| Jan 11 @ 10:28 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'?
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joeynobaloney
Posts: 8
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I have been seperated for several months from my wife and have decided that reconciliation is not an option. The legal process of divorce could take up to two years to be finalized. Truth be told the marraige was over emotionally quite a while ago as was the physical part. Do you continue to be seperated until the final papers come through and your spouse has signed them or what? I ask for several reasons but mainly because on sites such as MD a 'seperated' heading for relationship status generally gets you treated as a leper. Joe
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| Jan 11 @ 10:38 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'? |
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uab_5
Posts: 4,759
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Don't know if this helps...
My fiancee is separated frm her cheating, wife beating, husband.
Do what you feel is right.
God bless.
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| Jan 11 @ 11:16 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'?
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 13,027
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Not til the judge says so.
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| Jan 12 @ 10:58 AM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'? |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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Burns is right.
I think leper is a bit much....some people are just afraid of investing in a relationship with somebody that might change their mind. That's all. 
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| Jan 12 @ 2:05 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'?
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Jalon
Posts: 1,611
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Agreed with Burns too. When the paperwork is 110% final and in your hands...then you're divorced!
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| Jan 12 @ 3:12 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'? |
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Merchitown
Posts: 6,129
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My ex-hubby and I were separated when we both started dating others...we knew there was not a chance of getting back together, and we both moved forward. We both were able to date and be honest about the status of our relationship.
Ours was also a very amicable divorce. We didn't even hire lawyers. Made the process MUCH faster. 
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| Jan 12 @ 3:19 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'?
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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I have dated separated and divorced women. Had one that was separated try to go back a few times, hell he ( ex ) even called me, told me she was drunk, and to come get her... I told him I didn't want her either...  We had a long talk, he ended up telling me how much he appreciated how I got along with the kids. A few years later he saw me in a bar, and bought me a beer.... I told him to say hi to the kids.....
Well, either way, it is what's in their heart, and the paper makes it legal by law, and that only means something if they have their heart in right place.
Anybody anywhere anytime can go back to someone else, or they can meet somebody new.
So, unless the person you are talking about takes any type of commitment seriously, no piece of paper is going to change that.
I have attended weddings where the bride and or the groom was sleeping with the best man or the maid of honor. Obviously the piece of paper meant nothing to them, at the wedding, the divorce will be of little consequence.
Commitment only means something when both people cherish it.
And separating two hearts, takes more than a new piece of paper.
So, I guess what I'm saying, is I look for the depth of the person, who they are, how they act, and most of all how they feel and why..... this is something much more important than a court date, and the piece of paper.
And to take it one step further, is how they treat their children and the relationship they have with the other parent, and the words they use to describe them.
When they use the term the " kids's dad ", I think i have found a good one.
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| Jan 12 @ 3:51 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'? |
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Skydognc
Posts: 4,017
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call a spade a spade and deal with it.... its much better and will earn you more respect than listing you are single or divorced. You can also add a few lins in your profile that the marriage is definately over, pending a divorce.
I used to be listed as divorced because I have been seperated now , over 7 years. Then I ralized that this is just wrong! Like it or not, I am still married!
IN the end...... its about who you are, not your past!
Good luck!
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| Jan 13 @ 12:30 AM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'?
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youbetcha
Posts: 14,834
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I understand why seperated isn't good enough for some, but to not even be willing to talk about it is unfortunate IMO. I have been on pay sites that had several women close enough to me that I really wanted to get to know, but they all used my marital status as the reason not to. It's so frustrating. I finally asked my ex why we hadn't gotten a court date yet and she said it was because she didn't send in the property paperwork. I told her I filled all of that out on my paperwork and all she had to do was agree with it, whcih should have been easy since I gave her everything except my business stuff, music stuff, surfboard, golf clubs and skis. I told her I wasn't going to fight over custody or anything. She said she would send the paperwork in. That was a couple of months ago. Still no court date. This has been going on for over 2 years now 
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| Jan 13 @ 8:36 AM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'? |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,330
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YB....I think that there is a way for you to proceed with the courts. I don't think that you have to leave it up to her anymore. You should look into it. And, yes...burns is right...the judge changes seperated into divorce and only then is it final.
I was seperated for 21/2 years before the divorce was finalized. I didn't date while seperated...but that was just me, I didn't want to. Dosen't make it wrong. For me, it was over the day the police took him out of the house and I never looked back. We were together 18 years, but some things can not be tolerated (especially when there were children involved...youngest being 4 months old).
And blue....I say " kids's dad ", only because I can't say his name. 
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| Jan 13 @ 9:18 AM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'?
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youbetcha
Posts: 14,834
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Thanks Angel. I'll look into it. 
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| Jan 13 @ 1:24 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'? |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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And blue....I say
" kids's dad ",
only because I can't say his name.
Maybe it is more the way they say it. I can tell if a woman is not happy with the ex, but still does what is best for the kids. And maybe it is more how she talks about him around the kids, and what she says to me in private.
I have seen women treat their kids like a best friend, and discuss the problems she has with the dad as if they were their girlfriend. I see this as taking away their childhood, and their father. jmo
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| Jan 13 @ 1:30 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'?
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Angel178
Posts: 36,330
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Maybe it is more the way they say it. I can tell if a woman is not happy with the ex, but still does what is best for the kids. And maybe it is more how she talks about him around the kids
I really say it fine.....now.....4 years have gone by. I never talk about him infront of or to the children in a negative manner. They will one day get old enough to make their own decisions. I understand what you are saying.
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| Jan 13 @ 1:39 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'? |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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All I can say is, if you meet a woman who is a raging bitch every time her ex is mentioned, refuses to move on, and allows the past to fester, there is a very good chance that if the relationship continues, you are next on the list. 
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| Jan 13 @ 3:39 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'?
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Alliegirl162
Posts: 272
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I am separated & I don't want to get into a tight relationship with anyone right now but I also dont want to sit around & have a pity party for a yr or two waiting for the divorce. There is absolutely no way I would ever go back to my husband but I am not wanting to spend the money right now on a divorce because he wont agree to certain things. I do know people who have been hurt by dating someone who then goes back to their ex so I can understand some people not wanting to date until the paperwork is final. But nothing is a sure thing anyway so if your attracted to someone whether divorced or separated then go for it...
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| Jan 13 @ 3:55 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'? |
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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When the paper is signed on the dotted line.........but that doesnt always mean the "ex" is out of someones life........ jmo
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| Jan 13 @ 5:22 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'?
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thor22
Posts: 3,350
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'seperated' gets changed when the woman finds a 'replacement'...no sooner, no later 
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| Jan 13 @ 6:07 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'? |
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Merchitown
Posts: 6,129
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That was a couple of months ago. Still no court date. This has been going on for over 2 years now
YB, this is EXACTLY why. I'm sorry...it's unfortunate, and it sucks, but this is why the judge is so very necessary.
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| Jan 17 @ 11:54 PM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'?
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meanjolene
Posts: 480
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The "marriage" or commitment, happens in the heart. So does the divorce. A piece of paper is necessary for some, not all, to be "single," in the heart.
To go forward with someone else, the piece of paper probably helps the process.
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| Jan 18 @ 12:17 AM |
When does 'seperated' get changed to 'divorced'? |
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daisy315
Posts: 4,946
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I have been separated for 18 years.. when we first split, we thought we might could get back together at some time.. that wasn't meant to be.. I told him if he wanted a divorce, he was gonna have to pay for it since I left our house and everything I owned except my clothes. Apparently he didn't want a divorce until recently.. his mother called me a few weeks ago and told me he was gonna file..
There is nothing to fight over.. no children and I signed the house over to him a long time ago so he could use it to bail his oldest out of jail..
Here in NC a divorce can be finalized after a year separation..if there are no issues to deal with.
personally, I felt divorced in my heart 14 years ago..
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