|
page:
<<
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
>>
of 2 pages
|
< previous page | next page >
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 2:00 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now....
|
|
the_real_me_ok
Posts: 293
|
As some of you know...well the ones who have followed my profile and blogs and who have known me thru forums for awhile now...I've been separated from my husband and have been in the process of a divorce for some time. In recent times, we both decided to put the divorce on hold because neither of us were 110% sure that we BOTH wanted that. Lord knows, that's a huge step. If 2 people get married and decide they no longer want to stay married...well...it'd better be for the right reasons, and it'd better be mutual and it'd better be deep down in both our hearts that we feel we are doing the right thing. To make a long long story short, we've decided to put the divorce on a shelf and try to work things out, and I couldn't be happier! I'm not sure it will happen for sure, but at least I will feel that we gave it a shot, more than I did before. I sorta just gave up last summer and let it fall apart out of fear and anger. Now we have decided to date, and go on a mini-vacation together. We are not moving back in together yet, nothing major. But I'm happy about what we are doing. I am prepared that if it does not work out, to go ahead with the divorce as planned. I do still love him, obviously. Never stopped. I have the support of SOME of my friends and SOME of my family, and not the rest. I was wondering if anybody else has ever been in this situation?
|
|
  |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 3:04 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now.... |
|
JesterDrawers
Posts: 11,116
|
Well...congratulations - it's a hard decision....separation/divorce, I think, is one of the most painful things we can go through. I tried to work things out with my ex, but unfortunately, regardless of the reasons, it only takes ONE of the people that really wants a divorce to make it happen.
I'm wishing the best for you and your other half, and praying that it will all work out for you....and regardless, just wishing you true happiness whatever happens. But...I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
GOOD LUCK!!!!! 
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 3:09 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now....
|
|
sleeping_beauty
Posts: 464
|
Difficult is always in floating the_real_me. If you do that, you may never notice that you are already being taken to the ocean. This is a matter of deciding whether you want to row out into the ocean....or to go back to the shore.
It's Now or it's Never! You need to decide and think of the potential most drastic thing that could happen if you break that relationship once and for all.
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 4:31 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now.... |
|
painter007
Posts: 17,854
|
try to work it out...remember there was something there in the beginning...and as some may think.......... the grass is not any greener on the other side.......
I think its the right thing to do... you go girl
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 7:35 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now....
|
|
silknpearls
Posts: 1,820
|
Yeah, I have been in that situation - not sure you really want to hear how it worked out. Suffice it to say that now, once I leave, I never go back. However, I left for damn good reasons! I didn't leave because he wouldn't put the toilet seat down or because he was messy or some other trivial thing. I divorced because he was intolerable. So, if you feel the reasons were trivial - give it another chance. If you feel the reasons were valid, walk away. Only you can decide which it is for sure.
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 8:25 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now.... |
|
chauntra
Posts: 324
|
I am also currently separated from my husband. My reason for not being divorced yet is because he needs my insurance. I told him Im filing in June, on my birthday lol. I said I wasnt going to support him in any way anymore. I left for a very good reason, if you can work it out, try your hardest, and good luck.
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 9:17 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now....
|
|
luvshorses644
Posts: 1,571
|
Hi OK...
I am venturing back into the forums because I saw your post. Lady, having known you and spoken a bit, I know you had questions about going through the "D" and from the circumstances of you and he doing things together, I am of the belief that he did also.
I think because of both your inability to follow through with all the legalities of the "D", that you both deserve to see if the marriage can be salvaged. I know that you both understand that it takes hard work to make a marriage work and now that you have both reached that point of knowing and wanting to make it work, perhaps, and you have a better shot at it than those that don't understand this, it will work out for the best.
Glad you are also not just jumping back to living together all at once. I think that you have a level head on your shoulders and you fully understand all that is at stake and know the deep feelings you still have for one another. From everything I know about you girl, you have done your thinking and are proceeding not only from the heart, but also from the head.
Kudos, congrats and I am doing my "thing" for you both. And "the real" (didn't want to use real name without permission) no one else, not your friends, not your family can make this decision for you. While some will support you, others may not, you must do what you feel you want and listen to that inner voice. May God always hold you both in his arms.
Luv ya gal!!!! You go for it !!! You deserve to be happy!!
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 9:20 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now.... |
|
ChgoSingleDad
Posts: 292
|
Good luck to you....
Divorce is a difficult decision, and if you still love one another, then, I pray you can find a way to work things out, and be happy. Enjoy your vacation,and all of your dates, and the "resdiscovery" process. 
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 9:22 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now....
|
|
walkingman
Posts: 639
|
I have gotten to know you and agree that you are going into this with the right attitude. I would just proceed with a caution as I know you will. Just follow your heart. I could not agree more with luvshorse's. I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 9:37 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now.... |
|
introspective1
Posts: 236
|
Realme, I give you kudos for trying to give your marriage another chance. I am a firm believer in marriage and surely there were some great things you two had that made you get married in the first place. You have to give it every chance, that way if the marriage is salvageable, you can be successful in that, and both know that you have come through a tough time stronger and closer because of it. And if it does not work out, there are no regrets, knowing you have done all you can to make it work. I wish you both great success in your endeavor, and much happiness for you both. Don't you dare worry about those family members who are not keen on the idea, it is not their life, it is yours. And you have to do what's best for you. And if indeed you are successful, you will gain their respect in the long run. Good luck. You go girl!
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 9:53 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now....
|
|
luvshorses644
Posts: 1,571
|
OK.. I am here again (roll eyes for those that need to) but gal, you have me so happy and excited for you. I read your blog just now (you know I read them all the time, but I was so busy outside yesterday, didn't have the chance). You, gal, have your head on sooooo right it is actually a beautiful thing to witness! You have thought out this path of life you are contemplating traveling so well that I feel you need to see it in print!
You know all the risks of going in, have thought about not only the good that was in your marriage, but the darker side of it, and yet you understand that not all are pleasant and nice all the time. The fact that your husband has changed in some ways that are important without being forced to, but by choice, speak volumes for him. But you also are smart enough to acknowledge that you will proceed with caution and know that if this truly is not going to work after giving it another chance and being with someone that is still a huge part of your heart, you can and will be able to make it by yourself.. I agree ... you deserve a whole lotta "atta girls"...   
I am hoping this works out for you both and as I said, no one else can make this decision for either of you. But in the end, you will either find yourselves glad that you gave it this try, or understand that you could not make it together but were happy for the last try. You deserve all the respect from everyone!!!!
Luv ya still gal!!!!! You are so smart and "together" <--- Yah, old hippie term.. after all I am an old hippie!!!
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 10:18 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now.... |
|
Loreli
Posts: 25,403
|
(Aw, Luvs-you aren't old!)
Realme- I was separated and did really love my husband, but he couldn't seem to shake his "I'm in charge of everything" attitude, and it showed when we tried to work things out, so it didn't. (the funny thing is-after raising my kids and owning a home, I miss that quality some now!) If your husband has shown that he loves, and can compromise, and work at it, and you know that you can-that's the best thing in the world. Life will constantly change, and if the two of you really love each other, you can roll with each one of them together. I wish you the best-good luck!
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 10:23 AM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now....
|
|
mogrl1000
Posts: 258
|
i have been in this situation and i wish i never went back to him.But everybody is different and i wish you luck.
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 1:05 PM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now.... |
|
holding4u
Posts: 1,098
|
If you think you can work it out - give it your best. Unless it is something like drugs, infidelity or physical abuse. Divorce is not easy, staying married isn't either. Best of luck to you.
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 1:56 PM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now....
|
|
sjpinatl
Posts: 671
|
Exactly what holding said...If he had sex with another women while you were married he should be outta there.
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 3:28 PM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now.... |
|
the_real_me_ok
Posts: 293
|
Thanks everybody for the many words of support....really makes me feel great!! Of course it's a risk, and as I've said, it may or may not work....but when you truly love someone...and this is not just any old relationship, we did marry after all...you have to fight for what you believe in. A recent thread on here was helpful in my decision....the one about not to hold the ex responsible for everything. I did that...and watched him walk out the door. Cried my eyes out when he did, and fell apart afterwards, even though it was the last thing I wanted. Didn't even put up a fight, when deep down inside, I wanted him to stay and work it out. Pride, anger, hurt...and whatever else, got in my way. Now I'm being given the chance to try again, and I'm thankful. We're both different people than we were then. But with the same feelings. Even stronger.
Thanks Luvs...you rock 
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 3:44 PM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now....
|
|
grumblebear
Posts: 10,559
|
good luck... have fun, and becareful....
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 4:00 PM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now.... |
|
AngelLight
Posts: 5,620
|
Go for the real deal baby! ......listen to your heart, and accordingly the gentle whisperings of your Soul.......what a wonderful things to give something another chance even when you didn't think you had it in you.....you clearly do, and so does he based on what you share.
I hope you fall in love all over again, but this time may the love you have for one another be known and experienced more deeply than either of you could have possibly imagined.
All the very best to you both.
Angel
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 4:02 PM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now....
|
|
babyfairy
Posts: 141
|
I wish you the best of luck Real_Me... even though you get a different perspective on the situation from others' stories, I really hope you follow your own heart and not let other couples' success & disaster stories influence your decision too much. I have been in a similar situation for years I guess. My husband left me in... 2001 I guess.... he was only gone a week or so and was gone because of something he did. I ended up asking him to come back and have been kicking myself in the a** ever since out of regret. I feel now that if he didn't love me enough to come back on his own and face what he'd done, then why did I want him back? He came back with his set condition that his slate was would be wiped clean, and I was stupid enough to do that... which it stayed clean for approx. a month or so. We separated in 2004, and decided in summer of 2005 to give it another try .... it didn't work for long. And now we're in limbo again.
My problem currently is all the effort is one sided. If your husband is also putting forth an honest effort to make things work, and you still love him.... then you have no reason not to give it a try.
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 4:40 PM |
Putting the "D" on hold, for now.... |
|
sweet5red
Posts: 9,704
|
If your husband is also putting forth an honest effort to make things work, and you still love him.... then you have no reason not to give it a try.
I agree wholeheartedly real.. bless you both.. sweet N Louisiana
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
page:
<<
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
>>
of 2 pages
|
< previous page | next page >
|
|