| Dec 5, 2006 @ 1:06 AM |
Ex Problem
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dnunnally
Posts: 18
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So...today...out of the blue, my ex IMs me and tells me that she's still in love with me...but she's in love with the person's she's with now as well (the same one she got together with five hours after she ended our four and a half year relationship). She told me she still wanted to be with that person and not with me, but she still does love me.
It literally could not have come on a worse day. The worst thing is I know I still love her. She treats me like complete shit and I do still love her.
This is horrible.
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| Dec 5, 2006 @ 1:20 AM |
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steveemac
Posts: 2,335
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[QUOTE]The worst thing is I know I still love her. She treats me like complete shit[QUOTE]
Okay, time to be introspective here-why would you love someone that treats you like crap? She doesn't love you; she doesn't know what the meaning of love really is...you don't "love" someone and mistreat them at the same time...can't be done.
She may think she loves you, or she may be purposely trying to manipulate you...decide how you deserve to be treated in a relationship, then act on that, OK? Believe in yourself; that's the first step to having a succesful relationship.
Good luck!
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| Dec 5, 2006 @ 4:27 PM |
Ex Problem
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,620
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Some good advice ^^^^^
There is no problem unless you decide there is a problem. She is not with you. You still love her. Grieve if you must but move on. She has made her choice, and it does not seem to be serving her well. That is her problem, not yours.
Do not let her attempt to drag you into sentimentalities by telling you she "still loves you". What's real is real, and you deserve much more than what this woman could possibly give you. You must believe that first!
That you are indeed worthy of a greater Love that transcends this moment in time and space is evident.
You just need more time to realize this.
Peaceful evening and good luck!
AngelLight
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| Dec 6, 2006 @ 7:43 AM |
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Blondino
Posts: 4,553
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Divide a page into two
On one side write what it is about her you love.
On the other write down what you
Puts into perspective if she is worth having hun .. I know its hard but you sound like a nice young guy and maybe you just deserve better.
was it really love or lust ... you decide 
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| Dec 6, 2006 @ 7:51 AM |
Ex Problem
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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blondio--  
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| Dec 6, 2006 @ 5:58 PM |
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kiska_adrianka
Posts: 52
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My tiny opinion.... an ex.. is an ex for a good reason. It has nothing to do with timing, etc.... if it is not meant to be... than move on :) So many other people out there. Have fun dating different people... believe me... when its the right one you will know.
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| Dec 7, 2006 @ 1:44 PM |
Ex Problem
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magicmunchkin65
Posts: 62
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It sounds like like this young lady is dragging you along, Just in case she leaves this other guy she will have someone to fall back on. My advice is to delete her address from yourr mail and IM and give yourself some time to heal, know what you want, take care of yourself, and go out with friends. If things change in the future for the two of you , you can always add her back on. Seriousely, you sound like a great young man and deserve better. Just my thoughts.
Munchkin
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| Dec 7, 2006 @ 8:53 PM |
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LSU79
Posts: 323
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Run. Don't look back. Don't stop to analyze it. Don't regret it. Just RUN !!!
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| Dec 8, 2006 @ 1:13 AM |
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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dnunnally - cut off all contact with her. The sooner you do that the sooner you will get better. It took me three years to figure that out. I’ve not even talked to her (my ex wife) in five months now. She has finally stopped calling.
Just do it - you will be glad you did in a few months.
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| Dec 8, 2006 @ 1:36 AM |
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TRS1958
Posts: 481
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munchkin said:
It sounds like like this young lady is dragging you along, Just in case she leaves this other guy she will have someone to fall back on. Sad but true. I know from experience on this one. Believe me, if she did get back with you...there WILL be someone else on a string...all the time.
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| Dec 8, 2006 @ 9:32 PM |
Ex Problem
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encorrgbl
Posts: 1,390
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I agree with a lot of the posters here. Excellent posts.
Stop talking to her. I totally agree with Ron. Believe in yourself (see Steve's comment), and move on.
Yeah, I know that's not easy, but if you stay, it's like standing at a bus station waiting for a bus that will NEVER arrive (she loves someone else, she made that choice, the bus isn't gonna be showing back up to pick you up). You'll want her love, and she'll say, oh I love you, and then you get to watch her go out with and LOVE someone else. How much of that poison do you want to drink??
You have more value than that. You'll put your life and feelings on hold thinking that you can't love someone else because your heart will still be hers to manipulate, and you may feel guilty about caring for anyone else, or anyone else caring about you, because you'll wonder if she'll stop loving you if she were to find out, or maybe it would hurt her if you did care for someone else??
Stop... Reread these posts. Consider your options, and listen to the chorus of 'move on.'
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| Dec 9, 2006 @ 9:55 AM |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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She sounds like she just wants someone waiting in the wings. IMVHO-tell her goodbye
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| Dec 9, 2006 @ 2:10 PM |
Ex Problem
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Nette_TN
Posts: 82
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Absolutely Excellent Posts!.. Think about it. She's with someone else but still loves you? I'm not sure she even knows what true love is. Remember, you can't change anyone. She is what she is, and that's someone who'll be constantly looking while she "supposedly loves" and is in a relationship. I don't think you'd ever be able to trust her even if she did want to come back to you. Without trust, you have nothing. Walk away... and don't look back. You deserve better.
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| Dec 10, 2006 @ 8:48 PM |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 6,924
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Okay, time to be introspective here-why would you love someone that treats you like crap?
...We cannot help who we love; that is the potential treachery of having a heart.
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| Dec 10, 2006 @ 9:00 PM |
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Nette_TN
Posts: 82
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Tis true SG...
After time though, the heart usually heals. Perhaps a few battle scars, but it does slowly heal. Then, if you were friends, real friends to begin with, it's possible to have a friendship again with the person.
But it's probably best to walk away for time being, and let time heal the mind and heart.
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| Dec 10, 2006 @ 9:42 PM |
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The_love_Giant
Posts: 693
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Belive me Ive done the hole friends with my exs thing does not work out will for me the seem to think ethier I want them back or they want to make me jelious
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 2:29 AM |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 6,924
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Nette wrote:
Then, if you were friends, real friends to begin with, it's possible to have a friendship again with the person. ...Personally, I think the "friends" gig is all about weaning off the relationship.
...Nevertheless, true friends, unconditional friendship, much like unconditional love, is that you are happy that they found happiness; even if it was not you.
...The OP seems to suffer a bit from a scarcity syndrome. He has found no replacement for the void she has left and when she decides to yank his chain, she fills the void she left and welcomed back; she is empowered by his very weakness to say no.
...I know we cannot help who we love, but we can refuse to be abused further. Dnunnally, you need to shut her off. Either wait for time to heal, or find a replacement. Learn how to meet and talk to girls; change your image a bit, build your self confidence and you will be fine.
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 7:35 AM |
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Nette_TN
Posts: 82
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Goodness SenGen...
I write about being friends at the beginning of the relationship and if you were, then there's a good chance down the road you can be friends again.
Why you must turn the same meaning around and write the same thing, I'm not sure.
At any rate, I do agree with SenGen in that sometimes the way to mend a broken heart is a replacement. Just make sure "your replacement" knows that you're healing if you should so choose.
We've all suffered from broken hearts at some point in our lives. But if he/she taught you a bit about yourself, others, then chalk it up to a learning process. Never give up, she/he's somewhere down the road. But you might veer off and take a few paths before you find what you really need/want and deserve.
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 10:32 AM |
Ex Problem
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SensualGemini
Posts: 6,924
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Why you must turn the same meaning around and write the same thing, I'm not sure. ...Not exactly the same thing... Someplace in there, I concluded that she was not his friend... it was/is a one way street. And I do think that getting back together and breaking up, back together and breaking up, is a weaning process...
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 8:01 PM |
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Nette_TN
Posts: 82
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ok SG...I apologize for my misunderstanding. And yes, a very good point as to breaking up/back together being a weaning process. Unfortunately, or maybe I was actually fortunate to go through the same weaning process with my own personal past relationship. Perhaps those who do actually go through it, are actually friends breaking down slowly the passion side. But all relationships should make us stronger, wiser to find the "right one". I like your thought process though SG in regard to this posting...
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