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| Sep 15, 2007 @ 8:03 PM |
Advice, anyone?
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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Most of you know me and know I have a b/f. I don't like to talk about my personal problems on here but I need some help.
I'm not sure what to do. My b/f and I have been together for 10 months. I have not seen him in 7 weeks now. Whenever we have a date, something always comes up on his end and he has to cancel. It is always something legitimate but it has happened way too often lately. He has a lot of stress in his life, including on the job. He has mood swings but he is always willing to talk things out. He has told me all this is not my fault, he has too much baggage to handle at times.
My problem is, do I give him more time to try to straighten out his life or do I move on? I really like him. He is always there when I need him to help out physically, like he helped with my yard sale in July, he fixed my computer, my lawn guy is moving so my b/f said he will take care of the lawn for me. But sometimes I feel like I'm using him when he does all this for me, although I've never asked him to. He always volunteers. Maybe he does this to show he cares even though we don't get to see each other and go out that much lately?
I'm really confused. I hate sitting home alone every week end. He does call but something at work will come up or something goes wrong with the house, or his grandson. BUT he always has time for Sunday breakfast with the guys. I feel like sometimes I'm his last priority. What should I do? Or maybe, what would you do in the same circumstances? Help, please.
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| Sep 15, 2007 @ 8:07 PM |
Advice, anyone? |
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robodad
Posts: 7,823
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I have not seen him in 7 weeks now...He is always there when I need him to help out physically... It's a good thing you didn't need any physical help for the last 7 weeks.
Tell him you're thinking of dumping him....then go by his response.
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| Sep 15, 2007 @ 8:09 PM |
Advice, anyone?
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ColdinWisconsin
Posts: 9,987
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First of all....
When a man does something for you....it is a gift of love. Pure and simple. especially if you don't have to ask. When they get busy and have allot going on, sometimes this may be all they can give you. Accept it for what it is and be HAPPY!!
Give him time. Give him space.
But why in the world are you sitting home and waiting for the phone to ring? If he told you he would call at 5:00, then that's fine.
Otherwise you need to go have fun. He fell for you because of who you are and your interests. Not because you were a lump on the couch pining after him!
That doesn't meen that you have to go scouting for another man. Let go, have fun a little. But give him the space he needs to get his act together. just give it a bit more time!
Good luck!! 
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| Sep 15, 2007 @ 8:15 PM |
Advice, anyone? |
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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Robo--he already knows that. That's why he told me he has so much baggage to deal with and nothing is my fault.
Cold--I'm not waiting for the phone to ring. Actually I have dial-up on my computer so it won't ring while I'm online! LOL I do go out with friends but usually not on week ends. I guess I'll have to start finding something to do on the week ends and let him work things out. And no, I'm not really ready to look for anyone else.
Thanks for the input, guys!! 
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| Sep 15, 2007 @ 8:21 PM |
Advice, anyone?
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Sign-
Can you set a specific date and time for a quiet dinner. Tell him how you feel. You know him better than we do.
It is great that he is willing to help. But, as CW said, it should be an act of love, not an expectation.
I would feel bad if you split...but you still have your whole life ahead of you. YOU prioritize. What makes you happy? Go from there, and good luck...~hugs~
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| Sep 15, 2007 @ 8:27 PM |
Advice, anyone? |
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Palomino
Posts: 7,635
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Sign...how far away does your boyfriend live from you? If distance is not a factor, seven weeks is a heck of a long time to not see each other!
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| Sep 15, 2007 @ 9:18 PM |
Advice, anyone?
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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I like CW's response. 
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| Sep 15, 2007 @ 9:31 PM |
Advice, anyone? |
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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Pal he's only 26 miles away. He is a truck driver so I don't see him during the week. Week ends are our times together.
And P.S. to Robo--if I had needed help with something over the past 7 weeks, I'm pretty sure he would have gotten here as soon as he could to help.
I'm just tired of being at the bottom of his priority list. I know his grandson is higher than I am on the list, and that's ok. And I can't really get mad if work interferes either, he has to pay his bills. But doggone....
Sorry y'all now I feel like I'm venting and I shouldn't be doing that either. I'm no good at these male-female things, which is probably which I've never been married. I just don't know what my response to all this should be. 
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| Sep 15, 2007 @ 10:19 PM |
Advice, anyone?
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,620
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Sign, you may not know what your response "should" be, but you do know what your response is.
You're tired of being at the bottom of his priority list.
You haven't seen him in 7 weeks because something always comes up.
He has weekend time for the guys, but not for you.
You really like him. He is good to you when he is around.
You are confused.
You're not really ready to look for someone else.
You are angry and hurt and don't appear to know how to manage these feelings.
I'd say you do know exactly how you feel.
I'd also say it's time for a heart to heart talk with your b/f. Only the two of you can work it out directly, but it's probably important to do this in person. Tell him how you feel, and he will tell you how he feels about the way you feel. He will also most likely tell you more about his "baggage" and hardships. The question is can you continue to remain in a relationship with someone under these circumstances?
You have to go with what makes you happy, and even if you really like him, it sounds like he's already telling you he may not be able to be in this relationship anymore because of his issues. Whatever the case, it's critical you speak directly to each other and that you follow your heart.
If you're miserable because you always seem to come in last, do what your lovely heart beckons you to do.
Only you can hear its answer.....
Good luck 
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| Sep 16, 2007 @ 1:20 AM |
Advice, anyone? |
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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Great advice Angel. Now if I can just catch him to have that heart-to-heart we'll see what happens! 
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| Sep 16, 2007 @ 7:37 PM |
Advice, anyone?
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dooney123
Posts: 3,511
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You have to follow what your own gut instinct tells you, Sign, but personally I wouldn't put up with that. I want to be with someone who makes me a priority and who keeps his commitments to me. Of course, work or family issues come up occasionally for everyone, but it should be the rare exception, not the rule. If it were me in that situation, I would tell him that I just want to be friends.
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| Sep 16, 2007 @ 10:04 PM |
Advice, anyone? |
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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Thanks Dooney. He and I need to have a heart to heart discussion and see what we both want and how we are going about getting what we want. I need to know where I stand and let him know where he stands.
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| Sep 16, 2007 @ 10:58 PM |
Advice, anyone?
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,699
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Let me turn this around a bit.
He's a trucker who's on the road 5 days a week, so weekends are his only time off, right?
When you need something, he's always there to help you, right?
Many weekends he has other things he has to do and can't see you right?
So, what I suggest is that when he has something he has to do, why don't you offer to go to his place and help him? It's the same 26 miles for you as it is for him, and I'm sure he's going to be really happy to see you if he's having to babysit his grandson or work around the house or something.
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| Sep 16, 2007 @ 11:09 PM |
Advice, anyone? |
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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Touch Touch Touch, I have offered many time and he says no, it's ok he'll get it done. And then he may call his son or a friend to come and help.
But I may have to turn up there a few times anyway just to see what his reaction will be.
Thanks Touch.
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| Sep 16, 2007 @ 11:16 PM |
Advice, anyone?
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,699
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Sure, he turns you down because he thinks it's the nice thing to do. Why make you drive 26 miles to work with him. Just drop in, he'll be impressed and happy.
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| Sep 16, 2007 @ 11:26 PM |
Advice, anyone? |
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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Ya think?
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| Sep 16, 2007 @ 11:47 PM |
Advice, anyone?
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,699
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Sure, I would be if I were in that situation.
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| Sep 17, 2007 @ 9:17 AM |
Advice, anyone? |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 11,116
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Sign - look at what you posted. Look at the way Angel laid all this out for you. Read all that again, only this time, imagine that it wasn't YOU who wrote these things, but your best friend. What would you advise HER to do?
(And then remember that you have no better friend...than yourself!)
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| Sep 17, 2007 @ 8:33 PM |
Advice, anyone?
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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Ok y'all I think this more or less resolved itself last nite...here's an update:
B/f called and left a message yesterday, I never returned the call as I was busy and then it got late and I didn't know if he had to be up at 2 am or not for a run. So I decided to wait until tonight to call. Well at midnite last nite I got a phone message and it was not real nice but I'm not really sure as I was half asleep at the time. So I called and left a message on his voice mail as I didn't really understand the message he left. He immediately called me back and started in on me for not returning his call. He brought up something else I had jokingly said during the week. When I tried to answer he talked right over me. I finally said, "maybe we need to take a break so" and he said fine and hung up on me. So I think he owes me an apology and I guess it's time to look for someone new. But that's hard too, ya know?? So anyway thanks for all your help and advice. I'll be here off and on, in between bouts of crying and feeling sorry for myself, and being mad and pissed at him! But I will survive, have no doubt!
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| Sep 17, 2007 @ 8:45 PM |
Advice, anyone? |
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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