| Jul 7, 2006 @ 11:14 PM |
What Men Do Wrong
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,954
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So there's a thread completely complaining about us, and what we do wrong. I even participated in it, having dated a few women myself. But now it's our turn. What do men do wrong?
First off, I talk to a lot of men that like to assume men the whole world over are all the same. "All men REALLY ARE pigs"...I've heard this from the mouth of a man, not the mouth of a bitter woman. All men really aren't pigs. All men are different.
There are some men who just EXPECT that after they get into a relationship they will be able to continue to live their life as if they were still single or casually dating. When a woman asks them to cut it out or be left behind, he complains "YOU'RE TRYING TO CHANGE ME!!!!!" That bothers me. I've never tried to change a man into what I want him to be but I don't want to be dating a man who thinks he's still single and gets pissed off whenever I want to spend time with him or freaks out whenever I try to talk to him about stuff I'm interested in. If I have to sit around and listen to him talk about sports then he damn well better sit down and listen to me talk about how overpriced Sephora is.
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| Jul 7, 2006 @ 11:21 PM |
What Men Do Wrong |
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raykl
Posts: 566
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Sorry LQueen, this probably will be the only post on your thread. Like men do anything wrong 
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| Jul 7, 2006 @ 11:28 PM |
What Men Do Wrong
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,620
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Ahhhhhhhhhh Ray......yee of little faith
Give me a few, I'll be back..... 
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| Jul 7, 2006 @ 11:32 PM |
What Men Do Wrong |
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NeverB4Alone
Posts: 9,041
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UH OH  Git'er Done Angel  
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| Jul 7, 2006 @ 11:33 PM |
What Men Do Wrong
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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men who just EXPECT that after they get into a relationship they will be able to continue to live their life as if they were still single or casually dating
I agree with what you're saying here, LGQ. It's not that I want/expect him to change, but that if we are commited, then we have certain agreed upon priorities. If there is no agreement, there is no commitment.
I've had experiences with men that think that they should want a commitment and they go into relationships thinking they'll eventually feel that devotion. I think this kind of wishy washy behavior causes a lot of problems! If they don't want the responsibility of a commited relationship, then yes, by all means...keep on walkin'!
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| Jul 7, 2006 @ 11:34 PM |
What Men Do Wrong |
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LSU79
Posts: 323
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There are some men who just EXPECT that after they get into a relationship they will be able to continue to live their life as if they were still single or casually dating. When a woman asks them to cut it out or be left behind, he complains "YOU'RE TRYING TO CHANGE ME!!!!!"
Actually, the guy is right, you are trying to change him. The solution is to date a guy who is not going to do that. Simple.
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| Jul 7, 2006 @ 11:41 PM |
What Men Do Wrong
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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Actually, the guy is right, you are trying to change him
Nope. Commitment = compromise. If one partner (male or female) compromises more than the other, it only leads to resentment. However, if both are commitment minded, compromise doesn't feel like such a sacrifice.
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 12:03 AM |
What Men Do Wrong |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,897
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I see it simply as accepting a person for who they are.
If we dont become committed to each other with the false impression that we will be able to change the other over time,we are in love.
Best of friends stay that way for a lifetime because they dont see the need to change the other.They accept the other for who they are,not what they want them to be.
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 12:18 AM |
What Men Do Wrong
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,954
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it's not about accepting someone as they are
when you get into a serious relationship, you do have to change certain parts of your life to accomodate another person into it and some men (and women) just don't do that and when it's pointed out to them they freak out and claim that their significant other is trying to change them when it's not really that, it's just kind of "i want you to make more room in your life for me"
there is also no true definition of love or when exactly a person or two people are in love.
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 12:23 AM |
What Men Do Wrong |
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Firefaerie
Posts: 233
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Men will one day destroy the world, so I dont think a little thing like dating will slow them down.I feel so lucky knowing that, huh?
Talk about bragging rights.... 
bye 
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 12:36 AM |
What Men Do Wrong
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Jankia
Posts: 11,897
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it's not about accepting someone as they are
Then the serious relationship you are speaking of isnt about love lipgloss.If you havent a true definition of love,you havent raised a child or had the same best friend for nearly 40 years.
If two cannot make the needed room in there lives for each other by accepting each other for who they are they should part.There love is weak.
Look at our current divorce rate,weak love leads to more of it.
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 12:46 AM |
What Men Do Wrong |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,954
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you havent raised a child or had the same best friend for nearly 40 years.
Well if I had been alive for fourty years maybe I could've had the same best friend for that long but I have had the same best friend for almost fourteen years.
There is no true definition of love. It is not an absolute truth. Everyone has their own definition of what it means to them.
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 12:54 AM |
What Men Do Wrong
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,620
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I would like to say a few things about what I prefer some men try to do differently, not about what men at large "do wrong"...
Try to be confident and sincere in relation to an initial approach.....if an approach is too strong or pretentious or overbearing it's like
Cheesy pick up lines do not impress intelligent women as I'm sure they do not impress intelligent men.
Understand that if a woman is attractive and intelligent she IS approachable....her response to you may depend on how you intelligently and genuinely approach her.
Try to relax in relation to bringing up sex so quickly....try talking to and really getting to know a woman first.....if the chemistry or vibes are right and the relationship deepens, you will not need to bring up sex....you will have the desire to bring up making love instead.
Know that many women desire to be known from the inside out, not necessarily from the outside in....So, seek to know the whole person and in doing so, in return, you will receive gift. Pure gift.
Even if you do not understand what a woman is trying to communicate, try to understand....the trying part will give just about any woman a felt sense of being responded to and loved.
If or when conflict comes up in a relationship, try to deal with it in such a way so that it is a win win situation.....being silent or nonresponsive will not help the relationship grow and develop...try not to be afraid of your feelings..."Know thyself."
Let your special someone frequently know just how special she is to you....what you put out comes back to you ten fold!!!!
Say I love you often, but more importantly show it through your actions. Keep this in mind and try not to slack when things seem "comfortable enough" in the relationship...No one can be one thing all of the time but if you do your best to act on this suggestion, your love relationship will deepen and grow.
Ahhhhhhh, women love strength and tenderness in a man....know that if you are tender or weep, in the eyes of the one who loves you, you are more of a man because of it.........you approach the fullness of your humanity by allowing yourself to be, just as you are, in any given moment.
[Edited on 7
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 1:00 AM |
What Men Do Wrong |
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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 Angel, and they should not be afraid of housework!
I think one's definition of love varies with age and experience and what works for some people, doesn't work for others.
This is where mutual acceptance and like mindedness comes in. If both people in a relationship have similar definitions of love/commitment, then the chances of success would most likely be greater.
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 1:58 AM |
What Men Do Wrong
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nuclearvanilla
Posts: 200
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All too often, I see young cousins or friends of my siblings, starting up the whole relationship game in their teens, and you can actually see the slow lesson of "compromise in love". Obviously, it's just part of the learning process at that stage, and mistakes will be made regularly, but they/we begin to realize, "Hey, I am A, and he/she is C. We are going to have to find a B, aren't we?" That is a healthy lesson to learn, and a necessary one. However, things get complex when OTHER factors come into it, and by that I refer to mass media, television, magazines, the ignorance of other people(mostly adults who fell down the same dark path years ago). When they come into it, our perspective on a reasonable compromise becomes distorted. There are so many different philosophies saying "give more" or "take more" or "care less" or "find someone else" and they clash on the impressionable minds of young adults so badly that nothing makes sense anymore, and they/we resort to common cheese we see that works on sitcoms. I have seen my sister do it, girls do it, guys do it, even educated fleas do it. Let's do it, let's fall in.... oh, wait. 
Ridiculously stupid solutions that don't apply to the situation at hand, but one seen in a movie. I suppose that brings me to the main point for which I'd post in this thread, and that is that I think women are better at intuition than men (on average) so men are more likely to f*** it up with this mindless idealism, I guess you could call it. But that's just my thought on the matter, humble though it may be...
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 8:23 AM |
What Men Do Wrong |
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Fae2591
Posts: 73
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There are some men who just EXPECT that after they get into a relationship they will be able to continue to live their life as if they were still single or casually dating. When a woman asks them to cut it out or be left behind, he complains "YOU'RE TRYING TO CHANGE ME!!!!!"
My last one used the phrase "I'm a grown man, I'll do what I want!" when he left me hanging one night to be with his buddies, after promising that he would be with me. Sorry but grown men don't do that.
It never ceases to amaze me how differently men will act in front of people, especially their buddies, as opposed to how they act when you're alone. It's absurd the way they "front" for people.
Why can't people just be who they are, 24/7?
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 9:03 AM |
What Men Do Wrong
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Jankia
Posts: 11,897
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It never ceases to amaze me how differently men will act in front of people, especially their buddies, as opposed to how they act when you're alone. It's absurd the way they "front" for people.
Why can't people just be who they are, 24/7?
I dont think of that as a "front".Everyone is like that male and female.Of course we are different in a social setting compared to a private one.
As far as the being whom you are 24/7,you have to admit your not the same exact person when your with your girlfriends as when your with your partner.
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 9:25 AM |
What Men Do Wrong |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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There are some men who just EXPECT that after they get into a relationship they will be able to continue to live their life as if they were still single or casually dating. When a woman asks them to cut it out or be left behind, he complains "YOU'RE TRYING TO CHANGE ME!!!!!" I agree LG, and this problem is pertinent to both men and women, because IMO there are far too many people who do not see "dating" as any kind of committment. Dating someone is a committment, or at least it should be.
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 9:35 AM |
What Men Do Wrong
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Jankia
Posts: 11,897
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I'm one of those you speak of China.
Love is a committment.
Dating is an adventure.
I consider it foolish to comitt myself to every lady that I date.
Havent you never dated more than one gal at a time?
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| Jul 8, 2006 @ 9:53 AM |
What Men Do Wrong |
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lacyvsq
Posts: 6,161
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Things both men and women do wrong:
Think they can read minds
Think others can read their minds
Assume others would react to the same stimuli in the same manner as they
Forget that others are influenced by a different set of experiences
Feel rejected or offended or hurt when someone does not behave as expected, instead of trying to understand intentions behind the behaviors of others and communicating confusion and asking when they do not understand..
Put people in boxes -- OPs first point.
Dislike themselves or do not care for/about themselves. If you want another to care about you, like you, love you...care for yourself, make yourself likeable, make yourself loveable.
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