| Dec 7, 2005 @ 6:17 PM |
Beyond the Pain
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TAINQ
Posts: 185
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How do you get over a relationship that went sour? How do you move on, get beyond the pain and loss: avoid second guessing; the would have, should haves', the lies and the misrepresentations? Is it all just a matter of time? How do you avoid a jaded relationship from adversely affecting future relationships? Let the dreams die!!!, deminish hopes!!!, belittle expectations!!!, vaquish memories!!! Embrace the inevitable!!!, Rejoice, Celebrate and savor the now, for all in their special way are quite a catch.
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| Dec 7, 2005 @ 6:57 PM |
Beyond the Pain |
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chicagopm
Posts: 7
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I know your pain and I don't know if this is the answer for you but I have been trying to keep busy. Keeping busy has been helping me a little bit. I'm finding that if I don't keep busy, my mind starts to wander and I start feeling depressed... Getting dumped just before the holidays (right after Thanksgiving) is extremely depressing for me. The only thing that is helping me a bit is knowing that I didn't already buy him Christmas presents - I could just imagine how depressed I'd be if I had to return the gifts to the store...
I'm finding peace thinking that it wasn't me that caused the end of the relationship and that he has to live with himself knowing what he's done.
I hope that you find peace during this time.
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| Dec 9, 2005 @ 12:48 AM |
Beyond the Pain
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Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,505
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Here's how... know that it wasn't meant to be... that something better will come along. When one door closes, another one opens. But... if you're still looking back at the closed door... you won't see the open one in front of you. Don't look back.... you'll miss the wonderful opportunities ahead of you.
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| Dec 9, 2005 @ 2:15 AM |
Beyond the Pain |
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ExacerbatedTaboo
Posts: 1,401
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I agree...I think that hardest part of getting out of a relationship is knowing that you are alone now but you must remember why the relationship failed in the first place. It takes two to make a relationship work and it takes two to make it fail. Sure memories are nice from time to time but you have to understand that there is nothing there anymore to go back to. Like Danger said, just keep looking ahead. The best is yet to come.
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| Dec 9, 2005 @ 5:05 AM |
Beyond the Pain
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Porsha924s
Posts: 192
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I ask myself this same question but now focused on not getting the door shut before one can spell your name. That said, I am finding not getting a fair chance from the git go is as painful as getting shut out mid relationship. Make sense??
Disclaimer: Not a pretty boy who lives in the mirror and is not liable for my lack of seriousness.
I wish hearts could not be broken.. 
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| Dec 9, 2005 @ 1:09 PM |
Beyond the Pain |
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Technologic
Posts: 113
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TAINQ: It's amazing how many people responded with advice. I wonder if they really read your post.
[Edited on 12/9/2005 1:10 PM]
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| Dec 9, 2005 @ 4:38 PM |
Beyond the Pain
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TAINQ
Posts: 185
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Technologic, you noticed.
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| Dec 11, 2005 @ 12:57 PM |
Beyond the Pain |
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balanguena
Posts: 9
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The only thing that is helping me a bit is knowing that I didn't already buy him Christmas presents - I could just imagine how depressed I'd be if I had to return the gifts to the store...
OUCH ... I sent out mine already and he promised not to open it until Xmas. Not realizing I had to open his first and have a bomb blasted right in my face!  Well - $100 out of my pocket ... But I'll live with a clear conscience and he won't! 
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| Dec 12, 2005 @ 9:59 PM |
Beyond the Pain
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surfergee
Posts: 74
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Wasn't it Shakespeare who said, "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Or Frederich Nietsche who mused, "that which does not kill you will make you stronger."
I'd bet beyond the pain is a stronger version of yourself with some great memories.
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| Dec 12, 2005 @ 11:00 PM |
Beyond the Pain |
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TAINQ
Posts: 185
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I'd bet beyond the pain is a stronger version of yourself with some great memories
Beyond the strength is a resiliency that helps me reach out and accept comfort from warm hearts and understanding souls. Though some may beg to differ, MD Forums have proven to be the place to be for that needed ear.
Thanks Surfergee, Thanks All.
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| Dec 13, 2005 @ 1:04 PM |
Beyond the Pain
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kattsmeow
Posts: 20,933
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I guess, learning from all your relationships, growing from them. In most relationships, there are good memories too.
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| Dec 14, 2005 @ 10:34 PM |
Beyond the Pain |
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JenRNinOhio
Posts: 1,212
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I would just really like to know what kind of time frame I'm looking at here....
I so completely agree w/ TAINQ ...
Let the dreams die!!!, deminish hopes!!!, belittle expectations!!!, vaquish memories!!! Embrace the inevitable!!!, Rejoice, Celebrate and savor the now, for all in their special way are quite a catch .
BUT....
This is the first time that I have the dumpee & not the dumper. Not so easy on this side.
I think I may print out the above quoted piece & stick it on my refrigerator...and keep it on my desk ... and in my purse ... and sticky note it all over....
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 4:17 PM |
Beyond the Pain
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akfitter
Posts: 96
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hey there bro t.- - !!!!- - - i feel what your saying- - - - don't think that there are any good answers here - - - other than time and prayer!!!!- even those seem like a cheap out!!- think it depends of the level of the relationship- - - as to the time - - as well the circumstances.
every relationship ending - - is just the same as a death!!!- - -
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 7:01 PM |
Beyond the Pain |
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,450
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TainQ
I think we get beyond pain by moving through the pain. I don't think we can go around it, under it, above it, only go through it.
I think it's like grieving a highly significant loss. Grieve what you must and in your own way. If you go through it, you will emerge on the other side of the pain as a new man with a different perspective, with different dreams and expectations.
Don't go through it alone though. Have at least one companion along the way to walk beside you.
Peace and prayers. Angel
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 9:21 PM |
Beyond the Pain
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TAINQ
Posts: 185
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Thanks akfitter
however, I must disagree on one point; Death is final for us mortals. Whereas love has a life of its own, and although it may be ripped from you heart, it lives on in your soul, for neither time nor space can lessen its hold on us. We are its captive and as such seek it to make us whole.
Thank you AngelLight,
your words are comforting, however, I feel that at times they fell on deft ears. Giving my journey in life your words ring true. However, I found myself trying to find a way, other than through it. I’m no stranger to pain, having lost my wife not to long ago, I just didn’t want to deal with it. Foolish, I know, trying to avoid the inevitable, however, I guess I was just trying to hold on, keep that which wasn’t mine, and deny the truth, that it was over. Rather, that it was never there. Fortunately, there is someone ...
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 9:49 PM |
Beyond the Pain |
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,450
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Trying to hold on is not foolish TAINQ, it is human, although, it is true we must all eventually let go of what was, is, or isn't.
And denial, denial gets a bad rap. It actually is a great coping mechanism when we have had such a tremendous loss that our heart and Soul feels pierced through and through. Denial gives us time to slowly come to terms with and absorb the impact or shock of our loss. We handle what we can handle when we can handle it.
Remember that as you grieve, know that not only do people grieve differently, but the grieving process for both men and women is frequently different as well. And sometimes it's harder to grieve what one never had as opposed to what one did have.
Give yourself time and be compassionate with your own process, with yourself. The loss of your wife is very very fresh. Be gentle. If your story or needs are falling on deaf ears, consider finding a bereavement professional to assist you if that feels right for you. But give yourself time to feel what you feel what you feel. This journey is yours and yours alone, but you don't have to be alone. Many people cannot tolerate their own pain and that is why they cannot listen to or respond to someone else's. So that is why I suggest possibly considering a professional seasoned in the field of death and dying.
Once again, peace and prayers.
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 2:04 PM |
Beyond the Pain
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justbeginning
Posts: 2
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It might be easy for some to just move on after a relationship. My relationship ended after 17 years of marriage and a number of times to hell and back. But after the first six months of separation, after the divorce was final, my feelings returned. Even though he had not changed, but I thought it would be worth trying to salvage. I was wrong. I went back many times only to hurt myself with hopes. But I believe there are reasons for things turning out the way they do. I have begun to feel confident about exploring other possible avenues for friendships and maybe a relationship.
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 6:02 PM |
Beyond the Pain |
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RustyRae48f
Posts: 68
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well, I was dumped/lied to and cheated on ,recently and and just found out yesterday, by the other woman.she called me and told me she just dropped my "so called"b/f back at his place the night before. when he was suppose to be at his home anyway. I asked her (since they were suposivly just friends)if she had heard from him, and that's when, she told me>after I asked if she was his g/f too, she said yes, i guess, but I don't mind if he has other g/f's.. gezzz how sick is that,I told her that. He lied to me about what he was doing this weekend, I had no idea, he's be with her, he said he was training for a bus drivers test.big lie.now that he's been with me to my nieghbors christmas eve. party and to my sister's and all the family, my friends and family loved him.. and now he says he was wrong and still wants to be friends, I think not..anyway, It hurts still, and I just have to think busy elsewhere,,,I'm trying...
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 6:20 PM |
Beyond the Pain
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MoonBeamTag45
Posts: 194
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Let's see... I've been giving this some thought. Here is the scenario: I met my ex when I was 15, and he was 17...married him at 18, we had two children and 23 years of marriage. We now have a grandchild.. How do you get over it ?
I've come to the conclusion that you don't. But, I move forward with my life, just as he does ( niether have remarried ) I can't replace what we had, and I don't want to, but I'm not feeling like I want to be a hermit either. I look at it this way...and maybe this will help. He and I met for a time, and there were very good things that came from that relationship. In the past nearly 6 years since our divorce, we have both grown, and experienced new things.
When our marriage ended I was scared to death of being on my own... I'm no longer afraid. He was searching, and now he knows more about himself.
Try to be grateful for the learning experience, and involve yourself in new things...what have you always wanted to do for you....??? Now is the time !!!
We can only be totally whole, when we can be happy alone, and "live" in our own skin.
Sheesh....I'm feeling really mushy tonight, maybe I should go watch a girlie movie !!!!
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 9:50 PM |
Beyond the Pain |
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RustyRae48f
Posts: 68
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well I found a distraction from my heartache>I got a date with a 27yr.old hunk,this comming friday.and I'm turning 50 thursday. I think I'll be ok..
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