| Mar 26, 2006 @ 7:57 PM |
Taking a break?
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torees121
Posts: 739
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My boyfriend said he wanted us to take a break for a week to make sure we know what we want. Have you ever done this before? How did it turn out?
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 1:27 AM |
Taking a break? |
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csx_traindriver
Posts: 4
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well i hope it turns out good for you but why does he are you need the break could it be that he wants to make sure that he wants to make sure you know what you want and need? is it going to be a busy week for him with spring break is he going to be spending time with his kids? have you gave him a reason for needing this break ? like playing with his emotions? i had this one women who got mad at me and never wanted to see me again because i did not call her enough for 2 days well those 2 days my 19 year old daut. was in hosptial having back surgury. i did call let her know what was going on not only with me but told her how daut. was doing and she said i did not care enough because i did not call her enough. if i did not care enough would i have told her where i was and how worried i was about the surgury and not took it for granted that she should understand by telling her how much i was sorry that we could not meet and telling her how much i appracatied her understanding my sitution. oh yea these is 3rd time she told me she did not want to see me. So gang was i wrong for not calling more even though i called her at lest once a day. should i move on and try to find someone that well understand that i have kids i want to see and yes i still have to work. should i just go back in my shell and just work and on off time just play spades on yahoo. right now i feel like i am being streched in so maney dir.s it is not funny. 
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 2:52 AM |
Taking a break?
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Cantgetnosatisfaction
Posts: 8
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WOW.....Sad... seems to me that it is a poor excuse on his part. Either you know what you want or don't already before getting to any relationship and if you get a poor excuse that he needs a break, well, I know I would move on, you deserve better. You don't need that. One could take it as "he's not all that in to you" and I do not mean it as an insult, but a cop out on his part. There is a book out there called "He's Not All That Into YOU". It may help out many people with the same problem you mention and more. Good Luck..... 
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 3:26 AM |
Taking a break? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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"Taking a break" is usually just a cop-out for "let's split up", although of course there may be occasions when this isn't true.
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 9:22 AM |
Taking a break?
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 19,371
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Just wondering about the week thing...to me that would constitute more of a hiccup than a break - are you guys REALLY seeing each other that constantly? Are you on the verge of taking it to the next level, whatever that might be for you? If so, it might be a good idea for both of you, rather than being swept into something without a cold, hard look at it.
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 10:41 AM |
Taking a break? |
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Cantgetnosatisfaction
Posts: 8
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Right on China! I must say I appreciate your honesty on the subject. But most of the time it is usually splitsville and well I'd rather someone tell me right up front, not take the break and never hear back as in many cases and the person hasn't the decency to tell you like they should. It never feels good no matter what.
C'mon now.......
I will say this if you put your feet in the water you know usually what it may lead to,not all of a sudden, oh this is too much too handle for whatever excuse, one should take it slow and if it is too much tell the person and part in a pleasant way if possible. There are always risks and challenges, but right up front HONESTYis best. Again a break is a flimsy excuse. One should have all their priorities in check, especially the emotional ones.
[Edited on 3/27/2006 10:43 AM]
[Edited on 3/27/2006 10:52 AM]
[Edited on 3/27/2006 10:55 AM]
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 10:43 AM |
Taking a break?
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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I think there are times in the early stages of a relationship when we can question the depth of our feelings and get scared.....especially if we have made bad judgements in the past and gotten hurt......
sometimes one just needs to step back, see what our feelings tell us, give the relationship a good mental airing.....and evaluate....what the next level of commitment is going to bring for both people....and any other people involved....especially if we still have responsibilities to underage children or financial responsibilities meeting their needs through college......
A deep emotional commitment to another person, brings lots of responsibilities.....and sometimes...a little space is needed to think things through
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 12:39 PM |
Taking a break? |
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uncrazy
Posts: 2,618
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The very nature of a new relationship with another causes everthing in my life to take on new color. My dreams walk to the edge of coming true, the attention of another sweetens life, and another person letting me get so close bouys my sense of being okay. My thinking in this environment is not clear, Stepping back early allows us to check if I am building a relationship on solid ground, what are we not saying to each other. This pull back should be no more feared than the return we make to the normal duties and reponsibilities we had before we met. I want to be seen clearly, only then can I have safety in being part of a couple. If I move to quickly without giving time for looking, there is also the risk of hiding something that is a deal breaker later, especially dangerous if we have sex to early. Just some thoughts.
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 3:00 PM |
Taking a break?
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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uncrazy.....you expressed the thought very well....comes to mind the emotional changes we experience....the high we find our self on....when we think or dream, that this might be the one......
If we have maturity.....maybe its good for all of us....to take a step back....evaluate the feelings we are having, what we are sharing with another, really question the over all compatibility of the two parties involved, think of any deal breakers that might have surfaced or could surface....take the rose colored glasses off....and dissect the relationship.....with thought to 20 or more years from now.....before we jump emotions first, into something that might be moving too fast and could ultimately bring a parting of the ways, on down the road.....with lots of anger, pain and damage to either person.......
Sounds like mature thinking to me.....what ever decision would be made.. 
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 3:57 PM |
Taking a break? |
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scarlet47714
Posts: 1
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Well good luck
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 4:34 PM |
Taking a break?
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torees121
Posts: 739
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Sissy and others thank you for your comments. I guess I was just confused because when he left my house everything was fine. Then 5 hours later he calls to tell me he doesn't want to talk to me till friday. I don't know if I have been dumped or if he really just wants me to think about what I want. I had let my guard down with this guy because I felt like I could trust him with my heart. I grieved last night and was quite an emotional wreck. I mean how am I suppose to help others with their problems when my own life is a wreck?
I am much better today and thinking clearly. I was not a very good girlfriend. My insecurities came out and instead of talking about them I feel like I was pushed aside.
Thanks again guys!!! 
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 4:43 PM |
Taking a break? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I mean how am I suppose to help others with their problems when my own life is a wreck? I've always found it much easier to help others with their problems than to sort my own life out Torees... they are two toally different things..
I was not a very good girlfriend. My insecurities came out and instead of talking about them I feel like I was pushed aside. I think perhaps that if he is the right man for you, then he would have recognised your insecurities and would have at least tried to help you come to terms with them, and certainly not pushed you aside....
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 4:50 PM |
Taking a break?
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torees121
Posts: 739
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Thank you China. I am a social worker and have to do some therapy. I had a client this morning and I had to help her with marriage therapy. It was hard for me to tell her what she needed to do, when I felt my own romance was going south. I guess it is easier to help others than help ones self.
Thanks again for your comments. 
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 5:00 PM |
Taking a break? |
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torees121
Posts: 739
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I had a guy friend today tell me that when a guy says he wants a break it means he can cheat without feeling guilty. Is that true? Do guys think like that?
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 6:21 PM |
Taking a break?
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 19,371
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Do guys think like that?
Torees, some do and some don't. Your question is really is YOUR guy like that? Here's the insecurity thing again...how tough are you? Tough enough to hang in there and see it through to its conclusion, or will you break it off with him before he can break it off with you? Logically, if he really wants to cheat, he doesn't need to take a week off to do it.
BTW, in the insecurity thread, I mentioned damaging an otherwise satisfying relationship...I dumped him before he could dump me. We're back together after six months, but it's not really the same, he was pretty hurt and I was pretty stupid...just asking you to consider the alternatives before you act!
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| Mar 28, 2006 @ 1:41 AM |
Taking a break? |
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torees121
Posts: 739
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Heaven--thank you so much for your post. I called him tonight and broke the "take a break" rule. I think as adults we needed to talk about our relationship instead of taking a break. Well it turned out great. He came over we talked for hours and then fell asleep in each others arms. I promised to be more understanding and he has agreed to be more attentive. I think this relationship will last. I explained my insecurities and he was very willing to help me in that area. We told each other how much we cared for the other and I am looking to have a great future with a great man. 
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| Mar 28, 2006 @ 8:39 AM |
Taking a break?
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 19,371
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I'm SO happy for you! It's a safe bet that this won't be the last bump, nothing worthwhile is ever easy, unfortunately! May the bumps be few and far between for you guys though!
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| Mar 28, 2006 @ 8:53 AM |
Taking a break? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Cool, hope it all works out for you Torees..
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| Mar 31, 2006 @ 5:51 AM |
Taking a break?
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torees121
Posts: 739
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Well he told me today that he can't see me any more. He just isn't ready for a relationship. I truly respect his decision and totally understand. Guess some things aren't meant to be.... NEXT....
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| Mar 31, 2006 @ 11:31 AM |
Taking a break? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Sorry to hear that Torees, but it's good that he was so honest with you, better now than in 6 months time!
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