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Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?


Dec 31, 2005 @ 9:48 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
Bambi123


Posts: 29
I broke up with my ex nearly two months ago and while we are still on speaking terms, I'm finding it really hard to maintain a good friendship with him. Sometimes he says things which I find hurtful. The worst thing is we were best friends for a year before we started dating. For this reason, I would really like to salvage the friendship.

The ultimate question I am asking here is, can guys and girls really be just good friends after a break-up?

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Dec 31, 2005 @ 9:53 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
ruready4me2luvu


Posts: 1,094
Sounds like maybe a little more time is needed, it does happen. In the midst of a breakup things get said that are really heated therefore become hurtful in many ways at that moment. It is always nice to remain friends afterwards so just let time take it's course. Good luck
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Dec 31, 2005 @ 10:22 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
walkingman


Posts: 639
I have never been able to maintain a friendship . I don't hate them. I think both people just move on with their live's. I guess it depend's on every individual situation. I
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Jan 1, 2006 @ 7:27 AM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
Pocafontas


Posts: 7
Happy New Year first of all :)

On the topic, I believe that it takes highly evolved humans to keep a friendship where a relationship has gone! I certainly have not reached that stage of e'volution' yet . The majority of people, with their very human passions and instincts, cannot achieve this. It's very rare, and I have never come across the scenario!

Think about it:

Scenario 1) You split up because you hated each other's guts ...and now you think you can 'just be friends'. The original reasons for splitting up will always be there, simmering under the cool surface. He does/says things that are bound to bring back memories of you two together, and most importantly, of the things he 'did' to you that caused you to say Adios. The atmoshpere will always be charged, and both of you will mistrust the other party's intentions...me thinks anyway!

Scenario 2) You split up on the best of terms , maybe because one of the two moved to another state/country. One day you find yourselves in the same geographical area, and decide to be friends. Now, if it was only a reason beyond your control that forced you to split (and considering that you are more or less the same people that you were back then, and still single), now that you have total control once again, why would you not get back together? You already *know* each other, and people always prefer to play it safe rather thav taking risks, that goes for all human activities .

I hope the above ramblings make some sense to someone haha. Take care everyone!
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Jan 1, 2006 @ 7:42 AM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
TiNkErGrRrRrR


Posts: 13,252
I agree....no further comment
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Jan 1, 2006 @ 6:13 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
Heaveninawildflower


Posts: 22,712
why would you not get back together?


Speaking from experience, once you've gone from being lovers to just being friends, it just ain't the same anymore. I don't think I can ever 'go home again' at that point. That is of course, just my opinion and experience. We're all different...
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Jan 1, 2006 @ 6:19 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
Graystar


Posts: 237
Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?

Generally not until both have moved on with other relationships. Even then it's hard to go back to how things were.
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Jan 1, 2006 @ 6:31 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
Angel54214


Posts: 22,370
Anything is possible. I have seen countless marriages and relationship break ups reunite. Its always a pleasure to see that occurance as long as its not reputicious down the road. I have seen divorces in progress even up to the actual court hearing and they change their minds before the judge. The resolved their differences.

On the other hand, friendship after a divorce requires mutual agreement between the parties. Both need healing time and space. Healing takes much longer than 2 months reality wise. If children are involved in the marriage, it takes even longer or the healing process is much longer ranged do to direct contact with the other. A mutual friendship with respect is always great with children in the said marriage. Its not the childrens fault of the divorce and they should not have to see endless bickering, hurting and fighting that will lead to physological set backs in their development stages.

It is a mutual bond with mutual agreements and respect, but need space.
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Jan 1, 2006 @ 6:31 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
MarysPlace


Posts: 2,930
Hmmm... I'm friends with almost all my ex boyfriends. Don't see why I wouldn't be. Must have loved them for a reason, so they can't be that bad.
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Jan 1, 2006 @ 6:51 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
buni


Posts: 956
I have found that when I'm first broken up with somene that it is hard to like them at all, but usually down the line I have been able to become friends 'again'...sometimes it just takes time.

Just have to add that if someone is saying hurtful things to you then you should get away from them. Why put yourself in a place where someone is hurting your feelings?

[Edited on 1/1/2006 6:53 PM]
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Jan 1, 2006 @ 7:18 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
mart777


Posts: 47
Bambi. being in very much agreement with Graystar, I could add, that a conversation with your ex may help a lot. From what you say he is the one hurt, and it is always depressing when the break-up is when someone does not want it.

It all depends how mature is your ex, when you reasure him about your respect for him and his feelings he may feel much better and relax about the whole problem. Be careful though not to give him a wrong impresion, like you might appear to think about returning to relationship. Other friends may help a lot. The sooner your ex will get into new stuff (new hobbies, new friends too) the more feeling of passing time and less negative feelings about breaking-up. So you may ask other friends, close enough to you to ask them that, to spend more time with him, invite him for parties, etc.

If you start to date someone else sooner then him, it may also be very difficult. Be confident about what you do. If you do not show like you are embarrassed about it, that will be mature thing to do.
Keep always positive attitude for him. Even if he hurts you saying something, do not let it affect you. Like there is some quite popular song "in the end only kindness matters." So after he goes through difficult times you will be the person for a close friend because of it.
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Jan 1, 2006 @ 7:29 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
Bambi123


Posts: 29
I have had the dreaded conversation and spoken to him.

To be honest it was awkward and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He said I shouldn't read too much into his comments and he said he was sorry. The fact he said sorry straight away is very positive I think . We both agreed that as exes there were certain boundaries we shouldn't cross, like certain things we shouldn't talk about, for example who we were now interested in or people who had shown an interest in us. Hopefully things are sorted out, for now at least.

Thanks for your posts guys!

x



[Edited on 1/1/2006 7:30 PM]
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Jan 1, 2006 @ 8:47 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
Missy_21484


Posts: 24
I have never really been able to maintain a friendship with an ex. I don't talk to any of my ex's at all except for one, which is rare and usually on aol. I lift his spirits because he is in iraq and alittle depressed.. but anyway... talking to and befriending ex's seem to bother me, not only because we have past that involves more than a "friendship," but it would just weird me out. I don't intend to stay single forever so I wouldn't want any new guy in my life to feel threatened, or weirded out around an ex of mine. He shouldn't have to deal with knowing I am around my ex as a friendship... I wouldn't want to give him the slightest idea of me talking to anyone I had slept with before.. or felt something for before because say I did care for him, I wouldn't want to feel like im jeopardizing anything or making either one of us comfortable. Regardless if he knew the guy was my ex or not, I'd feel weird in a room with a boyfriend and an ex. It's just a personal decision I guess... God bless anyone who could understand my jibberish.. hope you all get what i mean..lol
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Jan 2, 2006 @ 7:19 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
CynCity


Posts: 535
I've tried this, but they always end up wanting to give the relationship another try and it becomes difficult explaining why that wouldn't work.
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Jan 2, 2006 @ 7:24 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
Graystar


Posts: 237
Exactly. With a guy it's not really over unless he was never really interested to begin with, or he's found someone else that he connects with better.
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Jan 3, 2006 @ 6:09 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
CynCity


Posts: 535
Ohhhhh, so that's why they keep coming back. Learn something new every day in these forums.
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Jan 27, 2006 @ 6:41 PM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
KissingNCuddleing81


Posts: 1
Hey Bambi I know how you feel. The frist guy I was with was not the love of my life. Now I realize this at the age of 24 and not back when I was 16. Even thow at one point I thought i was in love with him again and he wanted my best friend who also happens to be my cousion. Even threw the warnings that I and other friends of ours had warned him he still went with it. She shot him down bad like with a flare gun bad. Well anyways now he is one of my best friends and we talk about 2 or 3 times a week and we give eachother advice in the different realtionship we have now. See here is the thing it's hard and I am not going to lie to you. But you just have to stick threw it if u can see that the friendship can be brought back. Yes sweetie some times it will feel like your banging your head up against a wall . And yes it will hurt but only for a while until u realize he wasnt the one ment for u. When you realize that u will want to sing and dance and then you will beable to go on with your friendship. Take it from me most of my exs I am still friends with very close ones at that.
So keep your chin up and remember that the one for you is out there. As you are looking for him he is also looking for you.
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Jan 28, 2006 @ 12:34 AM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
DahliaWhittier


Posts: 9
Too much water under the bridge. Only a handful can continue a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. Much less an ex-wife and ex-husband. Although it is possible on both issues. Number one why do you insist on being friends afterwards? Are there kids or something else of value involved?
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Jan 29, 2006 @ 7:58 AM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
cowboy2x4


Posts: 27
There seems to be 4 reasones people get together in the first place...#1 is love #2 is sex #3 is money #4 is convenience....the sad part is... it should be only #1 in this list.
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Jan 30, 2006 @ 2:28 AM Can guys and girls really just be good friends after a break up?    
chinabull2000


Posts: 7,009
One of my best friends is a woman I dated for about 2 years, and that was 10 years ago.. so yes, guys and girls CAN be friends after a break-up!

And one of my newest friends and closest friends is a woman I quite recently dated after meeting her online... when I told her I wasn't really interested in more than friendship she accepted that and our friendship has developed really quickly.
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