| Dec 19, 2007 @ 10:31 PM |
i guess i'll never understand
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DJ1024
Posts: 152
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why someone is willing to go back to the person who broke off a LTR & a piece of their heart. i'm the type that when it's over, i'm done. don't look back-just ahead to see what's next. i guess i feel that if the person hurt you once - they'll most likely do it again so why go back?
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| Dec 19, 2007 @ 10:36 PM |
i guess i'll never understand |
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southernangel32
Posts: 429
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very true DJ
hurt me once shame on you,hurt me twice shame on me and god help you.  .
if they didn't care enough to protect your heart the first time then they don't get a second chance to finish the damage.
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| Dec 20, 2007 @ 12:34 AM |
i guess i'll never understand
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,902
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Let me offer a different perspective. In the final analysis, you're absolutely right. When it's over, it should be over - no going back.
But let's say that you really care for someone, and she broke it off with YOU. Just because it's over for her doesn't mean that it's automatically and instantaneously over for you as well. The death of a relationship is like any other death, and we have to go through the natural grieving process until we reach an acceptance of the fact that the relationship has, indeed, died.
Now if you're going through that process, and you haven't quite gotten to the acceptance part yet, and you still have feelings for that other person and a piece of you only WISHES she would take you back, give things another try.....and then, as if a prayer had been answered, she actually does say something to the effect of "why don't we try again?" - well, you weren't completely over her, so you might actually try to make things work again. (I'm not saying it's the smart thing to do, but how often in relationships do we think with our hearts and not our heads?)
So...I can see how it CAN happen....but I'll never be convinced that it SHOULD happen. And once you reach that point that you accept things are over - forever - you simply go on, and if she showed up tomorrow and said, "wanna try again?" you're immediate, kneejerk reaction, now that your head is on straight again, is "Not only no, but HECK NO!!!!"
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| Dec 20, 2007 @ 2:30 AM |
i guess i'll never understand |
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mystery2u888
Posts: 6,262
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 I agree with Jester and Southern....  when it is over it is over.......you do take the grieving and need time to heal.......to get you  back...it is just learning lessons that we go thru to not get into the same kind of relationship or a mistake that had happened and we move forward......you keep yourself very busy or just sit tight and take baby steps .........either way you continue to move forward ......standing still or going back.....it's like school......you don't want to go back to junior high when you already in high school......  you want to grow and continue on.....if the break up is recent and there is hope then I might think about it but.......I will have my guard up extremley high because they showed me a side to not trust.........just my opinion.......and if I can't have that faith there.....and it isn't strong enough......then I am wasting my time........timing is everything.......and I don't plan to waste mine........     xoxo
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| Dec 21, 2007 @ 12:28 AM |
i guess i'll never understand
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Say_Yes
Posts: 1,793
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Sometimes, things end prematurely. Few, if any relationships are perfect and there are peaks and valleys within them. Sometimes, we make a mistake in a valley and end something that should not be ended. Upon realizing the mistake, the smart ones attempt to work things out and try to make a go of it again.
That being said, I have generally found that once a relationship is over, it should remain over. Rarely have I heard of anyone making something work, once one party had decided that there really was no future. It seems that all that happens is things are strung out longer, the hurt is extended and in the end, the relationship fails.
Then again, it must work for some people, some times. Other wise, you would think we would stop trying it.
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| Dec 21, 2007 @ 11:49 AM |
i guess i'll never understand |
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madamegeek
Posts: 1,510
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Say-Yes Sometimes, we make a mistake in a valley and end something that should not be ended. Upon realizing the mistake, the smart ones attempt to work things out and try to make a go of it again.
I can appreciate that insight very much.
In our efforts to be fair, yet self-protective, we may allow "redemption" to come into play. If, without fear, we can let ourselves trust one who hurt or abandoned us, we may redeem the good that was almost lost.
Even scarred limbs can move again, albeit limping for a time.
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| Dec 22, 2007 @ 8:00 AM |
i guess i'll never understand
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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I think you see this going back more with women than men. Women think they can "fix" whatever the problem was. Maybe they need to look better, or be more loving, or more understanding, and the ex will change.
Unfortunately, it seldom works. Getting back together with an ex is just setting yourself up for more of the same.
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| Dec 22, 2007 @ 9:32 AM |
i guess i'll never understand |
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madamegeek
Posts: 1,510
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I think you are right, Toucher  Many men seem to have the capability to keep active, moving, "doing" until they realize that they have actually "moved on" from the emotional attachment.
Isn't he a wise one, eh, Em? 
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| Dec 22, 2007 @ 9:39 AM |
i guess i'll never understand
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,360
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Ya never know though. One of my coworkers remarried her ex-hubby about six years ago, and they're actually very happy now. They'd been divorced about 5 years, he got sober and proved it, and it worked for them. They're good people, and I'm really happy that they won a tough fight together.
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| Dec 28, 2007 @ 11:39 AM |
i guess i'll never understand |
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Loreli
Posts: 20,319
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I agree with Heaven.
I think the circumstances surrounding the breakup make a big difference. As does the growth individuals make after a breakup.
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| Dec 28, 2007 @ 11:45 AM |
i guess i'll never understand
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pamdemonium
Posts: 14,546
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Heaven, the key there might be the change he proved he could make.
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
It's when you realize a change is necessary and work on it that you
might be able to put it back together.
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| Jan 9 @ 11:13 AM |
i guess i'll never understand |
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st93
Posts: 303
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i guess i feel that if the person hurt you once - they'll most likely do it again so why go back?
well said but some people are just suckers for punishment
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| Jan 10 @ 12:15 AM |
i guess i'll never understand
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jdctx
Posts: 162
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Unless you feel like pershaps you didnt give it your all I guess trying again is ok..
For me when I love someone I give it my all I hold nothing back so if they break my heart there isnt much I can do..I know they will break it again
But its really up to the individual
I know that I still cry about everyday on my heart break which is about 1 month old now I could not go through it again with this person
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| Jan 10 @ 7:31 PM |
i guess i'll never understand |
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jamminjerry
Posts: 3,780
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yes mam, after 48 years, if ya ain't figured it out, logic implies you won't understand. selah
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| Jan 15 @ 3:10 PM |
i guess i'll never understand
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tahoma
Posts: 10,533
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I made the mistake of trying to carry on a FWB relationship with someone I had broken up with. Huge mistake... and now I am paying for the repurcussions. I have repeatedly tried to break off any contact to no avail. This time hopefully it has worked.
Lesson learned... just walk away and start over with a clean slate
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| Jan 16 @ 1:31 AM |
i guess i'll never understand |
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KAOS2007
Posts: 6,745
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Because a lot of times, the unknown is far too scarier than even the ugly known.
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| Jan 16 @ 7:45 AM |
i guess i'll never understand
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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^^^^^ Words of Wisdom
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| Jan 16 @ 12:39 PM |
i guess i'll never understand |
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tahoma
Posts: 10,533
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Yes... I'm afraid that is all too true
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| Jan 22 @ 7:53 PM |
i guess i'll never understand
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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I try to keep myself open to someone I care about, but there is a time when I need to face the truth and realize its over...It takes two people to want to continue on after a breakup, and communication is a key....but if nothing has been cleared up...it wont work..no matter how many times you try to make it work
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| Jan 23 @ 4:39 PM |
i guess i'll never understand |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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Agree with many in this thread.
My take: All break ups are not the same, and should probably not be treated the same because people and circumstances are usually different.
If a couple breaks up and leaves a lot of uncommunicated or miscommunicated issues and unresolved feelings behind, I wouldn't automatically rule out them getting back together.
I do draw the line, however, on merry-go-round, on-again-off-again, seemingly endless reconciliations. You give the relationship another chance, but if the issues are insurmountable and can't be fixed, break up and STAY broken up.
No one -- not your family, friends, or coworkers -- needs to put up with your nonstop, childish relationship drama.
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