| May 11 @ 4:07 PM |
Is it over? Or is this good?
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NumbNoob
Posts: 2
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Hello,
I need some advice from those of you whom may have a simular situation. I have been living with my fiance for 3 years. We live rent free with family members. We were pretty much unseperable except for work of course. We had a great relationship. Awhile ago I lost my job (Damn Economy) and have been searching ever since. This not only created tension for both of us, but made living conditions pretty bad. She has picked up extra hours at work to make ends meet. God bless her. 2 nights ago she informed me that she is moving in with her sister because she said she can't give any more. She went on to say that she feels stuck and does't see us going anywhere. I asked for more time to find work and we will get back on our feet. She said that she needs some space and is moving anyway. I was (am) shocked. I guess what I need to know is does this seem odd to anyone else? Out of the blue. She said she loves me, and then hands me her engagement ring back. I refused it and she wore it on the unmarried hand. I'm not sure what to expect next. She is moving over there in a couple of days and I dont know what to say or do. Is she lighting a fire under my ass to get back to work? Has she found someone new and don't want the guilt of cheating? How Should I approach this? I have been nice so far, but she doesn't even kiss me goodnight. All advice, support is welcomed.
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| May 11 @ 4:20 PM |
Is it over? Or is this good? |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,251
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Three years living with family members rent free? ~sigh~ I have to agree that it doesn't sound a whole lot like you have been getting anywhere, just (possibly) "drifting"  ...and now with this new situation, it may feel to her that you're just drifting backwards. Not the kind of "security" or "future" most couples need.
It's unfortunate that you lost your job -- neither of you needed an added stress like that. But I can also see her point...a three year engagement and life is still "static", and now this. (It's not like you guys are 19 years old...I'm assuming she's somewhere near your age and is weary of waiting for "normal married life" together to happen.)
And yes, she can still love you, but not necessairily want to live with you that way anymore. She may have come to realize that it's HER life, too...and she wants to live it, not just "exist". 
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| May 12 @ 11:26 AM |
Is it over? Or is this good?
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willowy1
Posts: 4,984
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I have been nice so far, That statement speaks volumes! 
A forty year old man living rent free for a couple years? You lost your job "awhile back" but are looking? This is unacceptable. Do you live in your Mothers basement?
She has picked up extra hours at work to make ends meet What ends? Is she buying your beer and pot?
If you really want to work you can find a job anywhere! So what if it is a job you find beneath you? 
Pull your head out and find your self respect.
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| May 12 @ 12:38 PM |
Is it over? Or is this good? |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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Get a job
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| May 12 @ 1:17 PM |
Is it over? Or is this good?
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Brass_Wolf
Posts: 681
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Burns is right. ANY job you take would be a good faith jesture.
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| May 13 @ 12:25 AM |
Is it over? Or is this good? |
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signme
Posts: 9,605
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I agree. We seem to label people by the work they do but when it comes right down to it, all jobs are essential to life as we know it. That makes them all important. I dan't care what kind of job a guy I'm interested has, as long as he has a job. That tells me a lot about him right there.
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| May 14 @ 3:05 AM |
Is it over? Or is this good?
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,495
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if you can't read the writing on the wall, you are in denial... she's moved on, so accept it, and move on...
we all may want to change our reality, but it doesn't work... she realized after 3 years of mooching, you weren't going to change....
as far as her saying she loves you, at this point she pities you, feels contempt for you, but love is dead...
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| May 14 @ 7:46 PM |
Is it over? Or is this good? |
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Makya
Posts: 1,131
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I think Sunbabe put it best. It seems that maybe you had gotten a little too comfortable in your situation. She probably wasn't happy in that situation as it was, and probably tried to express that to you several times but you probably didn't consider it as seriously as she did.
Then on top of all that you lose your job and instead of grabbing the next available thing, you are probably being choosy in the jobs you apply for.
I would have probably done the same thing she did. Its better to get out of such a situation now, then be stuck unhappily in it for the rest of your life.
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| May 15 @ 4:59 AM |
Is it over? Or is this good?
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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How did it go? "over here you have alot of down time for self pity with zero dollars. Over there you have no down time and hell 8 dollars an hour"
Zero dollars of 8 dollars? Zero dollars or 8 dollars?
Pity doesnt feed anything spect for more pity.
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| Jun 7 @ 9:10 PM |
Is it over? Or is this good? |
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scorpiogirl36
Posts: 2,079
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we all may want to change our reality, but it doesn't work.
Been there
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| Jun 7 @ 11:08 PM |
Is it over? Or is this good?
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BeachCrete
Posts: 7,736
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it's over
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| Jun 8 @ 10:35 AM |
Is it over? Or is this good? |
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teddybearagain
Posts: 769
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Along with all the other good advice/posts here, I'll add this ....
If you are left guessing, the relationship probably wasn't what you thought it was. It is my belief that COMMUNICATION is key in any relationship. Sounds to me like the communication was lacking on both parties involved.
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| Jun 8 @ 11:30 AM |
Is it over? Or is this good?
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pamdemonium
Posts: 14,546
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Teddy, you are so right. It's the cornerstone of any relationship. 
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| Jun 8 @ 11:51 AM |
Is it over? Or is this good? |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 8,063
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and when one or both stop talking... the relationship stops...
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| Jun 17 @ 1:56 PM |
Is it over? Or is this good?
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SamTSam
Posts: 12
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Sadly, it's over. As others have said, it's time to buckle down and find a job... any job in the interim while looking for something more substantial for the future.
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| Jun 17 @ 2:51 PM |
Is it over? Or is this good? |
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LaughTillYaPuke
Posts: 1,822
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Welcome Sam!! 
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| Jun 17 @ 4:59 PM |
Is it over? Or is this good?
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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Get a job nob
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| Jun 19 @ 3:18 AM |
Is it over? Or is this good? |
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bl8ant
Posts: 6
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i think she just woke up...
realized she was only an actress in a movie and it was an awful script.
no standing ovations here folks
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| Jun 22 @ 10:33 AM |
Is it over? Or is this good?
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sy721
Posts: 75
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And lets turn this situation around shall we, as ''alot'' of women want things their way...What if the guy lived abroad and she wanted him to move to her country, yet he could not find a job there and she doesn't work..What would you ladies do???
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| Sep 29 @ 1:09 PM |
Is it over? Or is this good? |
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tinamarie10
Posts: 30
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I agree with Sunbabe...other people may post mean responses...but I too understand the economy...it's time to get any type of job...when times are tough you have to get tough back...And space is good...much luck to ya'll 
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