| Feb 22, 2006 @ 8:15 PM |
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britemagic
Posts: 1
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I have been on MD for a while, and I was worried about being able to trust that the men that I meet here are legit. Recently, I discovered that a "close" friend of mine had been lying to me about who he was for the last 5 months. It has really tarnished my trust for people in general. Does anyone have any advice for my situation? Or any stories of dates gone wrong and how they handled it?
Thanks :)
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 8:19 PM |
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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You have to turn this around and ask yourself how on earth did he manage to fool you for 5 months straight?
I mean, obviously I don't know the circumstances and that makes it impossible to give you an answer, but... a "close" friend... 5 months... just doesn't add up to me.
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 8:23 PM |
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questioning1
Posts: 315
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Look back and ask yourself if there were "signs" you chose to ignore.
Learn from it and don't be vulnerable to it again.
But, don't hold it against the rest of the world. You don't want to become jaded from this experience. It will only hurt your future relationships.
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 8:24 PM |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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hi brite-
I agree with Mary here about the close friend thing. I did meet one (ha) gentleman that I had been speaking to awhile on this site, and found out right away he was not one. I never considered him close, just a high probabilty for a relationship. My advice is to take it slow and don't put false hope into things. A good thing takes awhile to develope. Good luck! 
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 8:38 PM |
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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Hi Brite,
There is a thread....I think its "The View From The Tower" that may not be exactly correct......but also you might be able to post something along the Lines...........I just met someone new....Any References??????? could be a good way to get some feedback or have someone personally contact you who knows the profile.......keep in mind though....you could also get some misleading information....so you have to be ready to read and screen input yourself.......Just a suggestion.....Good Luck....
Just checked its under Dating and Romance-----Being on the Look Out Tower
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 8:43 PM |
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swingpup
Posts: 4,105
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It may depends upon what one is seeking. I have met many over the course of years online. It never has bothered me, if in fact SHE wasn't who she appeared to be as long as a Mary doesn't turn out to be Larry.....WOWSA 
In 10 years no bad experiences (knock on wood) and only a few odd ducks. I have met in-person many "dates" that remain occasional "dates" FWB but then again that's all I am seeking.......I think.  
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 8:44 PM |
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DwainP50
Posts: 5,102
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I have been on MD for a while, and I was worried about being able to trust that the men that I meet here are legit.
This is a dating site a free dating site. There is no back ground checks done when someone signs up on MD. So you are dealing with some good people and people with little or no scruples at all. It is like Russian roulette really. A liar snuggle in all them honest people. You take your chance at the person you are talking to be legit! Maybe you can start a thread on "How to spot a phony!" and get some advice from the MD pro's. I bet they can pass on some good advice. Most seen to have there sh** together here. Also you are a very young woman and easy pray to some of the players on here. So be very careful and be safe!
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 8:50 PM |
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Angel54214
Posts: 18,200
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Being on the Look Out Tower
Update: thread was deleted today!
brite, even in relationships that have been history and marriages ended because of mistrust. We learn by recognizing truth, honesty and integridy to be our back bones of finding our mate in life. The cyber way of searching for a true mate has its risks and downfalls. I sure most of us here have experienced them such as I have. Most importantly is to ask lots of questions and evaluate the answers to distinguish truth from lies. If one walks the talk in truth then all is validated. If one walks the talk of lies, then the truth validates that cause.
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 8:56 PM |
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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Dwain, Very good post and very good advise.....Brite....also it could help you to go through the forum threads.....do some reading on the serious threads concerning on line dating......
Dwains suggestion is excellent regarding you starting a thread......How to spot a Phony.....This being a free site.....it does attract some who are less than desireable....
Keep one thing in mind.....if they fall in love to quick, try to take the conversations sexually, or ask you for money....no matter how long you have known them........run like HELL.....
You can not fall in love over the internet with someone you have never met in person and spent time with.......its just a fanticy.......  and no matter how long you email, im, phone chat.......until you meet them in person.....you have no idea who they really are.....even then you can be fooled..... 
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 9:11 PM |
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specialk55
Posts: 2
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Look back and ask yourself if there were "signs" you chose to ignore
Concur, I recently had a trust broken also. There were many signs but I just chose to ignore them...won't be so gullible the next time.
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 9:22 PM |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,370
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Um... guys lie. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've gone out with women who tell me of experiences with guys that they STILL think are legit. One went out with a guy for six months thinking he was in the CIA. He was under-cover working at his mom and dad's dry-cleaners. He finally had to break up with her, for her own protection, as things were getting a little to hot in the spy game. Reminds me of the car salesman in True Lies.
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 9:25 PM |
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BrokeLostUnhappyandHorny
Posts: 117
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Make sure you post on your bio: "no liars cheaters or theives"
That will help.
Yea, I fell in love with a 50 year old woman who after three long weeks, of intimate conversation, turned out to be a genius 5th grader from Washington DC.
It's a jungle out there.
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 9:25 PM |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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One went out with a guy for six months thinking he was in the CIA.
But I really am in the CIA (couchtaters international association)
Seriously, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 9:30 PM |
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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Take everything said to you online with a grain of salt.
Trust your guts. Trusting another person is an accumulation of positive experiences so anything that gives you the slightest pause should send up the red flag and from that moment on it is time to pull back a little and pay very close attention to everything they say and do. Or do not say. Or do not do.
The truth always comes out. But it is up to you and only you to not miss it because of your own insecurities or desires. Remember, it always takes two to tango and you can only be fooled as long as you allow it.
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 9:31 PM |
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the_real_me_ok
Posts: 293
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Brite, you can either let this person ruin ever future potential interest for you, or you can learn from it and not let it happen that way again. Don't let anyone take you for a fool, if you think things have a possibility of more than internet buddies, make him meet you asap. Don't wait 5 months. Personally I don't do the long distance thing, it's too complicated and that's one reason. There are always webcams though, if you decide. Pictures can lie, so can phones. Bottom line, until you've spent time with someone person to person, face to face, you cannot really know if they are who they portray themselves to be.
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 10:13 PM |
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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Listen babe,
Dont throw the baby out with the bathwater. You will meet all kinds of people out here. Whether it is in this forum or at the grocery store. learn to dispose of those who are deemed unworthy and dont hold other hostage to the misgivings of one lone wolf. I would love to tell you that life is hard or easy, but the reality is life is life. Some good and some bad in every aspect of life. The best thing I can say is learn to move on.
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 10:53 PM |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Only you can decide what you want to do with your life..
its really up to you in the end to make that final choice.But don`t let one mistake stop you from looking for the one for you..hes out there somewhere...good luck to you..i wish you all the best. 
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| Feb 22, 2006 @ 10:57 PM |
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7eternity
Posts: 223
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Until you get to know the other person to the point where your comfort settles in the whatever type of relationship both of you are having, don't trust. Make those people earn your trust. Online is certainly the last place I'll give it out, unless we have been keeping in touch for a couple of years.
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| Jan 3, 2007 @ 4:20 PM |
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Artemis122
Posts: 623
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I know I'm kinda late on this thread... 
Does anyone have any advice for my situation? with Trust, in real life or online, for friendship or relationship (my perspective only) is that you have to "gift it" in the beginning because in time people will show their True Self, but always TRUST your gut and instincts when your Red Flag internal system tells you to "let loose or cut bait!!" IMHO
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| Jan 3, 2007 @ 7:39 PM |
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Dukums
Posts: 1,686
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If I may play the devil's advocate here. LOL We have all had our fair share of scammers and liars. My favorite is the hot 22 year old babe with monster breast implants that lives in New York and saw my profile and instantly fell in love with me! Oh if it was only true. Problem is, she can't even write a basic sentence!
However that being said, there are many people online and in real life, that are just hurting people. They do not mean to mislead or give false information, they just do not have the ability to be objective about themselves. Like the ladies that are obviously carrying more weight than they would like yet they put their body type as average. Or the guy who thinks that if he had the perfect match then his romantic side would come out, even though he has never been romantic in his life. It is very tough to be objective concerning yourself. So before we get the rope and build the gallows on all the deciet, it might be appropriate to define what is deceit and what is just bad self analysis.
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