| Jul 13 @ 1:08 PM |
Childfree
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newlife2006
Posts: 613
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Magickman
THE BIG QUESTION? Why do married and childed people, who are the considerable majority of humanity, get so excited and defensive in the presence of alternative lifestyle practitioners?
I think I know the answer, magicman. On my first visit to Sri-Lanka , after the initial excitement of experiencing different cultural environment faded, I got curious about what life looks like for the natives of the island . So, I asked my guide if he can show me places off the beaten path, behind the glamorous facade meant for tourists. The guy invited me to visit his family in their house out in the country . As I expected, all signs of civilization disappeared the moment we crossed the city border. The canoe was going down dirty river ( full of medium-sized crocodiles ) for quite a while before we arrived and walked through jungle to a small village with palm leaves topped huts lining single street with unhealthy-looking children and dogs playing together in dirt. The lady evidently in her 50ies welcomed us and invited into the house. As we talked, she asked me about my family and reacted extremely compassionately when I said I have no children - she volunteered to take me to the local "healer" for fertility treatment.I didn't try to enlighten her about birth control available for people in civilized countries, it would have been cruel to undermine her values ( which values kept her happy and content with looking twice her age ( she turned to be 25 at the time we met ) and spending all her life in unbelievable poverty taking care of 8 children ) . So, I thanked her for her kind consideration and promised to give it a thought . We parted both happy for ourselves and our respective lifestyles and feeling deep pity for each other ... 
My point is - humanity invented means to control human reproduction not so long ago , so unconciously the first thought of common person about someone not having children is : it might be health issues, hence we feel pity for "childless" people.
I guess it's similar to the way the society still sees unmarried women , though times when running household was the only "career" available for women passed , and being single hardly anymore equals "struggling/poor" . I believe in social psychology it's called " mentality inertia " .
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| Jul 13 @ 4:02 PM |
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Nightowl001
Posts: 4,144
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I think Newlife makes some pretty good points.
There are other biolgogical, sociological and psychosocial factors at work, however, that most people seem to overlook. Now, these are very broad generalizations.
First, there is no question but that there is an inherent biological drive to reproduce. Any organism that lacked any such drive would rather obviously become extinct in the first generation. Any populous organism, from single-cell amoebae to humans, is designed (whether by nature or creator; a subject I will not argue here) to reproduce because it is a biological necessity for survival of the species. (As I say, a broad generalization; genetic mutations, mixed breeding that produces sterile offspring, etc., exist, of course.) Now, given that this is a biological trait of all but an insignificant percentage of living organisms, it is one of the most shared of human experiences. There are certain things that every human being, no matter what their station in life, no matter what their conditions, experiences. If you have reached puberty your hormones have awakened this drive to reproduce. Humans are the only species on the planet that have apparently learned to make a conscious decision to reproduce (or not) rather than being driven only by the biological drive. (Hard to tell about the cetaceans. They're talking, but we're still not listening.) Still, the ability to decide not to by any means other than abstinence from heterosexual activity has not been a choice for very long in the history of the species, relatively speaking. By saying "I have chosen not to have children," you are saying to the vast majority of people who have experienced the biological clock in one form or another that you do not experience what they experience. And they, in turn, cannot understand why you do not feel as they do about it. The prevalence of it is so great, that they will assure you "You'll change your mind. Everybody wants children." (Thinking, "His biological clock will kick in at some poing.") For this not to happen is as baffling to them as someone saying "Oh, I forgot to breathe." They truly do not understand how you can resist what, again for the vast majority, is a biological need. When we truly cannot understand how someone acts or experiences the world, then a certain limbic fear sets in because those not understood then become unpredictable. And nothing scares more people than the unknown, even if they are only experiencing and reacting to that fear on a subconcsious level.
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| Jul 13 @ 5:34 PM |
Childfree
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Aeromuse
Posts: 2,820
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I think it's great when people realize they'd be crappy parents (for whatever reason) and decide not to procreate. I only take offense when they get all high and mighty about it, i.e referring to folks that choose to give and nurture life "breeders." 
My children have been, by far, the greatest source of joy and pride in my life
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| Jul 18 @ 8:56 PM |
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capitalview
Posts: 675
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Jalon
I'm childfree by pure luck.
If I can't have a child within a stable and loving marriage, then I don't want any and I honestly don't think I would ever regret sticking to my beliefs.
It's amazing how times change. Not long ago it was common for women to have exactly the same view regarding sex .
Nowadays enjoying sex is not considered to be "wrong
unless it's in stable and loving marriage" - and more women realize that robbing themselves of joy of Motherhood merely because they are single is hardly wise.
It's not like women nowadays cannot afford having children . Guys have no way to have kids unless they can prove their parenthood, but women are in better position here - they have nothing to prove , so there's hardly any need for them to "tie" their natural desire to have children to society imposed procedures , right? 
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| Jul 18 @ 9:17 PM |
Childfree
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BandTMom
Posts: 28,448
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Oh my.
Try being a single mother raising a child entirely on your own and get back with me on this. 
I dearly love my son and wouldn't trade my life with him for anything, but it's tough doing it by yourself.
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| Jul 18 @ 9:37 PM |
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Jalon
Posts: 902
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Raising a child takes a villiage.
there's hardly any need for them to "tie" their natural desire to have children to society imposed procedures , right?
For me (the only woman I can speak for) it has nothing to do with social expectations and ideals, but everything to do with the equilibrium of a steady support system...such as a spouse and his family. Raising children is hard work no matter who is doing it. I grew up with one divorced mother and even as a grade schooler, I saw how hard it was for my mom. Of course there are no guarantees in life but I'd much rather have the deck stacked for my child.
keep up the good work, Mom 
[Edited on 7/18/2008 10:02 PM]
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| Jul 18 @ 9:43 PM |
Childfree
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BandTMom
Posts: 28,448
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Thanks, Jalon.
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| Jul 19 @ 12:34 AM |
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capitalview
Posts: 675
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BandTMom
Try being a single mother raising a child entirely on your own and get back with me on this.
I have been a single parent and raising my son entirely on my own for more than decade, mom. But the point is - I have been ( and still am ) enjoying every minute of it. That's exactly where my question comes from. Why do you think that being single mother is something to complain about? Aren't women nowadays independent enough to be able to raise their children on their own? 
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| Jul 19 @ 12:45 AM |
Childfree
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BandTMom
Posts: 28,448
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I wasn't complaining a bit.
A child deserves both a mother and a father. A child deserves to see a loving relationship between a man and a woman.
Ideally, children should be conceived in a loving, permanent relationship....not just a whim of a woman wanting a child.
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| Aug 10 @ 2:07 PM |
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capitalview
Posts: 675
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Aeromuse
I think it's great when people realize they'd be crappy parents (for whatever reason) and decide not to procreate.
Unfortunately, it's more common for thoughtful and responsible people to postpone having children and for "crappy parents" to procreate away without giving it any thought . Seems like those who'd make the best parents more than often don't have children, while all kinds of "airheads" , child abusers , addicts , etc. keep social services in business .
I wasn't complaining a bit.
A child deserves both a mother and a father. A child deserves to see a loving relationship between a man and a woman.
Ideally, children should be conceived in a loving, permanent relationship....not just a whim of a woman wanting a child.
I believe I deserve to fly , but it hardly means that laws of gravity are going to agree with me ,mom. Drive to pass genes is hardly a "whim" , it's a primal human instinct . I believe a child deserves to be seen by his Mother as a value , not just as some "complimentary addition" to husband
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