| Dec 30, 2005 @ 11:21 PM |
Forgetting
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torees121
Posts: 739
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How do you forget an ex-lover? I went out with a guy off/on for 3 years. He was a terrible jerk, but I still can't forget about him. He still lives in my town and I see him around a couple of times a month. Last month I ran into him and his new girlfriend. If that didn't suck  I do not love him, and if he would ask me back I would say HELL NO!
I even dreamt about him last night. How do I get over this??? 
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 7:25 AM |
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sirdidymus
Posts: 1,087
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but if you're not in love with him any longer, what is there to "get over"?
forgetting or remembering is just matters of memory recall - you lived with a guy for three years, a large piece of time, so naturally you'll still have memories, good, bad and/or indifferent - that's only natural.
so when you say "forgetting" are you looking to magically erase him memory from your mind or is there an emotional charge attached to those memories - in which case - would defy your statement of "not loving him"?
These aren't questions to answer in the forum, but rather to ask yourself in quiet, if you really don't love him or if you're just saying that because you really don't want to love him.
If you don't love him, and are just having memory recall, i can't imagine these recalls would bother you in the slightest, so i'm guessing for you to even post about this, there has to be an emotional charge to the memory. If so, do some soul searching, are you really missing this guy? or are you missing what he represented (on some level) - of being in a relationship? my guess is you probably aren't missing the guy per'se in as much as something that he represents to you.
peace
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 8:57 AM |
Forgetting
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torees121
Posts: 739
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I think you are right Sir. I am missing being in a relationship and the good times I had while in one. I know I don't miss him, like you said but what he represents. Thank you for your post.
Victoria
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 9:18 AM |
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walkingman
Posts: 639
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I think that alot of us are feeling the way you do these day's. I know I really miss being in a relationship .I find myself thinking about the one's I have been in to. It is not the feeling's I had but just being in one. Is is so much easier to not think about when you are with someone. I am glad you made this post and to the response you received from it. It helped me as I had been having alot of passing thought's about ladie's from my past. thanks jeff
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 10:58 AM |
Forgetting
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Angel54214
Posts: 13,336
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Well Victoria! The mysteries of the mind...how the information bank keeps all the memories in tact. But its the heart that speaks the truth to us. Remembering the positive and wonderful things of our past as the mind stores them the positive and negatives. I feel great graditude my mind reminds me once in a while for learning is the key. Since in your case unlike mine, you see the combined in the actual physical person monthly.
If I were you I would have a good talk with myself. Tell Victoria everything has gone forward and looking back only advances you to go forward and onward into the next open door. Give yourself a smile of re-assurance a more beautiful person is through that open door in front of you. A person mean't for only you. Also, keep in that memory bank that when he sees you, he still has his memory bank of you. Hopefully I added to your comfort zone and gave some enlightment as you walk through that new open door. Angel
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 2:12 PM |
Forgetting |
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torees121
Posts: 739
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Thank you very much for the posts. They have been very enlightening and helpful 
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 2:17 PM |
Forgetting
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,368
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Best to find someone new... 
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 2:17 PM |
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 2:18 PM |
Forgetting
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torees121
Posts: 739
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I have been trying
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 2:20 PM |
Forgetting |
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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[Edited on 12/31/2005 2:38 PM]
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 2:23 PM |
Forgetting
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beachnutRU
Posts: 3,228
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I have one more idea. The feeling that you have is called a "resentment" loosely defined frozen anger. You still have feelings of anger and hurt and they manifest whenever you see or even think about him. I speak from personal experience.
Two solutions write him a letter and be specific about how you feel .......OF COURSE YOU WON"T SEND IT. This letteris for your eyes only. You speak of all the grievous area that you feel and then after feeling it sufficiently you burn or shred it. Be sure and esponge allll the feeling every last one even if you have to repeat yourself and say outloud YOU ARE SUCH A DI*K HEAD I HATE YOU......and all those things. Once again let it all hang out. This way you have proper ventilation. When you broke up you were left with un answered feeelings.
Here is the new agey part. Tell the universe when you see him (like a prayer) bless him and give him all the good he deserves......do that for awhle and your anger will leave.
That's it from the Dr Beach corner......sorry if I went on. I have had to do everythiing I just told you about a former fiance'.  Now I don't hate her.
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 2:27 PM |
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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Good idea 
[Edited on 12/31/2005 2:38 PM]
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 2:50 PM |
Forgetting
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sirdidymus
Posts: 1,087
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as Jeff said, this is a REALLY good thread because i think it's very enlightening. I think there are probably a lot of people that get back into old relationships because of the exact same thing, they've been alone for awhile - their mind starts to drift and they start to think about someone from their past - and the logically conclude that ...whoa, maybe they're starting to have those "feelings" again for that person. Not realizing that perhaps, the feelings aren't for the person, but rather for the lack of being in a relationship.
So maybe this thread can help to give other readers some insight into their own behaviors as well.
This might sound hokey to some but i'm going to tell you what helps me through the day, form a relationship with God. If you're an aetheist - well you're SOL then LMAO (said totally in jest). But seriously, thnk about it, everything in this life comes and goes - nothing, no exceptions, nothing at all is guaranteed in life - family, friends, money, health, romance - it's all subject to come and go just like the wind comes and goes. The only thing that is guaranteed to stay forever, unbreakable, is your bond with your inner God, no one can take that away from you.
Have faith in God, have faith in his/her plan for the world. Meditate, pray, attend service - whatever brings you closer in your relationship to God. It doesn't take away the pains and angst of being alone - no - but, it does help us to better appreciate what we do have, it helps us to make better decisions going forward, and i truly believe it naturally puts us on a better path in life and makes those better decisons more effortless.
Think about it, what "tastes bad" is sometimes good for us and what tastes "sweet and nice" isn't always so good for us, that faith in God can help us to see beyond the veil of pain.
My comments aren't meant to be religious, but rather spiritual. On a purely logical level - there really is nothing else.
Hope this helps someone get through the day the way i know it helps me!!!
Peace
Happytheclown :P
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| Dec 31, 2005 @ 3:05 PM |
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Angel54214
Posts: 13,336
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'Sirdidy'...very nicely presented and is so true on my account. I don't do it just on holidays, I do it every day and since I was very young. My spirituality has been a greatness that shaped the woman I am today.
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 3:21 PM |
Forgetting
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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I sympathize, torees. I’m NOT one of the lucky ones that can still be friends after a romantic entanglement. Sometimes you’re forced into it after a divorce for the sake of kids, and some not only accept but embrace it.
But I have a general rule and it seems to work for me. Clean and total break.
I don’t want to see or hear about anything she’s doing. I’d still have feelings for her and I’d be way too jealous to see her with anybody else. It also helps you in the next relationship. You’re not carrying any left over, unresolved feelings and baggage, and can give the new person a fair chance.
If your circumstances don’t allow that (you share mutual friends or he/she’s a coworker), then you’re stuck until something changes.
Good Luck.
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 3:30 PM |
Forgetting |
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johnw_6
Posts: 194
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I think we have to kill all ex's - that way we'd never see them ever again! lol
seriously though, just remember all that bad stuff every time you see him and sooner rather than later it wont effect you anymore.
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 3:37 PM |
Forgetting
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Bambi123
Posts: 29
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To be honest, I think it's the fact that you live in the same town. Is the town pretty small? I get the impression it is. I have an ex from London and when I come down here (from Scotland) he gets stuck in my head. When I'm in Scotland I hardly ever think about him. I'm not saying move house, as that's drastic but this is probably why you still think about him.
The thing is, if you've already admitted to yourself that you'll never date him again, you've already answered your problem: there isn't one! Maybe it's resentment you feel? It will get better when you meet someone new, (which you definately will) and then you'll be the one bumping into him with the new partner.
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 3:42 PM |
Forgetting |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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I never forget. I remember my first break up, at 14. You might want to read the poem in my blog. I think it says a lot.
Sometimes, even the sad memories hold some sort of comfort for me. Had I not loved with that intensity, I could never have evoked such emotions. It says I had the ability to give all of myself to someone. What a gift.
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 4:21 PM |
Forgetting
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exiled131
Posts: 1,808
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Everything I thought was true about my last relationship was a complete farce so it is easier now for me to move on. I am not the same person that I used to be either. I now have no faith or trust in anyone that I am around with the exception of a few people I have had the pleasure of knowing most of my life.
I will never forget anything about that relationship...well, anything really. Experiences teach you alot- and boy howdy did I learn.
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 4:25 PM |
Forgetting |
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akfitter
Posts: 96
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scientist claim that there are 9 demensoins that we human can connect with - - - - just the dim. of love making with another can be hard enough to break- or get over- - - - there are 8 more- - - - - sounds like you may have been connected on a genetic-level as well - - - that your not aware of.- - - scientist also claim -that you be careful who you go to bed with!- - - there can be lasting bad effects- from just a one night stand- - in more ways than one.
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