| Apr 14, 2008 @ 12:58 AM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly?
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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This has never happened to me before. Others I broke up with either stayed friendly or disappeared from my life right away. Now the current ex is getting really ugly. First he would leave messages telling me how awful and freaky I am. Now he's just writing rude ugly emails to me.
I've ignored him for 3 weeks. Now tonight he's starting in again.
Any advice? Other than ignore, ignore, ignore.
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| Apr 14, 2008 @ 1:17 AM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly? |
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LilWVPADOLL
Posts: 17
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#1: DO NOT...DO NOT FOR ANY REASON WHAT SO EVER COMMUNICATE WITH HIM IN ANY WAY...#2 GET A PROTECTIVE RESTRAINING ORDER THAT IS SPECIFIC TO COMMUNICATING, AND VICINITY OF YOUR PERSON. If he violates he can go to jail #3 TELL EVERYONE ESPECIALLY YOUR FAMILY & CLOSEST FRIENDS who he is what he looks like, where he lives & that you are fearful of him as best you can without causing undue alarm of distress. #4 If you have caller ID & you should. do not answer his calls, let your answering machine take his messages...Answering machine messages that are of a threatening nature, & harassing are admissible evidence.
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| Apr 14, 2008 @ 1:23 AM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly?
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LilWVPADOLL
Posts: 17
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PS: do not delete his emails....Make a folder...print the emails out & save them....they are also admissible evidence.
AND YES....IGNORE...IGNORE.IGNORE this is your first line & best line of self defense with a whack-o-Jacko
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| Apr 14, 2008 @ 11:04 AM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly? |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Aw, Sign...you don't deserve that.
Nurse gives good advice. Keep copies of everything.
Hopefully he'll stop when you warn him, sweetie. 
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| Apr 14, 2008 @ 11:14 AM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly?
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happygrlok
Posts: 7,552
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I am really sorry sign you are going through this. Breaking up is hurtful enough with out more hurt being added. I think the "ignore" advise is good, because if you try to respond it will only fuel the fire. I believe people like this want you to respond as they get some sick satisfaction out it. You know you are a good person so don't let what he says bother you.
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| Apr 14, 2008 @ 12:51 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly? |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
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No one deserves it...but isn't anger part of a grieving process?
Sorry you have to put up with it, but I agree...ignore. Let the fire
die down by itself. 
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| Apr 14, 2008 @ 1:00 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly?
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BeachCrete
Posts: 8,600
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You stop playing "tug-a-war"....just let go of the rope and the other person falls flat on their azz 
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| Apr 14, 2008 @ 2:40 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly? |
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kissmya55
Posts: 290
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I believe it's part of the process as well. Granted, we all handle our anger differently. I think you can be angry without doing damage to property or people.
And then? I picture then dead, mentally go to their funeral, bury the memories along with my hate and move on. Don't knock it, it works. 
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| Apr 14, 2008 @ 2:54 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly?
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pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
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And all the above said...no one should ever have to be afraid after a breakup.
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| Apr 14, 2008 @ 5:23 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly? |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,027
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unplug the puter and change your cell number. Seems to work well.
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| Apr 14, 2008 @ 9:02 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly?
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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Good point Burns. He has my land line number, which the machine always answers. He does not have my cell number. I already have a folder of his emails, starting with all the good ones at the beginning of the relationship right up through these nasty ones.
Had another phone message tonite. Dang! I deleted it before thinking. I'll save the next one (hopefully there won't be another one). If there is, then it will be time to get a new phone number.
Nurse good advice. My family and friends know what's going on. Only one friend knows what he looks like. I can't see him getting physical but then again, I couldn't see him doing all this either.I know his mother has mental problems and I'm beginning to think he does also.
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 3:39 AM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly? |
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LilWVPADOLL
Posts: 17
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Signme,
Please if you have a picture of him, make sure the people that love you most & are closest to you, know as much about him as he knows about you ESPECIALLY what he looks like so they can recognize him should he take to stalking you....Beleive me there are way too many unfortunate parents who's daughters lay in their graves or are still missing. Daughters who THOUGHT the man they had been dating & have since broken up with, would never harm them. NEVER, EVER take a jilted lover, for granted.... TRUST your gut feelings, if it doesnt make sense... then there is no sense in not trusting your gut, for your life very well may depend on that gut feeling.
Better to be safe than sorry......and any man worth his gonads, will accept a Lady's well phrased BRIEF heartfelt apology. An apology need not be definitive as to detail, just a heartfelt one.
As you mature & the years teach you what we 50 somethings already KNOW & have EXPERIENCED in life, as facts of life... learn to develop an "On Guard or On Alert" sense of your environment AT ALL TIMES, even when home alone.
Make damn sure you always have a straight shot to the nearest exit.
Learn to position yourself nonchalantly when out with the man of interest, in the best position for escape.
Learn & develop a subliminal "Caution Light", especially in new relationships & unfamiliar surroundings.
Learn to LISTEN keenly to the conversation, especially words, phrases & sentences that are contradictory or retold the next time with a new twist or embellishment.
OBSERVE the body language, eyes, eye contact with you, facial expressions, even laughter. is it a real or put on.
Try not to go for the gold on the first , second or third shot....work for it ladies and make darn good & sure it is not fools gold...
If need be...get an second or even third opinion as may opinions as you want especially if you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable.
If you continue to feel uncomfortable DUMP HIM P. D. Q. & do not look back.
Yes, it may seem like you are second guessing yourself at first, yet as these skills are utilized & practiced, they will not even be noticeable even to yourself over time. Young women today MUST not be so cavalier about themselves, there are too many predators out there with NO scrupeles....our prisons are full of such men.
All this I taught my own daughter & I pray young women today, shall, despite our old foggieness... trust us when we say...the tried & true of yesteryear shall hold true for all women through millennium ...Best regards..nurse
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 8:53 AM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly?
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,027
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You kiss his ass and get back his confidence. Then you set up a nooner with him. BUT give him my address. Me and my friend Louwee will have a chit bat with him. 
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 10:04 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly? |
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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Awwwwww Burns baby, I knew there was a reason I love ya!! 
Aside from being a bit frightened, I'm very worried about his mental health. He seems to be really deteriorating. Is there some way I can try to get him help before he goes off the edge? I know I can't personally contact him but ... 
I spent most of my break time today reading harassment laws. Fine reading it was, too.
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 10:52 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly?
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scorpiogirl36
Posts: 4,002
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Be careful Sign...he sounds dangerous
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 10:54 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly? |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,027
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Oh scrop, Im harmless i only nibble,
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 11:03 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly?
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SyndilLucian
Posts: 1,046
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The problem is, Sign, that unless he realizes he has a problem, he won't accept help. I have been down that road, even when his doctor was telling him he was having liver function issues, he refused to cut down on his drinking... /sigh
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| Apr 15, 2008 @ 11:05 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly? |
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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@ Burns!
Thanks Scorpio, I have no intention of making any contact with him. In fact, if he leaves another ugly phone message (and I don't delete it!) or another ugly email, I am going to file a complaint.
Edited to add: Oops Syndil, you snuck in there and I didn't see your post. I'm sure you're right there. Although he does think he has anxiety problems like his mom does. I think it's more than that now.
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| Apr 16, 2008 @ 12:57 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly?
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LilWVPADOLL
Posts: 17
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signme
He has more than anxiety issues darlin...he is pathologically dangerous...did ya read my earlier post...if not read & absorb every word....been there, had to do it more than once kid...forewarned is fully armed...
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| Apr 16, 2008 @ 1:54 PM |
What do you do when the break up gets ugly? |
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Makya
Posts: 1,131
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The problem is, Sign, that unless he realizes he has a problem, he won't accept help.
EXACTLY!
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