| May 10, 2006 @ 10:12 AM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her?
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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I had a discussion with a very good friend last night about the "He's Such a Nice Guy" syndrome. This is when you meet a great guy that seems to have NOTHING wrong with him, yet you're just not interested. Sometimes it's something little that makes him a "no go" and sometimes you just can't put your finger on it!
You can always go out with this guy a few times to see if he grows on you. If you do this, however, and he does grow on you, is it because you've talked yourself into liking him, or because you actually have gotten to know him as the likable person he is?
Have you ever talked yourself into liking someone? Where you aware that you were doing it, or only after you broke it off?
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| May 10, 2006 @ 12:27 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her? |
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Kimmaranclh
Posts: 132
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I talked myself into liking someone....once...It was a long time ago..I had been out of a really traumatic relationship for awhile and I met this guy....he was safe...there wasn't anything exciting or powerful about my feelings for him...I basically used him as a transition guy to start dating again...someone that I knew I wouldn't be in love with and therefore couldn't get hurt by....it was wrong and it's something I will never ever do again. It took me about 6 months to realize what I was doing (I actually convinced myself I cared more than I did)...and as soon as I realized it I broke it off and he was devastated and I've never felt worse than I did at that time....
The best I can say about that experience is that I learned from my mistake and if you aren't honest with yourself from the start....all your going to do is hurt yourself and your partner...
If the chemistry isn't there...don't force it...It'll happen if it's meant to.
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| May 10, 2006 @ 1:16 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her?
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holding4u
Posts: 1,096
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If I ever had dates I might be able to answer this question. I just like to post. 
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| May 10, 2006 @ 1:38 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her? |
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raykl
Posts: 566
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when you meet a great guy that seems to have NOTHING wrong with him, yet you're just not interested
This covers the theory that the majority of women, even though they all state otherwise, are really not attracted to "nice" guys. They are looking for a guy that has somewhat of a "bad boy" image. This image has a wide range- from a small amount to a total "don't give a damn" attitude. Call it the female version of the "thrill of the hunt" or whatever.
Ever hear yourself or your female friends say "All I ever end up with are jerks" or "I must be a jerk magnet". That's because they are attracted to jerks.
They find that "nice" guys are boring and not appealing. They like the nice guys and try really hard to love them- but the attraction is not there and never will be.
Be nice ladies 
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| May 10, 2006 @ 1:52 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her?
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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But Ray, i'll take exactly what you said and change men to women.....look at it now it still applies does it not????
"This covers the theory that the majority of men, even though they all state otherwise, are really not attracted to "nice" gals. They are looking for a gal that has somewhat of a "bad girl" image. This image has a wide range- from a small amount to a total "don't give a damn" attitude. Call it the male version of the "thrill of the hunt" or whatever.
Ever hear yourself or your male friends say "All I ever end up with are bit@hes" or "I must be a bit@h magnet". That's because they are attracted to bit@hes.
They find that "nice" gals are boring and not appealing. They like the nice gals and try really hard to love them- but the attraction is not there and never will be.
Be nice gentlemen "
Sound familiar????   
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| May 10, 2006 @ 2:16 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her? |
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raykl
Posts: 566
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I concur with you 100%
It does work both ways.
Great minds think alike 
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| May 10, 2006 @ 2:37 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her?
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,598
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It's my understanding that this is the way that arranged marriages work. The parents pair the couple to be married and they will learn to love each other as time passes. I don't know what either thinks after time......I guess we need some of these people to come forward with their stories.
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| May 10, 2006 @ 2:52 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her? |
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,511
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I have thought about this a few times... he's a real nice guy, got this or that quality I admire. I don't think I'd do it though for fear he wouldn't "grow on me" and will just end up getting hurt. Kinda feels like there would be a level of dishonesty involved?
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| May 10, 2006 @ 4:33 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her?
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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You can not “learn” - boy/girl chemistry (attraction) - you have NO control over it - it is a reaction.
No one can teach you to be attracted to someone - you can not “talk yourself into it” - you have NO control over it.
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| May 10, 2006 @ 4:40 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her? |
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Goodness_Gracie
Posts: 708
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I have never talked myself into liking someone. Perhaps I'm a b@ITCH at times. But in all honesty.......sometimes I am to nice to hurt someone that I couldn't force or fake I like them. 
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| May 10, 2006 @ 4:47 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her?
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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It's not a matter of conscious "faking" of feelings...you do genuinely like them...but you work that "liking" into something more than it really is.
Apparently, Ron, you've never had beer goggles in your entire life! 
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| May 10, 2006 @ 4:56 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her? |
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Goodness_Gracie
Posts: 708
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I would tell them I like them and that is all it could be! 
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| May 10, 2006 @ 5:02 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her?
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TXgal4474
Posts: 12
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I have made many dates with beer goggles on and wondered what the heck I was doing! And looking back, I did try to go on several dates with the person to see if some spark would come from it. It was just me trying to create that magic.
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| May 10, 2006 @ 5:08 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her? |
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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I think you're right on, TXgal! I think we all want that magic, especially when a guy is just SOOOO nice to begin with. Sometimes some people want it so much, that they convince themselves that this is the person for them!
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| May 10, 2006 @ 5:10 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her?
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TXgal4474
Posts: 12
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Exactly, we set ourselves up for disappointment! Why do we do this knowing what the outcome is going to be?
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| May 10, 2006 @ 7:48 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her? |
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LSU79
Posts: 323
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But Ray, i'll take exactly what you said and change men to women.....look at it now it still applies does it not????
No, not really, I haven't heard guys complain about dating nothing but b*tches (ex-wives excluded) the same way I've heard women complain about jerks. However, if you want to change "b*tch" to "crazy" you may have a point.
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| May 10, 2006 @ 8:04 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her?
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Eratimus
Posts: 17
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Most women say that deep inside they want a nice guy who will treat them right. But, when they encounter one, they have to talk themselves into actually liking the? Why is that. It is not fair to those guys who trully are nice. That is not fair.
Is it because your afraid that finallyyou could have a meaningfull relatinship? Andwit the other guy who may treat you like crap you dont have to worry about that?
Do us nice guys have to wait till a women grows out of their being afraid of a real relationship syndrome to finally be happy?
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| May 10, 2006 @ 8:05 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her? |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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I tried talking myself into liking someone but everybody knows I never listen.
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| May 10, 2006 @ 8:11 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her?
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,792
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I tried talking myself into liking someone but everybody knows I never listen.
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| May 10, 2006 @ 9:02 PM |
Talking yourself into liking him/her? |
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irish20835
Posts: 1,224
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I am a victim of the nice guy syndrome ..those that have read my profile see my sarcasam in the nice guy syndrome ....I have women tell me all the time what a nice guy or great catch I am....but when i try to take that next step all of the sudden no one is interested ... 
As for the topic at hand if more people (men and women) would actually give us average guys a chance ie: talking themselves into liking someone they might be pleasantly suprised ..or incredably horrified ...who knows life is a gamble.
I have talked my self into like a member of the opposite sex ..i was greatly dissappointed ...but i keep on keeping on
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