| Apr 20 @ 3:14 AM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage
|
|
boop321
Posts: 2
|
We had a fight because I found out he was on cocaine, and hidding it from me.
Our son was 2 months from turning 18, and has been in football all through school.
I told him I did not want it in the house, it was bad enough to put me at risk, but our son could be arested too. And he could be kicked out of football, which he had worked on all his life. The next day he moved out and got an apartment while I was at work, and started calling his son to come live with him. His son won't return his calls, so he blames me. He never got rest, drank and partied all the time untill it effected his work, they fired him. That was my fault too. Then he texted me that I took his son, and career. I talked to his son, and was told "Dad had 18 years to be a Dad. Which he never was." Now I am 18, he wants to stand up. He left us ...Let him be gone." His excuse for leaving was we couldn't talk, I was not aware there was ever a problem. And he is mad because his 3 step children he says he raised won't talk to him either. He says he hates me, and I turned everyone against him. They are 34, 30, and 29. And his son is 18. I told him they are all old enough to make their own minds up. They love me because I earned it.
Now I am 53 and starting over, Which is gonna be a job all by itself.
|
|
  |
|
| Apr 20 @ 11:37 AM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage |
|
DJ1024
Posts: 147
|
boop, i was 46 w/a 3 & 4 yr old when i got divorced. my choice. lifes never been better & he's still the loser he was when i divorced him. and yes, he says it's all my fault too. lol, i'm good w/that. i went from a SAHM to a great job w/benefits, he can't seem to pay his child support.
there's alot of good men out there so why put up w/a loser. i just want you to know you can do it & you have a great son. i wish you the best!
|
| |
|
| Apr 20 @ 12:32 PM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage
|
|
Loreli
Posts: 19,227
|
It may be easier than you think, now that you have that gone from over your head.
You deserve better.
Best of luck to you 
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 20 @ 11:57 PM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage |
|
SunBabe
Posts: 12,007
|
It sounds like your son is a very aware and mature young man. And it's great to hear he's preparing for college.
Anyone who gets hooked on cocaine has got to know there will be repercussions of THEIR own making, but from what I've heard, it's pretty standard for them to blame everyone else for their escalating woes.
It's not going to be easy, Boop...but you'll do just fine. Your kids, yours and his/all of them, all respect you and your decisions -- obviously you know how to keep your head on straight.
I guess the way to look at it now is to look forward to "Part Deux" of your life...and there just might be some great adventures -- with or without men -- out there. Good luck and fair winds along the way. 
|
| |
|
| Apr 21 @ 3:47 AM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage
|
|
beckyiv42000
Posts: 11,677
|
Too many times the drugs win out over the family  but worry not .. kids are smart (as yours are) and resilient .. now take time to heal YOU .. you are lucky that no violence occurred because of it.(hopefully?) I wasn't so lucky when a person chooses a drug or alcohol over their family , their lack of character is shown , a strong character will fight the addiction, not succumb to it ... I applaud your strength of character to fight and stand up for your family .. now you have a chance to start anew and with what you have stated you are gonnna be just fine
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 21 @ 9:40 AM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage |
|
mzlara388
Posts: 1,026
|
just remember no matter what he says, you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't change it. It's the drugs talking and HE lost HIS job. He was responsible for HIS life. My ex did the same thing. Drug abuse is an awful thing. I'll keep you and your family in prayers.
|
| |
|
| Apr 21 @ 10:08 AM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage
|
|
burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,529
|
WIth head held high, for youre taking back your life. Youve given as much as you feel was recalled for. When you dont get back what you put in, its time to get out.
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 21 @ 10:13 AM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage |
|
ladros
Posts: 170
|
some people can stick it till the kids are gone or almost gone then its 'see ya' dont want to try anymore
|
| |
|
| May 8 @ 3:00 PM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage
|
|
jamminjerry
Posts: 3,684
|
wow! mine was 21 years! i simply asked her if she was serious this time or if it was more bullshit! i was blessed with serious! of course i helped! LOL after all, she is a true blond. we be jammin 
|
|
| |
|
| May 8 @ 3:12 PM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage |
|
katydid438
Posts: 6,441
|
Many people walk away emotionally long before the end of a marriage,,even a 20 year one. There can be more destructive addictions than just drugs.
|
| |
|
| May 8 @ 3:59 PM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage
|
|
Silver1961
Posts: 2,808
|
I moved out after 23 years. She had been abusing prescribed meds and alcohol for about the last 10 years, and in and out of the psych ward. I was trying to decide which was better for my children as far as trying to keep the family together. When I discovered her affairs, it made my choice much simpler...
|
|
| |
|
| May 9 @ 5:35 PM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage |
|
katydid438
Posts: 6,441
|
Silver.. 
|
| |
|
| May 10 @ 8:35 AM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage
|
|
tatiana329
Posts: 725
|
Whenever I hear someone has to start over from scratch in mid life it makes me wonder what they have been doing for the last 20-30 years ?
Get out and get a job, start paying your own way and saving money... this way you won't be starting over agin at 75.
Sorry for your troubles but the fact remains you should have been starting to take care of yourself a long time ago. Never be dependent on someone to provide for you in life. Life just isn't that way... even for a man who wasn't on drugs who had a job.. people die, fall out of love and relationships end. This is part of life... change. The faster you realize this and your responsibility for your own life and happiness, the sooner you will be on your way of having a good life.
Hope you
let him go............. he doesn't sound like much of a partner and you'll be better off with out him anyway.
|
|
| |
|
| Jun 18 @ 2:19 AM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage |
|
jaynie
Posts: 2
|
Mine left me after 23 years. Just went to work one day and didn't come home. No communication except the divorce papers I got several weeks later.
At the time he left, I couldn't take care of myself due to spinal surgery and complications from it. I couldn't drive, couldn't get down stairs, couldn't cook, couldn't shower unassisted. I used a wheelchair and a cane to get around.
He figured I could get along with no money since "You don't go anywhere anyway" so I took him to court for temporary support.
I've had to rely on my parents to the point of moving in with them. Thank goodness I don't have any kids other than the dog!
|
| |
|
| Jun 18 @ 2:40 AM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage
|
|
SunBabe
Posts: 12,007
|
It's amazing how many times we hear of guys forgetting that "For better or worse" line ~sigh~
Luckily, in some states, that temporary support is a given, without court (especially in circumstances like yours). I think every woman (AND man) should always plan for "just in case", even if it's just an independent credit card and a small personal savings account. Those things are important even when things are going great and suddenly there's a death of one of the spouses.
"You don't go anywhere anyway"
LOL, I'm sorry to laugh, but I heard that line, too (along with "Well you sure don't need money for food because you never eat".  He did feel a little bad when he found out I had stress-induced anorexia.  )
In a way, you're lucky, Jaynie. At 44, you're still young enough to "regroup" (especially without the added responsibility of little children to raise) and -- hard as it is -- your parents are there for you. Best of luck in your new direction/s.
|
|
| |
|
| Jun 19 @ 3:11 AM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage |
|
bl8ant
Posts: 6
|
the question here for me is..."how can YOU miss someone that has deceived and lied to you for 20 years??"
"how could YOU have been stubbornly blind when others obviously weren't"?
"WHY didn't you leave sooner??"
if he never showed up for his 18 yr old son, (if i read the op correctly)...
why did you put up with that? for so long and what example did you set by doing so???
better late than never...i am sorry you gave away 20 years to an idiot
some of us pay expensive tuition for the education we choose.
welcome to a happier life!!!
|
| |
|
| Jul 24 @ 12:25 AM |
How can he walk away after 20 years of marriage
|
|
chicagohowell23
Posts: 71
|
Well it loooks like he is just self destructive and unhappy with himself, but he cant face that his problems are his and he has to blame someone. Your better off to have a healthier relationship with someone who knows and faces their own demons. I know it's easier for others to say that, but if you feel better about yourself life and family then tell him to shove off or plan an intervention either or he needs to know it's his fault, and you need to know it's not yours. People like to hide things from the spouse because they're afraid of the others response, or that the other one has worse secrets than they. A lifetime of denial for to people. When i worked in a nursing home each resident sat me down(mostly the women) and told me to 1. don't settle young, 2. don't strap yourself to a man no matter how many years you've been together or you'll be waiting for one or the other to die, 3. Experience as many men as you can. 4. Have children but not too young because that is all youll have in the end, 5. Be who you r at all times even if it willl hurt the other person
|
|
| |
|
|