| Mar 6, 2006 @ 12:44 AM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum)
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usawoman7798
Posts: 11
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Good lord it sucks to be alone. You think you find someone then it turns out to be nothing. I haven't figured out why guys like to take advantage of good women. I don't cheat, I take care of my children, love my family, and enjoy my job. I have my own apartment and car, and work hard for the things I have and what I am going to achieve. Is it too much to ask to meet someone that feels the same way, that views life in a way that compliments your own and thinks the entire world of you? Maybe I'm shooting a little high I don't know. I'm a good woman meeting the wrong men. Or maybe it's that I'm looking too hard.... I tell friends to let that person come to you and stop trying so damned hard, but why can't I take my own advice? In my own way I'm hopelessly desperate to not be lonely but in that desperation I attract the wrong men, the ones that emotionally (and financially) take advantage of me and turn my life completely upside down. I wouldn't mind having a "real" date, but what is a real date consist of anymore? For most men it's how quickly dinner can be over so they can get her to bed, then toss her aside like unwanted junk mail. All I want is dinner, great conversation, a walk, something that lets me look into their eyes, and get to know them and not their "technique." Like I said before I'm shooting way too high. Even though I'm single and even though I'm content with my life it doesn't hurt to meet a great, wonderful guy once in awhile that you could have something great with. Oh well, it's all a dream I suppose. And if that guy just so happens to read this and thinks I'm a catch, well, why not? Take a chance and email me. Take a chance and tell me how pretty I am or how sweet I am and within 5 minutes think that I'm the one for you and want to meet me. That's a little fast. Get to know me first, know that I am an interesting person and WANT to talk to me because of my mind and not what you see in a picture. Then maybe I'll give you my number and you can listen to my voice - hear my passion for life, my stories, my jokes (you don't have to laugh) then it might just work to where we can meet for coffee, or a walk in the park, or maybe a visit to a museum. Does that sound great to you? Now that you have seen the interior of my mind, what do you think? How do you feel about it?
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| Mar 6, 2006 @ 10:20 AM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum) |
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7eternity
Posts: 223
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Hello Usa and welcome to MD,
Perhaps you deserve loneliness. It takes that to take care of what you have today. When you find a man, you have less, don't you? If your experience with men are so bad, then why do you keep going to the same dead end? You know these questions.. Find the answers.
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| Mar 6, 2006 @ 10:22 AM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum)
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george3
Posts: 271
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Makes me wish I was a lot younger. hang in there girl it will happen
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| Mar 6, 2006 @ 10:33 AM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum) |
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usawoman7798
Posts: 11
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Hmmmm.... now what in your opinion is deserving of lonliness? No, I am not attacking you, just simply trying to understand why you came to that conclusion. I am confused a little - I thought forums were used to serve as insight, not for being critical of others? Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you browsing the ads and forums as well looking for the same insight or comfort?
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| Mar 6, 2006 @ 10:59 AM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum)
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Get to know me first, know that I am an interesting person and WANT to talk to me because of my mind and not what you see in a picture. Then maybe I'll give you my number and you can listen to my voice - hear my passion for life, my stories, my jokes (you don't have to laugh) then it might just work to where we can meet for coffee, or a walk in the park, or maybe a visit to a museum. Does that sound great to you? Now that you have seen the interior of my mind, what do you think? How do you feel about it?
Very Well expressed..  We always risk getting hurt on these dating sites and meeting the wrong person..but the idea is to move on..and never look back.Because out there someone is the one whose looking for you and who you are looking for..its all about taking a chance and letting yourself learn from your mistakes.Life isn`t worth living if you give up the search for your dreams..And don`t overlook all that you come in contact with for one of those just might be the one your looking for.But these are just my thoughts..everyone is differant in what they want.That is why we are all unique in our own special way.Good Luck in your serach. 
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| Mar 7, 2006 @ 2:25 AM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum) |
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7eternity
Posts: 223
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I was wondering what's so bad about being alone when you can't be happy being with someone either? By the way, I browse forums, not ads and I have zero expectations here =). Good luck in your search Usa.
Peace and Love,
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| Mar 7, 2006 @ 3:25 AM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum)
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Unfortunately usawoman, men are no different to women in most respects, it is very difficult to find one that wants the same as you, a GENUINE and REAL relationship where no advantage is being taken.
It's just a matter of shifting through the rubbish and being able to recognize a good one when they come along. I haven't found one yet.
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| Mar 7, 2006 @ 8:16 AM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum) |
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bevrice
Posts: 11,141
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Well, for starters, if you want a real date, make it clear that you are not into casual sex, that you have to get to know a man and care about him before sex can enter into it. Maybe that will cut down the number of men who approach you, but then, those are the ones you don't want anyway.
Men nor women should never give money or loan money to people they have just met or who they are dating, that only leads to problems, and someone usually gets the short end of the stick.
I have on my profile that I am looking for a man who is financially secure, I am not a gold digger, nor after any man for his money, but I don't owe anyone and sure don't want to get involved with a man who owes everyone. Besides, by the time you get to be my age, you have accomplished just about all you are going to accomplish financially, and it is almost retirement time for most, so it is important just for basic survival.
Now, this is just my personal input, but I hope I have helped a little. By the way, no one deserves to be lonely, what a crock that comment is.
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| Mar 7, 2006 @ 8:45 AM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum)
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Hiwayman54
Posts: 95
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Hmmmmmm well I've been single this time about 19 years and can assure you that being a lone is not fatal. The reason your picking the wrong man is because..........THERE ARE A LOT OF WRONG MEN OUT THERE LOL.(more Wrong than right). Its the same for women. Everyone I know has been jaded a time or 2.Everyones BS detectors are on full time.Everyone is sizeing each other up as fast as they can. etc etc . With the divorce rate as bad as it is men are VERY carefull about getting involved again.( at least it is for me.) I don't feel to lonily much anymore but when I do......I go fishing.Never ONCE come home with a sad face after fishing 
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 12:11 PM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum) |
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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You think you find someone then it turns out to be nothing. I haven't figured out why guys like to take advantage of good women.
When you do what you always have, you will get what you have always gotten !
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 1:08 PM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum)
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bevrice
Posts: 11,141
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No one can make you happy, happiness comes from within yourself. If you are not content, not happy now, there is not a person in this world that can do that for you.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 1:57 PM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum) |
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swingpup
Posts: 4,105
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This is simply an IMO observation.......It all has to do with the way you perceive yourself. If you really believe you're special, inside and out, you will attract the type and style of men that you're seeking. I've met many average-looking and above women who have been fun, romantic, dynamic, sensual, goal oriented as well as caring. Would they be an excellent catch? Sure they would be. So why am I "single"? Because I prefer to be at least at this point in my life. It has nothing to do with the women.
Many women are desirable because of who they think they are and what they think they can offer. Most men desire women who are happy, healthy and full of energy, not someone who will drag them down with despair and clinging dependence. Most men prefer a non drama type of gal. What I personally have discovered is that some woman want to have one special man in their life full time, others are simply enjoying the finer things with more then one. Mature women that are truly seeking that special someone, most do not NEED a man to take care of them or make decisions for her, they desire that special someone. Most women desire if not require equality as well as respect, some males fail to take that into account.
Develop a positive mental attitude (PMA) and build your self-confidence, most all guys like to be surrounded with confident women. You're not going to meet someone sitting on your butt behind a computer, you will make contacts but not of course actually meet...get out and explore, meet in person.
Meet for lunch or for that glass of iced tea, you always have work obligations as an excuse if the date is a bust. If you meet in the evening, do the iced tea/coffee, it can be a quick glass if things go south. If you're having fun and you click you can always agree to meet again. Be yourself. You're only checking each other out, you don't need to work at impressing him, most guys can spot a fake or a needy woman after a few minutes of in person conversation. We as males are not looking to be swept off our feet by women -- that's many women's romantic ideal, not men's.
If the "date" goes well, you will no doubt find yourself thinking about a second "date." If he doesn't call the very next day no big deal, most like to sit back and evaluate how they feel and how the rendezvous went. Most also know that waiting to call you sends a message that they have a life outside of dating or that they're seeing other women. Either way, it shows that desperation is not a contributing factor.
On your second date, go out for dinner. Give yourself more time to gather information about your "date." Don't go to a movie where you spend two hours sitting silently in the dark. You should be talking, talking, talking. Take time to get to know each other if you're truly seeking to discover that LTR. Allow him to get to know the real you.
The third date for many seems to be the key, because it's the "date" in which you decide whether you want to continue seeing each other. You may want to develop a dating scorecard, especially if you're seeing more than two men at a time. Rate-a-date like you would if you were betting the dogs, OK a bad analogy......Rate how they fit your requirements.....not how they perform. Remember, these suggestions are for LTR not "dating" for pleasure purposes only.
Now it's tar 7 feather time....... There are women as well as men that "date" two, three or more at a time, believe it or not. There's no such thing as having too many in your life if you are able to handle it....No, not just for the sex. It's no fun for anyone to sit by the phone waiting for "the" call. You're probably a person on the go with lots of options, things to do and places to go.
Succeeding in "dating" what ever "dating" is to you is about being open to new experiences and allowing yourself to fail as many times as it takes before you succeed, while maintaining a positive attitude. You WILL meet that special guy, you are on a mission. The best of luck to you.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 2:21 PM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum)
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bevrice
Posts: 11,141
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 Wow, swing, what a good post!! I am very, very impressed.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 2:33 PM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum) |
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holding4u
Posts: 1,098
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USA, being alone is harder for some people than for others. Some adjust to it, some never do. But I used to tell my children - " You don't like everybody and not everybody will like you." Keep looking and you will find that person. Odds are you will not be alone for the rest of your life. Sometimes, it feels that way though. Good luck, sweetie.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 3:21 PM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum)
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bevrice
Posts: 11,141
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By the way, swing, if he doesn't call me the next day, lol, he can be SURE that he is written off of MY books and he won't get a second date. And lots do sit back and reflect, I know, and some date others, but always seem to come running back and wanting just you, TOO LATE. I have moved on by then. I think they are just cowards and afraid of falling in love or finding someone that they might could like too much, so they go and try to put you out of their minds, but that doesn't work, so here they come running back. Too bad for them, they had their chance. So, if you really like someone, call them the next day, or email them, let them know that you enjoyed the date, keep in touch, don't cut yourself off from them, leave your options open. That doesn't mean you can't date others, cause you can be sure that if you are not coming around, seeing me, that I am going to be seeing others, too. In the same respect, if you and I are both dating others, I am not going to take you too seriously. So, if you sit back and consider options, take those things into consideration as well. By the way, don't think that you can sit back and carry on an internet romance and not come to meet me. Now, swing this was not just for you, but for men in general, who might agree and do the things you talk about. Now, I am only speaking for myself, maybe other women have a different slant or input on this one.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 5:44 PM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum) |
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Say_Yes
Posts: 2,223
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Yes, it does suck to be alone. Personally, I hate it and would love nothing more than to find that really great partner to share life with, till death us do part. The problem is in finding the right person, with whom to attempt just that.
Yes, you are obviously a lovely woman. You write well, which speaks to a certain level of intelligence. These things are attractive to men and I have no doubt that you will attract the interest of many men. (If I was 15 years younger, I would certainly write you, though I am hundreds of miles away.) The problem come in sorting the wheat from the chaf.
There are many pieces of advice I could share, is look for a man that already has the qualities that you desire. As we age, we become more of who we are in our youth. Many women find a man that they like certain elements of and they try to change those elements they dislike. In the end, they end up being disappointed and hurt when that does not work out the way that they desired. We are who we are. If a guy is a jerk and treats you poorly early on, then guess what, he will continue to do so in the future.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 6:39 PM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum)
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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When you do what you always have, you will get what you have always gotten !
yup... back to the definition of insanity.... continuing to do the same things over and over again and expecting different results. Not intending to be critical usa, just offering something to think about. If the outcome you are getting is not the one you want, you will most likely wanna look at your approach. Good luck in your search, within would be a good place to start.
Then again, I suppose if I was having such great results myself I wouldn't be here to post this response eh? C'est la vie  (sp?)
[Edited on 3/8/2006 6:46 PM]
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 7:27 PM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum) |
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Silvertongue62
Posts: 6,932
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Then again, I suppose if I was having such great results myself I wouldn't be here to post this response eh?
Then again everyone isnt here for all the same reasons !
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 8:53 PM |
Your thoughts? (Also posted in the Indiana forum)
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bevrice
Posts: 11,141
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Just hang in there, you know, roses are always found among the thorns.
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