| Feb 19 @ 10:33 AM |
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TheLegend419
Posts: 9
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I know this is probably a repeat of some of the things this forum has seen before, but I wasn't able to take the time to read all the threads.
Anyway, I recently suffered a break-up with my boyfriend of a year. He was the only man I've ever really loved and cared about. We decided to not talk to each other for a week or so and when we finally spoke a few days ago we decided to go back to what we were before we started calling ourselves a couple and see how it goes from there.
I guess my question would be does that sound like a good thing or a bad thing? I really do want him back even if it won't last for the rest of our lives. Is there anything I can do to try and win him back? Does the situation say it all?
Blargh, haha. I'm just so confused with everything in my life right now.
If you need more information about what happened, message me and I'll tell you the whole story.
Thanks a lot, everyone.
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| Feb 19 @ 11:12 AM |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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why did you agree to go back to friends only? you need to be honest and tell him you want more....it will either happen or it will not...but you can not make someone want to be with you no matter how agreeable you become to their wishes.....
good luck and be good to yourself
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| Feb 19 @ 11:27 AM |
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TheLegend419
Posts: 9
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I know I can't MAKE someone be with me.
Him and I were friends for 5 years before we started a relationship and even though I do really want more with him, I would much rather be friends with him than never talk or see him ever again-- no matter how much it hurts sometimes.
Thanks for the kind words. I've been suffering so badly in the past two weeks and no one has been there for me to either ease my mind or anything.
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| Feb 19 @ 11:43 AM |
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Loreli
Posts: 20,319
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You are young. You have a whole life of love waiting for you.
If YOU are happy with "friends", basically, then do it.
And date others. Just MHO.
Good luck.
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| Feb 19 @ 11:43 AM |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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i'm sorry and i do understand.....
there are no easy answers other than to accept it for what it is now only friends and try not to dwell in the past.....
go out have fun even when he is not around and don't sit waiting for things to change, life has too much to offer to be sad.....not an easy task i know but put forth the effort and you might be surprised at the out come in a few weeks or months at how much fun you are having......
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| Feb 19 @ 11:49 AM |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,280
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Maybe LGQ could help here huh?
You have been friends clear through high school haven't you? This is period of big change for you.
Hopefully you are off to college? ( I saw where you live and lived in Reading for many years, and had one son graduate from there in 04)
I really hope you get out of the area and on with your life too. You will always be friends I bet!!!
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| Feb 19 @ 11:49 AM |
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TheLegend419
Posts: 9
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I just wish there was at least one thing I could do to change things. The breakup wasn't bad and the fact that he suggested we return to how we were before we labeled ourselves a couple (which was dating without a title) confuses me and makes me think that he might have just wanted a break or something.
Blah, I don't know. I want to talk to him about everything but I don't have that chance right now.
Thanks for everything guys. Maybe it would be better if him and I WEREN'T friends for a while.
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| Feb 19 @ 11:51 AM |
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TheLegend419
Posts: 9
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Maybe LGQ could help here huh?
You have been friends clear through high school haven't you? This is period of big change for you.
Hopefully you are off to college? ( I saw where you live and lived in Reading for many years, and had one son graduate from there in 04)
I'm going to JCC for now, but I need a change. You've lived around here... you know how small it is and boring it can be. I wish I would have gone off to a big college first thing out of high school, but I didn't. I thought I would be okay getting my general classes taken care of and then transferring, but it doesn't seem to be working out that way.
There's a lot more to this depression than just a breakup.
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| Feb 19 @ 11:52 AM |
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Loreli
Posts: 20,319
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Your heart and head will guide you.
Maybe he just doesn't want a serious relationship...but you know what? There are tons of guys out there that will...someday if not immediately.
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| Feb 19 @ 11:55 AM |
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TheLegend419
Posts: 9
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Maybe he just doesn't want a serious relationship...
I know he doesn't... but in a sense I don't want a really serious relationship either. I would just rather have him than not, you know? I was hoping that maybe him and I could talk soon and possibly get back together but not make it a serious thing. We'd still be together, but not in a serious relationship.
Except, I don't know if that'd work... :-P
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| Feb 19 @ 12:01 PM |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,280
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I thought I would be okay getting my general classes taken care of and then transferring, but it doesn't seem to be working out that way.
I know many people thata do that and it is a very good idea. Taking the classes that you had to take in high school again! It is better to pay the low price this year than to do it at a big university.
I do know how boring it can be in the Hillsdale county area too. Get your first year classes out of the way and look to going out of state even for more classes!
Gr,,there isn't much left to do in Michigan.
You will be fine, just keep looking to the future ok?
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| Feb 19 @ 12:04 PM |
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daisy315
Posts: 4,337
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it's hard to go back to friends after being a couple.. especially if one still has "those feelings".. but it can happen.. just take some time apart to give your emotions time to heal.. they are kinda raw right now, aren't they.. time apart will do you both good.. who knows.. he might miss you more than he thought he would..good luck hon..
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| Feb 19 @ 12:12 PM |
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TheLegend419
Posts: 9
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it's hard to go back to friends after being a couple.. especially if one still has "those feelings".. but it can happen.. just take some time apart to give your emotions time to heal.. they are kinda raw right now, aren't they.. time apart will do you both good.. who knows.. he might miss you more than he thought he would..good luck hon..
I really hope so.
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| Feb 19 @ 8:22 PM |
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,310
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You have to start off as friends first.... Did that happen, or did you jump into the relationship thing?
Being not a couple, does that mean dating other people? If it does, try it..... Doesn't actually have to be dinner and a movie, but just hanging out, and doing different things things with others.. If nothing else, it will introduce you to new people, who may introduce you to new people, and maybe, just maybe you can find someone really special to share your feelings with.
It sounds to me, he does not feel as strong about you as you feel to him, or perhaps he is just not ready to date only one person.
If you sit and try to pretend to be only friends, you are just opening yourself up to be hurt.. Or even worse used...
If you find others to spend time with, the friendship may work. For you will not be so dependent on you two getting back to being a couple.
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| Feb 19 @ 8:27 PM |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 14,546
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Here's a question to answer your question....
Do you think you're the same person now, at this age that you're going to be in another 10 years? Do you think your boyfriend is he same person?
How well do you know yourself? It hurts, but better to hurt now than get into something that's very hard to get out of. Take time to hurt and heal, and go through it. And believe it or not, you'll come out on the other side all the better for it.
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| Feb 20 @ 10:56 AM |
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TheLegend419
Posts: 9
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You have to start off as friends first.... Did that happen, or did you jump into the relationship thing?
We were friends for 5 years before we started dating.
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| Feb 23 @ 11:25 AM |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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dont swet the small stuff. Some friendships are best left at a lessor intencety level.
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| Feb 24 @ 12:13 AM |
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signme
Posts: 9,605
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Legend it doesn't get any easier the older you get. I'm going through pretty much the same thing right now. I dated a guy for 10 months, then he got mad at me (for something I didn't do) and we called it off. A few weeks later he called and apologized and asked if we could still be friends. It's hard to turn off feelings if you are still talking to each other. I'm looking for someone else, but not all that hard because deep inside I hope we can get back together.
I wish you luck hon.
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| Feb 25 @ 1:17 AM |
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katydid438
Posts: 6,787
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You know, you're in a great position in life  You've carried a long term friendship into another kind of relationship, if only for a short time.
You can still remain friends and maybe even life long friends. Both of you can take what you learned from this experience into all the wonderful relationships that are out there waiting for both of you. WOW
No one says your confidante and best friend has to be a girl 
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| Feb 27 @ 3:00 AM |
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jendaisybee
Posts: 13
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I think it's very hard to be "just friends" when you want more out of the relationship, and this could end up causing you a lot of pain.
At the same time, if you really are over him, and ready to be friends and date other people, then that's great, and I think you should do that as you obviously care about this person.
Just be careful not to get your hopes up for things that are probably not going to happen like him changing his mind, because it will hurt more if you are hoping that will happen and it doesn't happen. Just have fun, and go out with other people, enjoy yourself, and be friends with other people too, not just him.
I think you are insightful about your situation, and ultimately, you will do what is best for you because only you can decide what that is. Good luck!
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