| Jul 22, 2006 @ 10:28 PM |
Sending mixed signals
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wawasweetie
Posts: 242
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If u just wanted to be friends with someone,n had no intention on ever having a relationship with them.Would u still want to be intimate with them in some way?Kissig,hugging,fondling but no intercourse.Is it right to send mixed signals to someone even though u know they want more than friendship from u?I have someone doing that to me now n he has been for along time.Aftr 5 months of making no attempt to talk to me,he suddenly appears n wants to know where he stands with me n for me to be straight with him.He still claims that he doesn't want to get serious n just wants to hang out once in awhile.We only got together 4 times in the whole 2 years we've known each other.Jan.2005,Feb.2005,Aug.2005 n most recently July 5th 2006.he tried to come over on july 4th but i didn't answer the door.I'm so confused!Why does he do this to me/He says he just wants to be friends but his body language tells me different.I've tried to forget him but he won't let me.He comes into my job so i can't ignore him.I really do care for this guy but i really wish he would poop or get off the pot.I'm afraid to tell him how i feel but i'm pretty sure he already knows.I just told him whatever happens,happens.He just got out of a bad relationship n claims he's scarred for life.Do i deserve to pay the price for that?Would someone please tell me why thay think he keeps pursuing me if he doesn't really want me?There are other women he could toy with.Is there a possibility that he might really care about me n is just scared???
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| Jul 23, 2006 @ 1:01 AM |
Sending mixed signals |
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lacyvsq
Posts: 6,161
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You also are sending mixed signals. You say you want him to poop or get off the pot, but you remain tolerant of his sitting on the pot.
I'm afraid to tell him how i feel but i'm pretty sure he already knows.
How can he know how you feel when you don't know how you feel? You need to poop or get off the pot. Don't leave it up to him to decide what is going to happen; make a decision as to what you are going to do about him and then just DO it.
Do i deserve to pay the price for that?
You deservie it if you are willing to pay it.
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| Jul 23, 2006 @ 11:11 AM |
Sending mixed signals
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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He's not sending you mixed signals, you're just ignoring the signals he's giving you.
He still claims that he doesn't want to get serious n just wants to hang out once in awhile.
He says he just wants to be friends but his body language tells me different.
No...he's told you what he wants and you're allowing him to pop in and out of your life. His body language is telling you that he's following up on what his words have told you. He doesn't want a relationship, he just wants to hang out. That's what he's doing.
You want more than that. And you're reading into his hanging out that he might want more, too. He doesn't. He's told you that.
You're the only one whose confused. When you tell someone, who has just told you that he doesn't want a relationship, that "whatever happens, happens," you're agreeing with him that you don't want a relationship, either. If that's not the case, you need to tell him.
He can't read your mind. Expecting that he just "knows" how you feel is wrong.
Again, the mixed signals are coming from you. He told you what he wanted. You tacitly agreed to it. I'd say the blinking green light is coming from your side of the street.
MJ
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| Jul 23, 2006 @ 3:44 PM |
Sending mixed signals |
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1stsignofspring
Posts: 17,992
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Clear your mind and kick him to the curb! This is not a normal and healthy progressing relationship. You deserve and are worth so much more than a few fondles and living in complete confusion!
Who knows what his reasons are.....and does it really matter anyway??
Tell him what you think, and what you want.......if he doesn't want the same things then, Run, Forrest, Run!! But keep moving forward....and don't look back! Your best times are just ahead of you. Good Luck! 
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| Jul 25, 2006 @ 3:52 AM |
Sending mixed signals
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Orphes1
Posts: 347
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He's just using you as a crutch, something akin to you being a counselor or a port in the storm. Get rid of the bum and find a real man instead. He has to know what he is doing to you...
Or maybe not?
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 5:10 AM |
Sending mixed signals |
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wlvmark2003
Posts: 213
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jesus you are beating yourself on the head hun.this guy is not into you trust me.you are spinning your wheels.you will find a man who is into you but in the meantime dont fawn over this guy be nice to him or whatever but move on.youre wasting time.he is just using you for sex until he finds someone else.im not being mean im a man i know how men think.move on.
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 9:56 AM |
Sending mixed signals
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Jackeys
Posts: 151
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Please take a look at my post called lying 2 yourself, because that's what it sounds like you're doing.
I know how it feels when you want someone so bad and you think that if you wait it out they will realize that they feel the same about you. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. First be honest with yourself and pay attention to not only his actions but his words as well.
I was dealing with a guy who had been scarred by previous relationships. He made it very clear from the beginning that he didn't want a relationship and because I liked him so much I tried to make him believe as well as myself believe that I cool just taking whatever it was he could give me. We went on dates, cuddled, were intimate and spent many nights together. He came right out and told me that I wasn't going to change his mind about anything.
Those kinds of guys are predators. They prey on your weakness to get what they want out of the situation and then they disappear. I was fortunate enough to have someone who saw my worth and gave me an out before things got really deep. It sounds like you have the same person in your life because it appears he's been honest with you but you keep letting him in. Like I said be true to yourself and your next move will be easy.
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 10:28 AM |
Sending mixed signals |
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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I just have to disagree with the "these guys are predators" remark.
They're behaving as predators if they aren't honest and upfront about what they want and don't want. If they tell you upfront that they don't want a relationship or they're not willing to compromise, they're not behaving predatorily. They're just saying something the other side doesn't want to hear.
It may seem that it's a matter of semantics, but I don't feel it is. There's a world of difference between a guy (or girl) who says one thing and does another, and one who says "this is the way it is," allowing his (her) partner to decide whether or not to accept that.
Just my two knuts.
MJ
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 10:36 AM |
Sending mixed signals
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Jackeys
Posts: 151
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I see your point. The term predator is a bit extreme when you're dealing with someone who is honest.
When they are honest they have basically left the choice up to us.
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 10:42 AM |
Sending mixed signals |
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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Exactly.
I think that sometimes we don't want that choice, because then we're forced to recognize that we're complicit in our own heartbreak, simply because we didn't recognize (or refused to accept) that we were being given a choice. It's easier (as you initially started to do) to compromise what we really want or try to force the other party to compromise, than it is to say, "Nope" and walk away.
MJ
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 10:56 AM |
Sending mixed signals
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Jackeys
Posts: 151
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I like you razzired, we should be friends.
I've read a lot of your post and I like how you tell me what I always need to hear, because I'm often in denial until someone comes and slaps me back into reality. 
Because you've summed up majority of my dating experiences in one sentence.
The choice is always mine but I seem to be complicit in my own heartbreak. Instead of being thankful that I'm one of the very few women that men give the option to for me to run like hell. I'm slowly getting out of my convincer mentality because I know if no one can change my mind. I sure as hell can't change someone else's.
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 4:46 PM |
Sending mixed signals |
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wawasweetie
Posts: 242
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Ok,u guys have made me think!!No,I don't want just a casual thing with him but I still want to be his friend.I would love to know how I can build his trust in me though.I told him back in december that if he didn't want any kind of relationship/friendship with me to stay away n he did.And than suddenly in March,he started coming into my job again n talking to me n now wants to know where he stands with me.I didn't give him a reason to pursue me again!!We started talking in march n we hooked up again physically on july 5th.He tried to surprise me on july 4th when he came here with his harley n wanted to take me for a ride,but I messed that up by not answering the door.So he came in to work the next morning n didn't say a word about it,but showed up at my door later that evening.Although he says he don't need a girlfriend his body language says different!Couldn't he be just venting angry feelings about his last situation n when he cools down he might want more rom me.I know he definetly doesn't want us to lose touch again.He said he really missed me.And if he doesn't want a relationship n has no feelings for me than why does he hug me n kiss me the way he does?Isn't that leading me on?Friends shouldn't do that,right???I'm so confused.He could find anyone else to use,but why me?I don't push myself on him n I don't make myself too available to him.He is one confused mixed up guy that sees something in me others don't.Could he just be really scared n just want to take his time???
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 4:59 PM |
Sending mixed signals
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Jackeys
Posts: 151
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Wawasweetie, I'm shedding tears for you right now because I've been there.
If you have any courage or self-esteem left, tell this guy to f@#$ off. He's so confused that he has you confused and guess who is going to be the one hurt in this situation. It surely isn't going to be him. It sounds to me like he's in between women right now and until someone else comes along he's using you for his needs. What happens when he meets another woman?
Please tell him to stop coming up to your job and by your home unannounced, he shouldn't have that privilege. I know how hard it's going to be because a man's persistance sometimes can lead us into believing that he really likes or cares about us. I am sorry that you're having this experience right now, I hope you get something positive out of it.
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 5:17 PM |
Sending mixed signals |
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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First of all, you can't "make" someone trust you.
His body language is NOT telling you anything different. His body language is telling you that when he has nothing better to do and nowhere else to go and no one else to hang out with, he hangs out with you.
YOUR body language is telling him that's okay with you.
Him asking you "where he stands with you" AFTER telling you -- apparently repeatedly -- that he doesn't want a girlfriend and he doesn't want a relationship is a way of making sure you understand that (a) he doesn't want a girlfriend and (b) doesn't want a relationship. That you continue to allow him to come in and out of your life is telling him you're okay with that and you understand what position you have in his life. You make it clear in your posts here that you're NOT okay with that and you DON'T understand what position you have in his life.
You're talking to the wrong people.
Talk to him.
And then, either accept what he's telling you or don't accept it and tell him he needs to move along.
Does anyone know where I can get a monitor screen repaired? I think I just cracked mine, beating my head against it.
MJ
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 5:52 PM |
Sending mixed signals
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wiccked
Posts: 12,300
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you cant make someone trust you  you cant make someone love you but you can make someone go away  and i suggest you do just that!!! 
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 5:54 PM |
Sending mixed signals |
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NeverB4Alone
Posts: 9,041
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 6:24 PM |
Sending mixed signals
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lacyvsq
Posts: 6,161
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Could he just be really scared n just want to take his time??? Please take a look at my post called lying 2 yourself, because that's what it sounds like you're doing.
I know how it feels when you want someone so bad and you think that if you wait it out they will realize that they feel the same about you. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. First be honest with yourself and pay attention to not only his actions but his words as well. Jackeys has it right. You are seeing what you want to see, hearing things the way you want to hear them. You are lying to yourself. This man may let you feel something good about yourself when you are with him, but wouldn't it be much nicer to have one that lets you feel good about yourself and him ALL THE TIME? Treat yourself better than you have been. Alone and knowing what you want is better than mostly alone and totally confused and trying to make 2+2 equal 10.
Perhaps if you write down all the best qualities of this man that you can see, you will discover that they are qualities of you that you like. Look for a man who not only has those qualities, but also has trust, confidence, a desire to reach out and love -- all those things you THINK this man may be hiding. Look for someone who displays those things right out front. Look for one whose actions and body language match his words, so that he is not confusing or confused.
Cutting him off may be a bit painful now, but it will be much more painful the longer you continue this non-relationship.
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 6:26 PM |
Sending mixed signals |
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ynot77
Posts: 453
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wiccked
Posts: 187
you cant make someone trust you you cant make someone love you but you can make someone go away and i suggest you do just that!!!
Oh my ..wiccked your sooo evil...... he he he .umm did i mention THATS what i like bout ya??
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 6:29 PM |
Sending mixed signals
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wiccked
Posts: 12,300
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| Jul 26, 2006 @ 7:10 PM |
Sending mixed signals |
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holding4u
Posts: 1,098
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If he has been sitting on the pot for two years - he is not going to poop. It doesn't take that long to know if you want to be with someone or not.
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