| May 17 @ 9:58 AM |
Contact with the ex
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jaytee821
Posts: 2
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Last September I met a girl at work who is 19 and we made eyes at each other across the desks where we worked. In addition to this, we would all stand outside prior to starting work and then she would always come inside with me for a coffee and never stay outside with the others. I was quite certain she liked me and was about to ask her out when she told me that she had lived on and off with a guy in his flat for 3 years.
Anyway, after christmas she told me that he had dumped her and she had moved back home with her parents and then in January she got finished at work. On the evening it happened, I looked across the desks towards her and she would not make eye contact with me.
When I spoke to her about this afterwards and said how sorry I was that she had lost her job, she said that she couldnt look at me as she would have been very upset.
A few days later when she left the job, she gave me a note with her mobile number and had also written, 'phone me or else'.
I called her and from 13th January upto 2nd May we went out and met more or less everyday, she stayed over at my house and we were planning to go on holiday etc....
The problem is this and I am ashamed to say that I split up with her about a dozen times over the space of 21st January until 30th April and each time she came back to me and said she would always fight for me because she loved me.
I have to stress that I am not a control freak or got a kick out of this and it was just my pathetic insecurities that drove me to this, which is ridiculous.
On 2nd May, I finally fixed things with her and we agreed that things were back on but then I didnt hear from her for three days and she called me and said she loves me but can never trust me again and that things would never be the same again. She said that despite my outbursts since January, she thinks I'm the easiest person to talk to and level headed etc.... but that was the end of our relationship.
I was gutted and only have my self to blame but wished her well and thought how foolish I had been to let her go:
This is where the problems start:
Since the conversation after I had not heard from her for 3 days, she has phoned me every single day and a couple of days after the phone call where she said she cant be with me, I went to her house as she lives close to where I work and she kissed me and then pulled away and started crying. It was then that she told me she has met someone else who treats her right and that she cant be with me as she is scared of being hurt.
But the calls have carried on; she phones me when she is on her way to work in the mornings, at lunchtime, on her way home, at night after she has been out with her new boyfriend.
I have this week, sent her several nice emails saying I dont want any more contact but she then rings me up and I have to be honest that I love her calls but find it hurtful over this new guy. She sent me an email earlier this week saying she didnt realise how hurtful it would be not to remain in contact and to tell my mum and dad that she is missing them as well.
Yesterday I said I no longer want contact but then last night she phoned me and said she wants help with her University coursework - I have helped her in the past and she helped me with one of her assignments so I think it is only fair to ask her.
She then phoned me again and told me that she may be going for a teaching assistant job. I asked her why she cannot get this new guy to help her with her coursework and she said she hadnt spoken to him that night.
At the end of last night I sent her a text saying that on one hand I feel good she will ask for my help and tell me about the new job but in a way I think she is a user.
I have had two missed calls this morning and a text message saying I have hurt her again with my text and that she has been with this new guy for 2 weeks and that he hasnt messed her about once and that this just goes to show her that i didnt love her as i would not of hurt her if i had done.
She says she wants to be friends, then says her head is muddled as to who she loves - just wondered if I should change my phone number?
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| May 17 @ 10:30 AM |
Contact with the ex |
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LaughTillYaPuke
Posts: 1,822
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Jesus. All that to to find out if you should change your number? Just don't answer her calls honey. You said you ahve a cell...you can see her number. Just don't answer her calls or return them.
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| May 17 @ 10:35 AM |
Contact with the ex
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jaytee821
Posts: 2
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I think what I was really wanting to ask is if she may still harbour feelings for me because:
Firstly, I was the one who kept messing it up.
She rings me all the time.
and the text she sent was where she made a point of thinking i never loved her.
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| May 17 @ 10:39 AM |
Contact with the ex |
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LaughTillYaPuke
Posts: 1,822
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But in the end, forget about all this back and forth contact for a moment, do you really want to be with her?
That is the only question that really needs answering.
Good luck hun.
Sweet baby Jesus....I just realized that she is 19 and your in your mid-thirties.
Pay no attention to my advice. I have no clue what is healthy in this istuation.
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| May 17 @ 1:58 PM |
Contact with the ex
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DJ1024
Posts: 145
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OMG just cut all ties. games,  big time paying games for both of you.
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| May 17 @ 2:43 PM |
Contact with the ex |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 7,946
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dude. do you remember what it was like at 19?
Do you really want to go through that again?
Let it go. The ladies are right. Just cut the tie.
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| Jul 4 @ 10:25 AM |
Contact with the ex
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meanjolene
Posts: 189
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Help me! My ex, who treated me very shabbily (and that's putting it mildly), has lost his daughter, the baby of the family, due to a tragic accident. I loved her and have been grieving for her since I heard this news. No one in the family contacted me, I heard of her death via grapevine, then read it in the news.
I'm asking for advice on what is the proper behavior for me at this time. The last time I saw him, (the ex) was not pretty. He actually made me feel fear and I left under those circumstances, leaving him no way to contact me. I don't imagine he even knows where I am, though it isn't very far away in miles...in short, I fell down the rabbit-hole as far as he's concerned and have studiously avoided contact with anyone from his hometown, any of his friends, etc.
I knew Bethany for 5 years and was on very good terms with her mother, brothers, grandparents.
I am going to send a card and note to her mother and brothers...not planning to attend the service, though.
I don't think for one moment that the ex needs or wants my sympathy or any contact from me...and I don't plan to send him a card.
What do you all think? Please, give me your input!
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| Jul 4 @ 4:09 PM |
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jaybird777
Posts: 956
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I call mine once ever 5 years
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| Jul 7 @ 8:21 PM |
Contact with the ex
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custis
Posts: 716
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Get out of there you numbskull. Let her new guy help her with her problems and whatnot. Change your phone number and let her worry about her own problems.
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