| Apr 12, 2006 @ 11:19 PM |
Damn! Wrong again.
|
|
GoodBear
Posts: 67
|
I was wrong once before, but I thought, hey I was young and stupid, this time I will get it right. Picked a woman I could live with, without needing to compromise. Things were great at first.
But after only a couple of weeks I got a warning that my job was in jeopardy. That was a shock. Thought I had it made. Fought the good fight but after one year and being told not to worry anymore I got laid off. Worked a lot of unpaid overtime that month too. 
So then began the long difficult search for a way to get a job in my field, making the same or better money. It almost happened, but almost doesn't count and after two years a very depressed me took a low status job. I can't be me without work.
GF who I loved way more than she will ever believe. Put up with me and even seemed happy until I took the low status job. Then trouble. Thing is I could have taken a job far away and lost her but I thought her to valuable and besides I thought I would get a job within driving distance. I noticed her unhappiness. We talked, I made changes, my depression was going away with every working day.
Things should have got better they didn't. They got worse. I tried harder. Still she was miserable. Finally 3 weeks ago, I said okay, you aren't happy, I will leave. By then there were a few things I wasn't happy about either. She had gotten uncomfortable with me having my youngest son over. When I left for work that night it was the first time I had seen her act happy in a long time, so I know she really wanted me out.
I am ready to start over, but wait her comes the next curve ball. Emergency surgery for let's call her a soon to be x-roomate. Has she got dependable family? No. She does have my friendship.  It's time to take care of her. I do owe her something for all that free rent. (I did buy most of the groceries, all the groceries for a long time. paid for most of the dates, but free rent for two years, yeah I owe her.) So a week later and I am hoping that in a couple of weeks she will be back on her feet and wanting me gone, instead of telling me how much she loves me. Nope  it's complication time. As much as that sux for me it sux more for her. Infected incision, had to be reopened, she will need care for at least two months. I can't imagine what it would be like to be so vulnerable and needy for such a long period of time. She has my sympathy.
This on top of my other stress has got my moods to swinging. Don't like my mood wait five minutes. So why am I here? I am looking for some friendship, and maybe something sweet to make my remaining time here a little more bearable. I think it is safe to touch me with a 10 foot pole but if you are careful you won't get any closer.
I was to good to her at first and got to be called by pet names again. I think it would be cruel to spell it out at the moment but I am still going.
|
|
  |
|
| Apr 17, 2006 @ 12:23 AM |
Damn! Wrong again. |
|
BulldogMedic
Posts: 154
|
after two years a very depressed me took a low status job. I can't be me without work.
Holy %#@. Two years? I couldn't survive longer than two weeks without having to take a job at McDonalds or something.
|
| |
|
| Apr 18, 2006 @ 1:47 AM |
Damn! Wrong again.
|
|
GoodBear
Posts: 67
|
Yeah I never would have guessed I ccould or would be unemployed so long. I exagerate a little. It will be 2 years since I had a job in my field 5/1/2006. I have had this job for 5 months. It seemed like 2 years. I had three jobs that didn't work out before that. Two of them, I didn't get a fair deal on and one I quit. That's one job I have quit in my entire life. I was as miserable selling cars as I was married to my first wife. I didn't even know a job could suck that much. Ya, know I really thought the good references, the accomplishments and stuff would count for something more than they did. But that's the last word I want to say about my job hunting difficulties.
Talked to my soon 2b X tonight. I am not free yet and shouldn't have joined this site. However I find these forums to be full of useful interesting information. I might be sticking around here for all the good things this forum has to offer. X2b knows me to well and conversation got out of hand. I told her I am still going.
Know what sucks. Now she believes that I was/am really in love with her. Nursing her proves that to her more than everything else I did. I am thinking to late. Wish she wouldn't hurt.
I think our biggest problem is that she kept expecting me to be like some other guy in her past. I wasn't any of those. So why move on now. Well when she said goodbye I got to thinking about all the hills I want to climb that she can't, etc. I'm a mess, I know, I plan on waiting to feel some things. Anyways that's my current ridiculous state.
|
|
| |
|
| Apr 18, 2006 @ 6:46 AM |
Damn! Wrong again. |
|
Danger
Posts: 1,246
|
GB-nothing wrong with coming here and talking even if you are in a relationship...lots of people do!  me being one of them...
but in your circumstance with your "soon to be x", have you talked to her telling her you had no feelings for her? thats one thing you need to do if you haven't done so already. taking care of someone you care about is fine, but the person on the recieving line has to know if you are just caring or loving them.
talk to her, shoot it doesn't sound like she's bit you too hard...yet? and if you are already set on 'moving on' then it will help YOU to tell her how and what you are feeling. dont' be afraid of hurting her while she is down...to let it go on, will hurt even more. JMO
|
| |
|
| Apr 18, 2006 @ 5:11 PM |
Damn! Wrong again.
|
|
GoodBear
Posts: 67
|
Yes, I let her know last night that I was still planning on moving on. I thought I would wait until she was better and she is much better this week.
It's not like I have no feelings for her. I loved her/still love her but she wasn't happy having me here, thought I was after convenience, her money or something. She feels differently now, it is just to late. I got hurt here enough already. Now I am thinking about all the things I will be able to do better on my own.
|
|
| |
|
| May 10, 2006 @ 6:35 AM |
Damn! Wrong again. |
|
GoodBear
Posts: 67
|
I couldn't sleep Monday. Lately, my bad temper, something I thought I had conquered finally is back. Something is bothering me, what could it be. Like just about everybody else I am under a lot of stress from various sources. How come I am not coping so well? Then I remembered. I am grieving over losing what I had with X2B. Once upon a time, it was great sex, and great companionship. The last time it felt good, we went to visit a friend of hers in the hospital and got lost somehow inside the hospital. We walked around for a long time, in mostly empty hallways getting bad directions from various sources. I enjoyed it. At the time, she didn't have to do anything to entertain me, just being near her made me happy. I miss what was so badly, I can hardly bear the thought of being alone and I don't see any path back to what we had. Oh I am getting the hell out of here. She is healing from her surgery pretty quickly now. She still needs me here, but not much longer.
It's going to take some precious time to get over this. There's no help for it, but being miserable, feeling miserable won't help, I intend to be as happy as I can, have as much fun as I can, while I get over this.
I also figured out. I need a place to vent, to share my thoughts. What's interesting, (hah!) is that I get to be the villain now. I am the bad person breaking us up.
Well I gotta go.
|
| |
|
| May 11, 2006 @ 5:29 PM |
Damn! Wrong again.
|
|
SylvanDreams
Posts: 2,133
|
So now you're the villain, eh? I think you are, instead, the hero for staying and taking care of her when she needed you, even though you wanted to leave.
Good luck, GB. I hope you have a place to go?
|
|
| |
|
| May 14, 2006 @ 12:54 AM |
Damn! Wrong again. |
|
father_heart
Posts: 1,110
|
must be something in the air, like the bird flu
Hope I dont catch that too
|
| |
|
| Jun 2, 2006 @ 2:44 PM |
Damn! Wrong again.
|
|
father_heart
Posts: 1,110
|
it happens like i siad more exposiure more chances to run a muck, yet stay true to thy ownself.
your equal will fit and your wrongs will be worht it
|
|
| |
|
| Jul 20, 2006 @ 4:01 PM |
Damn! Wrong again. |
|
diana143708
Posts: 8
|
Keep your chin up!
|
| |
|
| Sep 19, 2006 @ 2:10 AM |
Damn! Wrong again.
|
|
candykisses802
Posts: 3
|
just want you to know it takes a special man to take the time to care for someone that is sick and needs them. I know because I was really ill and needed someone and they couldn't handle it so she is very lucky you cared. God Bless you and hope you have all the happiness in the world.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|