| Jul 21, 2006 @ 2:23 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!!
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I was recently talking to a lady on another site. She lives locally to me, seems pretty cool and intelligent, and seems to be up for a laugh. However, I didn't much fancy her but was enjoying chatting with her.
Last week she said she'd like to meet me, and I said yes, of course, but told her that we'd be meeting as "friends" with no preconceptions on what would happen. She flew off the handle at me, told me I had been leading her on and making her think that I wanted more than just friendship.
What is wrong with these people?? When I talk with a woman, when I am nice to a woman, it does not mean that I fancy her and want to get all sexed up with her!!
Why does this misconception seem to be so common? It has happened numerous times to me online, when my simply chatting with a woman is construed as me wanting to have sex. Get over yourselves ladies, you're not irresistable, and there is nothing wrong with friendships!!!
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 2:32 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!! |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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it works both ways China....and yes it does get old..........
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 2:35 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!!
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Yep, I know it works both ways Nah, and it irritates the hell outta me! I expect it is actually more common behaviour by men, but of course I don't see that first-hand.
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 3:05 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!! |
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HarleysB_WV
Posts: 860
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Well I just have ONE question. If they think you are a sex toy, where exactly are they planning on sticking the batteries??  
I do agree with you though. That "let's meet and have sex" crap really gets old fast. I normally just tell the guys that pick that line of topic with me that I am apparently not as desperate as they are to have sex. I don't need to come online to find someone just to have sex with. I can go somewhere right here in my own town for that thank ya very much.
I'm just here to meet people and make friends and I don't have sex with all of my friends.
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 3:11 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!!
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willsmalto
Posts: 3,645
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yeah china, this is not at all strange to me but that lady is one of a kind  .
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 3:14 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!! |
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willsmalto
Posts: 3,645
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Basically, I think, frienship or dating in particular warrants a great deal of time and patience but some people prefer taking speed and losing it all at the end.
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 3:15 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!!
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willsmalto
Posts: 3,645
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It's not a day's job, I mean it's a step-by-step process. you could start off from friends and if theres any match or chemstry, you could date and maybe finally take it to the next level.
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 3:17 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!! |
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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There is nothing wrong with people talking “friends”. If I am interested in a gal as a potential gf and she uses the word friend - I change modes very fast and start to back away and start clearing my memory banks of her.
One thing I would never allow is - me trying to continue to be friends with a female that I was interested in - that could/would be total torture. Many guys hang on after the the the “friends word” hoping she will change her view of him.
I fully realize my thinking is in direct contrast to the average female. Please do not jump my butt for my thinking - but I think when gals toss out the friends word it could be one of two things 1. You are not bf material to them 2. They want time to figure out if you are bf material to them. I think this boy/girl stuff is either or - it is either there right off the bat or not there. It is not something you can control. Attraction is not a emotion - it is a reation. It can not be "learned" later.
My bottom line is - figure it out real fast - so no one gets any hurt feelings - me or the gal. Since so many female are of the “friends first” thinking - when they contact me - I don’t talk to them much because I don’t want them thinking I am interested in them and end up giving them the wrong idea ACCIDENTLY.
This is also the reason I don’t casual date - I don’t want anyone getting any wrong ideas. I also want to prevent me from having casual sex - I don’t want casual sex but ....... I am a guy and ...... I may get tempted. No dating - no hurt feelings no casual sex.
The gal in the OP needs to calm down until she can figure out what is really going on - it was not right of her to get all bent out of shape because she ASSUMED something.
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 3:19 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!!
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willsmalto
Posts: 3,645
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it's more like someone(especially desperate women) who gets up in the morning missing a kidney somewhere and wants things to move at a fever pace, no!
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 3:20 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!! |
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willsmalto
Posts: 3,645
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i kinda messed up the whole thing with the bit-by-bit posts. sorry! network problems
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 6:34 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!!
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scarletsara
Posts: 239
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China,
I have had this problem also, even after stating in the begining that I was not interested in sex with them. Some people hear what they want, not what you said.
It's nice to see a man that can value friendship with a female, very cool 
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 7:41 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!! |
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sweet_n_small1
Posts: 753
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If they are really thinking these relationships could develop into something longlasting, why would they not want to be friends first anyway? I just don't get it.... 
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 8:34 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!!
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willsmalto
Posts: 3,645
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to clear your doubts sweet..., like I said before some people just want things to move at the speed of light or maybe they just wanna use you...just a thought
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 9:06 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!! |
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sweet_n_small1
Posts: 753
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I hate to go into things with a cynical non trusting attitude but maybe that is what I need to do....
Sad really.
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 9:16 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!!
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lj450
Posts: 9,550
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I am not a sex-toy!!
Im not really a sex-toy, Im more of a sex-machine!! (sounds more manly)
Lets face it folks......if it werent for sex all we would have is football.
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 9:43 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!! |
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jamminjerry
Posts: 4,085
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like Art Linkletter says people are funny!
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 9:46 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!!
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Utopia296
Posts: 237
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Gotta agree with nah12. It works both ways. But I understand your point.
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 9:52 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!! |
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UpbeatGalinSC
Posts: 1,163
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China, I don't understand where that woman is coming from for heavens sake! Did she really want you to jump her bones on the first meeting?
I've found just the opposite when speaking to some women. When they first meet someone online they want to e-mail back and forth at nauseum. Men have that complaint about women. In one e-mail I can explain about myself, plus there's the profile and that's it. On the other hand I expect the man to do the same thing..an e-mail telling me about himself,,then let's meet and go from there. I don't care how many e-mails you send back and forth you are never gonna discover all the skeltons in each other's closets...lol!
Lets face it folks......if it werent for sex all we would have is football.
Ahhhh...football is my passion, but I'd never give up sex for it. 
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 10:30 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!!
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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I think sometimes that flirty back-and-forth chat can easily get misconstrued as actual interest for either party. It's not always easy being a flirt, and sometimes we pay the price for it! This online medium isn't nearly as clear in it's intent as face-to-face getting to know someone!
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| Jul 21, 2006 @ 10:51 AM |
I am not a sex-toy!! |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Well I just have ONE question. If they think you are a sex toy, where exactly are they planning on sticking the batteries?? ooo ooo I know I know I know! 
I'm just here to meet people and make friends and I don't have sex with all of my friends. Yep, exactly, and besides, how on earth would I know whether i want to have sex with her until I actually meet her anyway??
It's not a day's job, I mean it's a step-by-step process. you could start off from friends and if theres any match or chemstry, you could date and maybe finally take it to the next level. Yes that's it... why have some preconceived idea that could fall flat on it's face!
There is nothing wrong with people talking “friends”. If I am interested in a gal as a potential gf and she uses the word friend - I change modes very fast and start to back away and start clearing my memory banks of her. You see, I am different to this, if I am roimantically interested in a girl and she wants friendship only, then that doesn't bother me at all. I am far too cynical to fall in love quickly, so a friendship is cool without me getting hurt.
It's nice to see a man that can value friendship with a female, very cool Thanks Scarlet, but why is this so hard for many women to understand? I mean, I'm not bad-looking, but I'm no Adonis, so why so much focus on the sex-thing? Anyone that talks to me knows how much I value and love my daughter, and they know tat I am ultra-careful these days about becoming "involved" with a woman for anything other than friendship, and I really don't understand the surprise when I say "friends only", initially, and see if it develops further but in no rush!
China, I don't understand where that woman is coming from for heavens sake! Did she really want you to jump her bones on the first meeting? Uhhh... well... yes, I guess she did!
When they first meet someone online they want to e-mail back and forth at nauseum Yes, lots of people are like that, but I don't have the time for that either. A few emails, a few phonecalls is fine for me, then let's meet for a drink or something and see if we really click in real life.
I think sometimes that flirty back-and-forth chat can easily get misconstrued as actual interest for either party. It's not always easy being a flirt, and sometimes we pay the price for it! This online medium isn't nearly as clear in it's intent as face-to-face getting to know someone! You're right Di, and I have made that mistake in the past because I find it ever so natural to flirt with women online that I am not attracted to, but these days I am ever so careful not to flirt with women that don't "do it" for me, especially those that it is likely (or possible) I will actually meet. The woman in question certainly was not led on by me, nor did I flirt with her in any way that could be misconstrued as me having a romantic interest.
Ah well, onwards we go, and besides, I've got a lunch-date tomorrow, and it's a real date because I've met her once before!
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