| Aug 20, 2007 @ 1:26 PM |
Where did I go wrong?
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jim822
Posts: 6
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My girlfriend broke up with me 7/21/07 and I am still reeling.  Is that normal? She said that she does not want to see me anymore but I still love her and want o be with her. I really want to win back her heart but I have no idea how to do it or if it's even possible. Should I ever contact her again even though she said not too? She told me several reasons why she was breaking up with me but it was out of the blue and none of the reasons really fit me. She said I was a negative and controlling persons and neither of which are true. No one has ever said that about me and none of my friends think it's true. To be honest I am a somewhat needy and sensitive person emotionally that had caused us problems but I never saw the breakup coming and I don't feel like I did anything unforgivable. After she broke up with me I sent her flowers and she called me when she got them and was very angry. She said I was try to buy her love..?? I was just trying to say I am sorry for whatever went wrong. I don't know how she got the idea that I am a bad guy but she left me like I was abusive and the fact that she even thinks I am like that really bothers me. Is there a way to find out what really went wrong? What should I do about all this? Is there any chance for us in the future?
James
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| Aug 21, 2007 @ 6:17 AM |
Where did I go wrong? |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,334
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I'm truely sorry about your break-up. What i am going to say may seem harsh, but it only comes cause i am the one that can relate to her. If she thinks that you were becoming controlling, clingy and needy....then you sent her flowers and keep trying to win her back cause it is what you want....isn't that controlling...?
Wanting her to explain herself over and over and bothering her ....isn't that clingy and needy?
I know that it hurts, and to you came out of nowhere, but she probably was telling you for a while that she needed a little space and you didn't really "hear" her. It has only been a short time since she did this.....my advise to you is to give her the space she needs...that is the only way that you stand a chance of getting her back. Again, I don't mean this as insensitive, just been there....give her room.
Good luck, hope everything works out for you! 
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| Aug 21, 2007 @ 6:20 AM |
Where did I go wrong?
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ISSUESWOPTIONS
Posts: 8,070
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Jim, from what you have stated...."I don't really think you want to find out what went wrong." From your side of things it sounds like she is living with guilt. Hope that is enough to have you continue on...
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| Aug 21, 2007 @ 4:19 PM |
Where did I go wrong? |
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jim822
Posts: 6
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Angel178 I really appreciate the honesty and your time but I still fail to see how sending flowers to someone you love to say your sorry is controlling. Yes I do want to get her back and I do hope the flowers help me but I am not telling her that she has no choice but to take me back or that she must like the flowers. I was only trying to help what seemed to me like a hopeless situation. What you said about me not hearing her may be true from a certain point of view. That is, if someone not being happy with something then yes. But the specifics were never made clear to me. I am not a mind reader and no one should expect anyone to be able to extrapolate that you must do something or else they will break up with you without telling you or at least giving you a chance to work it out. I knew there were things that needed to change in our relationship and I was working on them but she never said this needs to change or I am going to break up with you. I don't know if this is what you mean by "hearing" her. But I will heed your advice and I am giving her space. All I can do now is pray and hope. Thanks again.
James
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| Aug 21, 2007 @ 4:24 PM |
Where did I go wrong?
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jim822
Posts: 6
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Thanks Sadian I really appretiate the the help. That had crossed my mind too but I guess I am just an optimist. (or in denial) Still it's something I must consider. Again thanks for the help.
James
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| Aug 22, 2007 @ 6:19 AM |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 6,924
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jim:
No one has ever said that about me and none of my friends think it's true. ...James, most of our friends are very similar to how we are and they may not be the most viable resource; or they could be trying to make you feel better... they are your friends.
...If you don't know what you did wrong, then what are you apologizing for? I can tell you right now, as a matter of fact, that if you keep doing what you are doing, the further you will push her away.
...Man, I can really feel you; we have all been there and it sucks! ... But I promise you, that you will be alright.
...The best thing you can do, is to ignore her and start dating other women and at least act like you are having a good time; eventually you will. You have to get past this belief that there is some scarcity of women in this world, because there really isn't... some 3,500,000,000 of them, give or take a few million.
...But obviously, they are not all for you; and you do have to leave some for Sadian and I. Eventually, like us all, you will find the one that is almost a perfect match for you; it ain't this one!
...Come on James, you are a tall and decent looking guy, have a job and a lot going for you. Just those qualities alone, put you in the section of scarcity and there are lots of women that would enjoy your company, just not this one. If you do agree that she is right about some things and they are a negative then change; it is self improvement. Otherwise, who really gives a siht of what she thinks? ... The more you do care, the more you empower her and the further away she is going.
...Get back in the damn game, take back your self esteem and become the man.. This game ain't over, you just lost this quarter and there is a whole season of games to play... and hopefully, you learned your mistakes to not be repeated.
...It remains a constant fact, that the more women you date and know, the more women there will be. Why is that? ... because you will become confidant, not dependent, not clingy and that is attractive to most women. No, don't become an asshole, but confident and there is a difference.
...And for God's sake, don't whine and cry about your ex on any date. Will you meet rejection? Absolutely! ... keep asking them out and it gets easier. One of two things will happen... you will look back and wonder what you ever saw in this girlfriend, or you will suddenly be attractive to her again and she will not know why. Regardless, you will the man and in control of yourself...
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| Aug 22, 2007 @ 10:14 AM |
Where did I go wrong?
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jim822
Posts: 6
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Everything you said is correct and I am slowly coming to that realization. It's just hard for me to bury my feelings for someone that I could have spent the rest of my life with. It has been so long since someone made me feel that way. Ultimately, I am going to do what you said and go about my life, I have to really.  It's just hard. Thanks for shot of reality.
James
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| Aug 22, 2007 @ 11:12 AM |
Where did I go wrong? |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,334
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Jim...you will be fine
Start reading and participating in the rest of the forums....very very funny people on here!! 
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| Aug 28, 2007 @ 2:13 AM |
Where did I go wrong?
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hotdognchilli
Posts: 3,784
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Angel says
very very funny people on here!!
Funny as in funny or as in different?  
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| Aug 28, 2007 @ 10:12 AM |
Where did I go wrong? |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,334
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Both!!!!! Hd.....
Mostly funny as in.....makes me laugh when i'm on MD..lots of giggles
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| Aug 29, 2007 @ 5:52 AM |
Where did I go wrong?
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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thats because you entering the unknown zone
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| Aug 29, 2007 @ 9:24 AM |
Where did I go wrong? |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,334
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You are right....i just never know 
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| Aug 31, 2007 @ 7:59 AM |
Where did I go wrong?
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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| Aug 31, 2007 @ 3:10 PM |
Where did I go wrong? |
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keen5
Posts: 626
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I am sort of going through the same thing. The guy I was seeing was really attentive and romantic. Then he had a vasectomy and wow, what a big change in him! He was no longer very affectionate and then I heard that another woman got in his car at a neighborhood bar and they drove off. I asked him about it and he denied it. But, I haven't seen him since. He calls from time to time and hints about getting back together, but does nothing to make that happen. So, I'm just moving on now and I get the feeling he just wants to keep me hanging on in case this other one night stand doesn't work out. I haven't seen him in person since July 28th, but for the last three weeks of our relationship after the vasectomy, I only saw him for a total of 3 1/2 hours during that 3 week period. I was starting to realize something wasn't right when that happened.
It hurts, but if you just go out with friends and have a good time, it helps a lot. I love music and love to dance, so that's what I've been doing. Try to move on. It isn't easy, but we all do it.
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| Sep 4, 2007 @ 11:59 AM |
Where did I go wrong?
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RachelVaz
Posts: 1,219
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Jim,
Breaking up is never easy. She asked you to leave her alone and not to contact her. I think that is best. Work on your issues, learn lessons and be a better person for the experience. Oh yeah.. give yourself time to heal also before diving into another relationship. The best to you!
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| Sep 8, 2007 @ 3:40 AM |
Where did I go wrong? |
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Say_Yes
Posts: 2,226
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Jim,
Breaking up is never easy. She asked you to leave her alone and not to contact her. I think that is best. Work on your issues, learn lessons and be a better person for the experience. Oh yeah.. give yourself time to heal also before diving into another relationship. The best to you!
Good advice. Especially the parts about taking time to work on your issues and giving yourself time to heal before entering into another relationship.
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| Sep 8, 2007 @ 5:57 AM |
Where did I go wrong?
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KAOS2007
Posts: 8,201
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WHy do we always want to get back with the person that hurt us the most...  If someone can hurt you that deep, why would you [we] want them in your [our] life? [rhetorical question]
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| Sep 8, 2007 @ 11:44 AM |
Where did I go wrong? |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,370
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Because you have to love them in order for them to hurt you that deeply... 
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| Sep 8, 2007 @ 11:53 AM |
Where did I go wrong?
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southerngentleman700
Posts: 1,721
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You know the last 2 post really hit home.......I guess like the old saying.....is that we always want what we cant have.....
But i have learned from past experieces...
WE must move on no matter the pain from the past.....
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| Sep 8, 2007 @ 11:55 AM |
Where did I go wrong? |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,370
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No SG - we can sometimes love what we CAN have. It's knowing the difference that makes the difference.
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