| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:06 PM |
Dating Food Chain
|
|
DuganStang
Posts: 41
|
So why is it that there are so many people out there who are alone?
I feel the problem is generally that a person will only make them self available to someone whom they have no chance with. Basically setting themselves up for failure.
I, personally, have a serious problem with this. Knowing that I lay somewhere near the bottom of the food chain, I always seem to go for the top. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop. It's what I like. It's what I am attracted to.
Kinda makes life hard, seeing as how the woman that I am going for is most probably in turn also looking for someone above her in the chain. 
I think most people follow this trend. Which really screws everything up, because not everyone was born with the gift of looks, talent, and riches. Where does this leave the people at the bottom? It leaves them thinking that noone out there will ever come to them, when in reality they are only opening up to people that have no interest, and pushing away the possibilities.
Money, power, and possesions also play a large role. I can account for this, personally. A couple of years ago when I was at the top of my game with my sports car, and my disregard for the value of a dollar, I was able to fish in the "forbidden pond."
But... Just as money comes and goes, so do the people who accompany it.
So am I nuts, or is this how it works?
|
|
  |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:13 PM |
Dating Food Chain |
|
Jankia
Posts: 9,171
|
But... Just as money comes and goes, so do the people who accompany it.
If you dont mind Dugan I have one small correction.
Just as money comes and goes, so do the people who came after it.
At least in my case it did.Hell,my ex is on her third one after me!
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:18 PM |
Dating Food Chain
|
|
paperchase417
Posts: 101
|
I dont think thats how it works.
I find little or any rationality in romance. Its probably because I've had the good fortune of landing a few really good girls in terms of both looks and personality in my life. Then when God knows what posesses me to persue romance with some drug addict she snubs me for some beta male.
It has occured to me that in romance personality, charisma, character, charm, whatever you want to call it, is like an undeniable bulldozer that will 75% of the time, knock down whatever is standing in the way. Handsome dudes with good game, dudes with nice cars and lots of money, good jobs and nice appartements, got nothing if they dont have personality to match.
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:23 PM |
Dating Food Chain |
|
Atone74
Posts: 335
|
DuganStang,
I know what you are saying. I've never been with a ugly woman. My ex fiancee was drop dead gorgeous. She was Miss Teen New Mexico back in 96' I mean she's just hottt (I have a wonderful daughter from her at least, looks just like her momma). I've always over-shot my expectations. Yes I've been turned down many times. But, I been with some of the best looking also. I have high expectations in the woman I meet. I want someone who will work-out by my side, eat's healthy, a good mother. Wow come to think about, this is why I'm probably single. To high of expectations..
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:26 PM |
Dating Food Chain
|
|
nah12
Posts: 3,973
|
if someone keeps repeating the same actions, how will they ever get a different result, is always a good question to ask.......
also think about it this way...do people do something because they want that particular result or is because it gets them what you are really seeking.....  
our defenses, minds and actions are funny characters sometimes......
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:27 PM |
Dating Food Chain |
|
DuganStang
Posts: 41
|
Paperchase,
I like to think that my personality makes up for any downfalls I have in the looks department, but in reality it doesn't mean much in the grand scheme.
For someone to get to know you, they have to allow themselves to see you as an option.
When you first meet someone, you subconciously put them into a category.
1. Not worth my time/Irrelevent
2. Worth small chit chat
3. Friend Possibility
4. Possible mate
5. Completely infactuated
If you fall in 1 or 2, then no matter how good of a personality you have, you have no chance.
If you fall in 3 you will need to work really hard, and still stand a chance to land firmly in the friend group.
With 4 you have a decent chance, and if you have a good personality your odds are better
With 5, I could fart, burp, cuss, or whatever else and it would be beautiful to that person. at that point your on the pedistol.
I know I sound bitter... To be honest I am... But I have been observing not just myself, but others. Though some can come together beyond this system, most situations fall into. Relationships are games...
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:35 PM |
Dating Food Chain
|
|
nah12
Posts: 3,973
|
For someone to get to know you, they have to allow themselves to see you as an option.
does it not take both to decide that?.....you have to be an option before you can become an option and vise versa......is that not true?
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:40 PM |
Dating Food Chain |
|
Atone74
Posts: 335
|
For someone to get to know you, they have to allow themselves to see you as an option.
Oh that's powerful.. I totally believe in options... My blog say's it also.. Having options is powerful in the dating scene..
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:48 PM |
Dating Food Chain
|
|
DuganStang
Posts: 41
|
does it not take both to decide that?.....you have to be an option before you can become an option and vise versa......is that not true?
Exactly. Thats what is so confusing about the whole situation.
To use me as an example:
For some reason I only see women as an option who will never see me as one.
The women that see me as one, I do not see them.
Therefore it takes an act of god or some other outside force to bring me together with someone.
Vicious cycle.
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:51 PM |
Dating Food Chain |
|
sjpinatl
Posts: 671
|
Let's see..My brother = self made millionaire by are 28, big time jobs, big group of friends, big social life, big love affairs, big degrees, good looks. His soon to be wife = from Mulit-millionaire family, big name from a big business, thin, blonde, trendy as far as "active lifestyle" with skiing, hiking, etc.
She also is a mentally ill crack addict and he is in the divorce from hell. She actually gave him a heart attack at age 31. He had a child with her (against big sister's advice). This will never end for him. Oh, and her Dad is also a big attorney in addition to baing a businessman. He's had to call the police on her twice this month and he is very worried about his child being with her. And it turns out she had a baby at 21 years old while not married and had the baby for a while and then abandoned it to the father and left them and my brother did not even know.
But they are still thin and rich.
I'll keep my pudgy low class lifestyle and find a cute honey who is the same, thank you...
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:53 PM |
Dating Food Chain
|
|
nah12
Posts: 3,973
|
Vicious cycle
that's why i wrote this to start with....think about it.....
if someone keeps repeating the same actions, how will they ever get a different result, is always a good question to ask.......
also think about it this way...do people do something because they want that particular result or is because it gets them what you are really seeking
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:55 PM |
Dating Food Chain |
|
DuganStang
Posts: 41
|
I'll keep my pudgy low class lifestyle and find a cute honey who is the same, thank you...
Hopefully one day I will be able to do the same.
What I want is someone who will not treat me like crap, and someone who I can actually connect with.
The girls I generally go for are superficial and I have nothing in common with.
I realize the errors of my ways. Its just a habbit I can not seem to break.
|
| |
|
| Apr 30, 2006 @ 11:58 PM |
Dating Food Chain
|
|
DuganStang
Posts: 41
|
if someone keeps repeating the same actions, how will they ever get a different result, is always a good question to ask.......
also think about it this way...do people do something because they want that particular result or is because it gets them what you are really seeking
Well, they wont.
As for why do people do this? Our nature I guess.
I can not justify my actions. I wish I could.
All I can hope, is the right person will come along, and I will know.
|
|
| |
|
| May 1, 2006 @ 12:02 AM |
Dating Food Chain |
|
nah12
Posts: 3,973
|
well Dugan you are ahead of a lot of people, you already know what you are doing the next step is to be honest with yourself and ask WHY do you do it????????
is it what you seek?
is it what you think you deserve?
is it what is safe?
is it what makes you a martyr?
is it what gets you attention?
is it what..........................see lots of what is it, isn't there.....
|
| |
|
| May 1, 2006 @ 12:03 AM |
Dating Food Chain
|
|
sjpinatl
Posts: 671
|
Keep looking for the good in women that you feel really means something. Your taste will evolve if you keep your eyes open. You can see that the beyond superficial is most important means you, so you definitely have the potential and maturity to make that change. Some men never have that, and they are never happy. They get their trophy and can only see another.
Looking for the beauty within is important. But if you have the attitude that you do not want someone who makes you look good, you want to take on the job of being a real love for someone who is not perfect..That is even another step.
A lot of people whine on here about not finding someone good enough. But maybe it is not what someone can do for you all the time. Maybe our greatest satisfaction comes from what we can do for someone else? And make them feel special.
|
|
| |
|
| May 1, 2006 @ 12:13 AM |
Dating Food Chain |
|
nah12
Posts: 3,973
|
a few questions here:
would you keep eating spoiled meat if it made you sick?
would you keep eating spinach if you hated it and had other choices?
would you only hold out for an expensive meal if you could not afford it and not eat anything else?
would you only eat what made someone happy no matter if you wanted it or not?
the same principles apply to a relationship of any kind do they not?
if so then Why do you do it?.....it all goes back to going beyond a generic answer of oh it's just my nature and being truly honest with one's self to find the answers and changing your actions........
|
| |
|
| May 1, 2006 @ 12:19 AM |
Dating Food Chain
|
|
sweet5red
Posts: 8,145
|
I'll keep my pudgy low class lifestyle and find a cute honey who is the same, thank you...
 well that made sense.. of course..I work , take care of my self and my bills.. I am happy with the "things" i have managed to accomplish the last 3 years.,. but i do know life would be better shared with "the one" i am looking for.. Sweet N Louisiana   (myself I prefer a fella thats short and stocky with big broad shoulders.. and woo hoo that fills out a pair of wranglers ( or what ever kinda pants he wears ) :)
|
|
| |
|
| May 1, 2006 @ 12:24 AM |
Dating Food Chain |
|
DuganStang
Posts: 41
|
Posts: 573
a few questions here:
would you keep eating spoiled meat if you made you sick?
would you keep eating spinach if you hated it and had other choices?
would you only hold out for an expensive meal if you could not afford it and not eat anything else?
would you only eat what made someone happy no matter if you wanted it or not?
the same principles apply to a relationship of any kind do they not?
if so then Why do you do it?.....it all goes back to going beyond a generic answer of oh it's just my nature and being truly honest with one's self to find the answers and changing your actions........
Well... I was trying not to get get too specific about me, to get some other peoples opinions, but if you want answers.
How can you just change what you find attractive?
If I loved the taste of spoiled meat, I'm sure I would eat it occasionally. Forbidden fruit is always sweeter.
I have tried to just "change my ways" and I found myself with a woman that I had no interest in.
I tried... Hard... But I just could not see her as attractive. Without an attraction, it is impossible to build a relationship.
I have found many girls highly attractive there were not on the top 10 list in my life also. But that normally happens after time. I am just saying that 90% of the time the women I go for up there in the chain.
This was never a concious decision. I dont think this way to impress my friends. I just like women who look a certain way.
Though you are 100% correct, you can not change what attracts you, and what does not. Which sucks.
|
| |
|
| May 1, 2006 @ 12:31 AM |
Dating Food Chain
|
|
nah12
Posts: 3,973
|
Forbidden fruit is always sweeter.
wasn't really expecting you to answer here but that's OK......and you said your preference and that's "Forbidden fruit"...... so then you can only expect to get the same results....bottom line....not that it's bad or good it's just what you prefer so you have to live with it......right?....
you already know the results....so why question it right?
|
|
| |
|
| May 1, 2006 @ 10:28 AM |
Dating Food Chain |
|
zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
|
For myself, I won't get involved with someone unelss I have
that "chemistry". And I do know from the first meeting whether
I feel it or not. If not--- I don't go out with them again.
As for me, money is nice, but it doesn't have arms....
I went out with a millionaire once, the chemistry was not there,
so I didn't go out with him again. And yes, he continued to call,
but I wasn't interested. I want love not money and won't settle
for anything less.
|
| |
|
|
|
|