| Feb 14, 2006 @ 11:52 AM |
WHY can't he understand it's over?
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Tiger123245
Posts: 2
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This is long... I apologize in advance.
Here's the deal... I met a guy online, emailed for a few weeks, talked on phone a couple times, finally met in person. Dated for 3 1/2 months. Things progressed WAY too fast on both our parts, about 2 1/2 months into it, I started to begin to feel smothered by him. I liked the guy, a lot, but I have my own life too, my own friends, my own home to take care of, pets, a job, etc. Wanted to be together 3, 4, 5 nights a week. Spend EVERY weekend together. He would text msg me every day at LEAST once, call me every night, if I wasn't home, leave a morose msg on my answering machine "just checking in, seeing what you're up to" WTF? Checking in? What am I? His mother? Yes, I was starting to get irritated and trying to find the right words to tell him that we needed to slow things down and I needed some more time to myself - for crying out loud, at one point I didn't do the dishes for a whole week! My house looked like a disaster because, I'm sorry, if I have company over, I don't think it's polite to run the vaccuum cleaner, ya know?
Well, on one of my nights actually away from him I went out to a bar with a girlfriend and saw my ex (whom I've managed to stay really good friends with and we both still care about each other although we were both seeing other people), after my friend left, I stayed and talked with my ex and got good and plastered. We ended up in bed together that night and then hooked up about a week later also. Didn't use protection. Can you see what's coming? Yep, I'm pregnant. 97% sure it's my ex's.
I know I did a s***ty thing. Shoulda fessed up about the cheating right when it happened, but I didn't. Found out I was preggers and told my BF it was a 1 night stand. He pretty much did what I figured he would and told me to get the hell out. The strange part of it was that he already had the stuff I left at his place already bagged up when I got there to talk to him. I had called the night before and told him I needed to talk to him and didn't want to go into it on the phone. I could've been telling him I had cancer, or I was pregnant with HIS child. So, anyway, he threw the stuff outside on the ground and stormed back in his house. Came out a minute later and proceeded to rip me up one side and down the other. I stood there and took it (figured I deserved it and it'd be good for him to get it off his chest). He finally told me to get the hell off his property. So I did. He texted me a couple days later, BEGGING me to talk to him, saying he didn't know how much longer he could stand the hurt. He wanted to meet in person to talk, I didn't feel comfortable with that (really didn't want to get verbally mauled again) so I called him. Pretty much 20 minutes of silence on his part. I told him I didn't think there was any way we could work things out & he deserved someone better than me, yada, yada, yada. He emailed me 3 days later, saying if I ever cared about him at all I would call him so we could talk (emotional blackmail - yes I know - works every time dammit!), I called him, he said he wanted to try to work things out, he could forgive me, he still loved me, he was miserable without me, etc. I said I thought the best thing for him would be to just forget about me and move on and told him it wasn't a one night stand, I had been with my ex a few times over the past month. He hung up on me. I THOUGHT that would be the end of it. He emails me today. Subject line: Dying Without You. Says his life is not worth living anymore. I'm always on his mind & in his dreams, I'm in his heart and he doesn't want to let go, it's "unbearable" that we can't get past this.
OK, the whole quasi-suicidal hints and emotional blackmail thing is just reinforcing my decision that ending this relationship now is a good thing. We only met 3 months ago for crying out loud!! I KNOW I hurt this guy a lot by sleeping with my ex, and I had a lot of fun while we were together and in a couple drunken moments I said I loved him. Right now I just want him to LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! I'm not getting back with my ex, but quite frankly I don't want to be with this guy either anymore.
So... without being blatantly mean or rude, how can I get him to understand it's over and he needs to move on and to stop contacting me?
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| Feb 14, 2006 @ 12:33 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over? |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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Sorry, Tiger, but after reading your lengthy post I'm not that impressed with "your" behavior....but, in the spirit of helping...
WHY can't he understand it's over?
'Cause he's DUMB, DUMB, DUMB.
So... without being blatantly mean or rude, how can I get him to understand it's over and he needs to move on and to stop contacting me?
Please, by all means, be blatantly mean and rude. 
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| Feb 14, 2006 @ 12:56 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,628
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Get a PPO out on him.
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| Feb 14, 2006 @ 1:51 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over? |
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Tiger123245
Posts: 2
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I admit, what I did was absolutely deplorable and quite frankly doesn't say a lot about my character. Yet another reason why I can't understand why he still wants to be with me. If the roles were reversed, I would never speak to him again.
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| Feb 14, 2006 @ 4:55 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over?
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ruready4me2luvu
Posts: 1,737
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WOW, You really F'd up! 
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| Feb 14, 2006 @ 8:09 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over? |
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walkingman
Posts: 639
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Wow that is some story. The guy must really want to have a girlfriend. Youi can change your phone number and block him online. I can't imagine talking to you if I were him. I am sure in time he will leave you alone. .
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| Feb 15, 2006 @ 3:41 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over?
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jestlookinrnd
Posts: 25
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But....b4 you do that ya might want to get a test...so you are at least sure he isn't the Dad...
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 12:42 AM |
WHY can't he understand it's over? |
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dark_moon
Posts: 158
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I've been through this scenario, MINUS the cheating and pregnancy, too many times to count. It has made me wonder what it is that I do to men. It's like they become addicted to me. But I have come to conclusion that it can't be me. I mean sheesh I'm not that damn special surely. I think some men (and probly some women to, I wouldn't know) are just that clingy and prone to fixation, and they probably get that way over anyone they date for long.
You can be blatantly mean or rude and they still won't get it. The only thing you can do is cut off communication entirely.
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 6:31 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over?
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Wulfchyld
Posts: 459
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way oof topic, but iss that a Harley sprint by aeramachi, Dark moon?
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 9:05 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over? |
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Hiwayman54
Posts: 95
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LOL this is a good one......sure would like to hear.......the other side of things 
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| Mar 8, 2006 @ 11:45 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over?
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WickedWench
Posts: 1,613
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Hey Tiger
I have a little different spin on this thing. You've indicated you don't want to see him. He doesn't exactly respect that by continuing to contact you via email, phonecalls etc.
Honestly? I think the guy's insecure and has been using some very low tactics to gain your attention. Emotional blackmale and suicide threats are attention-seeking behaviours, not to mention very manipulative. Not the kind of thing you want in your life I would think? Personally I'd ignore him and find a way to get him permanently removed FROM your life.
The fact he is not accepting your "no" is a dangerous sign. Not to be nasty but you did make some serious mistakes for which you've been honest and owned up to. I give you credit for that but think about it. This guy keeps coming back for more and more....doesn't that send off some warning signals to you? If it doesn't? It should. That and his behaviour.
Emotional blackmale, suicide threats, manipulating you by your conscience. Grow some cajones and don't let him con you or suck you in. Change your number
Are you seeing this pattern here? I hope so. I really do hon.
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| Mar 9, 2006 @ 6:33 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over? |
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dark_moon
Posts: 158
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way oof topic, but iss that a Harley sprint by aeramachi, Dark moon?
Yes it is a 1963, 250cc Harley Aermacchi Sprint H model. To be correct though, not BY Aermacchi. Harley bought half interest in Aeronatica Macchi (a sea plane plant in Varese Italy) in 1960, changed the company name to Aermacchi and rolled out the first Sprint in 1961.
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| Mar 24, 2006 @ 9:35 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over?
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lonewolf299
Posts: 109
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Don't respond to his messages, don't even read them, just delete them right away. He should get the hint eventually. He has no right to treat you the way he is, nor does he have the right yell at you for getting pregnant, if he cared for you at all he would have understood and if he still cares for you he wouldn't be putting all of this stress on you.
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| Mar 25, 2006 @ 10:17 AM |
WHY can't he understand it's over? |
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renegadebee
Posts: 7
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he's just acting like a 'girly-man'
he needs to have "NEXT" tattooed on his forehead.
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| Mar 26, 2006 @ 3:35 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over?
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BulldogMedic
Posts: 154
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It's past the point of worrying about whether or not he gets his feelings hurt over this. Do exactly what you said you didn't want to do, and tell him to "leave me the hell alone". You gotta be firm and make sure he knows you're serious that this is the end. Then don't talk to him anymore if he calls, answer e-mails, etc.
The guy sounds like he is having issues, and I doubt the way you've treated him is helping either. Stop being wishy-washy, and tell him to "f*ck off" if you have to. Guys are like dogs sometimes, they need simple commands.
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 1:26 PM |
WHY can't he understand it's over? |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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hmmmmm
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