| Sep 23, 2007 @ 5:41 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ????
|
|
blueyes101
Posts: 8,310
|
Ok, I was having a conversation last night with a friend of mine.... She pointed out the fact that my ex gf, ( 2 yrs ago ) had given me an ultimatum.........But neither one never bothered to tell me about it. In fact, last night was the first time I heard about it....
They had been communicating by emial, and my ex told her if I didn't do XXXXX, that was it....relationship over.... Now even my friend doesn't remember what I didn't do, but she remembers the conversation......
So, here I sit last night.........( after many beers ) and learn of this.....
We were in a LDR, and kinda drifted apart, but always kept in contact with one another......So it is not like I never talked to her again.......
So, for 2 years, I had no idea what actually happened.. Now I still don't really know, and it doesn't matter.... for many of you who have read my posts, she was brought up, and this is one of my biggest pet peaves.......She would tell me.........
" Well you should know.......or........ Figure it out !!!!!!!!!!! "
Now I'm not saying I was without fault by any means.........Obviously I wasn't doing enough of what she felt I should have been doing.....
But how are we supposed to learn, if we never really know what we did wrong.....
Ultimatums can be a good thing, but only if we are aware of what they are.
If you really care about someone, why can't you communicate your feelings?
So ultimatums, have you used them and was the other person aware of them...????
|
|
  |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 6:18 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ???? |
|
KAOS2007
Posts: 6,745
|
NEVER EVER use ultimatums... UNLESS you intend to back them up..even then I don't like the idea of it.... which most don't back it up... IMO it's a bit of a sick way to be in a relationship... Kinda like the "marry me or else" one... Oh how I have seen that one FAIL before with people I knew... there was no "or else".... silly game playing people. 
That does suck though Blu that you never even knew... wellppp my friend, carry on, more beers I say!  
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 6:41 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ????
|
|
blueyes101
Posts: 8,310
|
Something else that struck me as funny after I posted this, was how she wanted to remain friends....and we did for ( well we still are, but just never talk anymore ) a very long time....
Can you imagine being friends with an ex, and him never really knowing why it ended?
I just don't get it.......and I may never, ever, get it...... 
Like I said, for me ..........now, it doesn't matter.......but it's just one of those things that you go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 
edited to add........ty 
|
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 6:44 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ???? |
|
KAOS2007
Posts: 6,745
|
Yea, for sure, the not knowing sucks the worst. It's a pretty lame way to leave someone... I'm glad you're not allowing yourself to be "bothered" by it... but I do agree... things that definitly make ya go hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 6:46 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ????
|
|
Loreli
Posts: 20,319
|
Yup-
ultimatums can bite ya in the butt. Seems it wasn't important enough of an issue, since she couldn't just talk it through with you!
|
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 7:01 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ???? |
|
blueyes101
Posts: 8,310
|
That is how I thought about it......Obviously it was a big deal to her....For it was from that moment on, out relationship was over, and yet, it was never discussed.
Perhaps it was me that was not important enough.
For whatever the reason, she was willing to back up her ultimatum, so in a sense she won, now exactly what she won, I do not know...?
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 7:09 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ????
|
|
Loreli
Posts: 20,319
|
Probably-in her mind-she was a victor of sorts! 
|
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 7:12 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ???? |
|
GibsonGirl93
Posts: 1,162
|
That sucks all ultimatums do. I had to give one once because if the fact that I'd been with someone for 7 years, I was getting older and it appeared that he was NEVER going to marry me....I know what everyone is thinking - but it wasn't as if he hadn't said that we were getting married......Ever since year 2 he said we were going to get married, so I waited and waited and waited.....and then I decided that life was way too short and decided that my life and time would be better spent pursuing what was best for me and my future......I really am glad I did it, because otherwise I'd still probably be wasting time with someone who really never had my best intentions at heart.........
But, we were able to part in a sensible manner.....so that was good.
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 7:26 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ????
|
|
blueyes101
Posts: 8,310
|
I think they are a necessary evil at some points of our lives/relationships...
But you must be willing to back them up, and it is important for the other person to understand them..
Glad your available GG  ( His loss ) 
|
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 7:29 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ???? |
|
GibsonGirl93
Posts: 1,162
|
Thank you sweetie.....
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 7:40 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ????
|
|
burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
|
But you must be willing to back them up, and it is important for the other person to understand them.. aka the put up or shut up time.
|
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 8:31 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ???? |
|
signme
Posts: 9,605
|
I'm not sure I like the word ultimatum. I think compromise might be better. I know I"m not one to talk right now but up until the past week or so, the ex and I were able to talk everything out (or at least I thought we were.) And I didn't so much give him an ultimatum as tell him some compromise was necessary to continue the relationship. Obviously he didn't want to.
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 9:09 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ????
|
|
imhope
Posts: 76
|
I have only ever given one ultimatum & that was to my now ex. I am not a fan of ultimatums, but am a firm believer if you give one, you best make sure the other person fully understands what it is & why you are giving it & then you must be prepared to back it up, which i did & thus why he is now my ex.
I also believe in closure & it would probably make me nuts if someone broke up with me & I didn't let me know why - I'd never do that to someone & I'd sure hate having it done to me - sorry it happened to you.
|
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 9:13 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ???? |
|
blueyes101
Posts: 8,310
|
Sign, I started this thread because I asked you write it down.....And you called it an ultimatum, and when I heard my friend last night, it just struck me............... I actually suggested you tell your bf what you expected, and I found out, I never got that chance......
Perhaps I felt deep down inside every man has the right to know what he is up against without guessing...
Thank you, by your thread it has helped me look inside myself and perhaps be a little more caring, and not allow that to happen again, and make sure a good line of communication is open.
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 9:48 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ????
|
|
Loreli
Posts: 20,319
|
We all look at things in somewhat odd ways when we are hurting.
Somebody's name didn't have to get brought up again!
ul·ti·ma·tum (ul't?-ma't?m, -mä'-) pronunciation
n., pl. -tums or -ta (-t?).
1. A final statement of terms made by one party to another.
2. A statement, especially in diplomatic negotiations, that expresses or implies the threat of serious penalties if the terms are not accepted.
So, your ex made a final statement of terms to another friend.
It wasn't truly between the 2 of you unless or until she brought it there!
Or it's just friends talking.
Who's to say the friend was honest? Maybe she wanted either you, or her friend, to herself. Maybe she's confused, or an idiot?
|
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 10:19 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ???? |
|
burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
|
I like toast.
Toast with butter is better.
But I like toast.
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 10:23 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ????
|
|
blueyes101
Posts: 8,310
|
If that was directed to me, I think you misunderstood.
I have the utmost respect for Signme, and I hope she knows that... I mentioned what I thought was the best thing for her to do. ( from a guys point of view )
And it turned out, the same thing happened to me, but it was handled differently, I was unaware of what was bothering her.
I wrote this thread because it reaffirmed the fact that if something is really bothering you, it is best to let the other person know.......whether it is an ultimatum or not.
Btw- the friend I was talking about was a woman, a married woman......
|
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 10:28 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ???? |
|
signme
Posts: 9,605
|
Blue I understood what you were talking about. I'm not sure I really issued an ultimatum but I guess it could have been taken that way. I said if he didn't have time for a relationship I would still like to be friends. But if there was going to be a relationship, some changes needed to be made. And that's where I left it.
I'm sorry you found out that an ultimatum had been issued without you being aware of it. That sucks. At least my ex knows where I stand,and it's obviously without him.
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 10:29 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ????
|
|
burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
|
No blue, i was just saying. i like toast, who doesn't. i like butter, some like jelli.
Toast, yum.
|
|
| |
|
| Sep 23, 2007 @ 10:35 PM |
Ultimatums----------WTF ???? |
|
signme
Posts: 9,605
|
OK Burns, I like toast with peanut butter. 
|
| |
|
|
|
|