| May 14 @ 3:19 PM |
she went bad on me.
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flamethrower
Posts: 64
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I met a wonderful woman 2 yrs ago on a different web site and we hit it right of. After talking a couple of times on the telephone we didn't waste any time meeting each other because we both live in Seattle. We started dating and soon we were inseprable, always together everyday and when we couldn't be together we talked on the phone every night.
After 1 yr with her I knew I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life and asked her to marry me. She said she couldn't at the time because of her practise being so busy and she was traveling too much all over the state. She is a lawyer, and I had gone to watch her at a couple of her trials -its something I have always liked to do, read my profile- and I helped her with some aspects of them and really didn't mind going with her. In fact, it was fun, and she knew how much I liked it and she always said how much she apprecieated my help. I never thought there would be a problem between us because of her job.
We hadn't been seeing each other as much as before at the time because she was very busy in the courts and I was also busy taking people from the VA Hospital out on my houseboat for weekend crabbing trips, and during the week I was taking cancer kids out for sightseeing day trips.
Anyway, to make a long story short, then I asked her to move in with me, but she also said no to that. We kept on dating and she would come on the houseboat with me for weekend trips and last summer we spent 2 whole weeks cruising Pudget Sound, and are planning to go for a whole month together this summer. The problem is I have now found out she is snorting cocaine and smoking crack. I noticed a difference in her about last fall, and it started with sex. She always wanted to stay up all night and make love. It was a lot of fun and ok for a while, but it was all she ever wanted to do, instead of doing other things like going to concerts, plays, museums, and other events like we always used to do, and I am tired of it.
Lately, she has been calling me an old fuddy-duddy and she wants me to take Viagra, not because I need it, but so I'll be horny all the time like she is too. I want more than just sex in my relationship with her, and we have been having a lot of terrible arguements lately, and I think her drug use is effecting her practise. She is always late to court and doesn't seem to have as many clients as she used to have, and she won't let me come with her anymore.
I don't know what to do, she is a very beautiful woman with long black hair, she is tall and slim, she has a great personality and we always used to get along so good with each other and were happy. I don't know if I should try to get her in treatment and stand beside her through all of this, or just let her go. If I let her go I am worried she might really go off the deep end. She has no family and I have seen her sometimes with some pretty shady looking characters who she told me were just clients, but I suspect they are her drug dealers.
Well, I'm sorry that this is so long, but I hope some of you here in the forums might be able to give me some good advise about what I should do. I don't have family either, and I really wanted and hoped to make her my family someday, but not if she is ruining it all with drugs and sex.
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| May 14 @ 3:32 PM |
she went bad on me. |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
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First...you're in the breakup thread. That alone says you know where it's going.
Second...I'm not sure you're not totally making this up, but on the chance that you're not...
If she's just started taking drugs, and loves it that much that she's let it drive a wedge, you're out of the running. She's made her choice and it's not you. If
she has to "bottom out" to begin recovery, she may be a helluva long way from there right now. You sure you want to go on this journey with her? She may
not be the same person on the way out of this as you knew going in.
We do everything to gain pleasure or avoid pain.
Does it hurt more to have her with you, even while using drugs, or to break this
off?
I attended a funeral of a drug addict last week. He was 30 years old. He tried
rehab many times. Recovery's possible, but the success stories are the exception, not the rule.
Wishing you an outcome that helps you feel peace in your heart. 
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| May 14 @ 4:24 PM |
she went bad on me.
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flamethrower
Posts: 64
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Thank you for your advise and concern, Pamdemonium. No, I am not making this up at all. I put it into the breaking up thread because we have been fighting and she has been threatening to leave me, but I don't want that to happen. I really wanted to marry her and we used to talk a lot about her law practise and how I could maybe someday work with her. She was teaching me how to research cases in her law books to cite the many different decisions courts make that might affect a case she was working on, and I found it very interesting. She no longer has me do anything and I haven't been to her office or to one her trials in about a month, or more.
So far, right now it hurts me more when we are apart and I don't think I want to lose her. We used to do a lot of different things together and she liked that I was always showing her how I felt by doing little things such has PDA's, holding hands with her, lots of hugs, having flowers delivered to her office for no reason, leaving notes around her office and home telling her how much I adored her.
Also, while she was trying a particularly tough case that put a lot of pressure on her, I would always cook and clean for her, drive her everywhere, run her errands, and give her relaxing neck massages that she really loved and said helped to relleve the tension and anxiety she was feeling.
We used to go to art auctions/openings, symphony orchestra concerts, charity events, hiking in the mountains, and travel along the coast. She isn't interested in these things much anymore. I can handle most of that, but the only real thing that bothers me is all she wants to do is have sex whenever we are together and not fighting.
Like I said, it was fun and exciting for a while, but I want more out of our relationship.
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| May 14 @ 4:30 PM |
she went bad on me. |
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willowy1
Posts: 9,192
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Marry her. That should stop all that nasty sex.
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| May 14 @ 4:46 PM |
she went bad on me.
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flamethrower
Posts: 64
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To: Willoy1 At least Pamdemonium sounded sincere but what you said sounded facitiious and sarcastic; maybe your a nympho-maniac, but its just not all about what you call nasty sex.
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| May 14 @ 4:46 PM |
she went bad on me. |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
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the only real thing that bothers me is all she wants to do is have sex whenever we are together and not fighting.
I think that's the first time I've ever heard that complaint.
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| May 14 @ 5:02 PM |
she went bad on me.
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willowy1
Posts: 9,192
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I'm too sexy for my girlfriend Your headline suggests things 
Maybe I am  
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| May 14 @ 6:16 PM |
she went bad on me. |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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maybe your a nympho-maniac
Maybe I am
 If you are I need to buy a plane ticket quick.
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| May 14 @ 6:17 PM |
she went bad on me.
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wiccked
Posts: 12,300
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| May 14 @ 6:22 PM |
she went bad on me. |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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Don't look so innocent, Wic. 
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| May 14 @ 10:39 PM |
she went bad on me.
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capobeachguy
Posts: 4,737
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News at 10...film at 11.
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| May 14 @ 10:43 PM |
she went bad on me. |
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wiccked
Posts: 12,300
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waiting on that
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| May 15 @ 1:25 PM |
she went bad on me.
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flamethrower
Posts: 64
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Maybe my headline was not proper for the advise I asked for in this post, but a lot of people also say things in their profiles that are different from what they write about in the threads. That doesn't mean on a serious subject I want to hear catty and insenistive remarks about something serious going on in my life. We had a very well balanced life together, including the nasty sex, before she started taking drugs, and sex-addiction is not funny at all.
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| May 15 @ 1:43 PM |
she went bad on me. |
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willowy1
Posts: 9,192
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4nknAzQPHE
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| May 15 @ 1:51 PM |
she went bad on me.
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flamethrower
Posts: 64
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At this point, I seriously doubt I'll follow any link you might recommend.
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| May 15 @ 1:53 PM |
she went bad on me. |
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willowy1
Posts: 9,192
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But you will follow me around and make comments about my posts.
New here my arse!
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| May 15 @ 2:05 PM |
she went bad on me.
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flamethrower
Posts: 64
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I'm just answering some of the comments you left in my threads, just as I have done with Pam. Isn't that what these forums are for? Or, are you supposed to be MD's Regent of the Night who can say anything you want without any form of rebuttal?
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| May 18 @ 8:06 AM |
she went bad on me. |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,330
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I looked at the link 
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| May 18 @ 2:55 PM |
she went bad on me.
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Loreli
Posts: 25,401
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Tell her you love her, but can't see her anymore until and unless the drugs stop.
Seems she is using you, since she won't make some form of commitment.
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| May 18 @ 3:25 PM |
she went bad on me. |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,955
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I dunno this guy don't seem so miserable and caught up in this...or in love with his girlfriend for that matter...judging by his other posts here.
I definitely call shenanigans.
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