| May 27, 2006 @ 12:59 AM |
FIZZLE
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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Why do they fizzle so fast 
I am picky as all get out - it won’t ever change - I have always been that way from high school. I am not looking for sex - I am only looking for an honest to goodness two way match - where ever she is.
In the last couple of months I have very selectively (one at a time) picked out three females (JUST THREE) so far - and that is from two big big sites.
I sent them a short respectful email - they send back a line or two - I send them another respectful email and they start to FIZZLE. Don’t even think I say anything even related to sex. That is just not me - I respect people and respect myself. Some of them make it two or three exchanges then FIZZLE.
By fizzle I mean they just stop. If they stop I stop. I don’t ask them anything personal AT ALL.
Pick some reasons - expand on them or add to them - this is just nuts.
- the girls I “pick” are good looking they get 500 emails a week - I am just one more smuck out there.
- they are just on these sites to generate incoming inquires - and sort thru them looking for Mr. Perfect
- they have no interest in meeting anyone
- they have no interest unless you live 50 foot from them
- they want to hear deep deep devotion by the 2nd emails or else
- I don’t lay 500 compliments on them by the 2nd email
- I don’t attach a copy of my financial statement by the 3rd email
- they are all looking for 30 year old stud muffins even if they are over 45-55
- I am not getting to the point fast enough
- no matter what I say they all think I am only after sex (which I am not)
- they WILL FIND a reason to pass no matter what (they are even picky-er) than I am
- they are numb to all the emails they get
- I don’t say I am rich on the first email
- I don’t say I can touch my nose with my tongue in the first email
- they are playing hard to get (I don’t do games AT ALL)
- they want me to chase them (it ain’t going to happen)
Guys - girls do you get many fizzles - what are the real causes of fizzles?
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| May 27, 2006 @ 1:30 AM |
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omkeerpunt
Posts: 511
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Same here Every lady I have ever approached through any type of dating system fizzled after 3 letter and it is not as if I ever added anything disrespectfull in any of those letters. I have come to the conclusion that for some unexplained obscure reason some guys are just not considered the material these ladies are after. I have stopped questioning the reason and I simply enjoy whatever entertainment the scene offers.
Come to think of it the same goes for any lady I met in real life over the past 15 years. Must be something to do with age. A man is probably considered to have a rather limited span of usefullness. A quote from a movie that hit home: "At our age men can no longer be loved but merely tollerated"
[Edited on 5
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| May 27, 2006 @ 3:00 AM |
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keeno
Posts: 2,363
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"At our age men can no longer be loved but merely tollerated"
i am finding that they no longer even need to tolerate us "oldtimers." i recently met a delightful woman that has more power tools than me. and the home renovation thread is filled with women talking about doing "our jobs"so much for our usefulness around the house. i don't even want to broach the subjuect of "bob".....
maybe we need to start our own "red hat club" we could have meetings at the moonlight bunny ranch.
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| May 27, 2006 @ 3:49 AM |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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KEENO! 
I'll admit I'm a terrible fizzler (with men AND women in PMs)...but that's because I've never been looking for a mate or date or deep relationship, but rather just friendship and conversation via the forums (keeps my brain from going numb). Maybe I'm shallow ~ugh~ but more probably - or rather definitely - just plain old fashioned lazy. 
Oh Keeno-keeno-keeno, never EVER be intimidated by a woman with more tools than you!  Just because a woman is "capable" (1/2 from pride, 1/2 from necessity) doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy sharing and company. With the right person, it's OH-so much more fun and rewarding to create together! But the same holds for cooking, laundry, grocery shopping and all everyday "adventures".
I think, though, that as we age on our own, like you mentioned (in person) that it becomes harder to find that right person to fit into our little home-made niche -- comfortably. BOTH have their somewhat set ideas, 'style', routines, needs and goals -- both tend to know how far they'd bend to make things work in a partnership. And both are aware of the amount of energy they're willing to expend (sometimes being responsible for oneself is enough of a challenge without taking on the extra) -- BUT once in that blue moon, the right one for EACH OTHER does come along! Just in CASE it's the "next one", the ultimate reward makes it worth trying...over and over again. 
Besides, until Maikita starts marketing "Bob", there's simply NUTTIN' that'll replace Willie! 
~grin~ I'd LOVE to be a fly on the wall as you all amble in, wearing your red hats, to the "ranch" Bet you guys would earn free passes! 
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| May 27, 2006 @ 9:22 AM |
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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just plain old fashioned lazy
I think this is right on. It actually takes some WORK to keep up dialogue via email and instant messages. When one has a busy life, the first thing to go by the wayside is the time one would spend on correspondence. Of course, one may be cheating themselves out of something good in this practice. These are sometimes the very people that only want your friendship/relationship when it is convenient to them. These are sometimes the people that like the idea of friendship/relationship but aren't actually willing/able to do the work involved.
Long story short, you're probably not missing out on anything! But...they probably are! So, rest easy!
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| May 27, 2006 @ 9:47 AM |
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walkingman
Posts: 639
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There are far to many reason's to list as to why this happen's. That is just part of meeting people online. I think some people just get on these single's sight's when they are really bored. Are they really looking for a match. I tend to think not. I am sure they would like to meet someone but don't expect to online.
The chance's of meeting someone on here are slim. It take's 2 people willing to put in the time to get to know each other this way. If there is any distance involved then one person get's bored with if after a while and there is your fizzle. The best way to meet someone online is my opinion is this. You exchange an e-mail and then go to a phone. You talk for a week or so and then meet Asap. It is then real. I think to many people waste to much time writing . I think action's speak louder than word's. If you want to meet someone on line then just go meet them. I understand a bit of caution but you have to take some risk's when you meet a person on a computer . That is just how it is. I think to many people are just not willing to do that so that is why all the e-mail's just fizzle after a while. Hang in there Ron and just have fun with it. I spend most of my time on these forum's and writing blog's. I ea few people from time to time but will never get my hope's up again. " All good thing's come to those who wait or so they say". I like to think it is true.
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| May 27, 2006 @ 10:02 AM |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,370
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I've had email correspondences with women here that have lasted many, many months - not just friends, but romantic prospects. If they fizzle after the first few emails, that's a good thing. It means they're not interested. Why would you want to waste your time and energy on a one-sided situation. Just move along to the next prospect.
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| May 27, 2006 @ 10:08 AM |
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silknpearls
Posts: 1,820
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Having not read your emails, I cannot say for sure. However, I know that sometimes the reason I lose interest is because:
1. they are rude
2. they make sexual innuendoes
3. they still have not asked for my phone # by email # four (I have a short attention span with emails)
4. they’re children are their life – no room for me
5. they have nothing to say. They never ask any questions just answer them – leaving it up to me to keep the conversation going. I will only do this to a point – then I realize that is what it will be like talking to them in real life and decide it is not going to work
6. they ask way too personal questions
7. they make jokes that would be considered “female bashing” – I do not male bash and do not want someone who thinks it is ok to bash women
8. I realize that for some reason we are not compatible – lots of miscellaneous reasons – they fit into one of the categories of “deal breakers” (see other thread for list)
9. I have met someone else that interests me
10. they are too illiterate for me to decipher their emails
11. they live too far away and logistics would be a nightmare
12. someone else from the site warns me about them (yes, this has happened)
13. I realized they are married or are still in a relationship
14. I read something they wrote in the forums that worries me and convinces me that we are not compatible
15. something they said makes me realize that I will not live up to their standards on something
However, unless the mistake is particularly egregious, I always try to let them know that the communication is ending – sometimes I forget when I get too many emails at once – hard to keep track at times
I would suggest, if you are truly interested in the woman, and the woman does not respond to your email, that you try one more - she may have "lost" your email amongst all the garbage in her mailbox. This has happened to me - sometimes it is because Yahoo has redirected it to my bulk mail folder for some unknown reason. 
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| May 27, 2006 @ 10:10 AM |
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HarleysB_WV
Posts: 860
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Sometimes after corresponding for a period of time you realize that you really don't have as much in common as you originally thought, or the things you do have in common simply aren't enough to build a "great" relationship on. Thats been the case for me several times. I always count my blessings that we find out early on and we were able to let it fizzle out without hard feelings.
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| May 27, 2006 @ 10:46 AM |
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LSU79
Posts: 323
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I'd say your first reason is the most likely reason if they're serious about finding someone, and Silk's reason #9 is why. They get tons of responses, talk to a few of the best, then get interested in one of them. It's frustrating, because you know if you met that woman at a c***tail party, or some such social event, by the end of the evening you'd have her phone # and a date lined up. But on single sites, it's like trying to talk to a woman at a party and 30 other guys are crowded around her.
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| May 27, 2006 @ 11:01 AM |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,602
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For me, it's the busy life thing, as well as the emails. I've almost been guilty of this very recently but fortunately the guy decided to keep trying. I responded to an email (on another site) but then became totally inundated at work, not to mention really sick, and I didn't even check my emails there for a couple of weeks. I'd given him my primary email addy as well, which fortunately he's now sent a couple of emails to..so long story short, the work visitors left on Thursday, I'm feeling human again, we've now talked on the phone and are having dinner tonight. Certainly no guarantees of anything developing, my percentage on first dates developing into anything longer term is abysmally low, but overall I'm more optimistic right now than I have been in a very long time...and the prospect is tantalizing.
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| May 27, 2006 @ 12:23 PM |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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Yep-I think it's the busy life thing also. I don't get online nearly as much when the weather is nice. I try very hard to get to my mail, but there are days I have ten or twenty messages. I make short replies so as to let them know I'm interested in talking to them. (which isn't good enough for some) Busy, busy, busy!
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| May 27, 2006 @ 12:40 PM |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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I've had email correspondences with women here that have lasted many, many months - not just friends, but romantic prospects.
Pete, does Spongy count?
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| May 27, 2006 @ 1:37 PM |
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introspective1
Posts: 236
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I am with silknpearls, HarleysB and Loreli. When the weather is really nice, I am not in here on my pc as much, sometimes the emails just go on and on with nothing new to say so I (hate to admit it) but just lose interest? Sometimes something in a profile- yes I do read them or a post just tells me that we are probably just incompatible or makes me feel I could never live up to the expectations. I also do write a couple in here and do not like to spread myself too thin and do not wish to get overly involved with something that will probably never be. So, Ron, I say have fun with it, don't get disappointed with past results, they are never an indication of future ones. The good friends you make are always worth continued correspondance, and those make the best prospects for a relationship anyway- nuture them. You have a great look, a great profile, and the fact that you are looking for more than one thing and a great relationship makes you that much more desirable to some of us. I am sure you will find great success on here, it just takes patience and time. Enjoy!
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| May 27, 2006 @ 1:49 PM |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I haven't read your emails so I can't really say, only that it is good for it to fizzle out early on rather than 3 or 6 or 12 months down the line.
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| May 27, 2006 @ 1:50 PM |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,625
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Besides, until Maikita starts marketing "Bob", there's simply NUTTIN' that'll replace Willie!
~grin~ I'd LOVE to be a fly on the wall as you all amble in, wearing your red hats, to the "ranch" Bet you guys would earn free passes!
She's right , nothing replaces Willie, though Bob never gets tired.
Ok, red hats to the guys at the next gathering!!!!!!
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| May 27, 2006 @ 1:52 PM |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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There's a 1001 reasons why things fizzle, from both ends.
Kids, busy lifestyles, incompatibility (sometimes takes time to find out), distance, false expectations, not living up to expectations, etc....or simply because people lose interest over time? Does there have to be a reason for everything?...lol.
The most difficult thing to do in modern relationships is keep a person's focus when there's things to do, places to be, people to see, work to finish, details to take care of, personal issues to address (our parents didn't have these kinds of problems, did they????...lol).
When somebody figures it all out, please, call me. 
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| May 27, 2006 @ 2:40 PM |
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keeno
Posts: 2,363
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hmmmm nice to see some discussion about this. my last post was so "tongue in cheek"
sunbabe, you took me way to serious, i see you as a great freind and the perfect road trip partner. i had way to much fun with you in the car to goof that up with anything more.....
jeff i like your ideas about meeting quicker, gawd knows i have wasted so much time corresponding with "local women." 3 months of talking to someone before getting turned down or getting stood up for a date, seems to be the norm up here.
just my experience, don't know what their problems are but i am weary of the b.s. washington women seem to put out.
silknpearls, nice list of reasons, i suppose you have used them all to weed us guys out at one time or another, i think i have the 145 # weight limit in my profile if not here on some other site. i might be "shallow" but when i find the "right one" she will know how i feel by my words and actions, not because of my profile.
enjoy the day, keep thinking....
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| May 27, 2006 @ 3:40 PM |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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Yeh right, Keeno, as if ----> meant "serious"
...but truly, this IS a serious topic (or can be, hehe)
I agree that meeting "sooner" rather than "later" is important...especially if someone's fairly local. Even a meeting for pizza or coffee , on "neutral territory", can offer the opportunity to see if there's a MUTUAL attraction and potential for "more" down the road.
Hmmm...I wonder if there should be a profile catagory for "recommendations/validations" -- for example, Tahoma and I (and the people at our gathering) could affirm that you're really a nice guy and that you truly ENJOY your family, your lifestyle and dream house...but you'd love to share with the right woman!
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| May 27, 2006 @ 3:54 PM |
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father_heart
Posts: 1,110
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The conection. I never beleaved much in it before. Words, thoughts, hopes dreams, fears, and desires can all be shared soo easily if you meet a caring person.
We cant forget theresd still, touch, smell, taste. the sound of words whisper in our own minds ears, still to be muttled over 100s miles of phone line, will only be true and clear to the ear from lips. These too need to fit.
The great comitment is somtething I hold most honor, near above all, too. Yet the first comitment must be to ones self. It denial, wishful thinking and hopeful thoughts that things maybe as they dont seem, coupled with with the want and desire to couple up that leads to many quick marrages and UGLY devorces. I may not know what Im talking about, since I never been married, or devorced, lol. yet then again., whos to say Im not.
So to the fizzle, dont swet it, when you find the person that put up and doesnt shut up. Then you got your match. When it doesnt fizzel, is when it worth all those that do.
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