| Jan 29 @ 4:13 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone"
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1frantastic
Posts: 49
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This thread is inspired by the thread "Learning to Leave"....which is the antithesis and is rarely written from that viewpoint...but one also has to LEARN how to accept they are no longer with the person they want to be....the person may be abusive and has not been "with you" for a long time...you just won't admit it...so you have to learn how to accept their absense....they may even have left you in death and you may grieve for this as if it is abusive to go off without you....A break - up is painful from either source if you still have attachments....little things that trigger pain or joy or wishing things are/were/could be/should be different than they actually are.
People understand a death is painful and grieving is natural.....but so is a death of a relationship...regardless who ends it!
It is even more painful if you see the "walking dead" meaning the one who left is still visable....still in your surroundings so you CAN'T let them go....you can't pack those bags and leave them elsewhere....
It is painful to see them flirt with someone and say things they said to you or be with you or anything you thought was special... this means you weren't so special after all....
Soooo...if you want to keep "good" memories..then DON'T be around where you see them lose their value.....
Or if they need to lose their value....to be able to discard them...then DO watch and see it was all an act...and not real...that you have only lost your fantasy of what you wanted it to be...not what it is.....
What way do you handle it?
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| Jan 29 @ 6:24 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone" |
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whatagal
Posts: 1,130
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Accepting "they're gone" doesn't lessen the pain. You can accept the fact that they are gone but your feelings and emotions are still there. It has taken me several years before the pain of my last relationship subsided. That is why I was so reluctant to get involved with the man I'm with now. Actually, I still keep my emotions an arm length away lest I get carried away with my feelings.
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| Jan 29 @ 6:55 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone"
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jamminjerry
Posts: 4,085
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going on the OP, i have a verse of scripture for those that are sane. "praise God from whom all blessings flow..." most of you should know the rest. as for the women who curse my God and the fella that could not take any more, perhaps you should consider independence, becoming all that you can be. that way you can pick and choose like the guys do. LOL we be jammin 
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| Jan 31 @ 5:41 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone" |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
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It's difficult to accept when someone you care about lets you down to the extent that they need to be gone. If it's my choice that they're "gone", they've exhausted every chance with me. I'd rather have someone in my life who helps me be my best self. Not someone who brings out my worst side. When that starts happening, I close the emotional door. And there. It's accepted. 
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| Jan 31 @ 9:04 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone"
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horizon000
Posts: 1,264
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 ...
[Edited on 1/31/2009 9:14 PM]
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| Feb 1 @ 10:18 AM |
Learning to accept"they're gone" |
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catman602
Posts: 735
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my ex and I DID break up in 1995 . from 95 to 2000 we did not see each other . BUT , as time went by . me not having anyone we are freinds .
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| Feb 1 @ 1:23 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone"
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meanjolene
Posts: 480
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I'm someone who does not fall in love easily, or often. If one I love reaches the point of being "gone" then they have exhausted every avenue I have. (Pam)
Ending a love is so painful for me, this may seem wacky, but my feelings for them run so deep that an ex may as well be dead. I will never see them again if I can help it and friendship is out of the question...
Dead. Sorry, I know it seems nutty. I guess this is the only way my heart can accept it.
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| Feb 1 @ 7:41 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone" |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
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Dead. Sorry, I know it seems nutty. I guess this is the only way my heart can accept it.
It's not nutty at all. It's self preservation. Hearts are fragile things. 
Why don't some accept that until it's too late?
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| Feb 3 @ 7:47 AM |
Learning to accept"they're gone"
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Justalittlecrazy
Posts: 387
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If you have children together it seems like they are never gone. When my last one finishes college I am outta here Taking a plane to no where. No ones gonna find me.
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| Feb 3 @ 2:19 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone" |
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thor22
Posts: 3,350
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it don't matter if you accept it or not...when they is gone...they is gone, jhey! 
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| Feb 7 @ 11:30 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone"
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1frantastic
Posts: 49
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In case you are unaware of the thread....it is not just physically of which I speak!
No one can "Unlove" one you still love!...unless you never understood attachment and love in the first place!
 
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| Feb 8 @ 7:30 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone" |
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thor22
Posts: 3,350
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well, my horse surrendered...I heard he's retired and living over in montana now... 
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| Mar 23 @ 11:21 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone"
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luneib
Posts: 732
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I think sometimes we want to believe a relationship as being real so we create the fantasy in our mind. It is very difficult breaking up with someone. I always hated it when I had to break it off with a guy, I don't like hurting people's feelings, but if the love just isn't there, then why keep a relationship going.
The only way to truly get over someone is not to see them, not to speak with them over the phone, to just lose contact with them, that's the only way I can see to truly move on, to start a new relationship.
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| Mar 23 @ 11:25 PM |
Learning to accept"they're gone" |
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luneib
Posts: 732
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As 1franstastic said [QUOTE]No one can "Unlove" one you still love!.
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