| Jan 9, 2007 @ 10:14 AM |
Why does it take so long?
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amicishirl
Posts: 257
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to break up with someone when you have felt for months that you are not as important to them as they are to you? After agonizing for a couple months over this I have finally admitted to myself that I will never be as important to him as his family, his job and apparently everything else in his life. I have finally realized that I deserve better than that. I can not continue to be there for someone who can't seem to find any time for me on his schedule.
Shirl
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| Jan 10, 2007 @ 9:01 AM |
Why does it take so long? |
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Danceanddream
Posts: 5,828
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I think we just don't want to let go of something we think MIGHT turn out to be good. I just went through the same thing..... hung on for way too long because I thought we could work it out. Then I realized that I just was not as important to him and he was to me.... and I can't live with that.
We all have to make compromises... that's life. No two people are going to be perfect for each other. But when when person ends up making ALL the compromises and the others doesn't put any effort forth.... it's time to move on. You deserve better. Sometimes we think that "something" is better than "nothing", but in the end it's not!
Good luck! I'm sorry you're going through this.
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| Jan 10, 2007 @ 11:08 AM |
Why does it take so long?
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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Have you just sat down and told him how you feel?
His reaction will most likely answer that for you.
IMO, you deserve better. I know it's tough-I wish you the best.
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| Jan 10, 2007 @ 1:53 PM |
Why does it take so long? |
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Artemis122
Posts: 623
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I don't know, my current thinking is only that we ALL would like to stay in the Pleasure Zone forever, and most of the time -- Ignorance is Bliss... 
I feel your Pain, yet I also remember your "joy" when you met up with him, in another thread for the Older Crowd like us... 
but I also like Loreli's great INSIGHT --  Have you just sat down and told him how you feel? I sincerely BELIEVE this would be most "beneficial" for you; it would not be Confrontation yet a Healthy and very Healing process for you, IMVHO... Hugs!!!
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| Jan 10, 2007 @ 10:45 PM |
Why does it take so long?
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amicishirl
Posts: 257
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Wish I could sit down and talk to him! That is the biggest problem. He is currently spending all of his time in Zurich and I've only seen him once in the past three months. I've offered to go over there to spend some time with him but he never responds to this. He almost never calls - just emails - and lately his emails get further and further apart. My biggest thing and what bothers me the most is that he won't even discuss the future - when or if he will stop traveling, when he will be able to see me more often, etc. I would be OK with him being away if I just had an idea of when it might change.
Yes, I am having difficulty trying to break up with him because I've never felt such a connection with anyone ever before!!!
Shirley
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| Jan 11, 2007 @ 7:06 AM |
Why does it take so long? |
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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"Such a connection" or not, you've answered your own questions here, amici.
He is currently spending all of his time in Zurich
I've only seen him once in the past three months.
I've offered to go over there ... but he never responds to this.
He almost never calls.
Lately his emails get further and further apart.
He won't even discuss the future.
This sure sounds like he doesn't see a future with you. Nor does he consider you any real part of his present, either.
If he's reduced your relationship to emails, then simply email him and tell him you've had quite enough of all this and need to move on. If and when he's ready for a real relationship with you, if you're available, you'll consider it.
Put the ball solidly into his court and then DO move on. You have no obligation to hang around waiting for anyone who treats you in this fashion.
Remember: When a good man is sincerely interested in you, he lets you know it. No matter where he is.
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| Jan 11, 2007 @ 11:15 AM |
Why does it take so long?
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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I agree with sciur and others. Don't rely on just words, ami, love has to be "demonstrated", and he obviously hasn't in your relationship.
Time to move on.
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| Jan 11, 2007 @ 12:53 PM |
Why does it take so long? |
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amicishirl
Posts: 257
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You are all absolutely right! 
I'm trying to do that now. I actually met someone for a drink last night. So I'll slowly get back into the dating game!
Shirl
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| Jan 11, 2007 @ 6:27 PM |
Why does it take so long?
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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Yes! You go, girl!
Getting out and start opening up to other people is a very good way to handle something like this. Most will likely "not quite fit" but you'll begin to get a better perspective on what's been going on and create some much-needed distance for your Self.
Good luck!
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| Jan 16, 2007 @ 12:34 PM |
Why does it take so long? |
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tatiana329
Posts: 1,122
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Ami, maybe it takes so long because you do not value yourself much. In the future try to keep that in mind and it will keep you out of the life of anyone who does not value you too. Its like the preventive way of keeping out of those relationships and situations that waste your time.
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| Jan 17, 2007 @ 5:34 PM |
Why does it take so long?
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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just dont be in a hurry to replace theres someone out there for you
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| Feb 2, 2007 @ 10:21 AM |
Why does it take so long? |
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zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
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Sometimes it is just hard to face the end! 
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| Feb 3, 2007 @ 10:01 PM |
Why does it take so long?
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,559
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the harshest thing to accept is that whoever cares the least, has all of the power in a relationship....
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| Feb 12, 2007 @ 6:53 PM |
Why does it take so long? |
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Artemis122
Posts: 623
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whoever cares the least, has all of the power in a relationship.... grumble, please Explain what you mean. You LOST me big time...  and it's only Monday...  or is t'is one of those Funny Fuddy Duddy MAN Talk Stuff...
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| Feb 13, 2007 @ 7:46 AM |
Why does it take so long?
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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What Grumble means (please correct me if I'm wrong, G) is the one that cares the most will usually chase after the one that cares least. It happened to me in my second long-termer. When she showed almost no initiative in maintaining the relationship I should have given up much sooner than I did (most people would have), but I was so into her I kept at it. Eventually I realized she'd never generate the same feelings for me and finally ended things, but not before a lot of mental anguish and trauma. Looking back I see she had power over me, probably without her even knowing it. However, some people ARE aware of it, and have no problem using it to manipulate and control a partner that's much more infatuated or "in love" than they are, knowing it would be very difficult for them to walk away no matter how badly they're treated.
I learned from that experience not to get carried away with my feelings until I know my partner feels the same. I won't get taken advantage of again.
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| Feb 13, 2007 @ 5:46 PM |
Why does it take so long? |
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Artemis122
Posts: 623
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ok, I Admit, I may be opening a A Russian matryoshka nesting doll here...
one question leads to another... 
but I was so into her I kept at it. Eventually I realized she'd never generate the same feelings for me i promise NOT to ask what you mean by the word "into" beyond the usual horizontal position...   (unless I am mistaken again... ) but, Motown, the reason/purpose you Pursued her was, hummmm..... was she your Compatible Equal, your Goddess on a Pedestal, or a future Trophy Wife on your Arms??
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| Feb 13, 2007 @ 6:09 PM |
Why does it take so long?
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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i promise NOT to ask what you mean by the word "into" beyond the usual horizontal position...
Artie, get yer mind out of the gutter! 
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 2:41 PM |
Why does it take so long? |
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Artemis122
Posts: 623
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WHOOOOOOOA, Rhett Butler or Paul Revere... or Mr. Motown??
I did Write -
i promise NOT to ask motown, are you trying to "exhibit" your Feminine Sensual Sensitive Side??... Have to ADMIT Good Hip Movement on your Part...
grumble,  you started all this --
now if you "wrote" what I could understand, like "the Party who has No Interest controls the Relationship" -- I would have Understood completely while wondering 'how can you have a Relationship if one party is not interested'... me thinks the words of "...whoever cares the least..." threw me off...  
Men, why can't you writely "clearly?"
Make me think about the ole saying -- MEN, you can't Live with 'em, you can't Live without 'em...
maybe I'LL selectively screen out a Harem for me, from Monday through Sundays...
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 8:59 PM |
Why does it take so long?
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amicishirl
Posts: 257
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Make me think about the ole saying -- MEN, you can't Live with 'em, you can't Live without 'em...
I think this all the time lately!!!!!!!!!!! 
Everyone I meet lately seems to just want sex! Hey - if I just want sex, I'll go find a boy toy 
just kidding
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| Apr 12, 2007 @ 4:31 PM |
Why does it take so long? |
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McPuss
Posts: 337
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I can not continue to be there for someone who can't seem to find any time for me on his schedule.
Shirl And I’m willing to be there for a women day and night ! and they still don’t have any problems braking-up with me. 
Go figure.
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