| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:10 AM |
How can I trust again
|
|
marylou
Posts: 10,644
|
.....It is great to read other peoples comments......very similar really.
My ex-husband cheated on me for most of our married life.......and I had no clue.....he kept it well hidden as they do...*bastards* !!!..LOL (jesting...hehe)
I was crushed to bits.....took me 5 yrs to get over the worst of it....sad to say.
I had tons of counselling during that time to come to terms with it and the divorce.....and the devastation it caused my 2 girls. I didnt want to live after that. My whole world had been shattered and almost destroyed.....thats how it felt.
A breakdown and 2 weeks in hospital....with lots of psychotherapy.....skills to change attitude etc..........put me on the right road. Everytime I looked at a man after divorce.....I used to think *I bet your out there cheating on your wife*.....(even if they werent and were good men.......I thought it of every man....LOL).......Had a great psychologist who said *there are no guarantees it wont happen again......but you have to learn skills to get stronger......so that if it does happen again you will be well armed and have the skills to pull yourself up more......and wont fall so low and so hard.* It took me a while.....and I did exactly that.....and now I can handle any man......LOL LOL LOL. In fact now its the other way around.....when I break up with them......they are more devastated than me....LOL. I move on very quickly and never look back. Just reflect now and then. I made up my mind that no man would ever get me down on my knees again to the point of not getting up.
(woops......didnt realise how kinky that sounded...LOL LOL LOL)
I agree with many of the comments on here.....that it is the time factor that is the healer.
I think it will take me a while before I hand my heart totally over to a man just like that. I wont give it away lightly in the future. They say Love grows.....well I am happy to start with a little spark.....and let it grow a little every year......if I am with someone.......but am never with them long enough....LOL....also I seem to attract the cheating kind. Must be something in my starsign...LOL.
Actually I believe you can train your head and your heart to do exactly what you want it to do. I dont let either get out of control these days...I like to have my 2 feet on the ground....and not take to flight to easily... As callas as that may sound...LOL
|
|
  |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:15 AM |
How can I trust again |
|
painter007
Posts: 15,990
|
Toucherin......................thats a interesting response...................maybe if some men and women would look at just passing body fluids as something a bit deeper, well there wouldnt be so much cheating.....
People seem to just think that sex is just a act when its really so much deeper.....hearts are hurt so deeply by that one "not a big deal" act. 
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:17 AM |
How can I trust again
|
|
JD69350
Posts: 2,093
|
Painter is such a sweetie 
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:19 AM |
How can I trust again |
|
painter007
Posts: 15,990
|
morning goof 
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:20 AM |
How can I trust again
|
|
JD69350
Posts: 2,093
|
Takes one to know one Or - I know you are, so what am I ?? 
Morning honey
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:21 AM |
How can I trust again |
|
painter007
Posts: 15,990
|
good one..  ....and yes.......takes one to know one................aint life cool.................
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:23 AM |
How can I trust again
|
|
JD69350
Posts: 2,093
|
Yeah - life's grand, and I'm glad you part of mine
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:26 AM |
How can I trust again |
|
painter007
Posts: 15,990
|
you betcha bud.
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:32 AM |
How can I trust again
|
|
Snappygoddess
Posts: 3,827
|
Marylou  No pain compares to that of the heart, soul and spirit being broken.
I have been in your shoes(for at least a quarter of the mile) My 1st husband had numerous affairs in the 6 years we were married. I DID suspect and chose to NOT know until I couldn't ignore them anymore(I knew every woman he had an affair with)
I had two girls and convinced myself that it would tear us all apart if I divorced their daddy (they were 6 and 2 at the time)
It took me at least 10 years before I actually got over the hurt of being betrayed by not only my ex-husband but also by my "friends"(even though I remarried in that time) I never had a breakdown but it took some time to be able to move on.
I understand how much time it takes to get past the hurt and betrayal and fully trust again. To this day, though, I am very careful about who I allow into my life as a "friend" There are friends.. and then there are "true friends" 
I have a lot of acquaintances and "friendly friends" but only 1 true friend and that is my present husband. I trust him 98% (no one will ever get the entire 100).
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:33 AM |
How can I trust again |
|
marylou
Posts: 10,644
|
.....maybe there should be a special pill invented for all those sex maniacs out there....who love cheating. Something the opposite of viagara.....LOL LOL LOL
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:43 AM |
How can I trust again
|
|
marylou
Posts: 10,644
|
Snappygoddess............thank you for that. I feel you can relate to much of what I am saying ...and have some idea of how it affected me. As I can with you and what you are saying. I also had a little of the same experience *with some friends*. My ex husband hated some of my friends.....and for most of the marriage.....would always pick fault and critisize them etc. Now that we are divorced and he doesnt have to see them again. He actually formed close friendships with them and invites them over.....to his house and they think he is wonderful........and they just wiped me....I still cant get over that....to this day. Yet he hated them while we were married. Seems so hypocrital to me.....LOL....but there you go.
I dont trust female friends so eaily either. I have 2 really great female friends and do justabout everything with them.....but other than that.....I am more cautious these days re friendships than I have ever been. I guess it doesnt matter if they are male or female.........*some* people can either stab you in the back or cut your throat and just walk away so easily......thinking they are the greatest...LOL
I believe it all comes back to them sooner or later. I have faith.....and I believe in a *just God*.......so I leave all those baddies in His hands......LOL. That way I will save myself from becoming bitter....LOL. I DO have faith in people on the whole........I have been through a few baddies.......but hey....I still have a whole world of good people to get to know yet.......so am focusing on that...LOL
Very kind of you to share with me SNAPPY....:)
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:44 AM |
How can I trust again |
|
purfkt4u
Posts: 1
|
Well.....I feel as if everyone has a second chance at life. I feel as if you always have to put your heart on the line for someone. If its meant to be you will know when the time is right. Take that step only one day at a time. Dont let anyone tell you any different or some girls like to rush, tell them to slow it down some. write me sometime...we can talk...
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:46 AM |
How can I trust again
|
|
Angel178
Posts: 22,964
|
I agree, it can take a very long time to trust again....
I'm just now after 3 years beginning to trust again...can't say 100%. It's no fault of his, and no reason not to trust, it's my own insecurities 
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:49 AM |
How can I trust again |
|
Snappygoddess
Posts: 3,827
|
And you have redefined "class" Marylou.. you rose above it and have managed to keep your dignity and faith intact Best wishes for continued healing
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:50 AM |
How can I trust again
|
|
Snappygoddess
Posts: 3,827
|
Takes time. Angel.. I do believe you are on the right path
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:53 AM |
How can I trust again |
|
Angel178
Posts: 22,964
|
Snappy
I think I am....and it dosen't hurt to be involved with a man who dosen't give you a reason not to trust
I have faith that everyone can and will overcome the "trust" thing 
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:57 AM |
How can I trust again
|
|
marylou
Posts: 10,644
|
Angel178.........I can also relate to that. I think that once you have been hurt to pieces.......its not so easy to trust again.........and you do feel insecure. To this day I feel a little insecure about it. When I meet someone for the first time.....(I dont want to do it.....but cant help thinking)....I look at them and start thinking......*you seem ok.....you seem wonderful right now.....but how long can I trust you for*....LOL. I know I shouldnt feel this way.....but I do. But I think being cautious doesnt do any harm....and it does save you from a lot of hurt. Mind you.....I wouldnt expect people to think like I do....LOL. But it works in protecting me. If they get too pushy.....and want to make wild passionate love to me.....I say.....*can I think about it for a while?......*......then I make it *quite a while*....LOL LOL LOL. After all....a girl has to have some protection....LOL. No harm in getting to know someone really well before they introduce you to their member...LOL LOL LOL (eeeek.....did I really say that.....LOL)....hehehehe
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 11:59 AM |
How can I trust again |
|
Angel178
Posts: 22,964
|
 MLou....
You have been hanging out in the forums too much!! 
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 12:09 PM |
How can I trust again
|
|
marylou
Posts: 10,644
|
THANK YOU SNAPPY !!!!! :))))
Angel ......I dont think it hurts to get involved with any man....if he seems pretty wonderful and you like him enough. I feel when trust has been broken originally.....one has to just pace themselves.......until it feels right.
I am meeting a man next week.....someone who I have met before and is a nice person......but still dont know him that well......and I dont feel any strong chemisty there.....but he wants to meet me again.....so i thought *what the heck*....no harm in male friendship anyway....LOL. I always keep my options open......people walk in and out of my life all the time.......and I walk in and out of theirs.....thats the up side of living. There are a couple of other men who want to meet me.....but I dont want to meet them...LOL....it doesnt feel right. Like one guy is letting me know he has got a BMW car......think he is trying to impress me....but it has worked the opposite....I dont want to meet him now....LOL. I would rather meet somone who drives an old bomb of a car.........who is a nice person. When someone tries to impress me.....it has the opposite effect..LOL
Got off the topic there a bit....LOL.
A good friend once said to me.....and I often think it is possibly true...*Trust someone.....until they prove they cant be trusted*....maybe that is a good motto to live by. I dont know. LOL
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 10, 2007 @ 12:11 PM |
How can I trust again |
|
marylou
Posts: 10,644
|
LOL LOL LOL.....ANGEL.....is that bad or good.......(marylou covers her eyes).....LOL
|
| |
|
|
|
|