| Mar 22, 2006 @ 3:44 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER?
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ADOREE184
Posts: 13
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Facing a dilemma! Your insights or advice will be very much appreciated!.
A nice man contacted me and requested some pics. Then disappeared before I could e-mail them to him. After more than a month he E-mailed me again, to see if the pics were ready. I had just started a communication with someone and it was seemingly working out well. He wished me the best of luck....
The other guy proved to be a "Fake"  and our communication ended, before we even met. So I was very pleased, when my friend came back and expressed his desire to connect with me again. I sent him the pics, he liked them and said we should meet. I told him that we should wait a bit and take it slowly. We exchanged phone numbers, but he doesn't call. When I call, he doesn't pick up the phone.
In about 6 weeks, he called me only 2 or 3 times. ( he is local and would not incure any charges for calling me). So ....????  Some of his e-mails are very sweet, but most of them are only 1 or 2 lines.
He says that we should first meet THEN start talking on the phone or e-mailing more. I think it should be the opposite. We should first e-mail, then talk on the phone, know each other a little more before meeting. About a week ago, we made a date for the weekend. Then for 3 days I didn't hear from him. So I canceled. He said his feelings were hurt by the cancellation and decided to stay away.... again.... for days:No E-mails no calls.... 
I see active dating as an effective vehicle for creating fun-filled shared experiences, pursuing intimacy and demonstrating love and respect. But I don't want to meet anyone, before I know them a little. Although High-speed meeting or dating sounds like a promising quick way to know each other better, it needs to be taken into context: we met online! Time, Precaution and Discernment are required, when looking for a serious relationship! In my opinion, Meeting is only a start. Meeting expectations is harder and even impossible, when you don't know what the expectations are! I would love to retrofit my mindset, to conform to "updated" or cyber standards. But:
- The fact that he doesn't call is a red flag to me!
- The fact that he cancels our connection because I canceled a date, shows a lack of commitment.
What do you think? Should we skip the traditional steps (wink....e-mail...phone....and finally meeting) and jump into dating, hoping to be a match?
When replying, Please have in mind that my friend is a very respectable person, dear to me and I am not posting here to hurt him in any way, but instead, to bring some "light" into our dilemma! Thank You!
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| Mar 22, 2006 @ 4:26 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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When replying, Please have in mind that my friend is a very respectable person, dear to me and I am not posting here to hurt him in any way, but instead, to bring some "light" into our dilemma! Thank You! I have to point out that you don't actually know this to be true, you have had just a few phonecalls, plus any number of 1 or 2 line emails and have not yet met him, so his respectability should not yet be sacrosanct!
Ok, if I were you I would not pusue your interest in him. When you start to get to know someone online, it is naturalk to show far more regular interest than he has shown in you. If the potential relationship is going to be a good one, then it is likely that there would be far more phonecalls, emails (whatever), and he certainly wouldn't be disappearing for days at a time if he is also after a serious relationship.
I think that you have the right idea about online dating, and that it is him that is showing a lack of interest. Certainly do not change your standards or what you feel comfortable with to conform to someone else's ideas.
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| Mar 22, 2006 @ 6:01 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER?
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mailorderannie
Posts: 6,021
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I agree with China...you don't KNOW this person because you haven't met. Emails and phone conversations are nice, but until you spend time with someone, you can't tell what they are really like.
There are a ton of red flags here and you see them too. If someone isn't willing to take it slow when you ask, they aren't very considerate of your feelings. I'd walk away...there are plenty of nice guys out there that would listen to your concerns and if this guy won't this early on, what would he be like if you were in a relationship. Listen to your instincts...they are always right!
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| Mar 22, 2006 @ 8:47 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER? |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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^^^I agree with what they said..^^^ 
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| Mar 22, 2006 @ 9:18 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER?
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Loreli
Posts: 25,401
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Me too.
I think it is very respectable of you not to hurt a person. But, the sporadic and infrequent correspondence, the waiting til you had a pic before he contacted you, wanting to meet before getting to know you bothers me. (it would if it were me)
You sure he isn't married?
Good for you that you feel iffy about the whole thing. If he's that hurt by one cancellation, how well could he deal with life's ups and downs between two people?
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| Mar 22, 2006 @ 9:46 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER? |
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CynCity
Posts: 556
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I was thinking the same thing, Lorelei. I would be suspect as to whether he is in a committed relationship or married. The infrequency of the phone calls, the brief messages, are all kind of indicitive that he is holding something back.
Of course, I could be very wrong in this regard...just a red flag that I'm seeing from what you've posted as being very possible.
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| Mar 22, 2006 @ 9:51 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER?
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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But:
- The fact that he doesn't call is a red flag to me!
- The fact that he cancels our connection because I canceled a date, shows a lack of commitment.
I think you answered your own question. End things with this guy and move on to greener pastures.
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| Mar 22, 2006 @ 10:17 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER? |
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zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
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They are all right -- he is a fake person and hiding something.
Do not change your way of thinking/dating to make
someone else feel better. trust your self!
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| Mar 22, 2006 @ 11:07 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,628
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I am going to say, he is either married(won't answer the phone)
or in a relationship.
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| Mar 22, 2006 @ 9:55 PM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER? |
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ADOREE184
Posts: 13
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Thank you all, for taking the time to read and post a reply. I didn't bring up his status here because, I've already mentioned that to him directly. Just like most of you, I have the feeling he might have someone..... Good for him!
All of you made a great impact on our dilemma. Now , he can clearly see, that my points or concerns are very objective and are shared by both man and women. That's all I wanted him to see!
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| Mar 22, 2006 @ 11:56 PM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER?
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Jankia
Posts: 11,900
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You say that he is local and respectable so forget the "met online" cry of the danger involved. He wants to meet you in person and that when you call him he doesnt answer the phone?
How do you know he was home?
You said that you had a meeting planned and because he didnt get ahold of you for three days you cancelled.
I dont see that as a reason to cancel.You two were just new friends,you had no strings attached between you,he may just be slow.
Long before email-winks and phones,if you wanted to know more about someone,you tried to meet up with them in person.
Why are you so cautious? Plan a meeting during the day in public.Tell him you will meet with him for just one hour and see what happens in that hour.Tell him your going to bring along a friend.
Meeting expectations is harder and even impossible, when you don't know what the expectations are!
That is called a blind date in this country.
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| Mar 23, 2006 @ 1:25 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER? |
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ADOREE184
Posts: 13
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Thanks Jankia. For the missed calls part, I know he was home at least on 2 occasions. He admitted it and served me a "bathroom" excuse!
I am not just cautious! I am Suspicious!
You said that you had a meeting planned and because he didnt get ahold of you for three days you cancelled
I cancelled the date, because he took it or took me for granted! What's the purpose of meeting someone who does not care enough to keep in touch?
Long before email-winks and phones,if you wanted to know more about someone,you tried to meet up with them in person.
or you just ask grandma to choose the perfect mate for you 
That is called a blind date in this country.
I know what a blind date is ( I watch it on TV too  )
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| Mar 23, 2006 @ 2:21 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER?
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MuskogeeBill
Posts: 599
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Hmm from the way you answered jankia's post, if i were him, I'd bail in a heart beat. 
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| Mar 23, 2006 @ 4:23 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER? |
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walkingman
Posts: 639
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He is playing game's with you. I would just stop all commnication. It is not worth your time.
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| Mar 23, 2006 @ 9:00 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER?
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Jankia
Posts: 11,900
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Loreli asked.. You sure he isn't married?
Thats the question I would ask the person that doesnt want to meet a local person in public.
You said that youve known him for 6 weeks and YOU dont want to meet in person?
Thats your game playing right there.
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| Mar 23, 2006 @ 10:01 PM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER? |
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ADOREE184
Posts: 13
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You sure he isn't married?
I don't think he is married! We exchanged Home Phone numbers.
He is playing game's with you. I would just stop all commnication. It is not worth your time
Jeff, based on an e-mail he sent me today (after reading the replies), I think he may not be playing games after all... he may not want to commit before meeting...
Ending the communication is not a big deal, since we are still just friends with different points of vue.
You said that youve known him for 6 weeks and YOU dont want to meet in person?
Thats your game playing right there.
Jankia, are you sure you are not related to him? You both think the same way...
NO, I am not playing any games! I just see dating in a different light  ... just like most people responding to this thread.
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| Mar 23, 2006 @ 10:15 PM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER?
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Jankia
Posts: 11,900
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Jankia, are you sure you are not related to him? You both think the same way...
NO, I am not playing any games! I just see dating in a different light ... just like most people responding to this thread.
Yes you do see it in a different light,if you consider "dating" never actually seeing each other in person.
Has he told you that he would like to meet you anyplace at anytime?
Are you the one that is married? Is that why you wont meet him in a local public place?
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| Mar 23, 2006 @ 10:24 PM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER? |
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freebird71
Posts: 45
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To me...that is a RED FLAG...beware..take heed
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| Mar 24, 2006 @ 1:09 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER?
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ADOREE184
Posts: 13
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Yes you do see it in a different light,if you consider "dating" never actually seeing each other in person.
Has he told you that he would like to meet you anyplace at anytime?
Somebody please  ! Explain to Jankia, that I DO NOT SEE THE PURPOSE OF MEETING SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT CARE ENOUGH TO CALL OR KEEP IN TOUCH!
I think a red flag in a relationship, specially at the very beginning is just like a red light at a crossroad. Jankia, if you don't see my point, next time you are on the road, just run a red light....anyplace... anytime.... 
Are you the one that is married? NO! and like I said, he has my home phone number and was told to call anytime. The few times that he called, it was close to or pass midnight.
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| Mar 24, 2006 @ 3:13 AM |
HIGH-SPEED DATING: TIME SAVER OR RECIPE FOR DISASTER? |
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ADOREE184
Posts: 13
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 4156
I bring trust into a relationship which means I don`t ask the other person to prove something. If you have the proof, you would not need the trust. It's to not know, yet believe.
THANK YOU TiNkErGrRrRrR for this insight. I was browsing the forum when i came across it. I hope you don't mind me using it here to close my thread. I have decided that the best thing to do is to Trust myself first, but also Trust my potential date / Mate.
Thanks to you and all the others, who took the time to participate in the debate , my friend and I have been closer than before. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do believe that we will remain at least good friends...
Thank You all and best of luck in your search! 
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