| Mar 8, 2006 @ 5:16 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage?
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SylvanDreams
Posts: 2,133
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I knew a couple who lived together for 7 years before getting married. They divorced less than 2 years later. Another couple I knew lived together for 6 years, got married, then divorced a year later.
One of the guys told me that before being married, he felt that if the relationship got to be “too much,” he could leave at anytime. Once married, though, he felt trapped.
What do you think about this--does living together for several years ruin the chances for a happy marriage?
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 5:35 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage? |
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Say_Yes
Posts: 1,793
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No, in fact I think it is often a great idea. You never really know a person until you live with them. Living together will give an indication if things can work out long term (i.e., marriage) or not.
Living together won't prevent a chance for a happy marriage, but it may save you from entering into a miserable one.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 5:37 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage?
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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it may save you from entering into a miserable one.
It didn't stop me, I'm no quitter 
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 5:53 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage? |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,792
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it may save you from entering into a miserable one.
Didn`t stop me either..I was with my husband for 10 years before we got married..threw him out 2 years later..you don`t always get to know a person no matter how long you live together.. 
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 5:58 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage?
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SylvanDreams
Posts: 2,133
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Tink, it seems you had the same experience my friends did--lived together for a long time, married, divorced a short time later.
Sponge, how long did you and your ex (I guess?) live together, and how long were you married?
Say Yes, do you speak from experience?
I'm thinking that maybe if a couple lives together for a long time, then gets married, the marriage won't last long (too set in their ways? couldn't take change in status quo?). Maybe if they live together for a relatively short time (say 1-2 years), then get married, it'll work out?
Waiting for Spongy's reply to find out which way his experience will "vote"....
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 6:03 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage? |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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My ex and I lived together for around 3 years before we got married and I was miserable for about 2 years and 8 months of that time.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 6:04 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage?
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SylvanDreams
Posts: 2,133
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Phew! That doesn't sound good, Spongy. And you still got married, though---how long did that last?
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 6:08 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage? |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,792
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Tink, it seems you had the same experience my friends did--lived together for a long time, married, divorced a short time later.
Divorce! Whats that?
I stayed married to my husband up until his death in 1997..
I`m one of those people who don`t believe in Divorces..and he wouldn`t get one..so we just remained seperated till his death.
I just went on acting(Well minus the Husband of course)  like I was still married..I never cheated all those years we were apart. 
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 6:10 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage?
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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how long did that last?
Right around 6 months. Lucky for me it was an easy out. I took the old car and my clothes and let her have the rest.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 6:22 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage? |
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SylvanDreams
Posts: 2,133
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Good on ya, Tink! That's really admirable. So many women would not have adhered to their vows if separated. 
Sorry for misunderstanding the divorce part, I just assumed...
Spongy, it's pretty clear what happened to y'all, since you were unhappy during the living-in part. (I believe I read in another thread about what happened to y'all...?)
For those of you whose marriage was a lot shorter than the time you lived together--what happened, especially if the relationship was going well enough during the living-in stage to lead to marriage?
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 6:27 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage?
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,792
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Good on ya, Tink! That's really admirable. So many women would not have adhered to their vows if separated.
Sorry for misunderstanding the divorce part, I just assumed
No problem!  
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 6:55 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage? |
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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Sylvan......Marriage will not rescue an already failing relationship.....but living together, for say up to 2 years can reaffirm two peoples compatiblity....before they make a permanent mistake.....with longer reaching problems....
If you try it....and its not working.....marriage wont mend the problem...
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 6:58 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage?
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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marriage wont mend the problem...
You're not just blowing smoke there.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 7:00 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage? |
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peaches_n_cream2002
Posts: 302
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Statistically, those that live together before marriage are more likely to divorce.
Are there exceptions? Sure, the statistic isn't 100%, but it's a significant enough number to take into consideration.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 7:06 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage?
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,792
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You're not just blowing smoke there
I tried it..It worked we were compatible..Then we got married and it didn`t work.Theres no written gurantee that it will or will not work in either situation.You just can`t forsee whats gonna happen a few years down the road. 
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 7:07 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage? |
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Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,505
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I don't know the answer to the question, but my experience was... we lived together 3 years and then were married 15 years.
Interesting Sidenote: my husband changed the day we were married. I never saw that guy again that I had been living with for 3 years... complete personality change as soon as he had the ring on my finger.
Results: I'll probably never marry again, but I would live with someone.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 7:11 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage?
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,792
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Interesting Sidenote: my husband changed the day we were married. I never saw that guy again that I had been living with for 3 years... complete personality change as soon as he had the ring on my finger.
Wow Lee were you married to the same guy I was..you just described him..
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 7:18 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage? |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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I just can't see a ring changing me. I am who I am every day.
I did have a girlfriend tell me that the guy she fell in love with had disappeared. She expected funny all the time and things just weren't funny at that point.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 7:19 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage?
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Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,505
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Wow Lee were you married to the same guy I was..you just described him.. ~Tink
Maybe we need a new thread, Tink... "How many of you were married to THIS guy....."
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 7:21 PM |
Does living together ruin chances for happy marriage? |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,792
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Maybe we need a new thread, Tink... "How many of you were married to THIS guy....."
Thats a thought!
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