back but did immediately send nude photos...which I liked of course...but immediately...well, shortly later deleted...)...anyway, if I hear back from the woman I'll immediately read EVERY word of her profile to try to gain some intuitive sense of her. Mostly, at this point though, my social cylinders are firing on visual fuel only. Then, if I like what I've read and learned and intuited about her from her profile, IF I'm still INTRIGUED and GENUINELY curious and interested, I'll WRITE to her, a better letter than the first note. Then, if she writes back and seems intelligent and articulate (these are VERY important and sexy and AROUSING qualities and requisites) I'll start writing to her and we will, as I have with a number (under six) of women on here, begin a friendship. We'll exchange letters and flirt and be playful and warm and even verbally tender with one another. In other words, we'll react and respond and interact to and with one another in the very best sense of the man/woman attraction. And EVERY word and thought and feeling and hope and idea and tenderness and endearment that I might and DO write to her or say to her in the IM's or on the phone (yes, the phone) will be sincere and genuine and real and well-intentioned. And I'll find myself genuinely drawn to this woman. And this will continue for a while. But IF she sends me naked photos or heaps up male friends on her profile or sends me her phone number too soon, before I offer her mine, or if she berates or is too sexually explicit in her letters or intentions, then my feelings and emotions and words inevitably COOL and end and I dismiss her from my mind and, sadly, heart. YES, my heart, because I was starting to become attached to her and fond of her and awaited each of her letters or calls eagerly and SINCERELY.
Now here comes the tricky part...the part that will draw anger from most anyone who reads this. IF I fnd that I am GENUINELY and ROMANTICALLY and EMOTIONALLY and TENDERLY drawn and attached and socially interested in this woman, what I do next is ALMOST unexplainable. I TAKE A STEP BACKWARD. I pull away, or seem to...I retreat. This is manifested in a sudden and seemingly unexplained cessation of my writing or calling or communicating with her. AND THEN...and here's the KEY to ALL of this stupidness on my part....I simply WAIT and see if she continues to write, continues to SEEK me and communicate with me. IF she does, I know I have found a true friend and possible romantic interest. If she stops writing simply because it seems I have stopped writing, then I eventually withdraw completely and try to forget about her. I seldom am able to totally forget her. But I know, it has been made clear to me, that her interest in me was superficial and surface only and that as SOON as she encountered the obstacle that, yes, I PLACED there, she simply gave up. Why do I do this...why do I play this sort of GAME. I don't really know. I only know that the internet scares me and turns me OFF and that my life and my heart are too valuable and too vulnerable NOT to be SURE of her sincerity.
Now here's the kicker, the river card if you will in all of this...I've been very STRONGLY attracted to some women on here, and I've written to them and done ALL of what I just explained. Every one of them, sadly...and I WAS and remain genuinely disappointed...every one of them simply STOPPED writing to me. I'd probably marry the woman who simply CONTINUES to write and doesn't, in the face of the UNKNOWN, simply surrender.
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 10:07 AM |
this is what I do... |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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I really don`t see anything wrong in the way you go about it.
I myself have had so many guys start something then just disappear..
Perhaps I`ll take a lesson from you AH..  
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 10:09 AM |
this is what I do...
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SylvanDreams
Posts: 2,133
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"But I know, it has been made clear to me, that her interest in me was superficial and surface only and that as SOON as she encountered the obstacle that, yes, I PLACED there, she simply gave up."
You say that her not responding after you quit responding showed that her interest was superficial. Maybe she felt your interest was superficial, and that you were just playing with her feelings. When you placed your "obstacle" (backed off and didn't write, call, whatever), she felt that you were playing a game.
I have an e-pal that I have corresponded with off and on (just friends, not romatic). If I go a week or so without hearing from him, I send a "Hey, you okay?" type of e-mail. He does the same. But again, we are not romatically inclined, so no feelings are risked, and there is no threat of feeling like I am "chasing" him when he has lost interest, which is what these women might feel.
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 10:56 AM |
this is what I do... |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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I think this ahny is a retard. how many agree with me?
  
name calling is childish.. 
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 3:55 PM |
this is what I do...
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Solitaire
Posts: 1,359
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ahhhh...ahnyc. You want her to take the risks. You want her to pursue you to prove to you that you are desirable, and desirable enough for her to want to not only pursue, but slay the dragon of your insecurity. You are hurt when they don't pursue and start telling yourself that they must have been shallow because they didn't try hard enough to break down your stone cold defenses. But what if your stepping back, pulling away, and retreating feels like rejection to them? In your fear of rejection and abandonment, you sound like you create that very same scenario in others, especially those you profess to care for the most. If their fear of abandonment, rejection, hurt and emotional sensitivity is partially what resonated with you to draw you to feel close to them, why are you surprised or disappointed when they shut down too?
If you continue to want someone to batter down the walls of your emotional defenses, like some Harlequin romance rescue, you may never find who or what you want. Eventually your partner will become exhausted with having to constantly prove to you your worthiness. If you don't believe in your worth and desirability as a person, nobody else will ever be able to truely convince you.
You have the intelligence and ability to express yourself well, try and put as much effort in believing in yourself to be your support, as you do in attempting to find a strong, sensitive, intelligent woman to cradle your fears. If you try to live life without getting hurt, you end up living in a cotton ball filled matchbox.
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 4:08 PM |
this is what I do... |
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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AH, with all that clickin' and searchin' and winkin' you have the time to write these long posts...? (somebody please tell me in a few words what was it he said)
Thought you had a job... ;)
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 4:45 PM |
this is what I do...
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,370
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(somebody please tell me in a few words what was it he said)
I couldn't bring myself to read it all, but I think it basically said he bulls***s his way along, just like the rest of us.
(OK, I didn't read any of it...)
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 4:58 PM |
this is what I do... |
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the_real_me_ok
Posts: 293
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i'm with Pete.....I see long posts like that and I get 
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 5:03 PM |
this is what I do...
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sjpinatl
Posts: 671
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If you are looking for a man, it is a good plan. Or, if you are looking for a woman who is looking for a woman. But a woman who is looking for a real man will not respond to this. A man pursues you at least equally, if not more. We want someone who treasures us so much that they will pursue us at almost any cost. Cost often being that you are man enough to put yourself on a limb to possibly be rejected, or better yet, you do not care who knows that you are crazy about us because we are that awe inspiring 
"Love is not for sissies".
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 5:13 PM |
this is what I do... |
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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I still don't know what is worse... Long posts or dancing bananas and whole multitude of other smileys or musings in all kinds of abbreviations and some weird sort of net lingo...
OK, guess it could be worse... all that combined...
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 5:28 PM |
this is what I do...
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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I think he said something like:
He winks.
He writes.
She writes.
He writes.
She writes
He decides not to write anymore, because he wants to see how much she truly cares.
He's still waiting for her to write, and the next woman who does may POSSIBLY get a marriage proposal.
After all of that reading, I need a nap.
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 5:36 PM |
this is what I do... |
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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Are you sure? Are you ABSOLUTELY sure? What if he:
winks
takes a nap
writes a long post
takes a nap
writes half a note
takes a nap
goes for a walk
winks again
finishes the note
time for beddy-bye
Are you sure he didn't write that?
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 5:55 PM |
this is what I do...
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,370
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OK, one of us is going to have to volunteer to read the entire post and tell everyone what it says... Who is it going to be? Let me know when you all decide...
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 6:10 PM |
this is what I do... |
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,620
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"If you don't believe in your worth and desirability as a person, nobody else will ever be able to truly convince you."
Listen well to Solitaire A......therein lies your answer.
You ask why you do what you do, and you not only ask why but publicly ask why, which is a very brave thing to do, a reflection of an honest desire to receive feedback and to look within yourself and reexamine where you have come from, where you are coming from, where you are going, and where you will end up if you continue on the path you currently are on.
The matters of worth and worthiness have been shared with you before. Perhaps you might now ask when and how will you deeply, and I mean deeply, process what you must in order to know personal transformation.....which is what you seem to thirst.
You are very worthy of all that you seek and desire. It is now for you to go within and do what you must to know this for yourself.
When you know this for yourself, you will then have everything you need, desire and are already so very deserving of. There is no reason to suffer any longer A. Your Soul is speaking to you and has guided you to the place where you now stand, at this very moment, asking the very questions you are asking.
Listen well A. Your truth and freedom are just on the other side of what appears to be darkness. This LIGHT is within your reach, your understanding, your knowing.
THIS LIGHT IS YOU.
Peaceful evening.
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 6:18 PM |
this is what I do...
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MuskogeeBill
Posts: 599
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Well no wonder I am not getting any mail. I thought all this time that the man persued the woman till she caught him or turned him for stalking, one or the other. 
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 6:20 PM |
this is what I do... |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Well no wonder I am not getting any mail. I thought all this time that the man persued the woman till she caught him or turned him for stalking, one or the other
 your not..what a shame 
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 6:26 PM |
this is what I do...
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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Now Bill,
You know I write you all of the time. Please don't turn ME in for stalking.
Mary!!!!
I don't have the energy to read it again.
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 6:38 PM |
this is what I do... |
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Gimmesumluvn
Posts: 142
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I think this ahny is a retard. how many agree with me?
Sure name calling is childish but his words just cut right through the montony and I am ashamed to admit I.... 
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 6:46 PM |
this is what I do...
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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At least AngelLight bolded some sentences so we don't have to read the rest. Could someone teach AH the art of highlighting?
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| Feb 17, 2006 @ 6:48 PM |
this is what I do... |
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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I don't have the energy to read it again.
If I buy you a drink or two? Or five? 
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