| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:15 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise
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irish20835
Posts: 1,224
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Here's my dilemma :
A old flame from last summer has popped up ....we had a nice time but broke things off before we got too serious . We have started talking again . we have gone out on a few dates again but had quite the disagreement last night and parted ways angry ..heres the deal .
1)I am a single father of 3 great kids ( that alone takes up a ton of time ) -She never wants them around Or is quick to cancel plans if I don't find a baby sitter
2)I am a avid church goer -She hates that my sundays are not open
3)I have a few very close freinds that are like my brothers that i will do almost anything for - one of them just lost his beloved wife of 13 years to breast cancer and now finds himself a single dad of 2 small kids - She complains when he calls and i give him parenting advise or just be a ear when he needs it
4)I am a proud recovering alcohloic- she wonders why i still attend meetings now that i have a couple of years
5)I am a avid nascar and football fan (she hates sports) see #2
not to mention work ..
thats just the tip of the iceberg .....but my question is this ...is it common for a women to feel unwanted because i have a busy life. I am in no way in love with this women but i do enjoy her company but is it worth the hassle to hear her complain that i have no time for her ...I am not to the point of desperation where ill take what ever comes along ....but being new to the whole single scene and dating pool ...is this what i have to look forward to???
I see most of the people here as a extended family and i do apprecaite all your advise so ..help if ya can
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:20 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise |
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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Hey Irish, seems to be a simple answer to me. You have a full life and know "what really matters" to you anyway, and isn't this what truely matters? Find someone that fits in your life, and you in hers. Then you can walk the walk together in harmony.
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:21 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise
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RainRainGoAway
Posts: 87
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dude, if ya cant see alll thats screwed up here, you dont have much chance dog.
i really dont want to touch this one, yet, cant leave a fellow brother, in a dark closet looking for light.
First point, flames die out, if they relite, they will die out again.
2nd its accpetence that play the rule in oppistites, no two peeps match completely. if theres not an acceptence, then ya screwed from the start.
3rd she doesnt want your kids arround?
then does this shoe sound like it really fits you?
my friend, alone sucks, I know this, yet go with out, then settle for less then your equal. from the read of it,.this one person is not.
Dont settle, thank her and move on.
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:25 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Rains a very smart man...good advice there  
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:30 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise
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RainRainGoAway
Posts: 87
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Rains a very smart man
me thinks the tinks dipped in to my boredum cure lol
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:31 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise |
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luvshorses644
Posts: 1,571
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Wow, Irish, I don't really know you except from the posts you have made.. but if I were in your situation, for me, after much thought about the points you have listed here, these would be my feelings about each:
1)I am a single father of 3 great kids ( that alone takes up a ton of time ) -She never wants them around Or is quick to cancel plans if I don't find a baby sitter This is a big one for me. I cannot fathom why this would be a problem. She knew you had children, so I cannot understand why she would feel this way. Your children are and will be a part of your life.
2)I am a avid church goer -She hates that my sundays are not open She has choices here: she can either go with you (similar to if you had other interests or hobbies and she would try them out and see if there would be a spark on which she could develop an interest - who knows, she may enjoy it!) OR since you are not in church all day long, she can find something else to do while you are there.
3)I have a few very close freinds that are like my brothers that i will do almost anything for - one of them just lost his beloved wife of 13 years to breast cancer and now finds himself a single dad of 2 small kids - She complains when he calls and i give him parenting advise or just be a ear when he needs it Again, I don't understand why this is a problem to her .. you are being a friend and there are times each of us needs someone to listen to us; even when there is nothing to say or do on their behalf, but we still need that ear, it is a form of comfort.
4)I am a proud recovering alcohloic- she wonders why i still attend meetings now that i have a couple of years I think this is very commendable on your part... it would be easy to NOT attend these meetings, making it ever so much more possible to slip into old ways. She should be proud that you are making this type of commitment and effort and it should show her the strength of your character.
5)I am a avid nascar and football fan (she hates sports) see #2 Again, she could either learn something about these two things if she is interested in spending time with you. OR again, she has the choice to do something else while you are enjoying them... and this could be reading, sewing, whatever in the same room with you .. thereby spending time WITH you.
I don't know about how anyone else feels, nor you for that matter, and perhaps it is that I have more years behind me that I am not willing to live the remainder of my time with someone that hassles me over such trivial things. But each of us is diverse in what we can and do accept in order to having a relationship with someone. That you have to take some time with and listen to your inner self... you will find the answer.
Good luck!
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:31 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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Irish, she's not the One. That she takes issue with the most fundamental things in your life and your way of being is, for lack of a better term, a Really Big Red Flag.
Be who you are. Don't compromise your values or your family just to not be alone. It's never worth it. If you stay true to your Self and "live your bliss" you'll find someone who wants to share your life and will accept you just as you are.
It just takes time.
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:38 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise |
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RainRainGoAway
Posts: 87
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seeee same things i was say, just girls like to talk alot more then us guys.
like luvthehorsey lol
heres a condence motto you should know well by now.
when in doubt, get the hell out.
questions all the questions.
thats would been my first red flag.
then again, im just babbling
and flirting,
YA I NEED MORE WORK ON IT, ill get there though
ok im going back to the bored post, to confess my sins.
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:39 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise
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irish20835
Posts: 1,224
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all of what you tell me of course common sense ...but could it be that fear of being alnone all my life ..or mabye the old any port during a storm theory ?
who knows but rest assured im not losing too much sleep over this ...
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:41 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise |
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RainRainGoAway
Posts: 87
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the answer is YES
huh? yes? yes
to both
port and alone.
been in your spot, hell we all have,
you been there yourself once or twice, like the rest of us
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:42 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise
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Loreli
Posts: 25,410
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I would think one or two simple things could be worked on. But these seem very dear to you, therefore not simple, and kids are non-negotiable. I'm sorry, she sounds too selfish to truly care for somebody. Just my opinion.
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:43 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise |
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holding4u
Posts: 1,098
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Irish, it could very well be fear of being alone. We have all been there. But I can assure you, you won't be alone forever. May I pass on the same advice I gave to my oldest son who found himself in much the same dilemma. There are some things you can compromise on, but those things that are the very core of your life are not the things you can compromise on. Both of you would be miserable.
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:43 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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me thinks the tinks dipped in to my boredum cure lol
Sure I did.. 
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:43 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,907
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Hi Irish,since you asked for advice I'l share some thoughts...
1)I am a single father of 3 great kids ( that alone takes up a ton of time ) -She never wants them around Or is quick to cancel plans if I don't find a baby sitter
I had the same exact situation with a gal that had two children of her own.Thats a different situation than yours but as soon as I figured out that she just wanted me and not my family,I said goodbye.Dont get me wrong,I liked her in every other respect but nobody comes between a person and their children.
[/QUOTE]2)I am a avid church goer -She hates that my sundays are not open
Thats you,thats your lifestyle,if she wants you,she takes your lifestyle.Will you accept any of her lifestyles not appealing to you? If neither of you can,your not compatable.
3)I have a few very close freinds that are like my brothers that i will do almost anything for - one of them just lost his beloved wife of 13 years to breast cancer and now finds himself a single dad of 2 small kids - She complains when he calls and i give him parenting advise or just be a ear when he needs it
Jealousy is a tough battle for everyone.I myself gave up many friendships after marriage.Many were because of my commitment,some were because of jealousy but following my divorce ONLY the "few very close friends" that I had,stayed close friends.Keep them for life,Ive had mine for nearly 40 years and they still are like "brothers".
4)I am a proud recovering alcohloic- she wonders why i still attend meetings now that i have a couple of years
Only you can answer that question because only you know your limitations.
5)I am a avid nascar and football fan (she hates sports) see #2
Again,thats you.She doesnt have to like that anymore than you have to like everything she has for entertainment.
If you cannot balance each others likes and dislikes,your not compatable.
[Edited on 3/11/2006 11:48 PM]
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:44 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise
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Jankia
Posts: 11,907
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Hi Irish,since you asked for advice I'l share some thoughts...
1)I am a single father of 3 great kids ( that alone takes up a ton of time ) -She never wants them around Or is quick to cancel plans if I don't find a baby sitter
I had the same exact situation with a gal that had two children of her own.Thats a different situation than yours but as soon as I figured out that she just wanted me and not my family,I said goodbye.Dont get me wrong,I liked her in every other respect but nobody comes between a person and their children.
2)I am a avid church goer -She hates that my sundays are not open
Thats you,thats your lifestyle,if she wants you,she takes your lifestyle.Will you accept any of her lifestyles not appealing to you? If neither of you can,your not compatable.
3)I have a few very close freinds that are like my brothers that i will do almost anything for - one of them just lost his beloved wife of 13 years to breast cancer and now finds himself a single dad of 2 small kids - She complains when he calls and i give him parenting advise or just be a ear when he needs it
Jealousy is a tough battle for everyone.I myself gave up many friendships after marriage.Many were because of my commitment,some were because of jealousy but following my divorce ONLY the "few very close friends" that I had,stayed close friends.Keep them for life,Ive had mine for nearly 40 years and they still are like "brothers".
4)I am a proud recovering alcohloic- she wonders why i still attend meetings now that i have a couple of years
Only you can answer that question because only you know your limitations.
5)I am a avid nascar and football fan (she hates sports) see #2
Again,thats you.She doesnt have to like that anymore than you have to like everything she has for entertainment.
If you cannot balance each others likes and dislikes,your not compatable.
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:44 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise |
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Roanin
Posts: 300
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I agree with Rain...leave her alone...your children do  and should come first!!! If you get with her...all that's going to happen is that you will very quickly come to resent her, for her intrusions and things will go very sour. So find a gal who wants to SHARE your life, not CONTROL it. By the way...I would've kicked her to the curb for #1 alone...my son and I are a package deal...if you don't like him....you can't have me!
And Irish...you have your children, you have many good friends, therefore, you are NOT alone...and romantic love for a great guy like you, is right around the corner.
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| Mar 11, 2006 @ 11:55 PM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise
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fiddlenotes
Posts: 25
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You are too young to be worried about being alone the rest of your life. All the points you listed are worthy attributes. She is the one who is lacking, in my opinion. Don't sell yourself short, and don't settle. I have a couple of friends who "settled" for fear of being alone, and they are both miserable.
Maybe it's because I'm older and a tad wiser; but I have already been through giving up who I am to have a husband, and won't make that mistake again. Compromise, certainly, but not on such major issues.
Patience... I have always said that I know better than to pray for patience, but God still thinks I need to learn it!
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| Mar 12, 2006 @ 12:03 AM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise |
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altogirl67
Posts: 1,309
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Irish... I would prefer to live the rest of my life as a single woman rather than be miserable WITH someone.
Don't do it man! Lose her! And remember this... if you're with someone who you KNOW is not right for you, the opportunity to meet the RIGHT girl will pass you by because of your attachment to this unhealthy relationship.
What's the right thing to do? I think you already know...
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| Mar 12, 2006 @ 2:37 AM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise
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suzieq0808
Posts: 1,080
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She's not right for you. Someone who is right will fit into your life and be happy about it because she will share your values and at least some of your interests. If you both enjoy family and friends, including children, if you both enjoy going to church, if you both enjoy Nascar, no one will feel neglected because you'll be sharing those interests. You need someone who understands that you're a recovering alcoholic. You're perfect exactly the way you are -- don't change a thing.
Well you could change the decorating in the house or learn to like a different kind of food but don't change the important stuff.
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| Mar 12, 2006 @ 5:42 AM |
Wold you change your whole lifestyle for the right man/women?...I need some advise |
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 13,047
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Irish...you might want to pop over to the first post in "The Difference Between Girls and Women" thread in General. After I read your post, my first question was, "How old/young is this girl?" It sounds to me that she has not grown emotionally no matter her age.
As you say, you have a life. Trust me, there are women out there that will appreciate that fact and would be willing to enhance that life instead of sucking the breath from it!
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