| Dec 30, 2007 @ 11:52 PM |
Do these things make me a bad man?
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jester2kx
Posts: 8
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I have been scouring the internet and even women around me, and have started to wonder if the things that make me attracted to a woman, make me shallow/shortsighted.
I am not really attracted to women over about 170lbs. Society tells me that because I feel that way, I should be ashamed to say so. I am getting kind of tired of it. I am not saying that larger/full figured woman are unattractive.....I am just saying that I prefer smaller women(not waif 95lbs women).
I don’t think that I am a shallow person. With all men, we all have some kind of woman that we think of as "ideal". I also like women shorter than me, does that mean I hate giants? No. Does that mean I like "little people"? No. With everything, there is a middle ground.
I am now going to start spouting worn out phrases such as "I really do think that the mind is more important than the body" and "I would rather be with an ugly saint, than a hot devil"
I promised myself that when I honestly started doing this (searching for a partner) that I would be honest. I just want to know if this means that I should stop calling myself a simple man, and start calling myself a horrible man.
Please ladies (men as well), let me know what you think. I am not trying to start a war here, but you all have to admit that there is more into physical appeal than what we as a society are really allowed to talk about.
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| Dec 30, 2007 @ 11:58 PM |
Do these things make me a bad man? |
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signme
Posts: 12,579
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Well Jester since you're just way too young for me, I don't feel I have to comment on any of it. 
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| Dec 31, 2007 @ 12:01 AM |
Do these things make me a bad man?
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jester2kx
Posts: 8
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Alright, however I do feel this kind of transends the age issue. I am really kind of just looking for a little guidance/general feeling.
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| Dec 31, 2007 @ 3:19 AM |
Do these things make me a bad man? |
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steveemac
Posts: 2,335
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There's a saying I heard once, and I like it's simplicity when it comes to dating:
"The Heart Wants What It Wants."
What your heart wants does not make you a "bad" person; what would make someone bad is to act in a way that suggests that those that do not meet your standards of attractiveness/desirability are somehow flawed as human beings...as long as you remain cognisant that your preferences are only your preferences and not some empirical standard -and act as such- you're fine.
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| Jan 2, 2008 @ 2:34 AM |
Do these things make me a bad man?
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signme
Posts: 12,579
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That's right Jester--you have to make your own choices. And these choices will be based on different things that happened as you were growing up. You have to be yourself. But you don't have to be yourself by tearing down others. State your preferences but do it in a gracious or dignified way. And just realize, not everyone will always agree with you anyway.
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| Jan 3, 2008 @ 11:36 AM |
Do these things make me a bad man? |
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jester2kx
Posts: 8
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Thank you. I am glad to hear from at least a couple people about this. I have always pretty much gone for the long term relatioships, I am not just in it for the looks, but to me that is kind of important. I cant stand High maintinance, but but that is a alot more apealing to me than someone who hasnt showered in a week.
Thanks again, its good to know that I am at least not shunned by EVERYONE for sticking to these ideas. :) Thanks for getting back to me again!
-=J=-
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| Jan 4, 2008 @ 2:40 PM |
Do these things make me a bad man?
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td_mcghee
Posts: 2
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This is just my opinion, and it's not based on any fact, but from a non-sexual standpoint, the female physical form is more appealing to the eye than the male physical form. In other words, "shallow" or not, men tend to put physical appearence higher on the list when deciding on a mate, more so than women do(of course, there are exceptions to this like anything else). You say you don't like big gals? Well there are men out there that ONLY like big gals, and that's not being shallow; it's just thier physical preferance.
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| Jan 7, 2008 @ 12:45 AM |
Do these things make me a bad man? |
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jester2kx
Posts: 8
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Thank you, I just feel sometimes that I should apologize for these things. So what I fit into the large group of men that create a "standard" for women size. I still feel bad about kind of ruling out larger women, or thin women for that matter, because the thought of being intimate with them just does not apeal to me. I have no problem being friends with these kinds of women, I just dont find them attractive.
Thanks again for people just looking at this post. I think we should really try and get the MN board rocking a little more. :)
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| Jan 13, 2008 @ 5:11 AM |
Do these things make me a bad man?
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SmilesAlotHereToo
Posts: 6
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Hey, don't ever think you need to apologize for stating your opinion and/or preferences! That's alot better than simply agreeing and trying to "be nice". I'm looking for authentic and I would hope anyone that has taken the time to post a profile is looking for that, too.
I don't need everyone to agree with me. However, I won't put up with anyone being disrespectful to me if he/she doesn't like my opinion. So I'll agree with the poster who said that as long as you're not being rude and disrepectful to those who don't meet your criteria, stay with your preferences without feeling one bit guilty about it. You have to do what makes you happy 'cuz if you're not happy being yourself, how in the world do you think anyone could be happy with you? However, I know it can be easy to get caught up in questioning ones self when we consistently get the same undesirable results from our actions in this "dating game". Been there, done that, too. So I understand why you would past the question in the first place.
Just don't give up hope of finding someone who will accept you just the way you are. That's what a companion/friend/lover/partner will do when you find the right one. 
I would hope that everyone posting a profile knows they aren't perfect for everyone out there. Just call me a dreamer, I guess, for thinking everyone here (both men and women) are mature, intelligent adults who are looking for a companion/friend/lover/partner. Yep, call me "dreamer". 
Now that I've thrown my 2 cents worth in here, and realize that I'm a bit tired and been rambling  , I'm going to change directions and take a look at that Minnesota page you referred to.
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| Feb 29, 2008 @ 12:43 PM |
Do these things make me a bad man? |
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fallenangelwidow
Posts: 1
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I like taller, more fit men who are smarter then average but I do not limit myself to that. I realized after my first marrage that I am MORE attracted to personality, determination, and independance more then the shell of a man. I was with a man years and years ago who was tall, natural blond hair, smarter then average, funny, independant, a go'getter, muscular, and absolutely fantastic in bed. What was the problem, his morals and values were completely screwed. I have been with men sociaty calls throw aways and rejects who do not deserve a second glance let alone a chance, hense my last husband who passed. I can say that your heart will guide, not Lust. Your brain will kick in, not prejudgements. He was the most fantastic father and husband. After he passed, family, friends, old work mates, and others came up to me in the last 10 months and appologized. "I was wrong about him!" IF you are stopping yourself just because of the outside requirements, yes a little shallow. If you are NOT stopping yourself, accepting at least friendship of others outside of those requirements and taking the time to get to know them, I would call you more then normal.---Good Luck--- Hope this helped...
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| Mar 5, 2008 @ 12:49 PM |
Do these things make me a bad man?
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mostwiseone
Posts: 1
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What makes me curious about your appoach to this is~~ you don't post a picture of yourself????!!!!!! Why is that?
No you're not shallow, everyone has types that they're attracted to and vice versa.
But it is very strange to me, you seem so hung up on out side beauty, and we can't view yours!!!!!!!!
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| Mar 6, 2008 @ 11:52 PM |
Do these things make me a bad man? |
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jester2kx
Posts: 8
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I am not hung up on it.....its just what is attractive to me to begin with. I am not really looking for a partner right now. When I do, I will go all out and really push forward. I just figured this was a good place to get insight about some of the things that I am experincing. Regardless of my looks, should not change if I am or am not a bad man. I am not really trying to defend myself, because based upon the feelings that I am getting from people here, what I feel is what I feel. I am not passing up on chances because a woman is a little overweight or not exremely attractive, I am just really wondering if those feelings make me a bad man. I will someday post my pics, I will let you know if you are that interested.
To the rest of you....Thank you VERY much. I really appreciate all the help!
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| Mar 25, 2008 @ 11:37 PM |
Do these things make me a bad man?
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kidjohnson
Posts: 4
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I think if you have to ask if you are 'in the wrong' then maybe concider things before you speak? What you want is what you want. Nothing wrong with that.
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| Mar 30, 2008 @ 4:23 PM |
Do these things make me a bad man? |
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mimisue
Posts: 1
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As a larger lady myself , No I do not think it makes you a bad man. I think that a lot of women who are larger do not have the self esteem that smaller woman have. Maybe that is what you are looking for, however, there are bigger women who are great girls and you may be missing out by dismissing them just by size alone. In the long run I do not always think we choose what we are attracted to.
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