| Jan 2, 2006 @ 6:44 PM |
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CynCity
Posts: 556
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I went through this with my ex-husband for almost five years. Because we had children, much of it was unavoidable...but in hindsight, it took a long time for both of us to really let go of the other, even after he remarried. The dreams were particularly disturbing, because it was the one area I had no control over. Logically, I knew there was no way we could ever go back again...if you would ask me, I would have flat out told you "no way". But it wasn't until one day I realized he was rarely in my thoughts, and even rarer in my dreams, that I realized how many emotions had still been involved, even though I thought I was completely over it. I talked to a dear friend who went through the same exact thing, she had been remarried for three or four years before she woke up and realized she finally was done with her ex. Like me, she didn't even realize she was still had those until they were completely gone.
It didn't help either, in my case, that he was finding ways to stay in my life...and it was all justifiable because of the children. I noticed it took the same five year time frame to mourn the loss of my parents and my infant twin daughters that died shortly after birth. I don't know if there's any scientific data to back that up, but it seems to be the norm for a good many people I know. My advise is to be patient with yourself...you didn't learn to love him overnight, and letting go doesn't happen that quick either.
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| Jan 2, 2006 @ 6:53 PM |
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,473
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Torees, you are a beautiful woman....someone new will come into your life and treat you well....someone who you will never want to forget about.
Keep the faith girl, and when you look in the mirror into your own eyes, look past them, beyond them, and you shall see the beauty of a Soul that the man who is meant for you will see too!!!
Rock on woman  Rock on!
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| Jan 3, 2006 @ 12:04 AM |
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sureyacan125
Posts: 187
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Victoria, find a guy who will rock your world and let it all go... I'm sure any guy would be better ... allow yourself to be cherished...
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 3:03 PM |
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torees121
Posts: 739
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Angle ,Sureyacan, Cyncity...thank you for your being so open and posting to this thread. I really did post that thread in "pain". It is getting easier as each day goes by. I know that one day the guy that will respect me and love me will come along.
Thanks again!  I am so glad to have friends that I can vent too 
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 9:40 PM |
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sureyacan125
Posts: 187
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Torees, I am sorry for yor pain. You sound like a lovely lady that deserves to be treated as such. I am sure you are a tremendously loving and giving person who puts her soul into a relationship. That will happen again...only ten times better.  Don't beat yourself up and stay the sweet person you are and it will happen..in its own time...don't push it, but know it when you see it. 
In the meantime, if you wanna f*** my number is 555-555-5555.....  Sorry, I couldn't resist, but was serious about the other...
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| Jan 5, 2006 @ 10:39 PM |
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torees121
Posts: 739
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 you are a riot Sureyacan. Thanks for the offer, who knows one day I may take you up on it
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 4:20 AM |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,598
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Awwwe,
You are a pretty attractive woman, so what seems to be the problem with meeting another guy in your town? Are your priorities conflicting with your search? Are single men not in season in Indiana? Start flirting with guys I know you'll get some takers. I don't know if you are sub-consciously jealous of him with a new girlfriend. But if you are then you are gonna have to get into a mode where you can put it past you.
Shame on the local single guys for not noticing you.
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| Jan 8, 2006 @ 5:30 AM |
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ExacerbatedTaboo
Posts: 1,401
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What was this thread about again?
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 10:45 PM |
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torees121
Posts: 739
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I guess the guys are "out of season" in Indiana. I may have to start looking at neighboring states now  Watch out KY, TN, IL, OH
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 11:58 PM |
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,074
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Torees, another Idea I just had for you. Take quiet time out...get a note book or paper and listen to your favorite music turned down low. Write out your imaginary and fantasy man...Write all the things you can think of that would make you feel love again. Work on this list for a week or so. You will keep adding to it. Then put it on your refrigerator. Once a week read it. You will begin a whole new experience and this experience will be all about you! Not the imaginary man list, but you. Add lots of many many things from funny to sexy to serious to anything that comes into your mind. Over a few short weeks, check your list again and see what else you can add. Before you know it! You will be forgetting the old and craving the new.
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 7:13 AM |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,792
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"Write out your imaginary and fantasy man..."
Same wave link there Angel  only I dream up my fantasy man in poems..and it does help to a certain degree :)
Angel is so wise .....
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 7:41 AM |
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RAKS37
Posts: 611
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Everything I thought was true about my last relationship was a complete farce so it is easier now for me to move on.
This is kinda rougher for me.
Some part of me still wants to nail down what was a good memory and what was a lie.
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 9:13 AM |
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torees121
Posts: 739
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Angel, thanks for the help, but I am good. I am not depressed nor am I getting desperate. I am a therapist/social worker that has to help others with their coping skills. I can handle my own, but thanks again.
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| Oct 15, 2007 @ 5:19 AM |
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carpediem48
Posts: 3,138
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I like this thread...thanx OP for posting it and thanx to all those who commented.
I don't want to FORGET this thread.
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| Oct 16, 2007 @ 9:31 AM |
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daisy315
Posts: 4,337
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I don't want to forget my ex b/f.. we had some wonderful times and I loved him with all my heart.. I don't want to forget that love.. it made me a better person.. Yes, I do want to forget the pain.. but forgetting one, means forgetting the other..
I just needed to forgive.. and that made all the difference for me...
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| Oct 16, 2007 @ 8:37 PM |
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ColdinWisconsin
Posts: 8,637
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Me and my friends have a little ritual.....
Dig a decent sized hole. Put EVERYTHING in that they ever gave you (this includes pictures and great bra's and panties....everything goes) A little gasoline.
We say a few choice words about the dearly departed. (This is always GREAT fun, as we finally get to say what we thought of the lurking bastard)
Strike a match. Let the girl cry a few tears. And the BURY THE DEAD!!!!!
This all must be done while wearing your sexiest black dress (it's only appropriate)
And then we spend the rest of the night drinking and talking about all the men we want to hook the merry widow up with.
I know it sounds morbid. But I have participated in 4 funerals myself. And it GREATLY speeds the healing process. Heck...every time I moved, I took a picture of the graves just for memories sake!
p.s.......you NEVER bury jewely with the dead. That would just be a waste. 
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| Oct 16, 2007 @ 8:49 PM |
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southernangel32
Posts: 429
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i don't think you can ever really forget. i believe all you can really do is walk away with a lesson learned.for some of us no matter how many times that"lesson" smacks us in the face like a neon sign, we have a hard time getting it.  i wish you all the luck.
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| Oct 17, 2007 @ 1:14 AM |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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dont do that to your pretty little head..
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| Oct 17, 2007 @ 1:17 AM |
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ISSUESWOPTIONS
Posts: 7,687
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Torees, if he's not breathing, there is no seeing... ...
JK
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| Oct 17, 2007 @ 11:00 AM |
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cookies1234
Posts: 98
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It's only when I step on dog poop I remember him 
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