| Nov 15, 2005 @ 3:30 PM |
Hope for nice guys?
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lizardking69
Posts: 9
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This was sent to me and I felt like passing it along. It is a bit lengthy but a good read. I feel alot of it is right on but I think just being nice doesn't cut it. You have to have an interesting personality and confidence in yourself to get the girl you want.
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in Halo2 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we're just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.
The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical and manipulative. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he's too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with this complete jerknow!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
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| Nov 15, 2005 @ 3:40 PM |
Hope for nice guys? |
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DEVIL_U_KNOW
Posts: 113
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 good post.
and a lot is right, and so true. cause been there done that. but finally found one that was lookin for one. so they are out there...just hard to find. lol.
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| Nov 15, 2005 @ 3:41 PM |
Hope for nice guys?
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 13,047
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 To the Nice Guys!!!!!!!!
That is wonderful, LizardKing!!!
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| Nov 15, 2005 @ 4:08 PM |
Hope for nice guys? |
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TJA1950
Posts: 26
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Great post
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| Nov 15, 2005 @ 4:17 PM |
Hope for nice guys?
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lecriveuse
Posts: 1,865
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unfortunately, that happens way too often. i've never understood people who would step over a nice person to seek out the grunge of the earth. if i knew, i wouldn't be on this site. i'd be laughing it up with oprah i guess while i plugged my new book.
not meaning to blame u, but i'm wondering r u seeking them out unconsciously? for instance, i would always fall for the guys who were so nice, loving, etc., but it was always to the woman who treated them like crap (ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, etc). it took me a few years to realize i had to stop that. it was hurting me! i thought they'd notice that i would appreciate them and give them the affection their ex whatevers wouldn't do. it never happened, and it finally clicked. i moved along.
some people are menaces to themselves, and they can't help or don't want to help themselves (one woman told me drama made her feel alive).  nice men and women, save the rescuing for the red cross. its nice 2 befriend and offer ur shoulder as a good pal. just remember there r energy vampires out there -- people who just want 2 use ur healthy psyche and good heart for a doormat. dont let them use u up and spit u out. u rate much better than that. 
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| Nov 15, 2005 @ 4:56 PM |
Hope for nice guys? |
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yoseph
Posts: 181
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just when i was about done being a nice guy i read this...
i can relate to every line
 heres to the nice guys!!
good post!
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| Nov 15, 2005 @ 5:11 PM |
Hope for nice guys?
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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I'm happy in my own skin and that's all that really matters. Nice girls eventually find nice guys.
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| Nov 15, 2005 @ 5:55 PM |
Hope for nice guys? |
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someone_me
Posts: 506
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From a reformed "nice guy"  , know that there is nothing wrong with being a nice guy, you just have to realize it doesn't spark attraction in a woman. There are many reasons for this.
With a few changes to your thinking, you can do much better in this department and stop feeling so frustrated wondering why it's always the "other guy" who gets the women all the time. And to top it off, you can actually have a lot of fun having a woman find out how nice you can be.
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 12:30 AM |
Hope for nice guys?
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sirdidymus
Posts: 1,087
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<<< wait - let me adjust my nice guy halo here >>>
amen brother - amen! :)
what about the whole "confident" thing - everyone says "woman want a man who is confident - lack of self confidence is a turn off". Sh*t, i'm confident, i'm confident that i'm a nice guy (Halo moment - ), i'm confident i'm funny, confident i'm genuine, but despite these qualities - just by sheer measure of my dating life - i'm also confident that most women aren't attracted to me. So where ummm does that confidence come in from?
I'm being fecicious up above but on a more serious note - it grates my nerves when people are always suggesting to be "confident". Here's my take, we have to be who we are. If we don't come across as "confident" due to our experiences - that doesn't make us less of a person - we are just being real.
I honestly, don't have the desire to project something that i'm just faking just to feign someone's interest, what's the point? Someone who would be a good fit for me would be someone who is interested in the real me, not some abject person i'm trying to pretend to be because that is what Cosmopolitan is dictating woman should look for.
I'm not saying to be a total mess when coming across to a woman - but as nice guys, we should find that balance and play to our strengths, our sincerity, our sensitivity, our creativeness - and if someone cannot appreciate us for who we really are - there is nothing wrong with that person - but they're simply not the right one for who we are.
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 12:54 AM |
Hope for nice guys? |
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LJT67
Posts: 68
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Thanks, lizardking  thats all so very true,it really sucks being the nice guy and watching all the jerks get the girls  but what choice do we have...become jerks too?
I guess I will just keep waiting and hopeing...
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 2:45 AM |
Hope for nice guys?
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buni
Posts: 978
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awwwwww..I like nice guys.Here is a big hug for all you nice guys who deserve a special woman in your lives((((((HUGS)))))) Hoping you find a woman deserving of you.
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 5:24 AM |
Hope for nice guys? |
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RareQuestor
Posts: 2,652
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We nice guys are human too, buni. We want MORE than just a hug!
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 7:28 AM |
Hope for nice guys?
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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I can certainly relate. In our teens, we are taught the hard way that nice guys finish last. Somewhere along the way, I got tired of finishing last. I can't change who I am, but I don't have to take the crap that women hand out.
There is a happy medium. I'll be the nice guy as long as she is the nice girl. If/when I feel she is taking advantage, I know where the door is, and one of us will use it.
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 8:13 AM |
Hope for nice guys? |
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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BTW, the old 'not on the first date' thing sends up a red flag. It is strike one in my book, with two more to go. Assuming we are attracted to each other, she is controlling the action. That's fine, but I am not looking for a friend, I am looking for a lover, who will also be my friend.
I have no intention of hurting anyone, but I will not be p*ssy whipped, either. If there is mutual attraction, I would expect the second date to be more mutually satisfying, or there should not be a second date.
One way relationships suck, no matter which of us is on the losing end. Or maybe I should say they don't suck... lol
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 1:08 PM |
Hope for nice guys?
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johnw_6
Posts: 194
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there is no hope for nice guys!
join the club and become bad - girls will flock to you and you don't even have to treat them well!
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 1:54 PM |
Hope for nice guys? |
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GraciePa
Posts: 355
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^5 LizardKing.....alot of woman do want the good guys in the long run but afraid to admit it till its too late! But what you wrote was well written!
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 5:28 PM |
Hope for nice guys?
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Greeneyed70
Posts: 139
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Great post! It's the story of my life and I didn't even have to write it. 
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 6:18 PM |
Hope for nice guys? |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,625
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I need to send this to my son. He has been there all his life. The good guy, the one that listened to his friend that is a girl, whine because some guy was being a jerk.
I remember him looking at me in the beginning of his senoir year and saying, "Mom, ya know, nice guys finish last and I am tired of being last". He went through a year of trying to be a "bad guy" and now has came full circle.
 To the NICE GUYS!!!!
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 6:26 PM |
Hope for nice guys?
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jdctx
Posts: 225
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Nice guys rarely win..Part of the problem I think is we try too hard to be the man our moms wanted us to be. Sometimes I feel bitter because at 38 I'm still single. Especially when the a$$holes get the girls. I wish I knew the answer for the nice guys.. I could try but I could never be the A$$HOLE. Who know right I may find her? But really after so many years I've moved more towards accepting my life as is.
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| Nov 16, 2005 @ 8:07 PM |
Hope for nice guys? |
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lobo65
Posts: 719
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Yep. I'm a nice guy too, and I refuse to change.
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